Author: Kayla

REVIEW: Sonic Holiday Mint Blast

Kayla 6 Comments

Even before you have your second round of Thanksgiving leftovers, the flavor of the season changes. Pumpkin makes a graceful exit and peppermint takes over. I’m a pumpkin fan, but how can you not like a flavor that’s able to mask the boozy smell of cheap vodka and settle your stomach after a tray of gingerbread cookies at the office holiday party (or “special” brownies if you’re employed by High Times).

The Sonic Holiday Mint Blast gets into the spirit of the season without having to fight off overweight moms at superstores trying to get the hottest toy of the season, or without having to sit on the lap of a questionable man in a Santa suit. The Sonic Holiday Mint Blast’s color scheme is like a traditional candy cane, however the candy on top of it, which gives it its “holiday personality,” aren’t crushed candy canes, they’re little pieces of Andes Peppermint Crunch.

Although it appears like this dessert isn’t packing a lot of crunchy pieces, it’s what’s inside that counts. Chock-full of candy pieces swirled around delicately flavored peppermint soft serve and whipped topping (I know that sounds like a line of bullshit fast food restaurants use to describe their subpar food, but the Holiday Mint Blast can be described in such a flowery manner), the Holiday Mint Blast is a great treat that tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream.

The “whipped topping” is a little bit too much; the first five spoonfuls are the just the topping and a few crunchy pieces. Even though looking like a candy cane can be festive, I wish they tossed some green in it. Put a dash of food coloring in the mix and BAM it oozes even more holiday spirit. But if you work at the High Times, I’m sure you can add your own green later.

The Sonic Holiday Blast is a deal at $2.99 for a regular, especially for those slightly skinny Santas out there who need to pack on the pounds quickly so they can fill out their red suits. Unfortunately, if it becomes a staple of their diet, they won’t be able to fit into their civilian clothes once the season is over.

(Nutrition Facts – Regular size – 695 calories, 28.7 grams of fat, 20.9 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 62 milligrams of cholesterol, 187 milligrams of sodium, 102 grams of carbohydrates, 93 grams of sugar, 0 grams of fiber, 7 grams of protein, 11% vitamin A, 30% calcium and 6% iron.)

Item: Sonic Holiday Mint Blast
Price: $2.99
Size: Regular
Purchased at: Sonic
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Plenty of wonderful Andes Peppermint Crunch. Peppermint flavor doesn’t get sickening. Oozing holiday spirit. Regular is large enough for two servings.
Cons: Skinny Santas. Loaded with fat, cholesterol, trans fats etc. etc. Green color isn’t added to the mix. Getting work done at the magazine High Times.

REVIEW: Amy’s Ravioli Bowls

Kayla 13 Comments

Nothing beats a home cooked Italian meal. The smell of the sauce simmering, the perfectly cooked al dente pasta and enough garlic to keep a Hot Topic-clad Twilight vampire poser at bay is certainly a premature foodgasm waiting to happen.

When I’m in Philadelphia and away from my mommy (yes, I still call her mommy) and I’ve devoured all of the frozen casseroles of freshly made eggplant and chicken parmesan she so graciously made for me, I pretty much throw myself to the wolves. When I say “wolves” I mean the crazy people that stroll through the aisles at Whole Foods.

I don’t hate Whole Foods; I just don’t like dodging the swarms of hybrid vehicles in the parking lot. Yes, I applaud you for driving an eco-friendly car, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to drive like a total douche. (Side Note: I have yet to see a Hummer at a Whole Foods. I guess they’re too scared to go there because their precious road beast will get pelted with organic, hormone-free eggs.) Despite the high probability of being hit by a Prius, I do head over to Whole Foods because they have the biggest selection of Amy’s Organic frozen meals.

Amy’s always comes out with some great frozen meals that don’t have me questioning my sexual identity when I’m eating one, unlike when I consume Hungry Man dinners. These organic pasta pillows filled with ricotta are really freakin’ good. The sauce, which is made from organic tomatoes, was plentiful and wasn’t too acidic, nor was it really sweet. They reminded me of ravioli that you would order at — dare I say it — Olive Garden. I added a bit of grated Parmesan cheese to the top, but it really didn’t need it since the sauce and ravioli are so damn tasty.

Although Amy’s may appear healthy, since many people associate the word “organic” with something that’s good for them, this is most definitely not health food. If you compare it with a deep fried cheesesteak, then yeah it looks healthy. There is a lot of fat packed in this little bowl; 12 grams of it to be exact (4.5 grams of saturated fat) and it felt like lead in my stomach a minute after I inhaled this meal. Although that could be from not eating anything all day and scarfing down my dinner, so individual results may vary.

