NEWS: Kellogg’s Releases Two Non-Ice Cream Related Pop-Tarts Flavors

New Pop-Tarts (Cherry Turnover & Wild Strawberry)

If Kellogg’s ever stops releasing new Pop-Tarts, I will be upset. I will get down on my knees, raise my hands towards the sky, let tears fall from my cheeks, and ask a higher power — the manager at my local supermarket — “Why!?!” It would upset me because Pop-Tarts, and my desire to forget about an ex-girlfriend, inspired me to start up this blog that clogs the arteries of the internet with reviews of foods you should always eat in moderation.

But, it looks like the Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts train is still rolling with their new Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts and Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Strawberry Pop-Tarts.

Oh, in case you were wondering, Kellogg’s owns the Wildlicious trademark, so I would suggest not using it as a stripper name.

According to the Kellogg’s website, the Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts consists of “golden, buttery crust surrounding cherry turnover flavored filling with a drizzle of white icing on top.” While the Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Strawberry Pop-Tarts are made with Pop-Tarts’ classic crust, filled with a strawberry filling with a tangy twist, and topped with bright pink icing, light pink icing drizzle, and green sprinkles.

One Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tart has 190 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 220 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

A Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Strawberry Pop-Tart has 200 caloires, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Both flavors are fortified with nine vitamins and minerals and available in boxes of eight.

NEWS: IHOP at HOME Lets Me Enjoy IHOP Without Having To Put On Pants

IHOP

One of my dreams in life is to invite one person from every ethnicity I can find to a party at IHOP. Because if I’m able to make my dream come true, it will be the only time an IHOP restaurant would truly be considered international. But if I’m not able to make that happen because of IHOP being upset at the previous sentence, then I guess I’m going to have to settle for inviting one person from every ethnicity, preparing a bunch of the new IHOP at HOME frozen breakfast meals, and serving them to my melting pot of guests outside of an IHOP restaurant.

According to the press release I received, IHOP is the first national restaurant brand to bring breakfast items to the freezer shelves. So suck it, Denny!

The new IHOP at HOME line are now available at more than 3,000 Walmart locations throughout the United States. So suck it, Canada!

IHOP at HOME frozen dishes won’t be available at IHOP restaurants. So suck it, IHOP restaurants!

They can be prepared either in the microwave or conventional ovens. So suck it, barbeque grills and stove tops!

The IHOP at HOME lineup consists of:

Omelet Crispers: scrambled eggs, potatoes and a choice of cheddar cheese, cheddar cheese and sausage, or cheddar cheese and bacon in a crispy coating. They come in boxes of four and have anywhere from 210-240 calories, 12-14 grams of fat, 4-4.5 grams of saturated fat, 560-930 milligrams of sodium, and 8-11 grams of protein.

French Toast Stuffed Pastries: French toast pastries filled with either strawberry, sweet cream cheese, apple and cinnamon, or strawberry cream cheese filling. They are packaged in boxes of six and have anywhere from 170-210 calories, 6-9 grams of fat, 1-3.5 grams of saturated fat, 240-270 milligrams of sodium, and 3-4 grams of protein.

Griddle n’ Sausage Wrap: a breakfast sausage covered in buttermilk pancake batter with a hint of maple syrup. Comes in boxes of eight and have 160 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 220 milligrams of sodium, and 4 grams of protein.

NEWS: If The Mayan Calendar Is Wrong, Lemon Meringue Twinkies Are In Your Future

Homemade Lemon Meringue Pie2

Earlier this year, Hostess had Twinkie fans vote for the next Twinkie flavor. And, while they were voting, Hostess introduced the next Twinkie flavors, Chocolate Creme and Strawberry & Creme. So, technically, fans got to vote for the next next next Twinkie flavor.

Anyhoo, Lemon Meringue was victorious in that flavor election, capturing 35 percent of the vote. Raspberry Tart was runner-up with 33 percent, while Cookies n Creme and Blueberry Pie had 18 percent and 12 percent, respectively.

So get ready Twinkies fans for Lemon Meringue Twinkies…in 2012. Yes, in seven months or so you’ll get to enjoy these new Twinkies, which, when released, will be available for a limited time. Although, if the Mayan calendar is correct and the world ends, forget what I said in the previous sentence.

NEWS: Goldfish Sandwich Bread Totally Freaks Me Out

365.163 - Smile!

Why do Goldfish crackers smile?

I’ve always wondered this because their smiles freaks me out as much as clowns do.

They have no reason to smile, because I’m going to crush their fragile cracker bodies with my teeth, then let their mangled, saliva soaked bodies travel through my digestive system, and then I’m going to poop them out of my body. How can a Goldfish smile knowing that fate?

So if tiny smiling Goldfish crackers freak me out, I believe I’ll have nightmares forever if I come face to face with the new Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Sandwich Bread. Yes, bread shaped like smiling Goldfish crackers.

They’ve been available for several weeks and come in packs of eight in either white or whole wheat. The freaky crust-free bread has 120 calories, 3 gram of fiber, and 18 grams of whole grains per serving. They also don’t contain high fructose corn syrup. Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Sandwich Bread has a suggested retail price of $3.49.

Source: Crown Combo

NEWS: Kraft Jet-Puffed StackerMallows To Make It Easier To Build A S’more Big Mac

Stackermallows on shelf

If I learned anything during my time in the Boy Scouts it’s that camping sucks, latrines smell, mosquitos love my blood, and I’ll probably be killed by a baby deer if I’m ever lost in the wilderness. But not everything I learned in Boy Scouts was negative, I also learned how to make mean s’mores. If there was a s’more making merit badge, I would’ve earned it.

Although, my days of three finger salutes, square knots, and roasting marshmallows over a campfire using a stick are behind me, it’s good to hear s’more technology has advanced with the new Kraft Jet-Puffed StackerMallows, which are flat, thin rectangular marshmallows that can be placed into s’mores like a slice of cheese.

Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps StackerMallows, which comes in 8-ounces packages, aren’t ideal for making s’mores next to the campfire. Regular marshmallows have a cylindrical shape, which makes it easy to poke a stick through, so that it can be toasted over a campfire. On the other hand, the flat, thin shape of the StackerMallows might make that hard to do, unless you earned your sewing merit badge that gave you the skills to thread through things.

NEWS: New Ritz Crackerfuls Flavors Go Multigrain, But Still Aren’t At All Ritzy

Ritz Multigrain Garden Vegetable Crackerfuls

I’m not a fan of Ritz Crackerfuls, because I think they’re gigantic, glorified rectangle Ritz Bits, but it seems they’re popular enough that Nabisco felt the need to quell the desires of Ritz Crackerfuls lovers everywhere by making two new varieties, Multigrain Sharp Cheddar and Multigrain Garden Vegetable.

Garden Vegetable? Pray tell, what garden vegetables do they contain?

Well, if you love dried red bell peppers, dried green bell peppers, and dried carrots, you’re going to enjoy the Multigrain Garden Vegetable Ritz Crackerfuls. Eating one may not give you a serving of vegetables, but if you’re someone who doesn’t eat any vegetables, it’s something.

Both varieties of Multigrain Ritz Crackerfuls have 130 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 210 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, and 2 grams of protein. Both also use partially hydrogenated oils. Multigrain Ritz Crackerfuls are available now and come in a box of six.