Melon Creamy Soda

Melon Creamy Soda

I was going to do this review in Japanese with an English translation, but I realized I earned four C’s and a D in the five semesters of Japanese I took in college and all I remember is how to count to ten.

Ichi, ni, san, shi, go, roku…DAMMIT!!! SON OF A BI…I can’t even count to ten!

The reason why I wanted to do the review in Japanese was because today’s review has an international flair to it.

Impulsive Buy reader, Alex, complained the other day about the fact she couldn’t buy Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding in Japan.

I thought about sending her a box, but decided that doing a review on a product she can get in Japan would be about 50 cents cheaper for the Impulsive Buy. (Yes, I know I’m a cheap-ass bastard, but maybe I’ll make it a prize in the next prize drawing.)

Anyway, being halfway between Japan and the continental United States, we get a lot of Japanese food items, Japanese tourists, and Japanese porn.

The convenience store down the street has a few products that Alex can probably find in Japan. One was Asahi, which in Japanese means, the Budweiser of Japan. I also came across Melon Creamy Soda, which in Japanese means, (prepare for the worst language translation joke ever) Melon Creamy Soda.

I was kind of skeptical of trying Melon Creamy Soda because I had tried a melon soda from Fanta, which scared me. Of course Fanta has made other things that have scared me, like their television commercials.

Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta. Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta.

UGH!!!

SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW! I’VE GOT THAT DAMN SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD!

Melon Creamy Soda is not bad, but I couldn’t really taste the melon part. It actually tastes more like a regular cream soda.

If it was cheaper I would buy more of it, but at $1.99 for a 16.5-ounce bottle, I’ll only buy it if it can cure the common cold and help me get rid of this DAMN Fanta song stuck in my head.

Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta. Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta.

Don’t forget to enter this month’s prize drawing. See yesterday’s review for details.


Item: Melon Creamy Soda
Purchase Price: $1.99
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Cream soda flavor. Good.
Cons: What melon flavor? Expensive, but I guess if it’s imported from Japan, it should be. Damn Fanta song!

Mountain Dew LiveWire

Mountain Dew LiveWire

Mountain Dew LiveWire. Originally released last summer. Re-released this summer. It’s not summer anymore, but they still sell it. Will probably be re-re-released next summer. I like it. I usually call it Mountain Dew orange. After drinking a Mountain Dew, I feel so xtreme. I want to do a 50-50 railslide on a skateboard, or do a tailwhip 540 on a BMX bike, or do a nac-nac backflip on a motorcycle. If given the choice between original Mountain Dew and Mountain Dew LiveWire, I would pick the original Mountain Dew.

Okay, now that I’ve got the mandatory review part out of the way, I can talk about the new prize drawing.

About a month ago The Impulsive Buy held it’s first ever prize drawing. We gave away six Oral-B Brush-Ups.

We think the people who received them were very happy because these Brush-Ups are a good way to freshen their breath in case they ever found themselves in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.

For our second prize drawing, we will be giving away SEVEN Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipes, which won’t help you if you ever found yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.

Oh wait, now that we think about it…

If you find yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone who isn’t your significant other, you can use the Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe to wipe away any lipstick or mask any perfume/cologne, so that your significant other won’t find out that you had a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone else.

Anyway, we reviewed them last month and here’s your chance to win one (1) Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe.

To enter the drawing, just leave a comment for THIS review. Also, so that we don’t seem like comment whores, you can also enter by sending us an email with the phrase “Wet Ones” in the subject field.

If you leave a comment, don’t forget to fill out the email field, because we will be emailing winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, we will take care of that.

We will start accepting entries for the drawing on November 17, 2004. We will stop accepting entries on November 21, 2004 at 11:59 pm (Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person.

Entries will be stuffed into a jar that used to hold mayonnaise and still smells like mayonnaise. Winning entries will be drawn from this jar and will probably smell like mayonnaise.

For those of you who’ve never won anything in your life, here’s your chance to finally boost your self-esteem and be a winner, like all the competitors at the Special Olympics.