It’s really worth the price tag even though you can live off of Banquet Meals for at least four or five days for the same price of one Amy’s Organic Ravioli Bowl. I’m saying “live” loosely here, because I think your quality of life after a few days of feasting from the Red Box of Death might be affected. But in all fairness, if you decide to go all out and splurge and eat Amy’s Organic Ravioli Bowls every day your vital organs will not be thanking you.

However, your taste buds might.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bowl – 380 calories, 12 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 680 milligrams of sodium, 55 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein, 15% vitamin A, 20% calcium, 20% vitamin C and 15% iron.)

Item: Amy’s Ravioli Bowls
Price: $4.39
Size: 1 bowl
Purchased at: Whole Foods
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Excellent quality for a frozen meal. Ravioli are a good size. Organic. Home cooked Italian meals. The free glass of wine at the Olive Garden. Foodgasming.
Cons: Not health food. Douchey hybrid car drivers. Expensive for the size. Living off of Banquet frozen dinners. No Hungry Woman available yet. Premature foodgasming.

REVIEW: Dannon Caramel Yogurt

Kayla 11 Comments

I’m simple when it comes to yogurt, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy plain yogurt. Ugh, just the site of it makes me throw up inside my mouth a little. I’m simple in the way that I don’t need my bacteria infused snack to get fancy on me, like when fruit on the bottom was the “it” thing. I didn’t enjoy that, partly because I’m such a lazy bastard and mixing up the fruit with the yogurt was too much of an effort. Then came drinkable yogurt, which surprised me that there were even lazier bastards out there who believe putting a spoon up to their lips was way too much to work.

Now we have yogurt that helps you become regular, which, again, boggles my mind. I would think Activia would make you stay irregular, because every time you would see the porcelain goddess, you would think about Jamie Lee Curtis’ bowel movement, whether it be pre-Activia Jamie Lee Curtis all bloated and bitchy or post-Activia Jamie Lee Curtis running for a toilet like she just had a feast at Senor Frog’s.

Dannon’s new Caramel Yogurt doesn’t come with a packet of caramel drizzle sauce to put on it (although that would be a good idea). It doesn’t come in a bottle that’s the size of Polly Pocket’s flask, nor does it make promises for helping you drop the kiddies off at the pool, but this old school-style yogurt doesn’t need all of the glitz and glamour. It’s a no nonsense yogurt with a sweet caramel flavor that’s pretty good.

I’m usually a Yoplait Light girl, but I occasionally indulge in a coffee flavored yogurt from Dannon. The only creepy thing about Dannon’s yogurts is the fluid that always just chills on top. I know it’s common with some yogurts, and it’s not a total phobia, but it just weirds me out a bit. Yoplait doesn’t have this phenomenon and it’s much creamier in taste and texture than Dannon’s. Plus, it has fewer calories overall, if you stick to Yoplait Light.

Dannon Caramel Yogurt has 50 more calories than most Yoplait Light varieties, but it struggles in flavor and texture. I guess I could describe Dannon’s taste as more yogurty; it has that bite that Yoplait really doesn’t have and the caramel flavor is very light. It’s almost an essence of caramel, but that doesn’t make it bad, it’s just not a true dessert type yogurt. If you’re calorie conscious and like your yogurt tasting like pudding, I would stick with the Yoplait Light. But if you have an odd fetish with yogurt fluid, I would send you towards the Dannon.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container – 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 350 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein, 0% vitamin A, 0% vitamin C and 25% calcium.)

Item: Dannon Caramel Yogurt
Price: Free
Size: 6 ounces
Purchased at: My Parents’ Refrigerator
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: No-frills yogurt. Knowing that there are lazier people than you. Making fun of Polly Pocket’s drinking problems. Sweet caramel flavor. Anything is better than plain yogurt.
Cons: A bitchy and bloated Jamie Lee Curtis. Flavor is very faint. Jamie Lee Curtis with chronic diarrhea. No caramel drizzle packet. Yogurt fluid.

REVIEW: Hostess Sno Balls B.O.B. Cakes

Kayla 12 Comments

I love when brands team up with whatever children’s movie that was recently released on the big screen or on DVD to create a product like the Hostess’ B.O.B Cakes. Usually when this happens, snack food companies create some minimal variation of a tried and true product to make kids pull at their mother’s apron strings mom jeans and beg for them.

Hostess B.O.B. Cakes follow that formula exactly. Basically, it’s a Sno Ball with different packaging and in a different color; it even admits that on the box. However, I fell for it. No, it wasn’t because I loved Seth Rogen’s character in Monsters vs. Aliens. I didn’t even see it. It’s simply because this was a blue Sno Ball; a blue ball, if you will, and I couldn’t pass up buying a product clearly marketed towards children that would be tarnished by the dirty mind of a 22-year-old female with the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy.

