I highly doubt the Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait will truly give me any delight, because it competes with my love for puppies, NBC’s primetime comedy lineup on Thursdays, and my ability to masturbate. The last one I mentioned is the heavyweight champion because it doesn’t cost any money and I can pretty much do it anywhere, even without a Macy’s lingerie ad cut out from a newspaper.
But now that I think about it, Yoplait yogurt has always been marketed to women, so the Yoplait Delights Parfait isn’t meant for men, but is really meant for women, much like Secret deodorant and Mazda Miatas.
But if I think about it even more, Yoplait Delights Parfaits are intended for delicate women who like to be gently touched. How did I come up with this conclusion? Because Yoplait also has lines of yogurt called Whips! and Thick & Creamy, which sound like they’re meant for women who like it a bit rough.
The Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait comes in a pack of four 4-ounce cups, which are two ounces smaller than regular Yoplait yogurt containers. Each cup has two layers of yogurt filled with live and active cultures: a lemon-flavored yogurt on the bottom and a vanilla-flavored yogurt on top. Unlike most other Yoplait yogurts, there isn’t any fruit in the cup.
Separately, each flavor tastes decent, but when the two yogurt flavors are mixed together, it’s like Betty Crocker is baking a lemon cake in my mouth. It’s quite tasty and creamy, but I didn’t get any delight from it, unless you count the French kissing I did with the spoon to lick it clean.
While I may not have received any delight, I’m sure women who try the Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait might get a different result. So if you’re a woman and like lemon cake as much as I like puppies, 30 Rock and masturbation, you should get your hands on this product. While you’re doing that, I’ll be using my hands for something else.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 container – 100 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 180 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 15% vitamin D, 10% phosphorus.)
Item: Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like lemon cake. Creamy. 100 calories per serving. Contains live and active cultures. Decent source of vitamin D and calcium. 30 Rock. Masturbation. Puppies.
Cons: Doesn’t give me delight. Smaller container than regular Yoplait yogurts. Doesn’t contain pieces of fruit. Men driving Mazda Miatas. Newspaper ink getting on my hands.