REVIEW: Kellogg’s Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts

Jeff 6 Comments

Kellogg's Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts

Pop-Tarts are just friggin’ weird. They resemble a tart as much as I look like actor Tom Cruise, or even pre/post-drug fiend Tom Sizemore. The pastry is exactly two ninety degree angles that form an exact rectangle scarier than the black monolith in Kubrick’s classic. Instead of being filled with stars, Dave, it is filled with jam, calories, carbohydrates and sodium. The frosting is shiny like nail polish and is harder than fondant. So yes, this is not health food but its shape does scream convenience.

You won’t find Pop-Tarts in a bakery. When you give them to a child, you can’t help but make the “sorry face.” All the cool kids have the Toaster Strudels but Pop-Tarts have persevered through all of it. These ubiquitous things have remained a part of our existence and I am sure when the Sun starts expanding in its death, the waters on Earth have dried up, all mammals have become pieces of tasty jerky, those Pop-Tarts are still going to survive. I know so.

And as weird as they are, like Tom Sizemore and his old drug habit, I have a strong compulsion to buy any new flavor of Pop-Tarts I see. I just have to. I don’t care if I get mostly disappointed when I eat them. I just need to have them now. It’s the same exact feeling I get when I buy supermarket sushi or when I watch German art films.

I habitually stop by the Pop-Tarts section when I go to down the cereal aisle. To my delight, I saw a box of Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts. With a title like that, I was expecting this to rival the KY Jelly Fire and Ice. I could blame The Impulsive Buy and say I bought these because I am obligated to review them. In truth, I would have bought them anyway because I just need to.

From gumdrops to Sunkist, I love all things orange flavored. The fact there is an orange pictured amongst the fruits pictured on the box will probably be the closest thing I will ever get to a marmalade Pop-Tart. To be specific, there is a strawberry and cherry pictured as well. I’m assuming this is the fruit fusion which doesn’t seem that wild but it’s Pop-Tarts we’re talking about here.

Kellogg's Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts Burnt

Amusing to me, the only fruits listed in the ingredients are cherries and apples. Even more fascinating are the instructions on how to toast your goodies. I’m not sure what it says about its target audience. They even have a diagram to emphasize how to toast these things. More depressing is what does this say about me? I had to toast another because I burned my first pastry.

I normally eat these untoasted but I will review these Pop-Tarts in both the raw and the cooked form.

Kellogg's Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts Closeup

Unsheathing the treat out of its silver wrapper, it was a bit comical to me how vibrant the colors of the frosting were. It looked like someone slathered mustard on it and then zig zagged ketchup (in true 1950’s kitsch) all over the tart. This thing could double as Jem’s truly outrageous maxi-pad.

In the simplest form, without toasting, the crust is dry as expected. The frosting is the same vague sweet flavor that can be found on all Pop-Tarts with that unnatural sugar shell. The bite is surprisingly a bit tart and not overly sweet. I like it because it is not an abundance of immediate sugar that will numb your tongue.

The jam itself has a strong cherry flavor but I’m not sure if it overwhelmed the orange and strawberry. Not really a surprise since they aren’t listed in the ingredients. I ended up taking a couple more bites and only the tart cherry jam shines through. That is kind of disappointing but the fact that this (let’s face it, these things are really big cookies) is not as sweet as the other flavors is a plus.

Toasted, it smells like baked sugar but not in a welcoming bakery way. It’s just baked sugar. I hate that smell which is why I never toast them, but I’m also lazy. Texture wise, the frosting adds a nice crispness and the jam is even more intense. The taste is improved but not enough for me to bother toasting these things. I’m making a “lazy face” here.

Let’s be honest and come to an agreement that nobody really craves these things. There are better ways to spend 200 calories and the sodium is high enough to offset my blood pressure meds. I can’t tell you how many unfinished boxes of Pop-Tarts I have chucked out. I liked this one despite the repulsive color frosting but will probably not finish the box.

I would still make the “sorry face” if I had to give one to my little niece or any other kids looking for a snack. Yet, I (in a non-committal way) would eat these again as I made the “yeah, I know” face. So yeah reader, I know.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 200 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of Saturated fat, 2 grams if Polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 170 mg of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than one gram of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein)

Item: Kellogg’s Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts
Price: $1.99
Size: 14.1 ounces/8 toaster pastries
Purchased: Publix
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: The tart sweetness is a nice change. Easy to hold. Tom Sizemore in Heat. Tom Cruise in Collateral (Michael Mann is the man). Making faces. If you love cherry, you cannot go wrong. Toasting it has a nice texture. 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Cons: No orange flavor. Easy to burn if you’re a dummy like me. Crust is dry but that’s to be expected. Wild frosting does nothing for the Pop-Tart. The color is a bit gross looking. Tom Sizemore in that sex video. Tom Cruise in MI:2. Loaded with sodium, unless you love sodium! 2010: The Year We Make Contact.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Bacon Shake

Marvo 15 Comments

Jack in the Box Bacon Shake

Jack in the Box’s new Bacon Shake is damn intriguing, but it also sounds gross and I’m scared of it. I’m pretty sure I’m afraid of it because I haven’t gotten over that time I spent with my lips around a Jones Bacon Soda.

