Category: Reviews

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND – Grape Nuts Fit, Crystal Light Liquid Pomtini, Monster Energy Ultra Blue

Marvo 3 Comments

Here are some quick reviews of new-ish products we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Post Grape-Nuts Cranberry Vanilla Fit Cereal

Item: Post Grape-Nuts Cranberry Vanilla Fit Cereal
Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 19.2 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting with the cranberries. Good source of fiber. Lots of dried cranberries. Fortified with vitamins and minerals. According to the front of the box, it appears to be awesome for high school cross country runners.
Cons: Bland without cranberries (but that’s not going to happen too often). Could use more protein. Puffed barley gets soggy super quick in milk. Not really sweet for something that has 9 grams of sugar. It has vanilla?
Nutrition Facts: 2/3 cup (w/o milk) – 220 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 210 milligrams of potassium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 30 grams of other carbohydrates, 6 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.
Other reviews: Breakfast Bowl, Mr. Breakfast

Crystal Light Liquid Pomtini

Item: Crystal Light Liquid Pomtini
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 1.62 fl oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant sweet pomegranate flavor with a slight sourness at the end. Makes plain ol’ boring water taste much better. One bottle makes 24 8-ounce servings. Zero calories. Designated drivers can make their waters or club sodas taste better.
Cons: It’s definitely got the “pom” part, but lacks the “tini”. Leaves a weird coating in my mouth for a few moments. If you hate propylene glycol, you’re not going to like this. Artificial sweeteners are more noticeable as the water gets warmer.
Nutrition Facts: 1/24 bottle – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein.

Monster Energy Ultra Blue

Item: Monster Ultra Blue Energy Drink
Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 16 oz.
Purchased at: CVS
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful sweet raspberry flavor. The feel of the textured can. 140 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per can. Easy to drink. Zero sugar and calories. Monster Energy’s ability to make wonderful zero calorie energy drinks. If you despise aspartame, this energy drink doesn’t have any.
Cons: Stroking the textured can too much. May not contain aspartame, but it probably does contain other ingredients I shouldn’t consume in large quantities. Perhaps too easy to drink.
Nutrition Facts: 8 oz. – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% niacin, 100% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B12, and 100% pantothenic acid.
Other reviews: Drink What, RecapHub

REVIEW: Limited Edition Strawberries n’ Creme Oreo

Adam 5 Comments

Limited Edition Strawberries n' Creme Oreo

I was going to start my Limited Edition Strawberries n’ Creme Oreos review with an astute observation regarding how many Oreo varieties TIB has reviewed over the past nine years. That was until I lost count somewhere between 20 and 25 while looking through the blog archives, and starting wondering if I should include bastardized Oreo siblings like the Fudge Cremes or Oreo Brownies.

So in the interest of utmost accuracy, I’ll just ballpark the number of Oreo variants  as more than the Duggars have kids and less than the amount of NCAA Division I football teams, while also mentioning that, for the most part, we’ve liked the Oreos we’ve tried over these last nine years. Including, I should add, two Oreo flavors that on first inspection don’t seem too different than these new Oreos — Strawberry Milkshake and Berry Burst Oreo cookies.

How a strawberries n’ cream is supposed to differ from a strawberry milkshake is a matter of semantics and temperature, I guess. But it being May and the whole world is filled with reminders about why I should buy my mom a chocolate-dipped strawberry for Mother’s Day, perhaps the flavor makes sense given the increasing regularity of Limited Edition Oreo variants. Personally, I’m all for combining holidays with Oreo flavors, just as long as those holiday-themed Oreo cookies don’t include Gefilte fish Oreo cookies for Passover.

The aroma of each Strawberries n’ Creme Oreo borders somewhere between the cloying Oops! All Berries smell and that of the classically mellow chocolate wafer cookie we all love so much.

Limited Edition Strawberries n' Creme Oreo Topless

Unlike regular Oreo cookies, the wafer portion detaches from the creme with little effort, displaying a smooth filling that’s roughly 70 percent strawberry creme and 30 percent, uh, creme. Maybe it’s just me, but it I swear there’s been some kind of ingredient change in Oreo creme over the last few years which has yielded a more frosting-like filling, and these are no exception. The filling is a bit oily on the tongue, although nowhere as oily as Mel Kiper’s hair, and it doesn’t have the little specks that the Berry Burst Oreo cookies (or actual strawberries) do.

