SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 11/23/2012

Here are some new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. We may or may not review them, but we’d like to let you know what new items are popping up. We’ll also occasionally throw in an unusual product.

Celeste Limited Edition Hawaiian Pizza

Celeste Italian Style Meatball Flatbread

Celeste Italian Style Chicken Flatbread

Celeste Cheesy Garlic Breadsticks

All I know about Celeste is that she’s known for her pizzas, and it appears she’s been really busy making new stuff. However, if the last three pictures are any indication, it also appears she’s getting tired of making pizzas. (Spotted by Nick at Price Chopper.)

Hellmann's Spicy Buffalo

This Hellmann’s Spicy Buffalo Mayonnaise made with Frank’s Red Hot Sauce looks like an awesome way to make a Subway sandwich not taste like a Subway sandwich. (Spotted by Nicole at ShopRite.)

Slim-Fast Snack Bites

Fans of Slim Fast must be going bonkers over these new Slim Fast Snack Bites. But then that euphoria must go away when they realize they STILL have to also drink Slim Fast shakes and eat Slim Fast bars. (Spotted by Nichol at ShopRite.)

Smirnoff Iced Cake Vodka

Wow. Cake-flavored vodka. That’s got to be one of the silliest things I’ve ever seen. But do you know what would be even sillier? Gummy-flavored vodka. No one would be crazy enough to make that. (Spotted by Lauren at Safeway.)

Pinnacle Gummy Vodka

Oh. I guess I was wrong. (Spotted by Lauren at Safeway.)

If you’re out shopping and see a new or limited edition product on the shelf (or really unusual), snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars Honey Caramel

Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars Honey Caramel Box

Hey, guys. Listen. Seriously, listen. I have found a well-kept secret from the Mediterranean that you do not want to miss. I really think it’s going to be the next Big Thing.

I can feel you quivering with anticipation, so I won’t drag it out: it’s Greek yogurt.

Wait, what? Greek yogurt has already gained mainstream popularity and has inundated the country’s supermarket dairy sections? How was I supposed to know that? Okay, well keep listening, because here’s the twist: there’s now Greek frozen yogurt.

Oh, that’s not new either? Where did you hear that? Oh, maybe it was here. Or here. Or here. Or here.

Sigh. The saying is true; there is nothing new under the sun.

But hey, these Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars are different. They’re new! And they’re made by Yoplait! I’ve trusted Yoplait for all my yogurt needs since I was a youth. Plus, they taught me about the silent “t” well before Stephen Colbert came on the scene.

A brief refresher course on Greek yogurt: it is also called strained yogurt, because, um…it’s been strained. Specifically, they squuuuueeeze out the whey, leaving a substance that is thicker than your average yogurt, yet still rich in flavor but lower in sugar and carbs.

Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars also come in Raspberry, Peach, and Strawberry Banana, but I chose the Honey Caramel variety because, in addition to never having tried Greek frozen yogurt, I’ve also never tried anything honey caramel-flavored. In fact, I’ve never even seen anything honey caramel-flavored before this.

Now I’m paranoid that there’s some honey caramel craze out there that I’m not aware of. I’m going to look like a pretty big idiot making fun of Greek yogurt at the beginning of this review when honey caramel has taken over store shelves and I haven’t even noticed. Maybe I’m in the dark, like Winnie the Pooh with his head stuck in the honey pot. Or a beehive. Man, that bear was stupid. I don’t want to be Winnie-the-Pooh stupid.

Right off the bat, the box of Yoplait’s Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars wants to hit me over the head with healthy boasts like “2x the protein of regular frozen yogurt”, “only natural flavors”, and “live and active cultures”.

I’ve always been kind of creeped out by yogurt’s live and active cultures, but I figure it’s better than dead and inactive cultures, or even undead cultures. Oh sure, everyone expects the zombie apocalypse to come from some sort of virus or science experiment gone wrong, but nobody suspects the yogurt.

…Yeah, I’m definitely paranoid.

Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars Honey Caramel

While I’ve never had frozen Greek yogurt, I have had its refrigerated counterpart, so when I tried the Yoplait Honey Caramel bar, I was expecting the tartness that is the signature of Greek yogurt. I got that tartness, but it was more subtle, and also brought along a good friend – sweetness.

Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars Honey Caramel Swirl

In fact, subtlety seems to be the word of the day for these yogurt bars. It was tart but not too tart and sweet but not cloyingly so. The caramel was delicious but not like eating a giant spoonful of the stuff. There was a hint of honey; that was one flavor that may have been a little too subtle, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

The yogurt was very smooth and creamy, and it held up very well as I ate it. No sticky hands here. I’m assuming the qualities of the yogurt – especially the Greek part – were responsible for it not melting down my hand.

Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars Honey Caramel2

I’m far, far from a health nut, but it’s hard not to notice that the daily value percentages under the nutritional facts are single digits across the board. These yogurt bars are good and good for you! Well, at the very least, they’re not very bad for you.

I find it interesting that all the things I liked the most about Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars Honey Caramel could just as easily be construed as faults by someone with a different palate. “Not sweet enough.” “Not tart enough.” “Not enough caramel.” “Not enough honey flavor.” Oh wait, I actually said that one.

Different strokes for different folks, as they say, and Yoplait stroked me the right way. Wait, that came out wrong. And it rhymed. Four times. You’re lucky you’re so tasty, Honey Caramel Yogurt Bars.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 90 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 110 milligrams of potassium, 13 grams of total carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugars, 5 grams of protein, and 15% calcium.)

Other Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt reviews:
On Second Scoop

Item: Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars Honey Caramel
Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 1 box/6 bars
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Creamy texture with just the right tartness and sweetness. Live and active cultures. Nice caramel taste. No sticky hands. Actually not bad for you. Getting stroked by Yoplait.
Cons: Honey flavor was a little too subtle. The yogurt zombie apocalypse. May not appeal to those who want a sweeter treat with stronger flavor. Committing accidental multiple rhymicide

NEWS: Torani To Release Chicken ‘n Waffles Syrup Fo’ Reals This Time…Maybe

IHOP Chicken & Waffles

Hey! Remember earlier this year when syrup maker Torani tricked the internet into thinking they were going to release a Chicken ‘n Waffles syrup.

I certainly remember being duped by that April Fool’s Day prank on March 26th.

I don’t know if there are rules for April Fool’s pranks, but doing your prank five days before April Fool’s Day is probably breaking one of them. Even if it’s not an actual rule, doing that was as douchey as dumping someone via a text message.

Anyhoo, Torani decided to make their Chicken ‘n Waffles syrup a reality. It combines three different flavors — buttermilk waffles, fried chicken, and maple syrup. So get ready to make your lattes taste a bit weird.

Of course, if they were willing to trick everyone five days before April Fool’s Day, what’s stopping them from tricking us five months before April Fool’s Day? Well, we will find out starting on November 26 when Torani Chicken ‘n Waffles bottles become available while supplies last on Torani’s website for $6.95.

Source: Business Wire

SPOTTED ON SHELVES (HOLIDAY EDITION) – 11/21/2012

Here are some new and limited edition holiday products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. We may or may not review them, but we’d like to let you know what new items are popping up.

Peeps Sugar Cookie

I guess if I pit two milk chocolate dipped Sugar Cookie Peeps against each other in a Peeps War, the milk chocolate would act as armor. (Spotted by Alexis at Target.)

Häagen-Dazs Peppermint Bark Bars

Häagen-Dazs Peppermint Bark Ice Cream

Häagen-Dazs Peppermint Bark Ice Cream is back for a limited time in ice cream bar and almost-a-pint forms. Here are reviews of the ice cream from Junk Food Guy and On Second Scoop. (Ice cream bars spotted by Tracy at Safeway. Ice cream spotted by Nick at Price Chopper.)

Holiday Chips Ahoy

Oooh, Holiday Chips Ahoy! Christmas has come early! Geez, I haven’t had such fake enthusiasm for a product since Halloween Chips Ahoy. And prior to that, it was for American Summer Chips Ahoy. Yay for colors allowing Nabisco to make Chips Ahoy cookies for any situation! (Spotted by Marvo at Safeway.)

3 Musketeers Hot Cocoa with Marshmallows

If I ask for hot cocoa when it’s chilly and someone gives me a bunch of these 3 Musketeers Hot Cocoa with Marshmallow Minis in a mug, I’ll laugh at first. Then I’ll say, “No, seriously. Where’s my hot cocoa? It’s freezing. If I don’t have a mug of hot cocoa in my hands in 60 seconds, someone is going to end up like Han’s tauntaun.” Here are reviews from Foodette Reviews and Spoil Your Dinner. (Spotted by Laura at Walmart.)

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Awesome! Folks can put cookies, leftovers, or lots of cocaine or marijuana in really cute limited edition holiday Ziploc bags. (Spotted by Marvo at Target.)

If you’re out shopping and see a new or limited edition product on the shelf (or really unusual), snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Burger King Gingerbread Cookie Shake

Burger King Gingerbread Cookie Shake

It’s almost holiday/low productivity at work/dealing with annoying parents time.

It’s that time when big band holiday music is played at Crate & Barrel and Banana Republic stores all across the nation to lend that over the top affluence. It’s also that time of year when I relish how bourbon tastes when there’s a chill in the air and that warm feeling in my tummy that follows.

