Category: Reviews

REVIEW: Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn

Matt 3 Comments

Brach's S'mores Candy Corn

Halloween is right around the corner…if you consider “right around the corner” synonymous with “weeks from now.”

I’ve never been one to come up with a crazy costume idea for Halloween, but this year is going to be different. Instead of donning my traditional “Who Farted?” shirt, my forty-nine friends and I had planned on wearing grayscale jumpsuits of varying intensities. (We were going to be Fifty Shades of Grey.) Then I realized I don’t have forty-nine friends, so I’ve decided to wear no costume at all. (Literally, no costume. I’m going as one of the models in the music video for Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines.)

I like to hand out candy to trick-or-treaters based on the creativity and originality of their costumes. Last year, I gave king-sized Dove chocolate bars to six middle schoolers dressed as the Village People. Every child that showed up as Psy from Gangnam Style went home with a handful of candy corn, raisins, and pennies.

I spent this morning browsing the aisles at my local Rite Aid in hopes of replenishing my supply of crappy candies. (Shopping seventy-nine days in advance provides ample time for them to become stale.) Next to the Smarties and Bit-O-Honey, I spotted a bag of Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn. Could the addition of s’mores flavoring bring forth a new era of acceptance for this polarizing candy? I had to know! I swiftly grabbed a bag and hurried back home to taste the goods.

As I opened the bag, I instantly noticed the pungent aroma of candy corn wafting through the air. Unlike the traditional variety, the scent of these s’mores flavored candy corn is tinged with the fragrance of chocolate.

Brach's S'mores Candy Corn Closeup

Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn comes in the standard shape and size of traditional candy corn. Each candy kernel features three colors: a brown base, a white center, and an orange tip. I assume the brown represents the chocolate flavor, the white represents the marshmallow, and the orange represents…the graham cracker? C’mon, Brach’s. I know that’s the original orange candy corn dye you’re using. Fess up.

Texturally, s’mores candy corn possesses the same waxy form and consistency as its traditional counterpart. When eaten whole, the candy features a sugary chocolate taste strongly reminiscent of chocolate cake frosting. However, chocolate is largely the only flavor experienced; any marshmallow and graham cracker flavors present in the candy corn are imperceptible to the tongue. Nevertheless, the chocolate quality is palatable and sugary sweet in all the right ways.

Hoping to better discern the fusion of flavors, I decided to experience the color components of the s’mores candy corn individually. As expected, the brown section tastes strongly of the aforementioned chocolate cake frosting. In comparison, the white section has a more subtle sweetness with a creamier quality, but its flavor profile lacks any resemblance to marshmallow. Sadly, the orange tip failed to impress with its dearth of flavor, tasting merely of generic sugar.

Unfortunately, Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn suffers from the same fatal flaw that plagues traditional candy corn: eating more than five pieces in a short period of time is disagreeable. Consuming excess amounts of s’mores candy corn leaves a strange scratchy sensation in the back of the throat. Therefore, it’s best not to binge eat this candy corn.

Despite its failure to provide a suitable imitation s’mores flavor, I found Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn to be a unique and satisfying take on traditional candy corn. In moderation, its sugary chocolate flavor was pleasing to the taste buds. Those who bitterly loathe candy corn might be somewhat disappointed in Brach’s product, but I highly recommend s’mores candy corn as a tasty deviation from the norm during the upcoming Halloween season.

Happy Halloween, weeks in advance.

(Nutrition Facts – 19 pieces – 140 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 28 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn
Purchased Price: $1.69
Size: 9 oz. bag
Purchased at: Rite Aid
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Palatable chocolate flavor. Same candy corn texture. Unique deviation from the norm. Halloween, seventy-nine days in advance.
Cons: Marshmallows and graham cracker flavors are imperceptible. Provide scratchy sensation in throat. Way too many kids dressed as Psy.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich

Marvo 3 Comments

Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich

Jack in the Box’s latest slogan is, “Go Big or Go Hungry.” And they’ve supported it with sandwiches like Jack’s Big Stack and Waffle Stack. The big heads at Jack in the Box also brought back their Really Big Chicken Sandwich and introduced the new BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich.

But I’m a 5’7″ Asian man who once played 3-on-3 basketball with five other guys who were all at least six inches taller than me and six times as skilled as me, so I think I’ve got a good idea of what would be considered “really big.” And I have to say that I don’t believe the Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich is really big.

Now I could spend an entire review complaining about the sandwich’s size, but I already poured a large glass of whine when I reviewed the original Really Big Chicken Sandwich. So what else can I complain about?

I could complain about the use of grilled onions instead of onion rings, the somewhat conservative spreading of BBQ sauce, the decision to use the predictable American cheese, the lack of crunch from the chicken patties, the lack of crispiness from the bacon, the 2,019 milligrams of sodium, and the bun that looks toasted, but doesn’t feel toasted. But instead of listing my complaints in a comma-filled, 57-word sentence, I’m going to say the Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich is really good.

Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich BBQ sauce

What makes this sandwich, as the kids like to say, yummy in my tummy is the BBQ sauce, bacon, and onion combination. After tasting it, I have to say I’m glad onion rings weren’t included because the grilled onions give it an onion flavor that’s not chompblocked by deep fried batter. The BBQ sauce is sweet and tangy, but kind of generic tasting. However, the onions and the smokiness from the bacon enhance the sauce. There’s also enough sauce on the top and bottom buns to give the sandwich flavor, but not so much sauce that you find yourself wanting to celebrate Arbor Day early for all the napkins you used to clean yourself.

Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich Innards

The edges of the chicken patties were crispy, but everything else not so much. The two chicken patties were a bit dry and aren’t very meaty, but they are flavorful. The two slices of cheese seem like overkill. I understand the need for one slice because something should be the glue that keeps the patties from sliding around. But even with the second slice, its flavor is cloaked by the other toppings. A thin slice of cheese also doesn’t help make the sandwich appear “really big.”

Oh crap, I’m complaining about trivial stuff.

Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich Box

Well, before I start complaining about more stuff, I have to say the packaging your BBQ Really Big Sandwich comes in is correct, Jack in the box. Thanks to the BBQ sauce, onions, and bacon, it really is clucking delicious.

(Nutrition Facts – 727 calories, 345 calories from fat, 38 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 83 milligrams of cholesterol, 2019 milligrams of sodium, 502 milligrams of potassium, 63 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich
Purchased Price: $4.99 (small combo)*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Clucking delicious. Bacon, BBQ sauce, and onion topping combo makes this sandwich taste really good. Flavorful chicken patties with crispy edges. Part of a cheap limited-time-only combo. Putting the word “clucking” on packaging to replace the word “fucking.”
Cons: Not really really big. Thinking that it needs onion rings. Contains almost a day’s worth of sodium. Other toppings overwhelm the cheese’s flavor. Playing basketball with players who are much better than you.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I pay more for stuff than you probably will.

REVIEW: Frito Lay Cheetos x Pepsi Shuwa Shuwa Cola Corn Snack (Pepsi-Flavored Cheetos)

Steve 11 Comments

Pepsi-flavored Cheetos 1

In 1818, Mary Shelley publishes Frankenstein, arguably the world’s first science fiction novel. It tells the harrowing tale of Victor Frankenstein, a single-minded student of science driven to ruin by his obsession with bestowing life on inanimate matter.

In the 1990 documentary RoboCop 2, director Irvin Kershner leads us on an exploration of the science of transferring human consciousness into deadly law enforcement robots. We quickly discover the dangers of such a procedure, as multiple test subjects commit suicide after finding themselves forever trapped in their mechanical bodies.

In 1994’s Jurassic Park, noted chaotician Dr. Ian Malcolm sums up the fears of late twentieth century society when commenting on the science of an island resort filled with genetically resurrected dinosaurs, saying, “your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

Time after time we are warned against charging recklessly into the untamed wilderness of science and technology, yet even in the last few years we find ourselves with peanut butter and jelly vodka, cronuts, Doritos Locos Tacos, Cherry Coke, and pizzas with hot dogs in the crust. These aren’t dinosaurs or robots. These are things we put willingly into our bodies.

So today I publish this review not so much as a review but as a mile marker for future historians to look to when our inevitable self-destruction finally occurs.

These Pepsi-flavored Cheetos are the latest food hybrid to spit in the eye of Mother Nature. They are from Japan.

Pepsi-flavored Cheetos 3

The nosegrope upon opening the bag gave me pause. I immediately identified something very close to flat cola. Flat Pepsi? I dunno. My nose palate is not so refined. Something else was there in equal measure and it took me a moment to realize that the aroma was the same given off by powdered cinnamon donuts. You know, the Entenmann’s ones in the three pack with powdered sugar and plain.

Pepsi-flavored Cheetos 4

In these snacks the cheese powder has been replaced with a cola powder that is disturbingly not brown. The first sensation, which I did not expect, was a very acidic bite. It’s very citrusy, almost sour. And it hits hard. It tries to capture the citrus notes of Pepsi, but it’s over the top. Too lemony. The sweeter cola flavor is there but it’s subtler and overpowered by the intense citrus. The flavors are very distinct and don’t really ever mesh well together. But they do linger in the mouth for quite a while to leave you with a weird, marginally accurate, if lemony, Pepsi aftertaste. The corn puff tastes like it should. It doesn’t do a lot besides acting as a vehicle, which is good because there is already a lot going on.

Pepsi-flavored Cheetos 2

Oh, did I mention these also fizz a little?! Yea! Not like crazy Pop Rocks fizzing, but there is some definite popping and crackling. It’s all about attention to detail, guys. I tip my hat to Frito-Lay for that one.

Overall, this is a pretty accurate flavor recreation. It’s an impressive effort to be sure. That said, I don’t like them. I could only get through a few of them. They’ve got a lot going on and are kind of intense. A few tweaks to the levels of citrus and cola and these could be passable.

