REVIEW: Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss

If you’re a botanist, or studying to become one, I would like to ask a simple favor from you. How about some muthafuckin’ seedless blackberries so that I can actually enjoy the Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss without having to endure the scratchy feel of blackberry seeds going down my throat?

If farmers can breed seedless watermelons and grapes, then why can’t they do the same with blackberries.

Seriously. Whose stamen do I have to suck to make this happen?

I know blackberry seeds are high in nutrients, like omega-3 fats, protein and fiber, but do you know what else they’re high in? Annoyance.

They can get stuck in between teeth, become lodged in other nooks and crannies in my mouth or cause pain if expelled though my nose because I was sucking on a Blackberry Bliss while reading something really funny, which I’m pretty sure won’t be anything in the Sunday funnies or on the Hallmark Movie Channel. Although I believe it’s possible to shoot seeds out of my nose by crying hard, so perhaps I should stay away from the tear-jerking Hallmark Movie Channel.

The Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss is made up of an apple-strawberry juice blend, frozen blueberries, frozen strawberries, plain sorbet, ice, frozen blackberries and raspberry sherbet, like the kind u find in a grocery store.

If it weren’t for the seeds, I think the Blackberry Bliss would give me some pleasure since it’s a cold smoothie and the temperature inside Impulsive Buy’s headquarters (i.e. my apartment) is about 89 degrees. It has a decent berry flavor, but the blackberry doesn’t stand out. However its color does, which gives the smoothie its dark purple hue that goths will love. It’s not as tart as I thought it was going to be since it contains blueberries and blackberries, but it’s also not as sweet as some of Jamba Juice’s other blended concoctions.

The Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss lands nowhere on my list of favorite flavors and I don’t see myself buying another unless I really want to count the number of seeds in an original size serving or, thanks to my stamen sucking, someone comes up with seedless blackberries.

(Nutrition Facts – 24 ounces – 380 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of sodium, 600 milligrams of potassium, 91 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 80 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 50% vitamin C, 10% calcium and 10% iron.)

Item: Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss
Price: $4.59
Size: 24-ounces
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent berry flavor. Botany jokes. Not as tart as I thought it was going to be. Lame Prince references. Pretty dark purple color. Cold smoothies + hot weather = refreshing.
Cons: Lots of muthafuckin’ SEEDS!!! Blackberries don’t stand out. Not as sweet as other Jamba Juice smoothies. Shooting seeds out of my nose. Having to suck on stamens to get someone to create seedless blackberries.

19 thoughts to “REVIEW: Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss”

  1. Both of our latest products we reviewed had blackberries in them and neither were blackberry-e enough. Maybe we should just review a container of blackberries and then we will be happy.

  2. It’s great that they use fresh ingredients in their products. I LOVE blackberries but I agree with you, drinking seeds wouldn’t be my idea of enjoyable. If they weren’t so small you should have gotten a spittoon and try to see how many you could get in it.

  3. I made up a blueberry-raspberry-banana smoothie the other day for breakfast. It was pretty tasty and all but the blender is a pain in the ass to clean…otherwise I’d have them more often.

  4. Seeds are good – when you swallow them, you grow little berry plants in your tummy.

    At least that’s what I was told when I was younger. But I’ve never actually seen that happen, so I’m thinking that might be a myth.

  5. @Paul – I’m not a huge fan…although I like the new items they’re rolling out (not smoothies). The Blueberry Bliss, as their other versions, was too tart for me.

    I like the wheat grass shots! Tastes like mowing the lawn 😛 ….but I really do like ’em.

  6. I had the Blackberry Bliss last week. I agree, it’s a pretty tasty drink, with the exception of the seeds. Most of the blackberry seeds ended up on my car’s floor mat.

  7. @Neil the hammer: Whoa, 700 seeds. I hope you used that as your random piece of trivia for the Smartfood contest! Also, ew to seeds in beverages.

  8. Sounds good except I will have to pass on the seeds. It’s what I would assume swallowing gravel would feel like.

  9. @Bear Silber: I demand you wholeheartedly agree with every single word. Especially stamen sucking.

    @mia: No, it’s not wrong. It’s just something I don’t prefer. SEEDS!!!

    @Erin: I have horrible aim. In Boy Scouts I really sucked at archery and BB gun shooting. I don’t think I earned those merit badges.

    @Chuck: I know. Having to take apart the blender and carefully clean the blades or else you’ll cut yourself up.

    @Neil the hammer: Wow.

    @Clevegal42: If that were true, I could become Strawberry Shortcake from the inside out. All I would need then is a can named Custard and a dog named Pupcake. Strawberryland FTW.

    @Paul: Off the top of my head…Coldbuster, Orange Dream Machine, Matcha Green Tea Blast, and White Gummi.

  10. @Bear Silber: Wheat grass shots with a lemon wedge FTW!!!

    @Eric: If there were seedless blackberries, your car’s floor mats would be clean.

    @InTheCheeks: It’s also like liquid (insert favorite STD involving blisters here)

    @Devika: Yes, ew. Down with seeds! Down with seeds!

    @Tara: It was a Prince reference. Since the words “raspberry sherbet” were before it, which kind of plays with Prince’s song “Raspberry Beret” which has a line that says, “The kind u find in a second hand store.” Prince doesn’t seem to like to spell out the word “you” so that why there’s the “u”. That’s okay if you didn’t see it because I didn’t think many people would get it. Only crazy Prince fans.

    @grinder: But I’m not a swallower. I spit. I’m sorry, but that’s how I roll. I know I should swallow.

    @Alisha: Some birds swallow gravel to help them digest seeds. We should ask Big Bird what it feels like.

  11. lol you are too funny
    i actually love those seeds, it gives the smoothie a crunchy texture on top of its great taste 🙂 jamba for life!

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