REVIEW: DiGiorno Eggs Benedict Breakfast Croissant Crust Pizza

DiGiorno Eggs Benedict Breakfast Croissant Crust Pizza Box

My background with breakfast pizza is best described as inexperienced. I’ve had it, both fresh and frozen, but if I had to estimate how many times, I’d say six. Compare that with how many times I’ve had pizza (964) and how many times I’ve eaten breakfast (12,573), and you have a pretty insignificant number relative to breakfast and pizza consumption. In other words, cheese=MC2.

This is DiGiorno’s maiden voyage into breakfast pizza, and it’s doing it with three new varieties -— Sausage and Gravy, Cinnamon Roll, and Eggs Benedict. All are served on a croissant crust, something the brand has previously employed on regular pizzas. (But I haven’t had.)

DiGiorno Eggs Benedict Breakfast Croissant Crust Pizza Frozen

Here’s my next startling confession: I’ve never had eggs Benedict. The thing is, I don’t like English muffins. Like, at all. Their texture is abrasive, they smell like feet, and biscuits exist. I mean, there’s just no earthly reason to eat them. And seeing as how I’ve never encountered eggs Benedict involving anything but, well, here we are.

DiGiorno Eggs Benedict Breakfast Croissant Crust Pizza Flaky

But again, the base layer of this pizza is a croissant. And how is DiGiorno’s croissant? It’s decent. It’s a little buttery and a little flaky, but it’s not on par with Pillsbury croissants from a can. But it makes a sturdy base and is marginally more interesting than DiGiorno’s traditional crust.

On top of the OK Croissant (my favorite Radiohead cover band composed entirely of pastry chefs), you’ve got “cheddar and mozzarella cheese, scrambled eggs, diced ham and hollandaise style sauce.”

DiGiorno Eggs Benedict Breakfast Croissant Crust Pizza Cooked

So, there was some cheese, but not as much as on a normal pizza, and that’s fine because of the “hollandaise style sauce” I mentioned previously. It tasted like cheese sauce. And as established, I’ve never had eggs Benedict. So it should come as no surprise that I don’t really know what hollandaise tastes like. Then I Googled it up, just to see what hollandaise is supposed to be. And most things I read describe it as a “rich and decadent egg based sauce” with a “buttery flavor” that can range from “sweet to tangy” preparation depending. Or, in DiGiorno’s case, “cheese sauce.” And don’t get me wrong — I love cheese sauce! But if you’re looking for a true hollandaise, this probably isn’t it.

DiGiorno Eggs Benedict Breakfast Croissant Crust Pizza Slice

The ham was good. Smoky, evenly distributed bite-sized rectangles. My only complaint is that I could have used twice as much. The eggs were a bit rubbery and indistinctive. At one point, I said, “I wish this thing had more egg,” but then I remembered the whole “rubbery and indistinctive” thing and wondered why I’d want more of that.

As I was typing this out just now, I was wondering if I should give this a 7 or an 8, and I was also kind of wondering how I could justify an 8 when most of the review seemed to suggest that I didn’t like it; but that’s not the case. I really liked it, despite the sad egg and “meh” crust. This thing shined on the totality of its parts instead of failing on the weakness of its pieces. Did it taste like eggs Benedict? I mean… I don’t know. I suspect not. Did it taste like someone turned a Ham and Cheese Hot Pocket into a pizza? Weirdly, yes. But I kind of love that. And in that spirit, I kind of loved this. (Except for the price tag. $10 is insane for a frozen pizza, inflation or not.)

Purchased Price: $9.99
Size: 23.4 oz
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/5th of the pizza) 330 calories, 14 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 40mg of cholesterol, 690 mg of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar (including 1 gram of added sugars), and 10 grams of protein.

SPOTTED (STRANGER THINGS EDITION) – 5/16/2022

Here are some interesting new products found on store shelves by your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of them, share your thoughts in the comments.

Stranger Things Surfer Boy Pizza Pineapple Jalapeno PIzza
Stranger Things Surfer Boy Pizza Pineapple Jalapeno Pizza

(Spotted by Jason B at Walmart.)

Limited Edition Doritos 3D Crunch Three Cheese
Limited Edition Doritos 3D Crunch Three Cheese
Limited Edition Doritos 3D Crunch Chili Cheese Nacho Stranger Things Design
Doritos 3D Crunch Chili Cheese Nacho Stranger Things Design

Three Cheese flavor is new. Chili Cheese Nacho flavor is not new. (Spotted by Robbie at Walmart.)

Skinny Butcher Stranger Things Crazy Crispy Chick n Nuggets
Skinny Butcher Stranger Things Crazy Crispy Chick’n Nuggets
Skinny Butcher Stranger Things Crazy Crispy Chick n Nuggets Box Back
Skinny Butcher Stranger Things Crazy Crispy Chick’n Nuggets Box Back

(Spotted by Holly at Walmart.)

Stranger Things Nacho Cheese Doritos
Stranger Things Nacho Cheese Doritos
Stranger Things Cool Ranch Doritos
Stranger Things Cool Ranch Doritos

(Spotted by James D at Walmart.)

REVIEW: Coca-Cola Limited Edition Byte

Limited Edition Coca Cola Byte Can

Limited Edition Coca-Cola Creations Zero Sugar Byte, which I will refer to as Coca-Cola Byte for the rest of this review because my fingers threaten to go on strike if forced to type the full name over and over again, can only be purchased online from Coca-Cola’s online store for $14.77 plus shipping. For that amount, you get two cans of the cola, a pixel-shaped box, a sticker, access to an AR game, and maybe the regret of spending $14.77 plus shipping on a soda that kind of bites.