Limited Edition Strawberries n' Creme Oreo Creme Curling

As for the taste, the strawberry portion tastes like raspastrawberry. Yes, that’s right, raspastrawberry. Not the ambiguous berry flavor of a Crunch Berry nor the somewhat blackberryish flavor of Buffalo’s finest Loganberry, the frosting-like filling straddles the line somewhere between the two most iconic red berries. It’s not really tart, nor does it have a distinct richness of cream that strawberries dipped in whipped cream have, but it does generally taste like strawberries. But it also tastes like a dull raspberry. So yes, it tastes like raspastrawberry frosting.

Unfortunately there isn’t much of that summer day strawberries n’ cream effect that conjures up images of Memorial Day cookouts with just-picked berries and fresh whipped cream. Instead, the effect is more like clearance February Walmart strawberries with Cool Whip. Actually, there’s not even a faux whipped cream flavor at all here, with a single lick of both fillings tasting exactly like a mild strawberry frosting. It’s not bad, but then again, it’s not strawberries n’ cream.

Limited Edition Strawberries n' Creme Oreo Closeup

The good news for purists is that the berry flavor doesn’t overwhelm the chocolate of the cookie, and instead plays a supporting role in a pleasant strawberry-ish and chocolate taste that comes together with the crunchy cookie. Like all Double Stuf Oreo varieties, it’s that contrast of smooth creme and crunchy chocolate shell which makes these cookies worth it. Actually, now that I think about it, the flavor is more chocolate-dipped strawberry than strawberry n’ cream.

Make no mistake about it, these Limited Edition Strawberries n’ Creme Oreo cookies don’t really take like strawberries and whipped cream, and they definitely don’t strike me as the kind of limited edition cookie to stock up on. But any time you combine frosting with a crunchy cookie shell, one can only go so wrong.

I’ve stuffed, double stuffed, and even mega stuffed more Oreo varieties than I can count, and these are far from the disaster some flavors have been. Just don’t try passing them off as an actual Mother’s Day present, because I’m fairly sure the woman who gave me life will expect more than the latest shiny snack on the Walmart shelf when it comes to me saying thanks.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 95 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Strawberries n’ Creme Oreo
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 15.25 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Not just a rehashing of Berry Burst Oreo. Strawberry flavor is discernible, albeit in a hybrid raspastrawberry way. Filling doesn’t overwhelm the chocolate cookie flavor. Creme is smooth and not gritty. No trans fat. More potassium than regular Oreo.
Cons: Strawberry flavor is muted, and “creme” element lacks the rich taste of actual strawberries in whipped cream. Attempting to differentiate between crème, cream, creme. Nothing special in the realm of two dozen or so Oreo varieties. Not a proper Mother’s Day gift.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Spicy Beef Nacho Hot Pockets

Marvo 3 Comments

Limited Edition Spicy Beef Nacho Hot Pockets

As someone whose stomach has had the pleasure and pain of experiencing many different varieties of Hot Pockets, the new Limited Edition Spicy Beef Nacho Hot Pockets tasted like a meat and cheese cocoon that the fine folks over at Nestle had released before.

After spending more time than anyone should on the Hot Pockets website, looking through the varieties like they were perps in a mugshot book, I realized this limited edition Hot Pocket didn’t taste like a previous regular Hot Pocket, it kind of tasted like these Fiesta Nacho Hot Pockets Snackers.

It’s not surprising since the bite-sized Snackers with its taco seasoned beef, Mexican-style cheese sauce, and jalapeños in a tortilla style crust looks on paper very similar to the spicy beef, reduced fat mozzarella, jalapeño peppers, onions, cheddar sauce, and seasoned crust that make up this limited edition Hot Pocket. It would’ve been cool if the meat and cheese cocoon also had tortilla chips inside of it, but I don’t know if frozen food technology has advanced to the point where it can keep chips crunchy in a Hot Pocket.

Limited Edition Spicy Beef Nacho Hot Pockets Crust

As the pocket got hot in my microwave, it made my kitchen smell like jalapeños, which got me thinking that these Hot Pockets were going to be spicy. They were, but not five-alarm spicy. It was more like a two-alarm spicy that instantly smacked my tongue around like I was making out with a first time French kisser. For me, water was unnecessary.

