NEWS: New DASANI essence Only Gets to First Base With All-Natural Fruit Flavor

Like a Jonas brother wearing a purity ring, the new DASANI essence bottled water doesn’t go all the way. It only has a touch of fruit flavor and it accomplishes this without sweeteners, preservatives or calories. It’s the equivalent of just making out in the back seat of a Trans Am. The DASANI essence (yes, that’s how it’s spelled) is similar to the Hint Water we reviewed years ago.

Some of you might be thinking DASANI already has fruit flavored water, and you would be right, but that line of bottled water has a level of flavor that is equivalent to getting to third base in the back seat of a station wagon.

The DASANI essence comes in three flavors: black cherry, strawberry kiwi and lime. It’s being sold in 18.5-ounce bottles or 16-ounce bottles in a 4-pack.

An 8-ounce serving contains 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates and 0 grams of protein.

13 thoughts to “NEWS: New DASANI essence Only Gets to First Base With All-Natural Fruit Flavor”

  1. I’ve already tried it. I don’t like it. There is not enough Essence in my water.

  2. “Like a Jonas brother wearing a purity ring, the new DASANI essence bottled water doesn’t go all the way.”

    Brilliant line.

  3. I think a good substitute for this would be to put some fresh lime or a slice of strawberry in your water.

  4. Got to love the black cherry I love all things black cherry
    DId I tell you I love black cherry here is a list of things I love black cherry

    1. soda
    2. pie
    3. yogurt
    4. ice cream
    5. sherbet
    6. icee
    7. trail mix

  5. I’m all for a healthyer lifestyle when possible (and conveinent) but, like the previous mentioned Jonas brother, I’d be willing to bet that this product would fail to satisfy

  6. not too keen on the cherry one..just seemed kinda weird since who the hell puts cherries in their water? Now the lime one, I’m on board with. It’s nice and refreshing.

  7. @Shannon: So I guess you could say there’s only ess in the water. Ha! Get it? Ess-ence. Ha! I’m so lame.

    @Ryan: Thank you.

    @grinder: But I’m too lazy to do so. Also, it would force me to put a knife in my hands and you don’t want to know what happened the last time I had a knife in my hands.

    @Neil the hammer: Will you be adding DASANI essence to that list? Or black cherry cough syrup.

    @Woodenhand: Unless you just finished a marathon or a trip across the Mojave Desert.

    @Heather: I’m currently drinking a water that is lightly flavored with chocolate and mint. Now that’s weird.

    @JamieSusan: Or tea.

    @theskinnyplate: Sometimes when I go to restaurants and ask for water, I also ask for a wedge of lemon on the side. It makes me feel sophisticated.

  8. Some people just don’t have the balls to drink their water straight up. Flavored water is for posh women who wear heels to the grocery store, and men who are afraid to kill spiders.

  9. @Yum Yucky: Spiders can get pretty big, so it really depends on its size to determine whether or not I’m going to kill it.

  10. @Marvo: when I was a kid there was a Torantulla in my bathroom. We lived in an apartment and it escaped from somewhere. That was pure hell for a 5 year-old to see. We poured ammonia on it. But this is about water, right?

  11. I happen to LOVE Dasani Essence. I like all 3 flavors in fact. Why do I love it? Because I HATE those crappy, thick, heavy, super-sweet, syrup-y flavored waters. They are so gross. This stuff is so light and “barely there”, but just enough to take the ick-factor out of plain water. For those of us who can’t drink carbonated beverages, and who don’t have the taste buds to handle the sappy buzz of those typical flavored waters, these lightly flavored essence waters are a beautiful thing.

    Seriously. They are light and refreshing and perfectly suited to my sensitive palate.

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