Fine Print: We promise your email address will not be used to send you spam about Levitra or getting a free iPod. We also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you loan offers or offers for DSL. Bribes will not be accepted. We will not be responsible for lost mail.


Item: Mountain Dew LiveWire
Purchase Price: $1.29
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: It’s good. Orangy. Same amount of caffeine as regular MD, but not as good as regular MD. Makes me want to be xtreme.
Cons: Limited edition. Causes me to incorrectly spell the word “extreme.”

REVIEW: Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl

Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl

Sometimes I buy a product to please the Television Advertising Gods in hopes that they stop playing the DAMN annoying commercial that promotes the product.

This was the case with the new Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl.

The commercial goes something like this:

Some guy and his cute girlfriend come up to the register. The guy asks the person at the register if it’s true that the employees won’t make a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl, until they order it. The person working the register says yes.

Then the guy jerks around with the Taco Bell employees by not completing their order for the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl. This goes on for a while, until the cute girlfriend interrupts him and finishes the order.

Why is it that some cute and smart women end up with assholes?

Anyway, in hopes of putting a stop to this commercial, I purchased a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl with it’s grilled, marinated all-white-meat chicken; cool, crisp lettuce; fiesta salsa; hot steaming rice; and warm beans. It also came with a dressing, which apparently gives it its zest.

I decided to taste the dressing first to find out if it was going to be another McDonald’s buffalo sauce.

Well the dressing tasted like crap, but I thought the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl wouldn’t be a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl without the zest, so I added it.

To my surprise, mixing it with the Border Bowl made it taste pretty good.

I guess it’s kind of like how fertilizer smells and tastes like crap, but when added to a flower garden, it makes the garden look beautiful.

You might be wondering how this is possible. Well let’s just chalk it up as one of those mysteries that may never get solved because most people don’t care, like whether or not Creed was a Christian rock band.

Despite sacrificing a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl, I still see the DAMN commercial.

It’s a good thing the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl is tasty, because it looks like I’m going to have to eat a few more to please the Television Advertising Gods.

Item: Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl
Purchase Price: $3.79
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: A meal in a bowl. Border Bowl tastes good with dressing.
Cons: Damn annoying commercial. Dressing tastes like crap without Border Bowl. Didn’t please Television Advertising Gods.

Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding

Jell-O Oreo

I really like pudding, but I’m not sure why.

It could be because pudding is really good. Or because pudding is fun and quick to make. Or because pudding is something I enjoy licking off of a woman’s body. I don’t know.

What I do know is that the Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding I bought was really good. Then again I really enjoy anything labeled Oreo or cookies and cream, but not as much as licking pudding off of a woman’s body.

Anyway, making the pudding took less than five minutes and after I was done, I let it sit in the refrigerator for awhile.

Later, I pulled the bowl out and began eating it.

While eating it, I flipped through the 200-plus television stations I can watch and I happened to come across The Cosby Show. Then, thanks to Mr. Cosby, an idea popped into my head:

JELL-O PUDDING POPS, BABY!!!

You blogging moms like that idea, right? Pretty good, eh? I feel so Martha-ish.

I think I’d make a great blogging dad some day. If only I didn’t scare women away with that whole licking-pudding-off-of-their-body-thing.

Although making pudding pops was a good idea, there was a slight problem: I’ve never made pudding pops before. I didn’t know what I could use to put the pudding in, so that I could stick it in the freezer.

At first, I thought about putting the pudding into my, “Coffee: The Breakfast of Office Workers” coffee mug, but realized that I would have a pretty huge pudding pop on my hands.

Then I had the great idea to use an ice cube tray. So I scooped out the pudding and put them into the ice tray’s slots. I let them sit in the freezer for a couple of hours and they turned into frozen pudding goodness.

However, I had a problem with taking them out of the ice tray.

I know, blogging moms. I should’ve put popsicle sticks in them.

Unfortunately, I used up all of my popsicle sticks because when I role-play, I like to play doctor.

The pudding pops turned out pretty good, but I found out if you leave them in the freezer for more than a couple of days, freezer burn sets in.

So if you like Oreos, pudding, or licking stuff off of a person’s body, then I would recommend Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding.