So instead of having the word “spicy” on fire on the front of the box, perhaps the letter I should’ve been a lit match, because it definitely wasn’t word-on-fire spicy. And while I’m talking graphic design, the word “spicy” is on fire, the word “beef” looks like it was branded, but nothing was done with the word “nacho” beyond some gradients. Come on, Hot Pockets graphic designer! Couldn’t you have made it look like cheese was dripping from it?

Limited Edition Spicy Beef Nacho Hot Pockets Innards

Speaking of cheese, why does this nacho-flavored Hot Pocket highlight mozzarella? The cheese isn’t what I would consider nacho-ey. But after spending more time than anyone should reading the ingredient label on a Hot Pockets box, I did also learn it has some cheddar, Monterey jack, parmesan, and swiss cheeses. Maybe having more cheddar would’ve helped the cheeses stand out because they get overwhelmed by the jalapeños and the almost too salty ground beef.

Overall, Limited Edition Spicy Beef Nacho Hot Pocket’s flavor was good, thanks to the jalapeños, but not amazing. The only thing that was completely amazing about Limited Edition Spicy Beef Nacho Hot Pocket was how its contents didn’t ooze out from the slightly crunchy crust while being microwaved, which, again, as someone whose stomach has had the pleasure and pain of experiencing many different varieties of Hot Pockets, I can say is a very rare occurrence.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pocket – 260 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 15% calcium, and 15% iron.)

*made with partially hydrogenated oils

Item: Limited Edition Spicy Beef Nacho Hot Pockets
Purchased Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Size: 2 sandwiches
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Nice jalapeño flavor. Innards didn’t ooze out while being microwaved. Slightly crunchy crust. Made my kitchen smell like jalapeños.
Cons: Beef was almost too salty. Not really a creative flavor. Cheese gets lost among the jalapeño and beef. Mozzarella being highlighted in a nacho Hot Pocket. No tortilla chips inside the Hot Pocket. Playing armchair graphic designer.

REVIEW: Nabisco Sea Salt & Black Pepper Brown Rice Triscuit

Drew 13 Comments

Nabisco Sea Salt & Black Pepper Brown Rice Triscuit

Not to frighten those of you who grew up on Pokemon instead of He-Man, but your thirty-somethings will really creep up on you.

One day you’re going out drinking on work nights, then coming home and five-starring some Guitar Hero before bed. Next thing you know you’ve got muscle cramps from your adult kickball league, you can’t remember the last video game you played that wasn’t on your cell phone, and you’ve officially become the guy who reviews crackers.

Crackers! What happened to you, man? You used to be… well, not cool. Kind of cool.

But if you’re going to be dragged forcibly into the middle third of your life, might as well embrace it, right? Start wearing that baseball cap forward. Get bacon OR cheese on your burger, not both. Let your wife finally get that minivan she’s been coveting. (Only kidding, dear. We’re not doing that.) But at the same time, if you find yourself looking at a grocery store shelf full of brown rice Triscuits, well… at least get one with a little flavor to it. If you’ve got to get old, be Mick Jagger, not Gene Simmons.

This brings us to Nabisco Sea Salt & Black Pepper Brown Rice Triscuit. The front of the box tells you all you need to know about the demographic they’re shooting for: there are no dinosaurs with sunglasses or randomly slanted words, and surprisingly few explosions. Just a nondescript brown base that gradually lightens into a burnt umber and eventually orange near the top, with a bright yellow glowing orb that most of us call “Almighty Ra” or “Mr. Sun.” Below it, two bowls: one filled with black pepper, the other grains of salt. A single image of a cracker. And that’s it. You want a spokesanimal or rainbow-colored letters? Fuck you, these crackers are for adults. Leave the kiddie crap at home.

The back isn’t much more interesting, filled with imagery meant to convince your subconscious that these are wholesome and good for you: rice, a few stalks of grain, some red beans, and what I initially thought were slices of bread until the text clarified them as sweet potatoes. One side of the box suggests topping the crackers with ricotta cheese and fresh strawberries, but overplays its hand by promising this will “thrill” your guests. Nice try…stick with “mildly enthuse” and I might buy what you’re peddling, Nabisco. The other side is just the nutritional info, which isn’t bad (130 calories from 9 crackers), although the total fat is a bit more than I would have guessed, 7 percent of your recommended daily intake.