These wouldn’t be in my top 100 dream flavor what-ifs, but I’m glad they exist. They either point to a futuristic flavor-fusion utopia in which anything is possible or an apocalyptic hell place where cyborg velociraptors chew our faces off with laser teeth.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 414 kcal, 24.8 grams of fat, 614 milligrams of sodium, 44.6 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Frito Lay Cheetos x Pepsi Shuwa Shuwa Cola Corn Snack
Purchased Price: $3.99 (plus shipping)
Size: 75 gram bag
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Pepsi-ish. A for effort. Fizzing snacks. Science.
Cons: Lingering aftertaste. Lemon. robot dinosaurs.

REVIEW: Popeyes Chicken Waffle Tenders

Jasper 4 Comments

Popeyes Chicken Waffle Tenders

Living in New York, I’ve watched firsthand fried chicken get gentrified. Over the last few years yuppies and foodies and rich people have been trying to perfect fried chicken.

It’s akin to making the best mafia movie or writing the consummate coming-of-age novel or creating the perfect sports moment when, in this very world, there already exists The Godfather II, The Catcher in the Rye, and The Mark Sanchez Buttfumble, respectively. Why pay $100 for the Momofuku fried chicken when you could get on the L train and get a bucket of Popeyes, the perfect fried chicken, for one-tenth the price? (For the record, I have tried the Momofuku fried chicken dinner – feel free to skip it.)

I’m glad to see Popeyes is reclaiming the fried chicken media spotlight with a brand new product. Thankfully they’re making no claims on improving their already perfect fried chicken; Popeye’s is clearly just unveiling the new Chicken Waffle Tenders to try and capitalize on the recent chicken & waffles flavor craze. Their chicken breast strips are marinated in the regular mix of spices before being battered and fried in a “waffle-style coating”. I already like the chicken tenders on Popeyes everyday menu, so I was excited to taste their latest limited time item.

Popeyes Chicken Waffle Tenders Comparison

A coworker joined me in my recent foray to Popeyes, as I figured his British accent and sensibilities might add additional snark to the already snarky process of review writing. Our combo meals came with three Waffle Tenders, along with a biscuit, small side, fountain drink, and cup of honey maple dipping sauce. A Waffle Tender was noticeably darker in color and oilier in texture compared to the regular tender I bought as a point of comparison, though both had the same delicious, but depressing smell of fast food grease (I’m sure they came out of the same fryer).

Popeyes Chicken Waffle Tenders Innards

As for taste, the Waffle Tenders were really quite good. The meat was moist and well-seasoned, and pieces with concentrated areas of batter had a faint but distinctive sweet, yeasty flavor. While regular Popeyes tenders tend to taper off at each end, resulting in dry and almost too-crunchy parts of chicken, the waffle ones had more uniformity in the width of the meat, so they were consistent in their moistness and crunchiness.

I also enjoyed the Honey Maple dipping sauce. For some reason I had expected something with a mustard base, but the sauce was thick with the consistency and color of actual honey. The dipping sauce was sweet without approaching saccharine and even added a touch of tanginess to the proceedings.

What about the opinion of my cheeky coworker? He claimed, “It was like eating a sponge filled with grease, but in a very good way.” He had a point – the Waffle Tenders were clearly greasier than the regular ones, and I felt a little sick after eating all three.

Still, it’s something of a silly complaint since no one goes to Popeyes expecting to down a healthy meal that soothes an upset stomach. If that’s what you’re expecting us to review, maybe you should go start your own quasi-review website. (FYI, thedeliberateandsensiblebuy.com is available for $10.99 on GoDaddy.) Stay away from the gentrified fried chicken places, get down to your local Popeyes, and try the Chicken Waffle Tenders as soon as you can.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on Popeyes’ website.)

Other Popeyes Chicken Waffle Tenders reviews:
Grub Grade
Brand Eating
Thrillist

Item: Popeyes Chicken Waffle Tenders
Purchased Price: $5.99 (for 3 piece combo)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Popeyes
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Meat was tasty and well-seasoned, with consistent moistness and crunchiness. Sweet, yeasty flavor occasionally shone through. Honey Maple dipping sauce was sweet and tangy. Waffle Tenders combo meal is a great deal. Mark Sanchez jokes. British snarkiness. Everything at Momofuku except for the fried chicken.
Cons: Really greasy. You’ll probably get a stomachache. Gentrification of fried chicken. Being a Jets fan. Forcing your coworkers to go to Popeyes. Thedeliberateandsensiblebuy.com.

QUICK REVIEW: Weight Watchers Smart Ones Smart Creations Chicken Fajitas

Marvo 1 Comment

Weight Watchers Smart Ones Smart Creations Chicken Fajitas

Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: 8 oz
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: It may not look like it, but there’s enough chicken, peppers, and onions to more than stuff the two tortillas. Tortillas are easy to bite through (I thought they were going to be tough after being microwaved). Adding beans and rice to the fajita gives them a little more flavor. Good source of fiber (thanks red beans). Doesn’t sizzle and draw attention to your table like Chili’s fajitas do.
Cons: Slightly bland fajitas. Rice and beans have a slightly weird buttery flavor. Chicken should’ve been marinated. Tortillas make my hands look huge.. Soggy, sad vegetables with no crunch. Not that filling.

Nutrition Facts: 290 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 580 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 16 grams of protein, 20% vitamin A, 10% calcium, 25% vitamin C, and 10% iron.