October 2012 - Page 3 of 9 - The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Limited Edition Fritos Wild ‘n Mild Ranch

October 24, 2012July 19, 2023 Jeff 13 Comments

I’m a product of Generation X, as coined by the famed author Douglas Coupland. Born between the advent of the wood paneled Atari 2600 and the ColecoVision, I was fathered by the 80’s. Scatter in some circular scratch & sniff stickers to boot.

The musty smell of wires and sweat in a mall’s darkened arcade evokes the same feelings in me as one would if they smelled fresh baked chocolate chip cookies from a well-worn oven. That is my nostalgia and that is my Americana.

I cradled my teen angst with multiple viewings of The Breakfast Club, The Hidden (An underrated Kyle MacLachlan classic), and Young Guns, all of which still transport me back to my parachute pants days whenever I catch them on television. My love for this decade led me to collect obscure New Wave singles and albums in college.

My Anglophile nature was a direct result of the “me” decade. I could bore you with theories on the influence Michael Mann and the Miami Vice series (except the weird episode with James Brown and aliens) had on modern cinema, but I won’t.

I still have worn out VCR tapes of bootleg New Order concerts I can’t play because I no longer have a VCR. I miss cassette tapes, as I used to produce my own “radio show” with my younger brother before he discovered pot. My puberty-tinged squeaky voice was heavy on the Staten Island accent, but heavier on the derogatory words.

My show “employed” awful racist characters such as reporters “Char Siu Charlie” who had a horrible off the boat accent and weatherman “Blackman Jones” who would end his report by calling people “jive turkeys.” That was fun, if not appropriate.

Ah, the 80’s are everything to me.

So how is it I never came across Fritos Wild ‘n Mild Ranch Corn Chips when I was a child? It may be that my Mom only bought ShopRite brand regular chips or pretzel twists. This variety was unleashed in the 80s and Fritos made the wise decision to bring these back, albeit in Limited Edition form.

I broke my ranch flavor hymen the way most of us did…Cool Ranch Doritos and ever since then, I’m more than happy to try ranch anything. I’ve never been a fan of corn chips because they have a gritty feel in my mouth and sometimes they smell like sweaty feet. I never made the connection until I was sparring in a failed attempt to get any belt in martial arts and noticed the mats smelled of corn chips.

The ranch flavor sold me immediately when I passed by the non-potato chip shelf, which makes the first time I have bought corn chips out of my own interest. You cannot miss the bag because Fritos uses a teal blue package (I can hear the synths of Jan Hammer) for its Wild ‘n Mild Ranch.

Wild ‘n Mild is an oxymoron. It’s like a Christian band that “rocks” or ordering a good gin martini at an Applebee’s. How can one be wild AND mild? Unless you’re talking about those sexy librarians who have their hair tied up with those chunky black glasses.

There was a strong corn chip smell (or workout mats in my mind) once I opened the bag which made me wary because I didn’t want these to taste just of corn chips. I grabbed a few. There was a nice clean smokiness from the chips that gave way to a creamy mild ranch taste immediately. Let me emphasize this does not taste anything close to Cool Ranch Doritos, but more like its disciplined sarcastic sister who listens to Elbow and watches Downton Abbey.

I really liked them despite being corn chips. The great thing about these is you can eat a handful and not have your tongue overloaded with ranch zest. The ranch flavor, no matter how much you eat, remains in the middle range and the richness of the smoke from the corn is a good compliment.

Nothing really wild exists about these corn chips but I figure someone thought rhyming was a good selling point or calling these just ranch corn chips was boring. If you’re looking for an honest ranch corn chip, Fritos delivers. If you’re looking for something to kick your taste buds into sensory override, you will be disappointed.

That’s my only complaint. I wish the ranch flavor was more prevalent, but balancing a flavor like that is hard. You do get a great spike of ranch when you first eat the chips but it doesn’t linger. Before it quickly disappears, it whispers briefly such as the librarian who checks out your books as she judges your taste in novels and argyle sweater vests.

