Author: Kayla

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Grape Coolatta

Kayla 12 Comments

We are smack dab in the dog days of summer.

I always wanted to know why they called them that. Maybe it’s because when it’s almost 100 degrees and the humidity is thicker than a Shamrock Shake (and sometimes the same color if you’re in an urban area) humans tend to stick out their tongues like canines (or 30-year-old virgins watching Megan Fox do anything) to alleviate excess heat from their bodies. I actually don’t know if this is true, because I’ve never seen anyone who is considered mentally stable do it in public. However, in the privacy of their home it might be different.

If you do pant like a dog, perhaps you might want to try the new Dunkin’ Donuts Grape Coolatta flavor to help bring your body temperature to a level that doesn’t require an ice bath or a cold water wet t-shirt contest. Sadly, to TIB readers not from the East Coast, these flavors are unavailable since Dunkin’ always stays true to their roots and test markets new products in their backyard, but even though these flavors are allegedly available where I’m from, they are harder to find than Painite.

I went to five DD’s (you would think that’s a lot, but not when they’re on every single damn street) to try and find this slushy beverage. The first three sold out, and the fourth didn’t get their shipment of, I guess, the sugary syrup. When I reached the last Dunkin’ Donuts, I was very parched, and when I asked if they had the new flavors, I almost thought I was suffering from the heat which was melting my brain when the Dunkin’ Donuts employee said through a muffled speaker, “Yes, (mumble) we (mumble) Grape Coolatta.”

I finally had my frozen concoction in my possession. The color was a nice deep purple, which looked bold in DD’s clear cups. Then the moment had arrived, the moment that I was waiting for. I sucked on that straw, it hit my lips, then my taste buds….and it tasted just like a grape ice pop.

Not a total let down, not a total shocker, but there was some disappointment. I will sound like someone’s 80-year-old grandmother who used to chew on melted tar, because they couldn’t afford Big Red, when I say this, but you can purchase a huge bag of those double popsicles (or Siamese Ice Pops for you politically incorrect people) for the price of one medium or large Grape Coolatta.

Oh, it’s not the consistency you want? Take them off of the stick and dump the ice pops in the blender. Bingo. Grape Coolatta.

As a fan of the other Coolattas (Coffee, the newly resurrected Vanilla Bean and the Tropicana Orange), I’m confused why they picked grape to be a new flavor. If they were going with the ice pop motif, you would want to go with the most popular flavor — cherry.

Grape ice pops are good, but they’ve always been the last picked in my freezer and when we would get Fla-Vor-Ice at school on hot days. Maybe Dunkin’ felt bad about this. Every dog has his day, even if it’s one that’s hot as an aging biker chick with a lower back tattoo. Wait, that isn’t hot at all. Actually, that’s kind of gross.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – 240 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber and 58 grams of sugar.)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Grape Coolatta
Price: $2.99 (price may vary depending on location)
Size: 16 ounces (small)
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Cools you off on a hot day. Double ice pops. Dunkin’ Donuts around every corner in my area. Stays cold for a long time. Vanilla Bean is back.
Cons: Too expensive for what it actually is. Tastes like plain old grape ice pops. Old people saying the phrase “When I was a kid.” Only available for a limited time in a limited area. No Cherry Coolatta. Every calorie coming from sugar. Aging biker chicks with lower back tattoos.

REVIEW: Rita’s Swedish Fish Italian Ice

Kayla 37 Comments

The country of Sweden is known for many things, like disco songs about dancing queens who are jailbait, safe cars, oddly shaped furniture and, according to every single porno and Spike TV’s MANswers, easy, big-boobed blonde chicks.

However, to American children Sweden is known for its candied fish (and maybe the easy, big-boobed blonde chicks, thanks to issues of Penthouse). Unlike the country of Sweden, Swedish Fish are diverse and come in several flavors like lime, lemon, Salmiak purple and the iconic red. Apparently, nobody can identify what flavors red and purple are since they are unique to the candy. Swedish Fish are pretty much wine gums.

I fell in love with this type of candy over ten years ago during a vacation to Europe. Being eleven, I thought there was actual wine in these chewy candies. So, of course, when I brought them back and gave some to my friends, we acted “buzzed.” When I later found out there wasn’t any booze in them, I of course didn’t tell my friends, who continued to act like miniature Courtney Loves.

I can now relive those days thanks to Rita’s new Swedish Fish Italian Ice.

When I go to Rita’s, I usually get my standard mint chocolate chip, cherry, chocolate or mango treat, but the other day while walking in a rainstorm to get some (I will brave the elements for Rita) I saw a sign for the new flavor and I just wanted to get on my knees and thank whoever came up with this heavenly concoction. Of course, I didn’t actually do that, but even if I did, it wouldn’t be the craziest thing to see in Center City, Philadelphia. It’s nothing compared to seeing the 250 pound cross-dresser with a blonde wig and a R.I.P Dale Earnhardt tattoo.

As you can tell, if you’re not colored blind, the Rita’s Swedish Fish Italian Ice is the red flavor. If you’re wondering what the hell Italian Ice is, it’s slush or whatever you may call it in your respected region of the globe. I apologize in advance if you have never tasted what I call, “The Nectar of the Gods.” After trying it, I swear to you, life became a little bit brighter, I could hear angels singing sweet songs and my tongue was pretty much saying, “MORE! MORE! MORE!”