Item: Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding
Purchase Price: $1.69
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Great tasting. Quick and easy to make. Great to lick off of body parts, if partner is willing.
Cons: Remember to use popsicle sticks when making pudding pops. Can get messy if trying to lick off of body parts.

The Incredibles Cereal

The Incredibles Cereal

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Don’t ANY of you tell me anything about The Incredibles movie. I didn’t see it yet. I haven’t read any of the reviews. I don’t know how well it’s done at the box office. All I’ve seen is the movie trailer.

So don’t say anything.

Lalalalala. I’m not listening to you. Lalalalala. I’m not listening to you.

Also, DON’T tell me anything about the Star Wars Episode III trailer that played before the movie. Don’t you dare!

If ANY of you spoil this for me, I swear I’ll…Um…Keep. Doing. More. Reviews.

Anyway, I’ve wanted to see The Incredibles for a long time, but it wasn’t until I tried The Incredibles cereal that I REALLY wanted to see the movie.

I have this theory that if they make a movie promotional cereal and it sucks, that means the movie will kick ass. So far, basing a movie on how crappy the cereal is has been very accurate.

For example, I reviewed Spider-Man cereal, which came out with the release of Spider-Man 2 in theaters. The cereal wasn’t very good and there wasn’t anything special about it, but the movie was fricken’ awesome. Although I wish in Spider-Man 2 there was another scene with Kirsten Dunst in the cold rain.

Shrek 2 was another movie with a crappy cereal, but was a blast to watch in theaters.

So how was The Incredibles cereal? Hmmm… How can I put it nicely?

Let’s just say that the best part of the cereal was the word find puzzle on the back of the box, which took me a little too long to finish.

The cereal is supposed to have a strawberry flavor, which they call Incrediberry Blast. However, my taste buds seemed to think that it actually tasted kind of flowery. Now you’re probably asking yourself, “How do I know what flowers taste like?”

Let’s just say I like garnishes a little too much.


Item: The Incredibles Cereal
Purchase Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Limited edition, thank goodness. Puzzle on back of box.
Cons: Flowery taste. Needs a toy in the box. The movie will be waaaay better.

REVIEW: SpongeBob SquarePants Cereal

 SpongeBob SquarePants Cereal

I’ve always been a sucker for cereals with marshmallows.

Whether it’s Lucky Charms or Count Chocula, I’ve enjoyed sinking my teeth into those crunchy freeze-dried marshmallows. There’s something about them that makes the cereal better.

Oh, I know. They add more sugar.

Being a connoisseur of fine breakfast cereals with marshmallows, I had to try the SpongeBob SquarePants cereal, with marshmallows in the shapes of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pineapple.

Honestly, I don’t know who Patrick and Pineapple are, because I’ve never watched an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. I also haven’t watched an episode of the O.C., American Idol, or CSI, because I’m afraid if I did, I would get hooked and never leave my apartment.

Oh, wait. I’m already hooked on the internet and never leave my apartment.

As for SpongeBob SquarePants, I’ve never watched it because it’s on Nickelodeon, which is a 24-hour kids network. I’m a 28-year old man. I’m too mature to watch a kids network. Instead I watch the Cartoon Network.

(sigh)

No wonder the women run away from me.

The SpongeBob SquarePants cereal is kind of like Cap’n Crunch with marshmallows, except without the raw upper palate that Cap’n Crunch gives me. Although I don’t know if you should trust me with taste comparisons, since it seems like I’m the ONLY person who thinks Pepsi Holiday Spice tastes like Coke.

Well the marshmallows definitely add a lot to the cereal, but I felt they were kind of small and I didn’t think there were enough of them. You can never have too many marshmallows.

Actually, if they made a cereal out of just marshmallows, I would be all over that, like paparazzi around Tara Reid .

Item: Kellogg’s SpongeBob SquarePants Cereal
Purchase Price: $3.69 (on sale)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Mmmm…Marshmallows. Cap’n Crunch like.
Cons: Not enough marshmallows. Small marshmallows. I’ve never watched SpongeBob SquarePants.