Month: October 2011

REVIEW: Triple Double Oreo Neapolitan

Marvo 20 Comments

Triple Double Oreo Neapolitan

The Triple Double Oreo Neapolitan has been out for a few months, but it only recently showed up at my local Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named. However, I wouldn’t have noticed they carried it if I didn’t have to take a shortcut through the aisle of canned goods, at the end of which I found their stock of these Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named-exclusive cookies.

No, I didn’t find them in the cookie aisle with all the other Oreo varieties. I found them somewhere a person would hide them if they didn’t want anyone to find them. Also, if I was a few inches shorter I may not have noticed them at all because they were on the top most shelf.

Actually, it’s surprising that my local Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named carried it because when it comes to carrying new products, it sucks. For cheap goods, getting bruises from shopping carts being driven by children, and watching people frantically dig through the $5 DVD bin and get excited when they find the movie Double Impact, it’s quite good.

You see, I can walk into a Target and almost always come out with a new product to review. The same can be said about Safeway. But when it comes to the Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named, all I’ve usually come out with is disappointment…and bruised ankles. It’s happened so much that I decided to give my disappointment a name — Blue Balls.

But after finally ending up at my local Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named and trying the Triple Double Oreo Neapolitan, I have to say perhaps they were located at the end of the canned goods aisle because they’re not that great.

The Triple Double Oreo Neapolitan uses three crunchy Golden Oreo cookies and in between those are a layer of strawberry creme filling and a layer of chocolate creme filling. The color scheme looks like they would make an ugly pair of knee high argyle socks, but as a creme sandwich cookie, it’s not bad looking.

The issue I have with the Triple Double Oreo Neapolitan is that the strawberry creme’s flavor overwhelms the chocolate creme. It’s as if the strawberry creme is a Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named and the chocolate creme is an unsupervised child who gets lost in the Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named. Having what is basically a strawberries and creme Oreo is fine and it’s good, but the chocolate creme needed to stand out more in order for the cookie as a whole to stand out.

Overall, the Triple Double Oreo Neapolitan may not be Blue Balls-disappointing, but they are a letdown.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cookie – 110 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 2.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein and 2% iron.)

Item: Triple Double Oreo Neapolitan
Price: $3.48
Size: 13.1 ounces
Purchased at: Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Crunchy Golden Oreo cookies. Three cookies and two different cremes. Finally, finding something somewhat new at the Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Cons: Disappointing. Strawberry creme overwhelms the cookie. Chocolate creme flavor is non-existent. One cookie has 110 calories. Parents who let their children drive shopping carts. My local Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named not getting it sooner. Getting lost in a store.

REVIEW: KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl

Marvo 7 Comments

KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl

I want to mouth kiss the KFC Chickengineer who came up with the KFC Famous Bowl. I don’t care if it’s a man, woman, bionic chicken, or the computer that reads the thoughts of Colonel Sanders preserved brain, which holds the only list of all 11 secret herbs and spices.

When I find that person, I’m going to treat their mouth just as good as they treated mine when I ate their way to feed me popcorn chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, and cheese in bowl form.

I also want to mouth kiss the KFC Chickengineer who developed their new KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl, but not because I was to thank them for creating it, but to help me get rid of all the saltiness in my mouth.

You’d think combining a KFC Famous Bowl with bacon would be one of the tastiest forms of gluttony ever and make the computer that’s hooked up to Colonel Sanders preserved brain feel the emotion of happiness, because after all, like resting my head on the bosom of a well-endowed woman, bacon makes everything better. However, with the KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl, that’s not the case.

The bacon comes in small chopped bits and, before being eaten, my KFC Cheesy Bacon bowl looked like it was caught in a bacon hailstorm or a drunk bacon fairy went a little crazy with the bacon dust. Actually, the amount of bacon isn’t surprising because there’s a lot of everything in this bowl, especially mashed potatoes, gravy, and meaty pieces of popcorn chicken. I was surprised by how heavy the KFC Cheesy Bacon bowl was. So much so, that I felt compelled to weight it.

It’s hard to taste the bacon, because there are so many pieces to this fast food puzzle called the KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl. It’s there, but it gets lost among the chicken and gravy. The bacon doesn’t make it better. All it really does is make it saltier, and that’s sad because I had high expectations for the combination of the KFC Famous Bowl and bacon. As matter of fact I was so eager to eat it that I forgot to take a photo of it before mowing it down with my KFC-issued spork, hence the half eaten bowl above.

However, with that said, I have to say I enjoyed the KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl. But just as much as the original KFC Famous Bowl, because they’re pretty much the same tasty amalgamations.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on website yet, but a regular KFC Famous Bowl has 680 calories, 280 calories from fat, 31 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 2,130 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 26 grams of protein.)

Other KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl reviews:
Grub Grade

Item: KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl
Price: $4.99 (most other places $3.99)
Size: More than a pound
Purchased at: KFC
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: As good as the KFC Famous Bowl. Heavy. Lots of bacon bits. Sporks. The KFC Famous Bowl. Meaty pieces of popcorn chicken. Lots of mashed potatoes. Lots of gravy.
Cons: Bacon doesn’t make it better. Bacon makes it saltier. Just as unhealthy as a KFC Famous Bowl. Not being able to meet the KFC Chickengineer who created the KFC Famous Bowl and make their mouth feel as good as they made mine.

