I wish Orbit Gum would stop pussyfooting around it.
The girly drink flavors have to come to an end and they have to develop beer-flavored chewing gum. It seems like the next logical step for Orbit, unless they want to go all Willy Wonka on us and make a three-course-dinner gum.
I’ve even come up with beer gum names they can use for a small upfront five-figure fee and future royalties: Aroma Ale and Muddy Minty Stout.
Right now, Orbit has four flavors named after girly alcoholic beverages: Sangria Fresca, Fabulous Fruitini, Mint Mojito and, their latest, Pina Colada. Although, before they come out with their beer-flavored gum, I hope they introduce a margarita flavor, which I believe is the Official Drink of College Girls Who End Up On Girls Gone Wild Videos.
The scent of the Orbit Pina Colada is part coconut and part pineapple, which, obviously, makes sense since they’re two of the main ingredients in a pina colada. Here’s something not so obvious about coconuts and pineapples; they make excellent weapons in close combat.
The hard exterior of coconuts can knock out an opponent or be used as a shield, while a pineapple can cause brief paralysis, but it’s not due to its spiky skin, instead it’s from the shock of being attacked with a fruit.
I’m not a fan of pina coladas, coconuts or asinine news anchor banter, unless it contains the phrase “keep fucking that chicken,” but I really enjoyed the flavor of this gum. It has a strong, sweet pineapple flavor with a bit of coconut, and there’s a little bit of mint, but not enough to make me think it’s freshening my breath. After about four minutes of chewing, it loses most of its flavor, but I kept it in my mouth for another 20 minutes or so before I had to spit it out due to an almost complete lack of flavor.
While it may not contain any alcohol, unless you consider sugar alcohol something you can get wasted off of, and it’s kind of a girly flavor, I think the Orbit Pina Colada Gum is quite tasty and I’ll continue to purchase it. If you’re looking to add something different to your chewing gum rotation, this would make a fine pick…until Orbit Muddy Minty Stout Gum is available.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 1 gram sugar alcohol and 0 grams of protein.)
Item: Orbit Pina Colada Gum
Size: 14 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Great pineapple/coconut flavor. Sugar free. Flavor lasts a decent amount of time. Something different to add to chewing gum rotation. News anchor bloopers ending up on YouTube.
Cons: Not really minty. No alcohol. Asinine news anchor banter. Being attacked by a coconut or pineapple. No beer flavored gum, yet.
15 thoughts to “REVIEW: Orbit Pina Colada Gum”
I love coconut and have never seen it in a gum here. When I get back to the U.S., I’m going to gain about 20 lbs. in the first month sampling all the stuff I can’t get here. Of course, this gum wouldn’t have that effect… I’m guessing too much of this will give you the runs.
I just bought some of this yesterday. Pretty good, but it was a little harder than I thought that it would be at the first couple chews. Not bad though…
Beer gum would be awesome, except people chew gum to get rid of beer breath. I mean, picture all of the excuses drunk drivers are going to give to cops.
Cop: Umm…sir, I smell beer on your breath…
Drunk Guy: *hiccup* I… *hiccup* was…*hiccup* chewing *hiccup* gum.
Hmmm they do need to stop beating around the bush, I’m all for a Stout flavoured gum. And by the by marvo, I hate girlie drinks and am a girl that loves her Beer!
@Orchid64: Be 20 pounds overweight? That will help you acclimate to being in America.
@wibia: I noticed that too. It was a little hard at first, but after it was in my mouth a little longer, it got softer.
@Kayla: Even better…gum with a concentrated liquid beer center. Get on that Wrigley’s.
@Ms. Spanks: I hope not PBR.
I love the feel of Vegemite on my nipples. The grainy texture titillates my areolae. I rub the Australian condiment around my nipples in a counterclockwise motion.
If your news anchor uses that chicken phrase a lot, I might need to start watching them by internet feed…sounds like an entertaining newscast.
With girlie flavors, I don’t puke at the bar, fall on my face, or end up in a random guy’s bed. Wait, are we still talking about gum here?
I actually prefer Microwbrews Marvo, I like a good stout
oh also, am i gonna get my surprise box anytime soon?
Finally a more unique gum flavor . I’m sick of wintergreen and spearmint.
Beer gum would pwn.
It’s always boggled my mind why someone would chew fruity flavored gum. I thought the whole purpose was for breath-freshening?
I suppose some chew just for the flavor…which is why penis-flavored gum isn’t very popular.
@a: Too bad it’s illegal to ship Vegemite to the United States.
@Chuck: Sadly, I think we only have one station that has a live Internet feed.
@Jillian (back to the nest): Tell me more about puking at the bar, falling in your face, or ending up in a random guy’s bed. 🙂
@Ms Spanks: thanks to you I now have a name for a beer if I ever come out with one, Microbrews Marvo.
@Michael: Thank you! I hope you enjoy what I sent.
@theskinnyplate: what about cinnamon?
@Gregory Ng: The Frozen Food Master: Totally pwn. I just hope they come in different shades of brown.
@Review Spew:, technically, fruity flavored gum does freshen breath, although in the same way a can of Glade Air Freshener masks the smell of someone’s dump.
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