REVIEW: Hint Water


Up to 60 percent of our body is made up of it, it covers over 70 percent of the Earth’s surface, and it’s used in 99 percent of the world’s wet t-shirt contests.

Experts say that we should drink about eight 8-ounce glasses of water per day, which is enough to keep a person well hydrated and enough to have a four minute peeing session. There are so many ways we can get water into our bodies, like our kitchen faucets, bottled water on our store shelves, the water cooler at work, our neighbor’s garden hose, or wringing out t-shirts from a wet t-shirt contest.

However, the water from all those sources taste pretty much the same and sometimes that taste gets a little boring, like doing the missionary position ALL THE TIME.

Just the plain old missionary position, not even with a pillow under her hips to adjust the angle. No doggie style, reverse cowgirl, wild orchid, wheelbarrow, helicopter, playing of the cello, drilling for oil, or fettucini alfredo.

Or blossom flower, butterfly, peace sign, octopus, froggy, Italian chandelier, black bee, threading the needle, camel ride, T-square, or the Seventh Posture of the Perfumed Garden.

Fortunately, there are other beverages we can drink to get the water we need that don’t taste like the missionary position. For example, there’s coffee, tea, soda, sparking water, fruit juice, iced tea, lemonade, beer, milk, hot chocolate, and whatever comes out of Jack Lalanne’s Power Juicer. These are the doggie-style and Italian chandeliers of the beverage world, definitely different and a whole lot more fun.

However, sometimes doing it doggie-style or a helicopter can be either physically tiresome or it involves too much acrobatics, but despite this, we still want a little sweet, sweet lovin’. With the various beverages, sometimes we don’t want the sugar or the caffeine that comes with it, but want something with a little flavor.

Enter Hint Water.

I think the sexual position that best describes Hint Water would be spooning, because it’s simple, slightly different, and satisfying.

Each Hint Water is lightly infused with either a fruit or vegetable flavor, a “hint” of flavor, if you will. Just like the legs and armpits of hippie mountain women, the flavor is all natural.

I tried the cucumber, lime, apple, pear, and peppermint flavors. They were all refreshing. Each of them definitely had a hint of flavor to them, not enough to be considered a juice, but enough to not be considered regular bottled water. The flavors I tried tasted exactly how they should. In other words, they didn’t taste artificial. It’s like they took the soul of each fruit and vegetable and mixed it with the water.

Did I just blow your mind with that line?

Anyway, out of all of the flavors, the peppermint one was surprisingly my favorite.

At about two dollars per 15-ounce bottle, they’re smaller and pricer than 20-ounce bottles of regular bottled water, but if you’re bored with the missionary position and too tired to do anything from the Kama Sutra, I think spooning would be satisfying.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Hint Water for sending me sample bottles.)

Item: Hint Water
Price: FREE (Retails for about $2 per bottle)
Purchased at: Received free from Hint Water
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Refreshing. Definitely better than plain old bottled water or water from wet t-shirt contest t-shirts. Peppermint flavor was surprisingly refreshing. No sugar, artificial sweeteners, or calories. No artificial taste. Pretty bottles. All-natural, like hippie mountain women.
Cons: Significantly smaller and pricier than a regular 20-ounce bottled water. Must drink ice cold. Plain old boring missionary position.

25 thoughts to “REVIEW: Hint Water”

  1. Shouldn’t that be “wringing out t-shirts…” instead of “ringing out t-shirts…”?

    Sorry ’bout that, couldn’t resist. Haha.

  2. Did you try these while sick, Marvo? I’m amazed you could taste them at all.

    Also? I woke up sick today. We’ve got to stop kissing, at least until you’re better.

  3. Heard the 8 glasses of water thing is a myth. Started more or less this way:
    [radio show somewhere with a doctor as a guest]
    host: So Doctor, how much water should people drink per day?
    doctor: Uhh… eight?

  4. So . . . is this stuff free of that Splenda crap, too? The website claims no artificial sweeteners, but I want to double check.

  5. Marvo… you seem to know alot about all those fun positions! I think next time, you should do a review on the positions instead of the water 😉 buuut thats just my opinion!

    And what exactly is the Fettucini Alfredo position?!? I’m intrigued!