It’s THAT good.

The Swedish Fish Italian Ice tastes exactly like the candy. There is no denying that it’s Swedish Fish flavored. In fact, it’s better than the candy because the texture and coldness really brings out the flavor. I’m a fan of the Slurpee, but their flavors (with the exception of Pepsi and Coca-Cola) tend to only resemble the actual flavor.

Like all Rita’s Italian Ices, the Swedish Fish flavor comes in three sizes — kids, regular and large — and I’m sad that I only got a regular, because it’s THAT good. I also suggest if you’re near a Rita’s location, try this flavor ASAP, because unlike the songs of ABBA, it will be around for only a limited time.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 regular cup – 320 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 35 milligrams of sodium, 80 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 77 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 2% calcium and 2% vitamin C.)

Item: Rita’s Swedish Fish Italian Ice
Price: $2.60 (varies by location)
Size: Regular Size
Purchased at: Rita’s
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Tastes exactly like red Swedish Fish. Fat free. Texture and temperature makes it taste better than the actual candy. Sweden’s many great contributions to the world of low priced furniture, safe automobiles, disco anthems and easy women. Having a Rita’s location within walking distance to get my fix.
Cons: Only available for a limited time. Swedish stereotypes. Disco songs that get stuck in my head. Rita’s isn’t available everywhere. Salmiak-flavored Swedish Fish is not available in America.

REVIEW: Herr’s Natural Kettle Cooked Sundried Tomato Pesto Potato Chips

Kayla 15 Comments

The potato chip is the kingpin in the world of greasy, salty, and lip smacking-good snack foods that are currently on the FBI’s Most Wanted List since there’s a “War on Childhood Obesity.” Of course, our friends on Capitol Hill are trying to put an end to delicious snacks in schools, because the fat kid is now the morbidly obese kid who had a special about him on TLC, as well as a tear-jerking episode on Dr. Phil.

Herr’s (and some of the potato chip big boys) is trying to shed the stigma of the standard potato chip. The stereotypical scene of an overweight man, wearing a tight undershirt with several unidentified stains, sitting on an equally stained couch with one hand on the remote and the other in his jumbo-sized bag of potato chips comes to mind when thinking about the classic snack food, but slap the word “natural” on them, you’re speaking to an entirely different demographic.

Besides having a name longer than the line at the Cheesecake Factory, Herr’s Natural Kettle Cooked Sundried Tomato Pesto is a very crunchy, tasty snack. If you’re a fan of kettle cooked chips (being a native New Englander I was practically raised on Cape Cod Chips, and I didn’t turn into the fat kid, so you can suck it health food lobbyists), and live in an area where Herr’s is available I suggest you pick up a bag of any of their kettle chips, because they are all good, but the Sundried Tomato Pesto are exceptionally good; like slap your momma and say “Wham Bam Thank Ya Ma’am” good (I suggest you do NOT do that to your mother and I suggest you don’t “word” her either, because she will think you’re lame, especially if you’re still wearing Zubaz and have your eyebrows trimmed like Vanilla Ice circa 1991).

The chips are perfectly crunchy, but not like chomping on glass like how some brands of kettle chips are. There’s not really a sundried tomato taste to them, which I personally didn’t mind since I did buy them for the pesto aspect, and I was very pleased with the pesto flavor they provided.

Like all bags of snacks, half of the bag was pumped with air, which left me with less chips than desired, but the amount was perfect to pair alongside a nice sandwich on herb bread.

Herr’s Natural Kettle Cooked Sundried Tomato Pesto may not be as exotic as some of the flavors Kettle Chips pops out with, like Yogurt & Green Onion, but they hold their own, and since they are natural, they don’t have to hide from the feds.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce (about 13 chips) – 140 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 300 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% iron.)

Item: Herr’s Natural Kettle Cooked Sundried Tomato Pesto Potato Chips
Price: 99 cents
Size: 2.125 oz (60.2 g)
Purchased at: Wawa
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Kettle cooked, but doesn’t feel like chewing on glass. No preservatives. Nice herb taste. Low in saturated fat compared to other chips. A mother making fun of her 35-year-old son who still wears Zubaz. TLC shows that have nothing to do with Jon, Kate or the number eight.
Cons: Small size. The new generation not knowing the word moderation. Not available in all areas. People who still say “Word to your mother” in serious conversations. Can’t taste tomato in them. Vanilla Ice’s facial grooming habits in the early 90’s.

REVIEW: Orbit Positively Pomegranate Gum

Kayla 10 Comments

Pomegranate used to be one of those foods that pretentious, health conscious people in intellectual, or gourmet culinary, circles used to brag about at art auctions or fundraising benefits for obscure diseases. Now, it seems that pomegranate is that indie band who sold out by signing with a major label and having their Top 40 single remixed by T-Pain (which was also re-remixed by Kidz Bop).

