Chocolate Chex

Chocolate recently has become something like a sexually transmitted disease in the cereal world. Just like one out of four will receive an STD by the age of 25, it seems like chocolate has been infecting one in four cereals.

Take a trip down the cereal aisle and you’ll see them: Special K Chocolatey Delight, Cocoa Puffs, Life Chocolate Oat Crunch, Cocoa Pebbles, Bran Flakes Chocolate, Cocoa Krispies, and many more. Another that has been recently infected with chocolate is good ol’ Chex cereal.

To be honest, I’ve never eaten Chex cereal any other way besides Chex Mix, just like I’ve never eaten regular Rice Krispies in any way other than Rice Krispies Treats. Chex Cereal comes in a variety of flavors, but I never had the desire to consume the checkboard cereal with milk until now with the new Chocolate Chex. I guess I believe chocolate makes everything better. That is why I will eat some chocolate when I’m a father and am forced to watch Disney’s High School Musical 8…for the tenth time.

According to the box, Chocolate Chex has a touch of cocoa, which was basically cocoa powder toasted into it, but I really wished instead of a touch it had a welcomed fondling or groping of cocoa. Not all the pieces were chocolatey. It seemed like there was an equal amount of chocolate and plain Chex cereal in the box. The chocolate cereal pieces were obviously chocolatey, but the non-chocolate pieces were unexciting, like the extremely saggy tits of tribal women found in issues of National Geographic.

Oh, thank you, bras.

If the cereal was chocolatey throughout, it probably would’ve been a better cereal. Instead it was decent cereal that seemed to lose some of its chocolatey flavor when eaten with milk. The chocolate did make the milk chocolatey-looking, but not very chocolatey-tasting.

Actually, eating Chocolate Chex dry was much better than eating it wet. This makes me believe that it would make an awesome Chocolate Chex Mix with chocolate-covered pretzels and chocolate-covered peanuts.

With chocolate finding its way into more cereals, I wonder how long it will take for Chocolate Raisin Bran, Chocolate Grape Nuts, or Kashi Chocolate Good Friends Cereal to become a reality. If chocolate helps those cereals become better, we may see a chocolate epidemic spread throughout other products.

Despite the increasing waistlines that would be caused by a chocolate epidemic, it would still be much better than an STD epidemic because there would be less scratching, less unusual colored discharges, and less embarrassing trips to the pharmacist.

So I’m told.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup serving size – 2.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbs, less than 1 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 17 grams of other carbs, 2 grams of protein, and a shitload of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Chocolate Chex
Price: FREE (14.25 ounces)
Purchased at: Received from some nice PR people
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Tastes better without the milk. Would make a mean Chex Mix. Kosher and Pareve (for my Jewish friends). Full of vitamins and minerals. Part of a complete breakfast or part of a lazy bachelor’s dinner. Chocolate makes everything better. Bras.
Cons: Not all of the cereal is chocolate covered. Loses some of its chocolatey flavor when eaten with milk. No chocolate milk. The sagging tits of tribal women in the pages of National Geographic. High School Musical 8. Getting an STD from Paris Hilton.

17 thoughts on “Chocolate Chex

  1. I couldn’t focus after mention of the possibility that one day I may have to watch High School Musical 8, more than one. Forget STD’s, they should mention that when promoting safe sex.

  2. Hey Marvo, there’s already a Chocolate Chex Mix, but it may only be a winter thing since I’m pretty sure it’s a “hot cocoa” mix. And there are snowflakes on the bag.

    Though, they should make Chex Mix: Marvo Mix. It would be exactly what you described, with all the Chex pieces also drenched in chocolate. I’d buy it.

  3. I love chocolate! Not so much Paris Hilton’s bacteria frappe of a vagina, however. Though I doubt that’ll be made into a cereal any time soon.

    I just jinxed the world, didn’t I?

  4. Hey Marvo,

    HeatEatReview is taking a two week break (Abi’s in Italy, must be REAL rough). So, you should do us trapped office workers a favor and review some frozen food in their absence.

  5. I’ve seen Chocolate Chex mix, but it’s called Turtle Mix here in Chicago. I dunno if it’s like that on your neck of the woods, Marvo.

    Peanuts are overrated. Now cashews…those kick ass.

  6. …”regular Rice Krispies in way other than Rice Krispies Treats”…

    should read …”regular Rice Krispies in *any* way other than Rice Krispies Treats”…

    Go go gadget proof read. :D My whole house loves your reviews omgsomuch. Thank you marvo, you’re awesome.

  7. Jackers – Yes, the more children we have the more High School Musicals there will be.

    Rhawb – A Chex Mix: Marvo Mix would probably also include expired condoms and tears. Totally inedible.

    Webmiztris – If they came with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, I bet it would excite you.

    Chuck – I think taking a bath in melted chocolate is the only way I can be called “Hot Chocolate.” Oooh, that sounds painful actually. Me likey. ;-)

    Henry Evil – You did jinx the world. Are you happy now? Instead of infecting more people through horrible sex with her, she can now spread whatever she has via breakfast cereal.

    Jessica – TWO WEEKS!!! I shall try to help out trapped office workers, although I would rather do it by giving all of them vacation time instead of eating frozen food. But I shall try.

    stephanie – Raisinettes and me get it on whenever we’re in a dark movie theater.

    Brie – Turtle Mix sounds familiar and might’ve had it, but peanuts are not overrated because you can make peanut butter with them. I don’t see no cashew butter. ;-)

    Colin – Noted and corrected. Thanks for making that sentence less confusing to read.

  8. You know when I was a kid the only time I ate Rice Krispies was when I was staying at my Aunt’s place. She used to prepare it by adding milk and then two huge spoonfulls of sugar on top. I never saw the adding of the sugar though, and let me tell you, tasting the plain ‘ol krispies for the first time was so so disappointing.

  9. Dear Lord I couldn’t make it through 20 minutes of HSM 1… 8… my eyes would bleed.

    As for the cereal, I found the same thing when I bought it a few weeks ago. Great snack. Shitty with milk.

    Oh, is this a family comment section? Sorry.

    (*)>

  10. The only time I ever by Chex is to make Chex Mix for the annual Superbowl party … and I can’t imagine that chocolate would compliment the mix well.

  11. miss mle – Sugar makes everything better. If I could coat myself with it, I would.

    birdwoman – Say shitty. I don’t give a fuck. :-)

    Grins – And where have you been, missy?!?

    demondoll – Cashew butter? I wonder if that would be funny to feed to dogs like peanut butter is?

    Melonie – Actually, if the Chex Mix were pressed into a baking pan and chocolate poured on top and served in squares, I think it would be good. Oh, I feel like Rachel Ray. ;-)

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