I’m hoping Fritos shift these from limited edition to a regular product. Granted, the 80s have given us a lot of bad things, shoulder pads in blazers, that horrid “Walking on Sunshine” song, and mullets with rat tails. There are a great deal of good things as well and these Fritos Wild ‘n Mild Ranch are one of them.

(Nutrition Facts – about 28 chips – 150 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Limited Edition Fritos Wild ‘n Mild Ranch reviews:
Junk Food Guy

Item: Limited Edition Fritos Wild ‘n Mild Ranch
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: Publix (where the parking is ridiculously annoying)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Ranch is not overpowering. Nice clean smokiness from the corn chips. The iconic hot librarian. Ranch is creamy and mild. “The Hidden” will make you pine for mashed potatoes and witness a pre-agent Cooper. New Wave music from the 80s and Elbow.
Cons: Ranch itself could be too mild. If I ever run for an elected position, those tapes will do me in. Limited edition which means who knows how long these will be around. Shoulder pad blazers from the 80s. Char Siu Charlie never hit it big as a reporter.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Cheddar Bacon Onion Angus Third Pounder & Crispy Premium Chicken Sandwich

October 23, 2012September 4, 2023 Marvo 12 Comments

CBO…

COB…

BOC…

BCO…

OBC…

OCB…

Oh, hello there. I’m just trying to figure out why McDonald’s decided to promote their new Cheddar Bacon Onion sandwiches with the acronym CBO, and not some other letter combination.

Perhaps COB would’ve confused people into thinking there was only corn in the sandwiches; BOC might’ve made consumers think these sandwiches are all about chicken because if you say it out loud as a word and not an acronym, it makes you sound like a chicken; BCO looks like text speak for bacon; with so much drama in the O-B-C, it’s kinda hard bein’ Snoop D-O-double-G; and OCB sounds like something I need to a psychiatrist for.

Hmm…I guess CBO was the right choice. Oh wait, it ends with BO. That can’t be good.

The Cheddar Bacon Onion Sandwiches are available with either an Angus Third Pounder beef patty, a Crispy Premium Chicken filet, or a Grilled Premium Chicken filet. Along with your choice of beef or BOC, the sandwiches are topped with white cheddar cheese, grilled caramelized onions, hickory-smoked bacon, and a creamy mustard sauce.

Don’t all those ingredients make these sandwiches sound awesome? Sure, pigs that become McDonald’s bacon should be ashamed that they end up as mediocre bacon and white cheddar cheese tastes just like orange cheddar cheese, but I thought perhaps putting them together with onions and a mustard sauce would create a tasty sandwich.

However, both the McDonald’s Cheddar Bacon Onion Angus Third Pounder and Cheddar Bacon Onion Crispy Premium Chicken Sandwich don’t excite my palate.

If you’re staring at the new calorie-fied menu at McDonald’s and can’t decide whether to get the CBO Angus Third Pounder or the CBO Crispy Premium Chicken Sandwich, go with the beef. It’s the better tasting of the two, because the chicken has very little flavor. It has a slightly crispy outside and the filet has a pleasant thickness, but those are the only positive things I can say about it. The chicken version is also noticeably smaller than the Angus Third Pounder, but costs the same.

As for the CBO Angus Third Pounder, again, it’s better, but not much better. The patty was dry, but had a good meaty flavor. Both sandwiches had a lot of bacon and each bite I took had enough bacon to make me squeal like a pig that just realized it ate pork, but it provided a little smokiness and a lot of saltiness.

(Side note about McDonald’s bacon: If McDonald’s thinks so highly of their bacon, why isn’t it an option when ordering their Big Breakfast? It’s only available in sandwiches.)

The onions were plentiful and buttery, but they didn’t have an oniony punch. I could taste the white cheddar whenever I took a bite that didn’t have much sauce, but the melted cheese did a better job at making sure the bacon didn’t fall out than providing a cheesiness. Overall, the bacon, onions, and cheese trio added very little flavor and just the made the sandwiches taste super salty.

