The look of each Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos is extremely frightening because it reminds me of the 3D computer graphic simulation of the Earth and the molten lava coming out of it after a killer asteroid hits it, which I’ve seen on a Discovery Channel show about the extinction of dinosaurs.
I don’t know whether I should eat them or hold one up in front of a video camera and record a voice over for a dinosaur documentary that begins with, “Some scientists believe the extinction of dinosaurs was caused by a meteorite that created the Chicxulub crater in Mexico’s Yucatan peninsula.”
As you can see below Chester the Cheetah’s ass in the packaging photo, the Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos is covered with a bright red color that’s usually found on the lips of mistresses and on the collars of cheating bastards. The red powder that covers its exterior, obviously, provides the heat, but perhaps there’s too much heat because I feel it overwhelms any cheesy flavor.
Actually, the flavor from these great balls of fire makes my tongue feel like it’s on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland — starts off boring, then there’s a little excitement (heat), then it’s slightly cheesy, more excitement (heat) and then disappointment.
Overall, I don’t really care for the ping pong ball-sized Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. There’s not enough cheese flavor in it, making them pretty much flavorless. The red spicy coating seems to make the rest of it its bitch, not allowing it to say anything.
I also find the idea of giant Cheetos stupid, because I feel when a company makes a smaller or larger version of their product, it usually means that the creative juices have run out. I definitely think this was the case here and that the creative juices ran out because they needed to drink something to cool down their mouths after eating the Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 4% vitamin E and 2% iron.)
Item: Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos
Price: $2.88
Size: 7 3/4 ounces
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: It’s new. It’s hot, if you’re into that. The packaging looks like Chester the Cheetah is burning his ass.
Cons: I feel the heat overwhelmed the flavor. The red color is off-putting. It reminds me of the destruction of the Earth. Getting lipstick on my collar.