NEWS: Goldfish Sandwich Bread Totally Freaks Me Out

365.163 - Smile!

Why do Goldfish crackers smile?

I’ve always wondered this because their smiles freaks me out as much as clowns do.

They have no reason to smile, because I’m going to crush their fragile cracker bodies with my teeth, then let their mangled, saliva soaked bodies travel through my digestive system, and then I’m going to poop them out of my body. How can a Goldfish smile knowing that fate?

So if tiny smiling Goldfish crackers freak me out, I believe I’ll have nightmares forever if I come face to face with the new Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Sandwich Bread. Yes, bread shaped like smiling Goldfish crackers.

They’ve been available for several weeks and come in packs of eight in either white or whole wheat. The freaky crust-free bread has 120 calories, 3 gram of fiber, and 18 grams of whole grains per serving. They also don’t contain high fructose corn syrup. Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Sandwich Bread has a suggested retail price of $3.49.

Source: Crown Combo

NEWS: Kraft Jet-Puffed StackerMallows To Make It Easier To Build A S’more Big Mac

Stackermallows on shelf

If I learned anything during my time in the Boy Scouts it’s that camping sucks, latrines smell, mosquitos love my blood, and I’ll probably be killed by a baby deer if I’m ever lost in the wilderness. But not everything I learned in Boy Scouts was negative, I also learned how to make mean s’mores. If there was a s’more making merit badge, I would’ve earned it.

Although, my days of three finger salutes, square knots, and roasting marshmallows over a campfire using a stick are behind me, it’s good to hear s’more technology has advanced with the new Kraft Jet-Puffed StackerMallows, which are flat, thin rectangular marshmallows that can be placed into s’mores like a slice of cheese.

Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps StackerMallows, which comes in 8-ounces packages, aren’t ideal for making s’mores next to the campfire. Regular marshmallows have a cylindrical shape, which makes it easy to poke a stick through, so that it can be toasted over a campfire. On the other hand, the flat, thin shape of the StackerMallows might make that hard to do, unless you earned your sewing merit badge that gave you the skills to thread through things.

NEWS: New Ritz Crackerfuls Flavors Go Multigrain, But Still Aren’t At All Ritzy

Ritz Multigrain Garden Vegetable Crackerfuls

I’m not a fan of Ritz Crackerfuls, because I think they’re gigantic, glorified rectangle Ritz Bits, but it seems they’re popular enough that Nabisco felt the need to quell the desires of Ritz Crackerfuls lovers everywhere by making two new varieties, Multigrain Sharp Cheddar and Multigrain Garden Vegetable.

Garden Vegetable? Pray tell, what garden vegetables do they contain?

Well, if you love dried red bell peppers, dried green bell peppers, and dried carrots, you’re going to enjoy the Multigrain Garden Vegetable Ritz Crackerfuls. Eating one may not give you a serving of vegetables, but if you’re someone who doesn’t eat any vegetables, it’s something.

Both varieties of Multigrain Ritz Crackerfuls have 130 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 210 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, and 2 grams of protein. Both also use partially hydrogenated oils. Multigrain Ritz Crackerfuls are available now and come in a box of six.

NEWS: Honey Bunches of Oats Releases A Bunch of Honey Bunches of Oats

Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats

Update: Click here to read our Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley review

Update 2: Click here to read our Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches & with Banana Bunches review

If you think knowing every U.S. State and its capital is a waste of gray brain matter, only useful for Geography Bee participants and people who want to appear smart, but don’t realize that being able to remember U.S. states and their capitals are more about memorization, repetition, and using techniques like mnemonic devices, and not really about intelligence, then my knowledge of Post Honey Bunches of Oats cereal varieties is even more useless.

Post recently introduced a new regular variety to their Honey Bunches of Oats line — Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley. They also released two limited edition flavors — Honey Bunches of Oats with Apples and Cinnamon Bunches and Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches. Some of you might be thinking that these two flavors already exist, but you’d be so wrong. However, I understand your confusion, because currently there’s a Honey Bunches of Oats flavor with just cinnamon bunches and there was a Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, which was discontinued.

The Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley contains three different types of Sun-Maid raisins — natural seedless, jumbo seedless, and flame (red grapes). One cup of the cereal provides 12 grams of whole grains, nine essential vitamins and minerals, and has 200 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 120 milligrams of potassium, 2 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

Raisin Medley, Apples and Cinnamon Bunches, and Banana Bunches joins Honey Roasted, Almonds, Real Strawberries, Real Peaches, Cinnamon Bunches, Vanilla Bunches, Pecan Bunches, Just Bunches Honey Roasted, and Just Bunches Cinnamon in the Honey Bunches of Oats cereal lineup.

Yes, I typed that list from memory.

NEWS: New VitaminWater Zero Glow Helps Your Complexion, Quenches Your Thirst, and Makes Me Remember Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling

VitaminWater Zero Glow & Drive

Update: Click here to read our VitaminWater Zero Glow and VitaminWater Zero Drive review

There are two new VitaminWater Zero flavors available to frustrate those who think they’ve tried ever VitaminWater variety in existence. VitaminWater Zero Glow is a strawberry and guanabana (yes, that’s a real fruit) flavored water that contains biotin and vitamins E and A to “help support & maintain healthy skin, hair, and nails.” VitaminWater Zero Drive is a blood orange and mixed berry flavored water that has 100 percent of your daily intake of vitamin C and 75 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per 20-ounce bottle, which it gets from coffee beans and yerba mate extract.

Both also contain electrolytes and 40 percent of your daily recommended consumption of vitamins B3, B5, B6, and B12. While I do think VitaminWater Zero Drive is useful, thanks to the sweet caffeine, I’m not sure how effective VitaminWater Zero Glow will be with helping one’s skin. With Drive, I can drink just one and the sweet, sweet caffeine will help give me a boost of energy when I’m watching bunda videos on YouTube at three in the morning, but with Glow, I imagine you’d have to drink more than one bottle for it to be beneficial.

And that’s how they getcha!