However, the most disappointing ingredient in the two sandwiches was the creamy mustard sauce. I thought McDonald’s could make a good mustard sauce, after all, they did come up with the greatest chicken nugget dipping sauce ever — Hot Mustard. But the sauce, which is made up of ingredients like Dijon mustard and horseradish, didn’t have a strong mustard seed spiciness or any kind of bite. It’s a weak sauce, which makes it, as the kids say, weak sauce.

I read somewhere on the internets that test versions of this Angus Third Pounder also included a steak sauce. That might’ve helped, but it wasn’t included.

Weak sauce, man. Weak sauce.

(Nutrition Facts – CBO Angus – 790 calories, 370 calories from fat, 41 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 150 milligrams of cholesterol, 1830 milligrams of sodium, 62 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 45 grams of protein. CBO Crispy Chicken – 630 calories, 260 calories from fat, 29 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 1630 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.)

Item: McDonald’s Cheddar Bacon Onion Angus Third Pounder & Crispy Premium Chicken Sandwich
Purchased Price: $4.99 each
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Angus Third Pounder)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Crispy Premium Chicken)
Pros: Lots of bacon. Lots of onions. CBO Angus was better tasting. Buns did a good job of not falling apart. 90s hip-hop. Awesome source of protein.
Cons: CBO Crispy Chicken was boring. Creamy mustard sauce didn’t have a lot of flavor. McDonald’s bacon. Cheese didn’t do a good job of preventing onions from falling out. The bacon, onions, and cheese trio just the made the sandwiches taste super salty

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 10/23/2012

October 23, 2012December 24, 2020 Marvo 5 Comments

Here are some holiday products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. We may or may not review them, but we’d like to let you know what items are popping up.

SoCo Egg Nog is yummy, but it doesn’t have alcohol. However, if you’ve got a bottle of SoCo around, you can easily add an ounce…or two…or three…or skip the egg nog altogether and just drink the SoCo. (Spotted at Walmart. Thanks for the photo, Kenneth!)

Yup, it’s that time of year when Dreyer’s/Edy’s Limited Edition Pumpkin, Peppermint, and Egg Nog ice creams start showing up in the frozen food aisle to help ensure you gain weight during the holidays. (Spotted at Target. Thanks for the pic, Kenneth!)

If the holidays get depressing for me, I may just dunk my face into one of these bad boys and eat it sans utensils. (Spotted at Walmart. Thanks for the pic, Kenneth!)

I think these show up during the fall/winter months because one can throw them up in the air and pretend they’re snowflakes. Oh wait, they’re bigger and more solid than snowflakes. Let me rephrase. One can throw them up in the air and pretend they’re hail. (Spotted at Walmart. Thanks for the pic, Kenneth!)

Yay! Minty s’mores! Yay! Minty hot chocolate you have to wait several minutes for because it’ll take awhile for the jumbo marshmallow to melt away. (Spotted at Target.)

If you’re out shopping and see a holiday product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email at [email protected] with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. You might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Special K Ham, Egg & Pepper Jack Cheese Flatbread Breakfast Sandwich

October 22, 2012December 24, 2020 Adam 13 Comments

It pretty much goes without saying that meat, egg, and cheese form the triumvirate of breakfast deliciousness in the grab-and-go world. It also goes without saying that this trinity of cholesterol, fat, and sodium will pretty much kill you if you eat too much of it and sit on your butt all day.

That is, unless you serve it up within the familiar packaging of Special K, which wants to rewards that hard butt-sitting at the office with a breakfast sandwich to keep you going without sending you into cardiac arrest.

There are a few things I give Special K the benefit of the doubt with. Cereal, obviously, is one of them. Making my girlfriend attempt contortionist yoga moves while pouring milk onto said cereal while wiggling into those skinny jeans would also be up there. Crafting a healthy breakfast sandwich that doesn’t taste rubbery or flavorless (here’s looking at you, Dunkin Donuts) isn’t.