NEWS: KFC Tries To Prove Bacon Makes Everything Better With Their Cheesy Bacon Bowl

Marvo 4 Comments

KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl Sign

Update: Click here to read our KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl review

The KFC Famous Bowl is one of the unhealthiest items to eat on KFC’s menu, but I have to admit the combination of mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, popcorn chicken, and shredded cheese is also one of the tastiest items to eat on KFC’s menu.

I thought there was no way to improve it, but I forgot about the power of bacon and its claim that it makes everything better. Although, while bacon has made burgers and asparagus better, it’s also been shown it doesn’t make everything better, like soda.

Well, KFC is taking that power and adding it to their KFC Famous Bowl to create the Cheesy Bacon Bowl. All the goodness of a KFC Famous Bowl, sprinkled with chopped bacon, and all for just $3.99 at participating restaurants.

If you try it, let us know what you think of it in the comments below.

By the way, here’s a commercial for it:

REVIEW: Dr Pepper Ten

Jeff 16 Comments

Dr Pepper Ten

The fall season is beginning to make itself known here in Orlando. We have traded out 95 degree days (with humidity so thick you can cut slices of it and serve with whipped topping) for temperatures in the mid-eighties. The trees are turning from green to the same green. The air smelling of sweat mixed with citrus perfumes are bowing out for scents of sweat and sandalwood ones. Yep, Fall is here.

Who am I kidding? We would never know Fall has arrived if not for those disgusting cinnamon brooms the supermarkets trudge out that assault our noses. The aroma drives me crazy. Why the hell would anyone want their house to smell like smoker’s sneeze? It’s that unique blend of metal and curdled milk? Sorry dad, when you sneezed, it was the olfactory equivalent of Hiroshima.

So here I was in my local supermarket searching for some pizza rolls and the sickening wafts pillaged my nostrils. I didn’t care if I stretched the neck of my fitted t-shirt but I stuck my nose under the collar. Aware that I looked like I was trying to avoid the avian bird flu while roaming the aisles, I did not care. But then I found it, or maybe it found me (cue the Zamfir).

Dr Pepper Ten! All my friends know I am a sucker for two things: soft drinks with new flavors (I’m still hunting for that elusive mint-tinged Sprite Ice) and women who wear eyeglasses (drool). I am aware of the rules because for every Pepsi Lime there is a Pepsi Holiday Spice. I remember drinking the Holiday Spice and thought there was a demand for paint varnish flavored soft drinks. SCORE!!! I held a cold frosty bottle of the new Dr Pepper Ten.

Just to let you know Dr Pepper Ten also comes in the two-liter bottle (which normally go flat incredibly fast) and the standard case of twelve ounce cans. I decided to play it safe and buy the twenty ounce bottle because I did not want to commit to a dozen cans on the chance they taste like crap.

Dr Pepper is no stranger to different varieties of its flavor. I particularly was a big fan of their Dr Pepper Berries & Cream which was short lived in stores. I have been looking for this Dr Pepper Ten for some time and couldn’t believe they were here in front of me. Since writing this piece, they seem to be widely available now. My assumption is they are preparing for a nationwide rollout.

Just to let you know, the TEN refers to the ten calories per serving the doctor has. The weird thing is the ad campaign is marketing itself as a diet soda for men. I’m not sure if it is manlier to drink a diet soda that has ten calories versus none. I’m also not sure how they came up with ten calories being the threshold for a man’s drink versus eight or eleven calories. Honestly, a man’s drink is a tall glass of cheap scotch.

I am pretty certain if I went to my neighborhood biker bar and ordered a martini straight up with two black olives, holding a Dr Pepper Ten is not going to save me from a beat-down. Also do I think a woman drinking a Dr Pepper Ten is any less feminine because it’s supposedly for men? Nope, especially if she is wearing flirty black thin-rimmed eyeglasses.

Regardless of the stupid marketing, it’s all about the taste. The almost boiling weather couldn’t stop the condensation running from the bottle around my fingers. I twisted the cap and heard that satisfying pffffsssssttttttttttttt!

“Oh yeah,” I thought to myself and that was the last of my happiness.

The more appropriate name for Dr Pepper Ten is Dr Pepper Two. Read on and I will explain because like most underwhelming sequels (Ghostbusters II anyone?), this Dr Pepper rates a two. I give it two points: one for effort and another because it is not hydrochloric acid.

Like some beers, I think soda always tastes better in a pre-chilled glass and so I poured a generous amount. The bouquet (yeah I said bouquet) did not have that unique hint of a “nutmegish” scent that Dr Pepper normally has. In fact, it had no scent.

I took a sip and was instantly depressed. There was very little taste of the famous doctor, in fact there was very little taste. I did appreciate the lack of unpleasant sweet syrup that coats your teeth some diet sodas have. However, this is canceled out by the fact there was little flavor.