  6. I see (on their site) that they have additional flavors available as well, under their “Hint Kids” line: grape, mixed berry, strawberry kiwi and tropical punch. I’m thinking it might be refreshing to mix the Lime and the Cucumber waters together. Then I can imagine that I’m at some pretentious spa. Ahhhhh.

  7. Mir – Actually, I drank these awhile ago. Anyway, sorry I got you sick. I told you we shouldn’t make out, but I guess you can’t resist my luscious lips. 😉

    gko – I’ve read various things about water consumption too. Some people say 8 glasses is too much because you end up peeing out important minerals your body needs.

    Chuck – I think .5 percent is beer and the other .5 percent is other alcohol and Kool Aid.

    thegrit – No Splenblah…I mean, Splenda or any other artificial sweeteners.

    Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – From Wikipedia: Fettucini alfredo – Receiving partner’s lover performs the “bridge” with both hands and one elbow and feet heels are on the floor while holding their body off the ground and at a 34 degree angle to the recieveing persons nose. Penetrating female partner’s parter enters the area near the thigh while holding receiving partners hips to get maximum returns and bonuses.

    Mellie Helen – I think mixing all the flavors would make for the perfect liquid salad.

  8. You realise that they are never going to send you anything free again because of this review. Unless this is a _very_ perverted company, in which I am going to buy every one of their products.

    I’ve had cucumber water before. Pretty good. I wonder if Jack Bauer drinks Hint Water.

  9. How about the “Iraq War” position – you arrive under false pretenses, then stay much longer than you should.

  10. I like what you wrote about the soul of the fruit. Nice.


    Pillow(s) underneath = very good idea!

    You can’t spell “cucumber” without the word “cum.”

    And i believe cukes are considered fruit…

    But isn’t this all water under the bridge?
    Or more like a bridge over troubled waters?

    And while you’re on the subject of bridges…
    the bridge of that pasta position… whatta proposition.


  11. Muneer – Well I got to try their products and review it, so I’m happy. Anyway, I don’t know if Jack Bauer drinks it, but according to the press release that I got with the water, folks on The OC and CSI drink Hint Water. But I bet if Jack drank it, you’d stock up on the stuff. 🙂

    rfduck – HA! Wait…That sounds like me. 🙁

    Karen – Oh, you wordsmith, you. 🙂

    Robyn – Yes, companies occasionally send me shit. If only Toyota would send me a Prius to review.

  12. Now I recognized some of the positions but now I have to go look up the rest. And I thought I was experienced but you have a few new ones on me that I haven’t heard of. Well maybe I have done them but just didn’t know what they were called…..TMI sorry!

  13. I just thoguht I’d mention that cucumber water sounds insanely dirty. It’s even dirtier sounding in French: eau du concombre.

    So how does this compare to the Glaceau “smart” water? I’ve had the Glaceau flavored vitamin water and wasn’t too impressed.

  14. I don’t know if I can trust your product reviews anymore… I tried a bottle of the tangerine flavour a few weeks ago. Awful. It tasted like perfume with a mouth curdling after taste. I would rate it a 0.5 because the bottle makes it look so delightfully refreshing.

  15. Sasha_Kitty – Just because I know them, doesn’t mean I’ve done them. 🙁

    Webmiztris – Mmm…Hot dog water. Straight from carts of NYC hot dog vendors.

    Tristyn – Well the SmartWater is just plain old missionary position water. The Vitamin Water definitely has more flavor than Hint Water. I’m a big fan of Vitamin Water.

    N – I didn’t have the tangerine flavor, so I don’t know if it sucks or not.

  16. Marvo…. even after your Wikepedia description… I still dont get it! Both hands and one elbow on the floor? Don’t we all have just 2 arms?! Haha, whatever, I’m sure its fun, but slightly confusing!

  17. Speaking of water..

    Marvo, I keep reading about how the beaches in Hawaii are flowing with man-poo from sewage spills and bacteria is killing everyone.

    What’s it like over there?

  18. Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – Yeah, I wish I had pictures to show. 😉

    Lord Jezo – I don’t think it’s killed anyone, but we did have a major sewage spill. There are signs posted on the beach to let people know that the water is unsafe, but for some reason a few people go into the water.

  19. Forget the water. I’m going to look up the definitions of the terms after “wheelbarrow” for uhhhh…educational purposes. 😛

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