It doesn’t take much to make my nipples hard.
A light winter breeze, a cold shower or reading a Harry Potter book by candlelight in only my boxers all have the ability to areolas extendus. But nothing gets my nipples stiffer than the combination of chocolate and peanut butter.
It’s so bad that whenever I’m eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, I make sure to fold my arms across my chest so that I don’t poke an eye out with my chesty protrusions. Because of my nipple’s love for chocolate and peanut butter, I was looking forward to enjoying the Peanut Butter Creme Oreo Cakesters.
If you’ve never had Cakesters before, it has a cream filling that’s inside two soft cake cookies that have a consistency that’s similar to the nipple (and artery) hardening Hostess Twinkies and Ho Ho. If you’ve never wrapped your lips around anything Hostess makes or Cakesters, congratulations, you will probably live a few years longer than those of us who have.
The Peanut Butter Creme version combines soft chocolatey cake on the outside with a peanut butter filling, which sounds really good and I was hoping it would be just as delicious as the regular Peanut Butter Creme Oreos. But sadly, after eating it, I feel they’re trying to hurt the sacred combination of chocolate and peanut butter in one cakey swoop. Instead of making my nipples erect, the Peanut Butter Creme Oreo Cakesters takes my nipples and gives them a purple nurple.
The chocolate cake cookies are just as soft as all the other flavors of Cakesters I’ve tried, but the flavor of the peanut butter creme is significantly muted and the only time I really taste it is in the aftertaste. This is disappointing because what makes my nipples turn into rockets when I eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup is the nutty flavor of the peanut butter which stands out more than the chocolate.
Unfortunately, the Peanut Butter Creme Oreo Cakesters accomplishes the opposite of that and makes my nipples sore with sadness.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 package (2 cakesters) – 210 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 4.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 120 milligrams of potassium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar and 3 grams of protein.)
(Note: We also reviewed the original Oreo Cakesters (good) and the Nilla Cakesters (bad).)
Item: Peanut Butter Oreo Cakesters
Price: $3.49 (on sale)
Size: 6 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Placing the word nipple in every paragraph in this review. Chocolate cake cookies were soft. Making my nipples hard. Contains polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats. Twinkies and Ho Hos.
Cons: Weak peanut butter flavor. Contains high fructose corn syrup. One of the worst combinations that involves chocolate and peanut butter. Leaves my fingers slightly greasy. One Cakester is more than 100 calories. Getting a purple nurple.