Everything is coming pomegranate flavored, including ice cream, lip balm, alcoholic beverages, cereals, condoms and personal lubricants. Well, the last two I’m not too sure if they do come in pomegranate, but if I find them in my product expeditions, I will let you know.

I know I’m going to sound like one of those assholes that say they were fans of a band “before they got popular,” but I’ve been enjoying pomegranate since I was a wee little thing. Of course, my mother didn’t call them pomegranates; they were Indian apples (or Southeast Asian apples if you want to be politically correct). They were so beautiful that I would consume each seed individually, because they were like little rubies. I would also run my hands through all of the seeds and pretend I was a billionaire heiress counting her jewels (Hmm…maybe that’s something I should tell my future therapist). But now that pomegranate is the “it” fruit, more people are consuming pomegranate “flavored” items and not tasting the real McCoy.

Orbit Positively Pomegranate does not taste like the real McCoy, because it’s artificially flavored, of course. When has something artificial tasted or felt better than the real thing?

Wait…maybe I won’t go there.

The gum has a strong texture to it, but I find that a lot with Orbit Gum, it’s not hard per se, but if you can’t chew it, it might be time to admit defeat, let go of your pride and buy a pack of Freedent. I can best describe the gum as having a generic fruity gum flavor; it’s tasty, but you can’t really distinguish much of it. As for Positively Pomegranate’s stamina, it needs some help from those little blue pills, topical creams or whatever gum uses to boost up flavor longevity.

It’s really odd, but I found after chewing it for about two hours I developed a sore throat, which has never happened before with gum. It’s still tasty, but is it worth the throat discomfort that lasts longer than the gum’s flavor? Probably not. Of course, this was my personal experience; and like weight loss commercials that air after Taco Bell ads showing burritos in all of their beefy, cheesy glory, individual results may vary.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Orbit Positively Pomegranate Gum
Price: $1.49
Size: 14 pieces
Purchased at: Wawa
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Nice fruity flavor. Good chewing texture. The irony of fast food ads followed by weight loss commercials. Sugar free. Being ahead of the curve and not being an asshole about it.
Cons: Flavor isn’t really pomegranate. Gives sore throats, if chewed on for a long time. Pretentious people who make it clear that they are ahead of the curve. Indie bands who sell out. Kidz Bop albums. That weird Orbit chick in the commercials.

REVIEW: M&M’s Premiums Raspberry Almond

Kayla 21 Comments

Chocolate is one of those things that people either gorge on or enjoy a little piece once in awhile. I fall into the latter. I have friends who obsess over chocolate. Of course, they are all female, because as marketing dictates to us, chocolate is generally for women (with the exception of Yorkie in the UK which prides itself on being NOT for girls). Names like Bliss and Fling (which, by the way, has a site pumps out more estrogen than The View and they call their chocolate “fingers” — use your imagination) allude to the sexy, flirty nature that apparently my fellow sisters act like under the influence of chocolate (and sometimes appletinis). The folks at M&M’s/Mars have jumped on the bandwagon with their new line of “premium” chocolate.

I love chocolate and raspberry. It’s probably my favorite classic combination, besides steak and potatoes; dingoes and babies; and NASCAR and drunk rednecks shameless corporate sponsorships. However, I don’t like just any chocolate uniting with raspberry. It should be just dark chocolate, but unfortunately the M&M’s Premiums Raspberry Almond says that there’s raspberry flavored white chocolate and SOME dark chocolatey goodness in it (their website also tells you to enjoy them while you have your afternoon pedicure, because you know we all get those every day),

The M&M’s Premiums Raspberry Almond have a really cool metallic shell that’s eye catching if you’re the type of person who puts candy out in crystal bowls for your lovely guests, but I think that might be the only premium thing about them. The chocolate is good (if you like white chocolate and a light dark chocolate taste), but I can’t really call it premium. The size of the individual pieces aren’t even larger than the standard M&M’s with Almonds (which are getting harder and harder to find), but I guess that’s the folks at M&M’s/Mars saying, “You gals need to keep your figures slim.”

When opening the box, and the little baggie they come in, you get a huge whiff of artificial raspberry goodness, but when popped into the mouth, the raspberry flavor wears off rather quickly. It’s similar to the Fruit Stripe Gum conundrum; where you’re excited by the smell and you get that burst of flavor, but then it vanishes, like 80% of the people who were on American Idol. For the price, there’s a heck of a lot more choices to satisfy a chocolate craving, including great European chocolates from Lindt (those truffle balls are bangin’) and Toblerone, both of which are in the same price range as the M&M’s Premiums.

And a note to all chocolate manufactures: Just because it’s pink and has a cute name or package, we are not going to buy it. We will buy chocolate purely on the idea that it is chocolate.

(Nutrition Facts – 1.5 oz (about ¼ cup) – 240 calories, 17 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 6% calcium and 6% iron.)

Item: M&M’s Premiums Raspberry Almond
Price: $4.99
Size: 6 ounce
Purchased at: CVS
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Aesthetically pleasing for fancy candy dishes. Nice raspberry scent. Being able to get away with innuendo in marketing. Fresh almonds.
Cons: Way too expensive for what you get. Flavor isn’t that strong. Overuse of the word premium. No green ones to make you horny.