Cinnamon Chex Cereal is the perfect foundation for something you might find on the blog This Is Why You’re Fat. Now you might be thinking how something wholesome, full of whole grains and provides 12 essential vitamins and minerals can turn into a gut-busting, diet-ruining and nauseating pile of hedonism that you wouldn’t even want to use to sabotage a Biggest Loser contestant. But if you think about it, no food is safe from being This-Is-Why-You’re-Fat-ized.
So how would one turn the Cinnamon Chex Cereal into something possibly worthy of being on a blog that takes other peoples’ pictures of disgusting food mashups, gets super famous and then ends up with a six-figure book deal, while the people who sent the pictures of said disgusting food mashups get almost nothing from that book deal? Well the first thing I would do is give the culinary monstrosity a name. Might I suggest, Cinnamon Chex Mixx. The extra X is for XTREME!!!
What would Cinnamon Chex Mixx consist of? Here’s the recipe:
8 cups of Cinnamon Chex cereal
2 cups of Cinnamon Toast Crunch
2 bags of 1.5 ounce Stacy’s Cinnamon Sugar Pita Chips
2 cups of Cinnamon Jelly Belly jelly beans
2 packs of Quaker Cinnamon & Spice Instant Oatmeal (uncooked)
4 Apple Cinnamon Pop-Tarts split into fourths
4 rolls of Cinnamon Mentos
2 tablespoons of cinnamon
1 dozen Cinnabon Mini Bites (or 3 regular Cinnabons cut into fourths)
1 box of Hot Tamales
Mix everything into the biggest bowl you can find, then place the mixture on top of a Dutch apple pie, take a picture of it while preventing yourself from throwing up at the sight of it, email it to the owners of This Is Why You’re Fat, then try to find someone who would be willing to taste the Cinnamon Chex Mixx, and when no one accepts the challenge, bribe someone to do it. If the photo ends up on This Is Why You’re Fat, congratulations are in order. If it doesn’t, take solace in the fact that the slightest scent of cinnamon will now make you nauseous.
While Cinnamon Chex Mixx on paper sounds unappetizing, Cinnamon Chex Cereal by itself is quite delicious because it has real cinnamon. While not every piece of rice and corn cereal has a cinnamon coating, combining the pieces that do with the pieces that don’t equals a cereal that has the right amount of cinnamon flavor. Just imagine a cereal with three-fifths the cinnamon flavor as Cinnamon Toast Crunch and you’ll get an idea of what this cereal is like. The cinnamon coating also helps keep the cereal from getting soggy too quickly.
Cinnamon Chex Cereal follows in the footsteps of Strawberry Chex and Chocolate Chex. All of them are tasty cereals with just the right amount of flavor; they give consumers an opportunity to eat a Chex cereal without having to eat it in Chex Mix form, which was once the only tolerable form when it was just Rice, Corn and Wheat Chex; and they all can be the beginning of a frickin’ Frankenstein-ish Chex Mixx that will make you sick.
(Nutritional Facts – 3/4 cup – 120 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 17 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)
Item: Cinnamon Chex Cereal
Price: $5.79
Size: 13.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Has real cinnamon. Right amount of cinnamon. Cinnamon coating helps cereal from getting soggy too quickly. Contains at least 8 grams of whole grains. Vitamins and minerals. This Is Why You’re Fat makes me lose my appetite sometimes.
Cons: Might not have enough cinnamon flavor for some. Pricey for me. Making Cinnamon Chex Mixx. Trying to convince someone to eat Cinnamon Chex Mixx. Bribing someone to eat Cinnamon Chex Mixx. Trying not to throw up while taking a picture of Cinnamon Chex Mixx.