REVIEW: Doritos Blaze

Doritos Blaze

Blaze. Inferno. Flame. Burn. Fire. Heat. Heatwave.

Already used.

Wildfire. Firestorm. Angry. Fury.

Hmm, possibilities.

Combustion. Conflagration.

Okay, scraping the bottom of the barrel, but I guess they would work.

What am I doing? I’m coming up with new spicy Doritos flavor names using my computer’s thesaurus. As you can see, we’re going to run out of names soon.

But that issue is for the future. Today is today and today we have a new spicy Doritos flavor — Blaze.

On the back of the bag, it says Doritos Blaze is like licking a volcano. After I read that, I wasted about an hour or so wrapping my head around what is quite possibly the dumbest thing ever printed on a Doritos bag. Are we talking active or dormant? If it’s dormant, it doing to taste like the Earth. If it’s active and you’re trying to lick the lava that’s pouring out of it, I’m pretty sure your face will melt off, along with your tongue, before you can do so. Yes, this is what I spent an hour thinking about.

The next hour was spent wonder why I don’t like Doritos Blaze.

Its aroma reminds me of bell peppers. It also has a sweet and spicy smell that makes me think of Panda Express. Inhaling the air in the bag also gave me clues that these chips were going to burn.

I’ve had spicier chips, but these are packing some decent heat. The first chip isn’t so bad, but eating more will cause the heat to spike (Doritos Spike?). At a point my mouth begins to feel like I’m playing out a scene from a Game of Thrones fan fiction focusing on dragon erotica. There you go, the person who came up with the “It’s like licking a volcano” line, a line that’s dumber than yours.

Doritos Blaze 2

After consuming a few chips I had to stop eating them, but not because the heat was getting to me, even though it was and I had to grab some water. Instead, I had to stop because I didn’t care for their taste. Along with the heat, there’s an underlying sweet, peppery flavor, but it doesn’t make me want to eat more. Although they’re Doritos, there isn’t a cheesiness to them. I wish there was because they might’ve been better tasting.

Doritos Blaze is one of the most disappointing varieties of the popular tortilla chip I’ve ever had. It’s definitely spicy, but it doesn’t have a flavor that makes me yearn for it. Maybe its new name should be Doritos Bummer.

(Nutrition Facts – about 12 chips – 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 9.75 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Spicy. Cool name.
Cons: Sweet, peppery flavor doesn’t work for me. Doesn’t have a flavor that makes me want to eat a lot of it. Saying “It’s like licking a volcano.”

11 thoughts to “REVIEW: Doritos Blaze”

  1. I don’t think they smelled like bell peppers, I think they smelled exactly like a jar of pickled jalapenos. I loved them. Super delicious, but way way way too spicy

    1. I entirely agree with you MISGUIDEDMOMMY, normally I agree with The reviewer on a lot of things, but I disagree with them on this one. It was hot as hell, and I love hot foods. But I couldn’t have more than a few of these at a time. They didn’t smell or taste anything like belle peppers, they indeed, had a very strong jalapeno flavor, I dare say, a bit of fruitiness like some of the other super hot peppers, but nothing like a belle pepper.

      I’d give this on spice and flavor, a 9/10 personally. I ate the whole bag, just slowly, cause woo boy, were they hot.

      This is coming from a guy who can have sriracha pepper sauce by the spoonful and not flinch.

  2. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills because I didn’t think these were spicy at all. I’ll agree they tasted bad though. Won’t be buying another bag. I wish they’d bring back the old Third-Degree Burn Doritos from a decade or so ago.

    1. I think there was some spice to it. Definitely more spice than practically any other Doritos, Habanero aside. I think they will be bringing back Habanero this year, but Blaze was a bad start for it. The smell and taste reminded me of ramen soup powder, and a mildy spicy one to me (but I’ve had every pepper and sauce up to Reapers…).

      I’d love more spice, but I know Habanero Doritos will give that to me so I’m patient =].

  3. Boring but then again, most hot-for-hot’s-sake products ultimately are. Since you’ll never see a mainstream product as genuinely “Blaze” hot, you’re left with stuff like this. Random person in the comments agrees with the score.

  4. Disappointing. I found myself dipping them in a combination of several extreme hot sauces, at that point the Dorito itself was just the substance/crunch factor to even out all of the sauce-like consistency.

  5. Just had these today. A guy I was playing Overwatch with online was making a big fuss about how spicy these were, moaning and groaning. He thought they were pretty delicious so I bought some. His spice tolerance was obviously pretty low, but these had a decent kick to them. I don’t think they were half-bad, honestly. But they don’t beat spicy cheetos for flavor.

    I’m seeing a trend in the comments here, those with low spice tolerance think these are scrumptious, hehee.

  6. Yep. I bought a bag, ate some, and threw the rest away. While they are hot, here’s how Frito Lay constructed a worthless Dorito:

    1. They took away the cheese.
    2. They replaced the cheese with SUGAR. Why in the volcano hale did they add sugar? I don’t want a spicy churro.

    They’re just sweethot tortilla chips. Bland and useless. If I had a pepperhead horse, I wouldn’t even crush em in its oatbag. Those calories need to be sacrificed in the volcano in hopes of a truly spicy Dorito with its cheese genes intact and the sugar burned forever in volcano hale.

  7. You sound like a good time. Also who drinks water with spicy food? ALSO who doesn’t automatically think “this must be hot” when reading “it’s like licking a volcano.” You actually sound like you take the piss out of everything. And btw I’ve tried theses Doritos and they’re not spicy at all. A Carolina reaper on the other hand, that’s spicy. Please don’t try to make jokes anymore because you’re not funny.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *