REVIEW: Burger King Angus Bacon & Cheese Steak Burger

Burger King Angus Bacon & Cheese Steak Burger

Honestly, there’s something slightly wrong with eating a burger whose name is a dropped letter “g” away from being called something that’s a part of my own ass.

I actually tried the original Angus Steak Burger when it first came out and I really didn’t think much of it. However, due to the influx of annoying Angus Diet advertisements I felt compelled to try it again, hoping it would please the Advertising Gods and make those commercials go away. Unfortunately, my theory didn’t work.

I think if I ate a heart attack’s worth of Angus Steak Burgers, only then would I be able to get away from those damn commercials, unless heaven has basic cable.

So what exactly is Anus…I mean Angus beef? What makes it so special?

Apparently, only 8 percent of the beef in the United States can be considered Angus beef. It’s known for it outstanding juiciness, tenderness, and flavor. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find out if the Angus beef comes from the ass of a cow, since I think that’s how Angus got its name.

Enough with the slaughterhouse lesson, let’s talk about the rest of the burger which consists of fire-grilled onions, cap leaf lettuce, red ripe tomatoes, freshly toasted corn-dusted buns, signature steak sauce, juicy bacon, and slightly melted cheese.

I don’t know whose signature is on the steak sauce, but they should definitely erase their signature, because this peppery sauce isn’t very good. Not as peppery as the Salt and Pepper Pringles Potato Chips, but it doesn’t add much to the burger. Besides, if the Angus beef is so damn good, why add some weak sauce to cover it?

Despite the sauce, the Angus Bacon and Cheese Steak Burger isn’t a bad burger. It’s big and thick, like all burgers should be and the Angus beef is actually pretty tasty, when the sauce doesn’t get in the way. The burger is kind of pricey, but I guess if you’re getting beef that consists of only 8 percent of all the beef in the U.S., there should be a premium on it.

Then again, should there really be a premium on a burger that I might accidentally (or purposely) order as the Anus Steak Burger.

Item: Burger King Angus Bacon and Cheese Steak Burger
Purchase Price: $5.39 (Value Meal)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Big, thick burger. Angus beef.
Cons: Signature steak sauce isn’t very good. A little expensive. I wish they would change the name, because I don’t like the images of shaking cow butts in my head.

REVIEW: Mountain Dew Pitch Black

pitchblack

Sometimes it sucks having The Impulsive Buy Laboratory on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Why?

(1) Can’t jump into The Impulsive Buy Mobile and take a long road trip, unless we want to circle the island a few times. (2) We sometimes get new products slightly later than everyone else.

This was the case with the new Limited Edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black.

Kelly, an occasional Impulsive Buy reader, asked us if we had a chance to try the new variation of Mountain Dew. We told her no and she immediately started rubbing that fact into our face.

The taunting started with emails that contained lines like, “Nanny, nanny. Boo, boo. No Pitch Black for you.” Later she started emailing us pictures of her drinking Pitch Black. Then she sent us a picture of her standing in front of a refrigerated case stocked with Pitch Black and giving us the finger. That was the last straw and we frantically attempted to find some, but we couldn’t find any.

This taunting went on for a week. Finally, the national convenience store chain down the street got their stock of Pitch Black.

After trying it, it was time for our revenge on Kelly, which involved rolls of toilet paper and rotten raw eggs. Unfortunately, she lives in the state of Washington. So we can add one more reason why it sometimes sucks having The Impulsive Buy Laboratory in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

(3) Can’t get revenge on those who live in the Continental United States.

As for the Mountain Dew Pitch Black, it’s pretty good, now that we finally got to try it.

What makes it black is the blast of black grape, which also makes it grapey. (Holy crap! “Grapey” is an actual word! We thought we were making up a new word.) It was good to drink a grape soda again, because it’s been awhile since anyone of us drank one. (Does anyone even make grape sodas?)

We feel Pitch Black is just as good as the other Mountain Dew flavors, like LiveWire, Code Red, and the original Mountain Dew. Or maybe that’s the caffeine talking.

There are two disappointing things about the soda. One, is the fact that Pitch Black really isn’t black. If you look at it in the light, you will see it really is purple or plum-colored, if you will. And, two, Mountain Dew Pitch Black will only be around until Halloween. So get yours now.

Item: Limited Edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black
Purchase Price: $0.99
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Good grape taste. Same amount of caffeine goodness as regular Mountain Dew.
Cons: Not really pitch black, more like purple. Wish it wasn’t limited edition. Wasted a good carton of eggs. At least we can still use the toilet paper.

REVIEW: A Grammar Book For You And I…Oops, Me!

Grammar Book

Despite my English degree, which I got from an accredited four-year university located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, my grammar sucks.

However, when people hear I have an English degree they automatically think I’m a grammar guru and spelling bee champion and they would journey from offices as far away as down the hall to get access to my supposedly vast knowledge of English grammar.

Unfortunately, I’m not a grammar guru or a spelling bee champion, but I feel it’s my obligation as a holder of an English degree to fake it. However, I don’t know if I can fake it much longer, because the questions they ask are getting harder.

So I decided to buy A Grammar Book For You And I…Oops, Me! by Edward Good from the number one online superstore, because it looked like a book that will help me gain vast amounts of English grammar in a portable package. Okay, a 430-page paperback book isn’t the most portable thing, but it sure beats the 921-page hardcover Chicago Manual of Style.

One of the things I like about A Grammar Book For You And I…Oops, Me! is that it’s a book that can be read from cover to cover or used as a reference book.

This is unlike the Chicago Manual of Style, which is definitely a reference book. Anyone who reads the Chicago Manual of Style from cover to cover has too much time on their hands, is a full blown grammar geek, needs to get a life, is not getting enough television, and will never get laid.

Grammar is not the most interesting subject to read about.

It’s definitely below Snaps books. (Yo mamma is so fat that when they gotta catch people out of a burning building the fire fighters grab her arms and legs and use her to catch them. Oh, snap!)

However, the author’s style of writing and his humor made it easier to go through each chapter filled with complex words, like transitive, predicate, conjugated, adverbial, interjections, participal, antecedents, and etc.

It took me six months to finish the book and I feel like I’ve learned a lot.

Actually, I read the first four chapters five months ago and then finished the book recently. I forgot what I learned in the first four chapters, which were kind of important to understand the rest of the book, but like knowing nouns, adjectives, and verbs are really important in grammar.

Like I said before, A Grammar Book For You An I…Oops, Me! is also a great reference book, so instead of rereading the whole book, I’ll just look through the table of contents to find what I’m looking for.

Just like in college, when I used Cliff Notes to study Shakespeare’s Hamlet, because I didn’t read an iota of it.

Item: A Grammar Book For You And I…Oops, Me!
Purchase Price: $17.95
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Author’s style and humor made it a fun read. Also makes a great reference book.
Cons: Would confuse a certain President of the United States because of the book’s use of three-syllable words.

REVIEW: Ice Breakers Liquid Ice

Liquid Ice

Erin, a loyal Impulsive Buy reader / stalker / groupie, sent me an email asking if I was going to do a review on the Ice Breakers Liquid Ice. I told her that I would, but I wasn’t able to find any. I didn’t find it at the national grocery store chain or at the national convenience store chain I shop at. I emailed her back and told her about my dilemma.

She sent me another email and told me she would send some from Seattle.

Wow! Who would have thought running a quasi-review website would actually land me free stuff?

So the package with the Ice Breakers Liquid Ice came to The Impulsive Buy Laboratories the other day and the first thing I noticed was how small the Liquid Ice were. They were these tiny blue balls and when you suck on them, they eventually burst and all the liquid minty goodness comes out.

The problem with the blue balls is that if you suck on them it takes awhile for the goodness to come out and that can be damn frustrating. However, if you lightly bite the blue balls, things happen much quicker.

When the blue balls finally burst, it was pretty disappointing, despite all the pent up blue balls excitement I had. In my opinion, sucking on something else will get you better results, perhaps an Altoids or a breath strip.

You know how Altoids and breath strips seem to clear your nasal passages when you suck on them, I didn’t get this feeling with the Liquid Ice.

Also, the minty flavor from the Liquid Ice doesn’t seem to last very long in my mouth compared to its competitors.

Now some of you may be wondering, if the blue balls melt in your mouth, does it melt in your hand? Well I decided to figure that out with help from The Impulsive Buy Intern.

So I put two blue balls in the intern’s hand, so the intern could just hold them and get a feel for them. After a couple of minutes, nothing happened. I then told the intern to gently roll around the two blue balls with both hands. For a while nothing happened, so I told the intern to roll the blue balls a little faster and seconds later they burst, spraying its goodness into the intern’s hands and some on the intern’s blue lab coat.

I think the Ice Breakers Liquid Ice is a clever idea. It is definitely something different than the usual mints and breath strips. However, if you want fresh breath that lasts, mints and breath strips will do a much better job.

I guess the tiny blue balls left me a little frustrated.


Item: Ice Breakers Liquid Ice
Purchase Price: $1.77
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Compact packaging. Clever concept. Tiny blue balls.
Cons: Not much of a minty punch compared to mints and breath strips.

REVIEW: Oral-B Brush-Ups

Oral-B Brush Ups

Ever brush your teeth with your finger?

I have several times after waking up next to some girl I don’t even know and let me tell you, it really doesn’t work very well. You end up with toothpaste under your nail and you don’t get consistent toothpaste foaming. Sure I could use the girl’s toothbrush, but I don’t know where her mouth has been. Okay, I know where her mouth was several hours ago, but before that, I don’t know.

Thank oral hygiene for Oral-B Brush-Ups, which could eliminate those uncomfortable situations.

Oral-B calls their Brush-Ups “textured teeth wipes,” which are used to clean teeth and freshen breath. Don’t we have too many ways to freshen our breath? Let’s see, there’s gum, mints, and breath strips. Now we have teeth wipes. I think we’ve reached the point where we need another breath freshener, like we need another hole in our head or another Bush in office.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just pop a mint or chew some gum?

I guess it might be good for those people who brush their teeth at work and are afraid that co-workers might mess with their toothbrush in ways that I could only imagine in my demented, evil head.

So how to they work?

Each Brush-Up is individually wrapped and basically it’s a sleeve that you slide over your finger. The textured side has all the minty goodness, while the opposite side is where you slide your finger. I had some trouble getting it on my pointer finger, which isn’t very big. So if you’ve got big fingers, you might have trouble putting it on.

After sliding it on, I began to wipe my teeth, gums, and tongue, like they suggest on the package. While wiping my teeth, it brought back memories of all those nights with strange women I don’t even remember the names of. Well I’m sure they don’t remember mine, or they chose to forget.

When I was done, I just threw it away, like the phone numbers of those nameless women. Oral-B claims that a special moisture shield helps keep fingers dry, but my finger did get quite moist.

To be honest, the Brush-Ups made my mouth feel like they’ve been sort of brushed. I have a minty taste in my mouth, but I think if you wanted to freshen your breath, some gum, a mint, or a breath strip will do a much better job.

I wouldn’t recommend the Oral-B Brush-Ups to be a replacement for regular brushing. However, they do come in handy in certain situation, like waking up in the apartment of some girl I met less than eight hours ago.

Item: Oral-B Brush-Ups
Purchase Price: $3.49 (12 pack)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Clever idea. Perfect for those times when you wake up at some strange girl’s place.
Cons: If you want to freshen your breath it’s easier to chew gum or pop a mint or breath strip in your mouth. If you have big fingers, you’re going to have a big problem getting a Brush-Ups on.

Pepsi Edge / Coke C2

Pepsi Edge/C2

Here at The Impulsive Buy we like to push the envelope and do things no other quasi-review website has ever done.

Today we will be doing TWO reviews in ONE review. It’s like buying one and getting one free or two for the price of one. Of course you’re not paying for anything, but you get the idea. We came up with the idea from the national grocery store chain we shop at, which has various buy one and get one free offers. So yeah, we copied them.

What are you going to do about it?

Speaking of copying, our reviews today will pit the two top cola companies in the world, who constantly seem to copy each other, Coke and Pepsi. Think about it: Caffeine-Free Pepsi and Caffeine-Free Coke. Cherry Coke and Wild Cherry Pepsi. Vanilla Coke and Pepsi Vanilla. Pepsi Twist and Coke With Lemon. Crystal Pepsi and whatever Coke was creating, just in case Crystal Pepsi actually caught on.

This time around they’re trying to cash in on the latest low-carb craze. Introducing Pepsi Edge and Coke C2. Okay I’m making like these just came out, but as we all know, they’ve been around for a few months.

We were going to compare the two to see which tastes better, but we felt that it wouldn’t serve our reading audience of seven people, because some people prefer Coke over Pepsi and visa versa. Instead we decided to focus the review on each company’s claim that these reduced carbs and sugar colas taste similar to their big brothers.

Because The Impulsive Buy isn’t funded by some federal government grant, we could only buy one 20-ounce bottle of Pepsi Edge, Coke C2, regular Pepsi, and regular Coke from the national convenience store chain down the street.

When we got back to The Impulsive Buy Laboratories, we split the soda evenly among the reviewers. Unfortunately, in the laboratory there weren’t enough cups, so we ended up using whatever was around: measuring cups, beakers, test tubes, and a ladle.

We all chugged the Pepsi first. One of the reviewers actually swirled it around like it was a glass of wine and smelled it.

It’s a damn cola in a fricken’ beaker, it doesn’t need to breathe!

Then we all drank the Pepsi Edge. Another reviewer swirled it around and smelled it, just like the first reviewer.

Oh come on! Why would you WANT to smell the cola? The fizz might get up in your nose.

Next was the Coke. The third reviewer followed the other two and swirled it around and smelled it.

I give up!

Finally, we got to the Coke C2 and I just followed everyone else and swirled it around and smelled it.

Like it made a fricken’ difference!

At least they didn’t spit it out.

After the tasting, all of the reviewers agreed that Coke C2 tastes much closer to regular Coke than Pepsi Edge is to Pepsi. However, nothing can beat the sweet, sweet, succulent, sugary taste of original Coke and Pepsi.

Also, some of the reviewers feel that Pepsi Edge is more on the edge of being Pepsi One than regular Pepsi.


Item: Pepsi Edge / Coke C2
Purchase Price: Pepsi Edge – $1.29 / Coke C2 – $0.99
Rating: Pepsi Edge (3 out of 5) / Coke C2 (4 out of 5)
Pros: Less carbs plus less sugar equals less hyperactivity.
Cons: Less carbs plus less sugar equals less taste.