Yet, what I love most about this time of year are the holiday variants of food products that are unleashed. Turkey gravy cough drops, anybody?

Lately I’ve been on a Burger King kick. Partly because BK seems to be one of the few fast foodie joints taking some chances, but, mostly, because BK is within walking distance from my mansion that houses an extensive blazer collection. Also, I can’t drive until my probation is over.

I’m not a big fan of milkshakes, unless it’s a McDonald’s strawberry milkshake. And when I say, “McDonald’s strawberry milkshake,” I mean the vintage version sans whipped cream, the maraschino cherry, and McCafe logo-branded cup. However, as I walked up the curved asphalt in the Burger King drive thru, I couldn’t I pass up what I saw on the backlit menu and in the pictures on the windows? A gingerbread cookie shake.

What came from Burger King’s decked out stainless steel kitchen looked very close to the oversized photos that hung in the window. It was light brown with creamy white swirls throughout the soft serve shake and dolloped with whipped cream and gingerbread cookie crumbles on top. I have no idea what that chemical dairy smell that soft serve exudes, but I’m a fan of it. It’s hard to describe, but when I smell it, I pop a gustation boner.

For a paltry $2.39 (entry fee for the small size) I was given the chance to mentally escape, at least temporarily, the heavy burdens of my ankle bracelet. I straightened my red wool tartan driver’s cap, pressed my button down blue shirt flat with my hands and sat in the booth with determination.

Will I finally tell my wife that I want a divorce because she needs to watch that awful Once Upon A Time show when all I want to do is play Borderlands 2? Will I stand up to the world and tell my probation officer to eat the streets today? Will this be the day my opinion of milkshakes change?

No on all three counts, but allow me to explain.

Great milkshakes have that Goldilocks-like range. Not too watery which makes it like melted ice cream, and not too thick which makes it so hard to suck through a straw that you might as well be performing fellatio. The milkshake I got was perfectly in between.

Burger King Gingerbread Cookie Shake Closeup

The gingerbread flavor was at the forefront and it was intense. It was buttery, rich and savory the way excellent gingerbread can be. The cookie bits on the top were a whimsical touch, but also served its purpose to emphasize the gingerbread flavor.
There were notes of musky cloves and cinnamon that played very well with the vanilla soft serve blended in the shake. I could taste hints of ginger, which was nice. I thought it was a possible non-alcoholic liquid holiday drink that could help me deal with the frayed nerves of my family.

As perverted as it sounds, this felt so good going down my throat. For a second I thought, “You know what? Life is going to be all right, buddy.” That neighbor who throws chicken bones on my lawn isn’t so bad; he’s just trying to help me fertilize the grass. And you know what else? When my mother says, “Jeff, you’re an idiot and a mistake, we never wanted you,” it’s her way of motivating me to become a better person.

I love you, Mom.

However, just as I was embracing the complexities of a good ginger cookie, the sweetness of the shake did donuts on my tongue and then monster trucked into some old rusty Pontiacs. My teeth began to hurt from how sweet it was. And Tiger Mom, I hate you! You’re always saying such hurtful things. Why didn’t you give me up for adoption to a Non-Chinese family with no Tiger Moms and unfeeling dads?

Happy Holidays, dammit!

Similar to a tidal wave crashing on shore or your gross uncle who lays a fart in the room, the sweetness takes over everything it can reach its proverbial hands on. Basically it’s as if my taste buds were placed in a sleeper hold and the sugar was shouting in their ears to tap out. “SUBMIT, bitch! Tap out! SUBMIT! You know you want to submit! You don’t have it in you! GIVE UP!”

Even though my experience was slightly ruined by the sweetness of the shake, I kept slurping because that gingerbread flavor was so damn good. However, I did not drink the whole shake because it was pretty decadent. But let me say Burger King’s Gingerbread Cookie Shake is worth a try just for the gingerbread flavor, even though you’ll probably find yourself submitting to the sugar high.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be submitting myself to my regular old brown liquors to get me through another Thank(less)giving.

(Nutrition Facts – small size – 490 calories, 15 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 290 milligrams of sodium, 82 grams of carbohydrates, 70 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein.)

Other Burger King Gingerbread Cookie Shake reviews:
Grub Grade
Man Reviews Food
On Second Scoop

Item: Burger King Gingerbread Cookie Shake
Purchased Price: $2.39
Size: Small
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Gingerbread flavor is buttery and savory. Thickness of shake was perfect. Big band holiday music. Crate & Barrel. Musky clove and subtle cinnamon flavors. Gustation boner. Banana Republic. Gingerbread cookie crumbles on the top are a nice addition. Borderlands 2.
Cons: Too sweet. McCafe vs. the old shakes. Too damn sweet. Once Upon A Time. Really, it is so sweet. So sweet, my teeth hurt.