PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Want Someone Else To Experience My Pain

Recently, I reviewed the Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste. Although I’m using it on a regular basis (every third day or so), it took some time to get used to its taste, which is a nice way of saying something like, “Wooo! You dropped a bomb in here. But the more I smell it, the more I’m getting used to it.” The Southeast Asian toothpaste was sent to me by TIB reader LaneO, who apparently enjoys reading about my pain. Fortunately, he sent me two extra tubes of the toothpaste, which means two “lucky” readers get to experience what I experienced.

Now. Now. Now. Don’t be flooding the comments all at once to enter this prize drawing and cause TIB to bork. I know all of you want to win toothpaste that looks like shit, but read the rules first, which are below.

To enter this prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with what you plan to do with your tube of Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste if you win or whatever else you’d like to say. Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winner for their mailing address. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Thursday, September 18, 2008 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to almost everyone, except people in Thailand, because they can probably walk a block and pick some up.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you emails about cheap iPod parts from a Southeastern Asian country. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about how you can save hundreds of dollars by switching to GEICO auto insurance. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or gagging caused by the toothpaste.

74 thoughts to “PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Want Someone Else To Experience My Pain”

  1. Today was a shitty day. I worked my ass off, for no damn reason and for not enough money.

    I wish I was Rick James so I could be rich and could say “I’m rich bitch”, but I’m not. I’m middle class. I suppose I could try to find and then buy my own sorry ass tube of shitty looking and tasting toothpaste, but dammit, I just don’t feel like it. You might not feel like mailing me your shitty looking and tasting toothpaste so I know how you feel.

    I was totally going to fake the not-so-true FACT that i’m poor. I was going to go on some ramble about how I ate the shitty red tacos you reviewed because you didn’t rate them quite as shitty as they really were, but i didn’t. Yea, my teeth need paste: Tooth paste that is. Better yet, tooth paste that looks like shit. I’ve had lot’s of shit over the years but i’ve never had shit on a brush. Oh yea, there’s a new high I’m looking for. Shit on a brush. Got $10? I’ll sell you some!

    p.s. You hiring? I’m not rich yet. Will work for shitty tooth paste.


  2. One: I would experience your pain. Two: Tell you about my experience. Three: Fling it at my teen and his friend, who shoot my new bimmer with his bb gun. *Impish Grin*


  3. Well, I would have to make the obligatory, poo piles, of course, then I would make Japanese fetish films involving ingesting and smearing of the poo all over my.. oh well you get the picture. the leftovers would go into the original….. FAN shrine for Marvo. Sarah Ruth, I have lots of material for you.

  4. As a college student, there would be nothing more satisfying to me than laying some fake poo all over either a) my roommates desk, or b) somewhere in the bathroom on my floor. 😀

  5. soooo many ways to prank my bf!!! like mashing it into his underwear/pants while he’s sleeping, make a poo pile on his computer chair, put a poo pile on his chest! That tube will be gone in no time

  6. When I was a kid, I used to squeeze regular toothpaste out on wax paper and let it sit for a couple of weeks. Then I would enjoy a delicious stick of peppermint jerky. I would like to try herbal jerky, especially since I bet it dries to a perfect jerky color.

  7. In addition to promoting tolerance, disproving stereotypes, and freeing myself from plaque, I would most likely use the toothpaste in my upcoming film noir “Dirty Sanchez Goes to Thailand.”

  8. I’m going to brush with your terrifying herbal toothpaste. I’m going to brush with it every day. Mostly in the mornings. More importantly, though, when I’m done brushing with it, I’m going to put the toothpaste in my pocket, to travel with me.

    I don’t have a girlfriend right now. Yet, I know I will soon with this amazing, sanity-alteringly brown toothpaste. If I see some girl looking at me, I’ll just whip out the Twin Lotus and say, “Hey, I noticed you looking at me. Undoubtedly because I’ve been brushing with this. Twin Lotus herbal toothpaste. Its powers have drawn you to me like sparkle is drawn to enamel. When you brush with this. Which I do.”

    Now, at this point, the girl will have either run away or will say, “Wow, where did you get that?” At this point, I will have to say, “Well, I got it from the guy that writes The Impulsive Buy…” at which point I will be promptly abandoned for a superior catch.

    Dejected, I will return home, my heart empty but for the suffering and anguish that reside, sticky and tar-like, on the inside after the heart is stabbed right through. Looking in the mirror, I will see a man defeated, ruined, impotent. But, a man who has nice breath and a fine smile, thanks to this wonderful herbal toothpaste.

  9. I will use the toothpaste to write “” across my breasts for use on the internet to direct people to your site.

    I might also try brushing with it.

  10. I live on the 6th floor with a balcony overlooking the walkway to the entrance to my building. I would squeeze small amounts off the balcony and try to hit unexpected passerby’s with a minty turd from the heavens.

  11. and/or tricking my naive, foreign, grad school friends that it is a sexual lubricant of unmatched power and potency, specially formulated bring vigor to the yin/yang..

  12. i will cook with it then feed it to my boyfriend. exotic pastry? scrambled eggs? actually, give me an assignment…

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