That being said, I have an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation of box art on new grocery products and not a lot of time to spare for making breakfast in the morning, so I willingly stepped to the plate when it came to buying Special K’s new Flatbread Breakfast Sandwiches.

They must have been selling like hotcakes because there were only a few boxes of the Ham, Egg and Pepper Jack Flatbreads left on the morning I stopped by the store. If they tasted half as good as hotcakes, I might be inclined to make a joke about how I’d be on a fast track to becoming a fat dude. Except, since each flatbread is only 200 calories and packs 12 grams of protein, I guess I’d be on a fast track to being one skinny dude, which I already am.

Regular readers now know I’ve lived up to the stereotype about men and our inability to follow directions. However, in this case I followed the directions to a tee, right on down to microwaving my sandwich on a paper towel for 1 minute and 15 seconds and then letting it rest for one minute to ensure “even heating.” I followed the directions so closely that had I considered myself a child, I would have made sure to Skype my parents and have them supervise me.

After 2 minutes and 15 seconds my previously hard as a hockey puck flatbread had become warm and, to my utter bewilderment, slightly toasty. Worried the microwave process would render the bread component flimsy and soggy was a fear of mine going in, but aside from one spot where the cheese had overflowed to the side, the sandwich emerged almost as if it had a round at the number two setting in the toaster. Speaking of that cheese to the side deal, would it kill Special K to position the cheese to the middle? There’s not a lot of pepper jack to begin with, and having a sixth of my puny slice fed to the paper towel wasn’t, as the kids say, cool.

The sandwich itself isn’t half bad. Wow, I can’t believe I actually wrote that. Obviously it’s small, but the the eggs have a slightly buttery and salty flavor, with the cheese adding a really good, milky, and fatty richness that has all the melty goo and backheat you’d expect from pepper jack. Even the flatbread had a nice honey-oat flavor, which added a little sweetness and wholesomeness to the otherwise salty-heat of the eggs and cheese.

It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either. The cheese lacks the coverage needed to goo-ify the entire sandwich, while the ham is dry and a bit chewy. Oh yea, did I mention that it was salty? Low calorie it might be, but with 30 percent of the RDA for salt (based on a 2,000 calorie diet) it’s not going to do your blood pressure any flavors. As much as I liked the pepper jack, the sandwich screams for a little sweetness, while a salsa component that adds tomatoes would go a long way to pushing a southwestern flavor profile.

I’m not willing start giving Special K the benefit of the doubt on other crap like chicken nuggets and french fries, but for the crowd who’ve been staring at those skinny jeans or just looking to mix-up the breakfast routine with a heated component, I admit these breakfast flatbreads could be a big hit. The texture isn’t bad at all for something that starts out in your freezer, and it definitely doesn’t taste like it’s low calorie. Still, a few minor tweaks would have gone a long way to making these way tastier, and maybe even a semi-regular buy for those of us not looking to add a few new yoga moves.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 flatbread – 200 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 730 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, and 20% calcium)

Item: Special K Ham, Egg & Pepper Jack Cheese Flatbread Breakfast Sandwich
Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 4 flatbreads
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Cheese melts up nicely and has great milky flavor with spicy backheat. Flatbread maintains toasty texture with honey-oat taste. Eggs have buttery flavor. Ham is smoky. Tastier than Dunkin Donuts’ egg white flatbreads. Only 200 calories per sandwich. Reading directions. New yoga props.
Cons: Small. Tiny. Puny. Minuscule. Not recommended if you’re a grown man. Cheese doesn’t get full coverage over the egg. Ham is dry and chewy. Could use some kind of sweetness or relief. Saltier than the Dead Sea.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Dragonfruit Pepsi X

October 19, 2012March 12, 2022 Marvo 19 Comments

I guess dragonfruit is the appropriate fruit flavor for The X Factor’s Limited Edition Pepsi X since almost everything that comes out of Simon Cowell’s mouth is verbal fire that can burn egos.

