REVIEW: Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos

The look of each Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos is extremely frightening because it reminds me of the 3D computer graphic simulation of the Earth and the molten lava coming out of it after a killer asteroid hits it, which I’ve seen on a Discovery Channel show about the extinction of dinosaurs.

I don’t know whether I should eat them or hold one up in front of a video camera and record a voice over for a dinosaur documentary that begin with, “Some scientists believe the extinction of dinosaurs was caused by a meteorite that created the Chicxulub crater in Mexico’s Yucatan peninsula.”

As you can see below Chester the Cheetah’s ass in the packaging photo, the Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos is covered with a bright red color that’s usually found on the lips of mistresses and on the collars of cheating bastards. The red powder that covers its exterior, obviously, provides the heat, but perhaps there’s too much heat because I feel it overwhelms any cheesy flavor.

Actually the flavor from these great balls of fire make my tongue feel like it’s on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland — starts off boring, then there’s a little excitement (heat), then it’s slightly cheesy, more excitement (heat) and then disappointment.

Overall, I don’t really care for the ping pong ball-sized Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. There’s not enough cheese flavor in it, making them pretty much flavorless. The red spicy coating seems to make the rest of it its bitch, not allowing it to say anything.

I also find the idea of giant Cheetos retarded, because I feel when a company makes a smaller or larger version of their product, it usually means that the creative juices have run out. I definitely think this was the case here and that the creative juices ran out because they needed to drink something to cool down their mouths after eating the Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 4% vitamin E and 2% iron.)

(Note: Gigi Reviews tried the regular version and so did We Rate Stuff.)

Item: Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos
Price: $2.88
Size: 7 3/4 ounces
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: It’s new. It’s hot, if you’re into that. The packaging looks like Chester the Cheetah is burning his ass.
Cons: I feel the heat overwhelmed the flavor. The red color is off-putting. It reminds me of the destruction of the Earth. Getting lipstick on my collar.

28 thoughts to “REVIEW: Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos”

  1. I love hot things and have eaten flammin’ hot cheetos a few times now. But I still prefer the flavor of jalapeno.

  2. I think the giant ones just make them harder to eat, but you have to give them credit because kids who need something to represent Mars in a diorama are good to go thanks to these babies!

  3. Flamin’ Hot products are OK but they always leave my hands, lips, and tongue looking like I’ve acquired some strange new venereal disease. Best to eat them with chopsticks, I think…that would at least spare my hands. I agree I don’t see the point of the “GIANT” for Cheetos since a giant Cheeto would probably look like an oddly colored dog turd.

  4. Flamin hot cheetos wheren’t all that great to begin with making them bigger only increases the dissapointment, these snack foods fail.

  5. Red hot flamming that sounds like my honeymoon with my ex wife. in any case I will skip these.

    THAT IS ALL

  6. Agreed. The Pirates of the Caribbean ride sucked monkey balls (though my friends tried to convince me otherwise), and so do Frito Lay Flamin’ Hot products.

  7. Sighs…this makes me feel a bit upset, I mean seriously, what ever happened to the glory days of plain old Cheetohs? Man whatever, sombody get me a bottle of St. Ides

  8. @Would I Buy It Again: What would be really impressive is if they made a gigantic, I’m talking basketball sized, Cheetos.

    @amanda: have you tried the jalapeno Cheetos?

    @govtdrone: I’ve put all different colors of balls in my mouth.

    @Orchid64: I wonder what they would use for Uranus. Sorry, I had to do that.

    @Bear Silber: I think most of those sports, I would obliterate the “ball” because I like to hit balls hard.

    @Chuck: I think they wanted to use the name Giant Cheetos Balls, but the thought of all the stoners who would be eating it and laughing nonstop.

    @Vik the Viper: Fail indeed.

    @Nhiro: Fiyaaah!

    @yr momz: Number two find at Wal-Mart.

    @grinder: if that’s a sex toy, I would hate to be the one to clean it.

    @Neil the hammer: I think this is like the third mention of your honeymoon. It sounds like the worst honeymoon ever.

    @Kaitis: No problem. Keep up the good work. And keep trying and reviewing shit.

    @Andy: its even worse now because they tie it in with the movies, so it’s even cheesier. I wish I could say the same for these Cheetos.

    @Walter Bernhard: At least they’re still around. If they didn’t exist anymore stoners everywhere would go “aww man, that sucks.”

    @Antwon Jenkins: I especially love the big red balls they use in kickball.

  9. They do have small packs, they are just too much to put in your mouth, unless thats what you do otherwise on a daily basis

  10. You guys are NUTS. These were one of the best flamin hot products they put on the shelves. They have been discontinued for a couple of years no but I still think about these bad boys all the time.

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