Nabisco Sea Salt & Black Pepper Brown Rice Triscuit Closeup

I know this will disappoint those of you hoping for another round of great crackers, but like my beloved Phillies this year, it isn’t going to happen. And the reason is that (like the Phils), these crackers boast a certain amount of potential but just don’t make it happen in execution. Remove one from the box and you become mildly hopeful — it mostly looks like a standard Triscuit, but there’s a slight glaze reminiscent of melted butter (Spoiler! It isn’t), as well as visible pepper flakes in little enclaves around the cracker. Turn it back and forth under a light source and you can even see the glint of salt crystals, although don’t do it when anyone’s around because seriously, you look like a tool.

Take a bite, though, and you’ll remember why no one has ever come close to being excited about the combination of brown rice and crackers: these are dry as hell. They ARE crunchy, it has to be said, but have a drink with you at all times. And not just because of the salt, which is present in reasonable quantities, though it does vary some from cracker to cracker; that’s understandable, though. The pepper flavor is distinct and probably the best thing about the crackers — it’s plentiful enough to savor without overwhelming your palate.

That said, it’s still fighting a losing battle against the dryness and the texture of the crackers. And while the sodium level isn’t bad, they aren’t reduced fat or anything that might mitigate your feelings slightly like that. Sad to say, the sea salt and black pepper are both mildly pleasant, but not magic. They can enhance a steak, but ultimately, they just aren’t enough to make these crackers exciting.

(Nutrition Facts – 6 crackers – 130 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of total fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Sea Salt & Black Pepper Brown Rice Triscuit
Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 9 oz.
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Crunchy. Salt and pepper are both plentiful and reasonably tasty. 2008 Phillies. Pretty favorable sodium and (especially) cholesterol levels.
Cons: Quite dry, and after the crunch, not a great texture. 2013 Phillies. Does not move like Jagger. Not much excitement. Embracing your thirties.

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND – Pepperidge Farm Dark Chocolate Cheesecake, ID Light Mocha Iced Coffee, Outshine Coconut Waters Banana

Marvo 1 Comment

Here are some quick reviews of new-ish products we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Pepperidge Farm Dessert Shop Dark Chocolate Cheesecake

Item: Pepperidge Farm Dessert Shop Dark Chocolate Cheesecake
Purchased Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Size: 8.6 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent number of cream cheese drops and dark chocolate chunks. It’s new. It’s a cookie.
Cons: Lacks strong cheesecake flavor. Cookie falls apart easily. Kind of lacks chocolate flavor too. Did I mention the cookie falls apart easily? One cookie provides almost a quarter of your daily intake for saturated fat.
Nutrition Facts: 1 cookie – 160 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.
Other reviews: Junk Food Guy, Brand Eating

International Delight Mocha Iced Coffee Light

Item: International Delight Light Mocha Iced Coffee
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: Half gallon
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like chocolate milk made with Hershey’s syrup, which I liked. 1/3 fewer calories than regular International Delight Iced Coffee. Has around 40 percent less sugar than regular ID iced coffee. Contains 56 milligrams of caffeine.
Cons: If you like the flavor of coffee, you probably won’t like this because the coffee flavor is masked very well. Thinner than regular ID Iced Coffee. If you dislike artificial sweeteners, it has sucralose and ace K.
Nutrition Facts: 1 cup – 100 calories, 25 calories from fat, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and 10% calcium.

Dreyer's Outshine Coconut Waters with Banana

Item: Dreyer’s Outshine Coconut Waters with Banana
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 6 bars
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful flavor. Nice balance of coconut and banana. Easy to bite through. No fat. Decent source of vitamin C. Made with coconut water and banana puree. Sooo awesome to eat on a muggy day here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Cons: Don’t get much flavor when licking or sucking on it. Despite it containing bananas, there’s no potassium listed on the nutrition label. The sadness that sets in after finishing one on a muggy day.
Nutrition Facts: 1 bar – 60 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 20% vitamin C.