Oh dear, I just gagged. Will these emotional scars ever heal?

The Jack in the Box Bacon Shake isn’t like the Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae we reviewed last year, which was topped with real chopped bacon. Instead, the Bacon Shake uses bacon-flavored Torani syrup, which is blended with vanilla ice cream.

To maximize the unusualness of the bacon shake, I hoped the suckable dessert was bacon colored, but as you can see in the picture on the right, the Jack in the Box Bacon Shake looks as harmless as a vanilla milkshake. It’s not even raw bacon pink.

The bacon-flavored shake also smells harmless. There’s a very slight hint of smokiness, but not enough to cause a bunch of red flags to pop up in your head. When I ordered my shake, I was asked if I wanted whipped cream and a cherry on top. I said yes and then asked if I could also get chopped bacon on top of that. The Jack in the Box employee laughed and then said “I’m sorry, no.” A part of me wanted to slam both hands on the counter and yell, “I’m not going to settle for that answer!”

I find it a little strange the shake didn’t come with bacon sprinkled on top of it. Every Jack in the Box restaurant has the means to fry up bacon and chop it up, so why not take that extra step and add a little texture to the shake? It would’ve made this bacon shake many times more fascinating.

Jack in the Box Bacon Shake Closeup

Many of you might be expecting me to say the Jack in the Box Bacon Shake is repulsive, but, surprisingly, it’s not. Although I have to admit it was slightly off-putting at first. But the more I ate, the more I enjoyed the bacon flavor of the shake, which wasn’t anything close to being overpowering. Instead it had a very mild smokiness, albeit an artificial smokiness. The weirdest thing about this shake (yes, weirder than the fact it’s bacon flavored) is the way it ends up tasting like coffee at the back end.

Overall, I wouldn’t call the Jack in the Box Bacon Shake “scrumptious,” but I also wouldn’t call it “revolting.” I think “pleasant” would be the best word I could use to describe it. If you’re REALLY into bacon, you should definitely give it a try. Would I buy another? I probably would. Although, if it came topped with chopped bacon, I’d change my answer to most definitely.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces/regular size – 773 calories, 358 calories from fat, 40 grams of fat, 28 grams of saturated fat, 2 gram of trans fat, 127 milligrams of cholesterol, 319 milligrams of sodium, 691 milligrams of potassium, 89 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 75 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Bacon Shake
Price: $3.99
Size: Regular
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Not revolting. Pleasant flavor. Creamy. Tastes like coffee at the back end of the flavor. Bacon lovers will probably enjoy it.
Cons: Not sprinkled with chopped bacon. Might be gross to some people. There’s no signage for it in restaurants. Not bacon colored. The deep emotional scars from drinking a Jones Bacon Soda two years ago.

NEWS: Jack in the Box’s Bacon Shake Sounds Like It Will Shake My Tongue and Stomach

Marvo

IMG_7792

Update: Click here to read our Jack in the Box Bacon Shake review

Denny’s combined ice cream and bacon. And now Jack in the Box is getting into the act with their Bacon Shake. However, unlike Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae which was topped with chopped bacon, Jack’s Bacon Shake uses a bacon-flavored syrup.

Bacon-flavored syrup…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

According to Jack in the Box’s Marry Bacon website:

The bacon shake is limited as limited can be. There’s no telling when it might disappear, so go get one right now. Right now at participating restaurants.

Grub Grade just posted pictures of it.

Image via flickr user jshontz / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: The BLT in Jack in the Box’s New BLT Cheeseburger Could Mean Boring, Lame, and Tiresome

Marvo

Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger Sign

Update: Click here to read our Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger review

I’m greatly disappointed Jack in the Box’s new BLT Cheeseburger doesn’t consist of a beef patty and cheese placed in between two BLT sandwiches.

That would get me excited and nutrition groups upset about this new burger. Instead, it’s just a burger that uses Jack in the Box’s improved 100 percent beef patty and is topped with hickory-smoked bacon, shredded lettuce, tomatoes, American cheese, pickles, and a mayo-onion sauce, all of which is in between a sesame seed bun.

Sigh.

So if I were to take away the ketchup and onions in a Jack in the Box Jumbo Jack with Cheese and replace it with bacon, I’d have a BLT Cheeseburger.

Sigh.

Well, the Super Bowl commercial that’s promoting this BLT Cheeseburger better be more creative that the burger itself.

The Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger will be available for a limited time starting today and comes in a combo meal that also includes a 20-ounce drink and small fries for $4.99.