I have to give props to Hostess (and Drake’s who was captured by the corporate clutches of Hostess…that greedy yet tasty bitch) for the lovely names they gave their snacks back in the day. Apparently there was a time when asking for a HoHo got you a chocolate cream snack cake instead of a venereal disease-ridden woman who wears lime green booty shorts everyday because they’re the lucky shorts she wore when she tested 30 men to see if any of them were the father of her baby on Maury (Spoiler alert: none of them were). During that same time period, saying you were craving a Ding Dong didn’t mean you were jonesing to go to that new Asian gay bar.

The B.O.B. is a cream injected chocolate cake that’s covered in fluffy marshmallow, then coated in coconut and then dyed in a food coloring that looks like it could turn your stool into the color of a Smurf. It’s been a long time since I had a Sno Ball, and I almost forgot what they taste like. But when I put that blue ball into my mouth, the memories came back. Maybe it was because of the instant sugar rush I got from the first bite. I guess 23 grams of sugar will do that to you.

Is it really necessary to jam cream inside of a cake that is covered in a heaping amount of marshmallow?

Yes, because the cream is what brings it all together and paired with the marshmallow and coconut, the taste is simply marvelous.

Oh, who am I kidding?

After the first couple of bites you feel like you could be foaming out of the mouth, but it’s tasty, and the coconut isn’t choky like most products with shredded coconut.

You can find Sno Balls at most locations where food that will eventually make you BFFs with Wilford Brimley is sold. Currently, Sno Balls can been found in white, pink, blue and, if you check the Halloween clearance shelves, orange (which are called Glo Balls). Personally, if I did have balls, I’d rather have blue balls than ones that glow.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Cake – 180 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 23 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 4% iron.)

Item: Hostess Sno Balls B.O.B. Cakes
Price: $2.50
Size: 6 cakes
Purchased at: Wally World
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasty, like all other Sno Balls. The names Hostess gives its products. Coconut flavor isn’t overwhelming. Not having to experience blue balls, Wilford Brimley
Cons: High in sugar. Mom jeans. Smurf-colored stool. Cream injected chocolate cake. Balls that glow. Diabetes.

REVIEW: Quaker True Delights Dark Chocolate Raspberry Almond Granola Bars

Kayla 11 Comments

I could call many things in life delightful, but then I would sound like a snooty woman who comes from old money and has never worked a damn day in her life A crisp autumn breeze is delightful. A properly poured pint of Guinness is delightful. The chance for a certain baseball team to bring home the bacon two years in a row is delightful. But to call a granola bar delightful, that’s just pushing it.

I feel bad for granola bars, even though they’re the whores of the snack food world. All they want is to be loved and enjoyed; instead they’re used as substitutes for what we really want. People, including myself, generally have an “Eh, I guess I’ll have a granola bar to tie me over until I have REAL food” attitude when it comes to the slutty snack that prostitutes its way from children’s lunch bags to the desk drawers of CEOs who had to abandon their three martini lunches because of the economy.

The Quaker True Delights Dark Chocolate Raspberry Almond Granola Bar is trying to be the Pretty Woman of the snack bar world. Dressed in its sexy black wrapper (a.k.a little black dress), it appears to be better than your run-of-the-mill granola bar that you can find slutting it up everywhere. My mother (and every “Very Special Episode” 1980’s sitcom) told me that the inside of a person, or in this case, a granola bar is what matters.

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the inside is just like any other granola bar. However, I wouldn’t totally dismiss it. This classy beauty wasn’t like her co-worker, Quaker Chewy bar, because she didn’t skimp on the good stuff like chocolate and nuts. In fact, she was chock full of nice semi-sweet dark chocolate chunks and crunchy almonds. Of course, the raspberry flavoring wasn’t that strong, but if you’ve read any of my reviews that include pseudo raspberry flavoring, I’m always bitching about that.

The bar was tasty, but you can find heartier granola bars, like the Nature Valley Trail Mix for less cash. Paying $3.49 for a box of five bars that each weigh a slim 1.2 ounces isn’t worth it. It’s pretty bad when the picture on the box says “enlarged illustration” and even that isn’t big. (Good thing they don’t show “enlarged illustrations” on bottles of Viagra)

These petite bars are good, but one won’t even satisfy mediocre hunger pains that always hit at around three in the afternoon. So what’s the point of getting a high class hooker granola bar that’s more expensive when it won’t even curb your need for something to keep your stomach from growling to the beat of the next annoying Black Eyed Peas single?

Where’s the delight in that?

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 140 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% vitamin C and 4% iron.)

Item: Quaker True Delights Dark Chocolate Raspberry Almond Granola Bars
Price: $3.49
Size: Box of 5
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Black wrapper adds a classy touch to a whorey snack. Dark chocolate tastes good. A lot of almonds. Adds more variety to the granola bar category. The Phillies.
Cons: Having to settle for a granola bar. Small size. Lack of a strong raspberry taste. Using the word “delight” inappropriately.