Limited Edition Coca Cola Byte Box

Coca-Cola describes Byte as “pixel-flavored,” but with many sips, I wondered if this is what raspberry-flavored cardboard tastes like. It’s a flavor that makes my face scrunch up slightly. Granted, it’s the initial sip that does that, and if I take more right after, they have a mediocre berry-ish flavor that doesn’t cause my face to appear as if it’s collapsing upon itself.

But if I give my taste buds a chance to reset themselves and take another sip, that weird berry taste comes back. Of course, I could solve the issue by chugging all 12 ounces, but for the amount I paid for just two cans, I’d like to be able to enjoy them for longer than a few seconds.

Limited Edition Coca Cola Byte Glass

I expected Coca-Cola Byte to be at least decent because of how it smells and how much I liked the first Coca-Cola Creations variety, Starlight. Not even being a Zero Sugar version deterred me from thinking otherwise because, with Starlight, I ended up liking the Zero Sugar version more than the full sugar one.

Also, according to the comments for my review of it, I might be the only person on the planet who likes the regular Coca-Cola Zero Sugar, so I’m familiar with and okay with the artificial sweeteners. But I feel that it’s the aspartame, acesulfame potassium, and Sucralose that make things taste weird because Coca-Cola has proven it can make a decent raspberry-flavored cola sweetened with sugar.

Coca-Cola Byte is as imperfect as a pixelated photo, and its flavor is odd enough that I’m not sure if I’ll even open the second can. Maybe I’ll sell it on eBay to get some of my $14.77 plus shipping back. Heck, I’ll also throw in the sticker, box, and my regret.

Purchased Price: $14.77 plus shipping
Size: 12 oz cans
Purchased at: Coca-Cola’s online store
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 55 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 34 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Cake Batter Signature Latte

Dunkin Cake Batter Signature Latte 1

Summer is (sort of) here, and with it comes Dunkin’s new summer menu featuring the Cake Batter Signature Latte because nothing says summer like stirring unbaked cake into your coffee. What, you’ve never done that? Do you mean to tell me you’ve never set out to make a cake, decided it was too hot to turn on the oven, and then solved the problem by just swirling the batter into your espresso? Yeah, me neither, but that didn’t stop me from deciding I needed to know what it would be like if I did.

Combining espresso and milk with cake batter flavor and topped with whipped cream, mocha drizzle, and rainbow sprinkles, this beverage blurs the lines between coffee and dessert. It looks like something you’d order if you decided to have a little party for yourself.

My quest for this party began on a cold Chicago day where summer felt far away, but the idea of coffee with sprinkles felt just right. I ordered both iced and hot versions, and my request was met with confusion. I couldn’t tell if this was because the employee didn’t understand why I’d want both or if he didn’t know what the Cake Batter Latte was. After some questioning, I received them, and now it was my turn to be confused.

Dunkin Cake Batter Signature Latte First Attempt

Both had whipped cream and sprinkles, but “rainbow” would be a stretch as most were white or very muted pastels. Where there should have been a mocha drizzle, there was a thin, tan syrup and a dash of brown powder. The drinks weren’t bad but were kind of sad looking and tasted nothing like cake batter. I walked away thinking I had two possibly hazelnut flavored lattes and vowed to try again.

Ok, Round Two! A new day, a new Dunkin’ location.

Dunkin Cake Batter Signature Latte Cake on Summer

This time I opted for just the iced version and was relieved when it looked more like the image on the menu encouraging me to “Cake on the Summer.” Don’t mind if I do! The mocha drizzle was clearly present this time, and the sprinkles had a brighter appearance. Then it came to taste time and I was disappointed that the bulk of this coffee is the same flavor I had before, and it still doesn’t taste like cake batter to me. It seemed closer to a French Vanilla and I’m wondering if the nuttiness is some sort of almond flavoring. Almond extract is a fairly typical ingredient in many cakes, so maybe it’s unfair to say this doesn’t taste like one. I should say that it doesn’t taste like the kind I thought it would, a vanilla-forward birthday cake mix. Maybe this tastes like a petit four?

Dunkin Cake Batter Signature Latte Sprinkles

Dunkin Cake Batter Signature Latte Mocha Drizzle

The espresso has a rich flavor and the (non)cake batter flavoring and toppings don’t totally overwhelm it. It’s sweet but more balanced than you might anticipate something swirled with cake batter to be. The mocha drizzle doesn’t add much taste but aesthetically contributes to a decorated cake look, and the drink itself is pleasantly creamy. Some sips seem thicker and sweeter, like frosting, which wouldn’t really be present in cake batter but does make one think of cake. The highlights for me were any sips with sprinkles. They don’t taste like anything, but they provide some textural pop and festivity. If made correctly, this drink looks like it should be served next to presents and a bounce house, but the taste doesn’t deliver the same amount of fun.

Update: There was a birthday in my house this week, and because I care about authenticity, I sampled a boxed mug cake batter and a homemade cupcake batter. Both confirmed my suspicions that I know what cake batter tastes like, and this latte doesn’t capture it.

Purchased Price: $5.29
Size: Medium (Iced)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Medium iced with whole milk) 440 calories, 14 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 62 grams of sugar (45 grams of added sugar), and 11 grams of protein.