In fact, it tasted close to plain seltzer which made me pine for that heavy sweetness. Actually, I wouldn’t care if it tasted like prune juice (as it is rumored Dr Pepper is made from) as my taste buds wanted to grasp on to something. It claims there are Ten BOLD tasting calories but it is no bolder than a grey argyle sweater vest.

A clean finish for sure, which many sodas do not have, but what does it matter when there is no taste? I haven’t been this disappointed since Fox unforgivably cancelled the show “Drive” with geek approved actor Nathan Fillion. Speaking of amped manliness, I keep hoping he will team up with Bruce Campbell.

You know, if there are ten calories…it has got to be from eating the cap and bottle. Dr Pepper Ten is obviously for boring men (or men with way too sensitive taste buds). It hasn’t affected me since I still shop at Banana Republic, listen to New Order and have different colognes for night or day.

Furthermore, Dr Pepper Ten states proudly “It’s not for women.” Women aren’t missing much because a poor tasting product will fail regardless of which gender they are aiming for. If Dr Pepper Ten is for men, I’ll take a “girly” Diet Dr Pepper instead. Or a scotch.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbs, 4 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Dr Pepper Ten
Price: $1.59
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: My neighborhood Publix that sells those forsaken cinnamon brooms.
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: No sticky film on your teeth. Nathan Fillion. Pleasant clean finish. Women in glasses, especially with their hair pulled back. Did I mention it doesn’t leave a sticky film on your “teeths”? Banana Republic circa 2006. It is only ten calories.
Cons: No Dr Pepper taste. No sweet taste. No taste. Networks canceling shows too early thus giving us viewer blue balls. Ad campaign is moronic. Not one of the ten calories are bold. CINNAMON BROOMS. Men, Women…either way it’s not good for either.

REVIEW: Starbucks Toasted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa Mix

Marvo 8 Comments

Starbucks Toasted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa

It’s around midnight and I’m writing this Starbucks Toasted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa Mix review outside…topless.

Why am I outside in the middle of the night half naked? Because if I want to truly appreciate this Starbucks hot cocoa, I feel like I need to drink it in a cold environment, which is difficult when one lives on a tropical island and doesn’t have air conditioning at his place.

Although it’s the middle of the night and there’s a slight breeze, the weather is still in the mid to high 70s, hence the reason why I have no shirt on. I thought I would feel cooler if I took it off, but fripples have yet to form. So here I am standing outside with the moonlight reflecting off of my pale chest, making my torso glow like it’s a bodily fluid under a black light.

I would take off more clothing, but I haven’t done laundry in a long time, so the only item of clothing that prevents me from being completely nude are the cargo shorts I have on. Also, the glowing pale parts of my body seem to be attracting bugs, so if I were to take my shorts off, I would have bugs circling around my body’s airport control tower, which is something I do not want.

Speaking of things that are milky white, in order to make a cup of Starbucks Toasted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa, the instructions say eight ounces of hot milk are needed. However, I got tri-curious and made three different cups using low-fat milk, vanilla soy milk, and water.

If you don’t have milk or soy milk and you’re too lazy to get some, water will do in a pinch, but that’s like settling for QVC during primetime TV hours because the remote control is farther than an arms length away. If you’re going to make a cup of Starbucks Toasted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa, you’ve got to make it with milk or soy milk. Don’t settle for QVC.

Starbucks Toasted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa Closeup

When milk or soy milk is used, the Starbucks Toasted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa makes me forget about the bugs landing and taking off on my pale glowing body. The cocoa flavor is rich and much better tasting than what Swiss Miss and Nestle offers. However, it’s slightly gritty. The cocoa used is ethically sourced, so if you love responsible, sustainable cocoa farming (and who doesn’t), you’ll like the cocoa in these Starbucks packets.

The dehydrated marshmallows included aren’t your typical mini round dehydrated marshmallows found in other hot cocoa mixes. They’re much larger, handcrafted, and are more like small slabs of dehydrated marshmallows. They don’t melt away easily, but when they do they add a little vanilla flavor to the hot cocoa.

A box of Starbucks Toasted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa Mix is twice as expensive as a box of Swiss Miss or Nestle hot cocoa, but I don’t think it’s two times better tasting. It’s probably more like 1 1/2 times better. But, to be honest, if I were to find myself topless in the middle of Jack Frost’s wrath, I don’t think I would care about flavor. All I would probably care about is drinking anything hot and doing something to get rid of my fripples.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 envelope not prepared – 110 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% calcium, and 10% iron.)

Item: Starbucks Toasted Marshmallow Hot Cocoa Mix
Price: $7.19
Size: 8 envelopes
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Better than Swiss Miss. Chocolatey. Small slabs of dehydrated marshmallows. Made with ethically sourced cocoa. Taking off clothing to thoroughly review a product.
Cons: Slightly gritty. Fripples. Twice as expensive as Swiss Miss. My pale body. When mixed with water. Taking off too much clothing to thoroughly review a product.