Dragonfruit, or better known by Future Farmers of America members as hylocereus undatus, hylocereus costaricensis, or hylocereus megalanthus (depending on the color of the fruit’s skin and flesh), is grown in tropical areas, like this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean I live on.

Just like I’ve never seen an episode of The X Factor, I have yet to try dragonfruit. So seeing as how I could easily get the exotic fruit, I thought it was necessary to taste an actual dragonfruit before writing a review about the dragonfruit-flavored Pepsi X.

It’s a good thing there’s a farmer’s market down the street from me, but it’s a bad thing that dragonfruits were selling for $4.99 a pound. I bought the smallest one, which cost me $5.15.

If you’ve never seen a dragonfruit in real life or saw one when accidentally choosing a Google Image search suggestion for exotic fruits instead of, what you really wanted, exotic females, the most common type of the fruit (hylocereus undatu) has a pretty, pretty pink skin with green leaves protruding out of it and behind it there’s white flesh with tiny black seeds.

A few other interesting factoids about dragonfruits, there’s also a red-fleshed dragonfruit (hylocereus costaricensis) and if you eat too much of it you may get pseudohematuria, which is a harmless condition that turns your urine and feces reddish in color. Now that you know that, I hope you never accidentally choose a Google Image search suggestion for pseudohematuria. And knowing is half the battle.

Oh, speaking of pseudohematuria, the color of Pepsi X was noticeably lighter than regular Pepsi and it looked like it had a reddish hue.

Now that I know what dragonfruit tastes like, I can definitely say Limited Edition Dragonfruit Pepsi X doesn’t have a flavor that’s recognizable as dragonfruit. The dragonfruit’s flesh was mostly bland with a very mild sweetness. It’s as flavorful as cucumbers or kiwis. However, Pepsi X has a strong fruity and slightly floral flavor that doesn’t taste anything like dragonfruit. There’s also very little cola flavor.

Of course, I might’ve selected the wrong dragonfruit to taste and needed to buy the pseudohematuria-causing one. Or maybe, because it’s a little floral, Pepsi is trying to reproduce the flavor of dragonfruit flowers. Or maybe the flavor was developed by blending together dragon meat with fruits.

Whatever the case, I didn’t really care for Pepsi X. It’s interesting and not horrible, but I don’t see myself buying more because its unusual fruity/flowery flavor just doesn’t have The X Factor.

While I didn’t care for Pepsi X’s flavor, I LOVE that Pepsi did something I never thought they would do — release an unusual Pepsi flavor. A dragonfruit-flavored Pepsi is something I’d expect Pepsi in Japan to release, but it was released here in the U.S. That’s extremely exciting. So, within the past few months, Pepsi has launched a malt-flavored Mountain Dew and this dragonfruit-flavored Pepsi. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 35 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 30 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Dragonfruit Pepsi X
Purchased Price: $3.00*
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Not horrible. It’s a weird Pepsi flavor that sounds like it should be from Japan, but it’s not. Being able to buy dragonfruits down the street. Future Farmers of America.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like dragonfruit. Fruity/flowery flavor is a bit odd and doesn’t have The X Factor. Very little cola flavor. The price of dragonfruit. Pseudohematuria. Simon Cowell.

*To ensure I could review these as quickly as possible, I bought some off of eBay. It will most definitely be cheaper if you bought it in a store.

Month: October 2012

REVIEW: Limited Edition Fritos Wild ‘n Mild Ranch

REVIEW: McDonald’s Cheddar Bacon Onion Angus Third Pounder & Crispy Premium Chicken Sandwich

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 10/23/2012

REVIEW: Special K Ham, Egg & Pepper Jack Cheese Flatbread Breakfast Sandwich

REVIEW: Limited Edition Dragonfruit Pepsi X

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