REVIEW: Dreyer’s Slow Churned Limited Edition Egg Nog Ice Cream

Nichol 2 Comments

Dreyer's Slow Churned Limited Edition Egg Nog Ice Cream

When the wind chill is thirty below and I’m at the grocery store, the last thing in the world that I want is for someone to steal my coat, but the next-to-last thing I want is ice cream, so winter specialty flavors meant nothing to me back in Illinois. Last week, however, while basking in a short-lived California heat wave, I felt drawn to a tub of Dreyer’s Slow Churned Limited Edition Egg Nog Ice Cream.

Frankly, egg nog sounds like an obvious, even lazy flavor choice. The product itself is just slightly off-color, but not in an egg shell or cream kind of way. It’s more like evenly coated yellow snow, tinged with a creeping bit of fear and self-doubt.

The flavor isn’t overwhelmingly sweet, which I guess is the point of the whole Slow Churned line. Unlike some low-ish fat ice cream options, however, nothing about it tastes terribly off and the ingredients list hasn’t kept me awake at night.

If you’re like me or the five people I’ve discussed this with thus far, the only thing you’re probably concerned about is whether or not the nutmeg flavor is present. Calm down. It’s there. No extraneous nutmeg buying expenses required. Really, that’s three-quarters of the way to a quality egg nog product right there.

See? Minimal effort all the way.

I found I actually enjoyed the ice cream more once it had slightly melted, which basically only indicates that, yes, I like egg nog.

I won’t name any names, but I’ve witnessed the creation of chewable egg nog before, and it ain’t pretty. From that experience I learned that I prefer my egg nog to be a liquid, rather than a liquid and some solids strained through a 99 cent wicker cornucopia. Not that the end result tasted bad, but the process was still questionable. The main point here is that I wouldn’t have dreamed of eating those superfluous egg chunks, and while the ice cream does not share the same troubling texture, I’m still less enthused about this whole solid nog concept.

Dreyer’s Egg Nog Ice Cream is unquestionably fairly tasty. However, it fails on three of my four main egg nog qualifications which are:

1. Nutmeg prominence
2. Drinkability
3. Warmth
4. Ability to combine with rum and not make the saddest ice cream float ever

Unless you’re already freezing, you probably won’t regret trying this stuff. You’ll just wonder why you didn’t grab some no-frills, non-chilly egg nog instead. If you’re a cold nog kind of person, this will make even less sense for you. And really that’s the bottom line – there’s no outstanding perk or fantastic reason to go back for a few more scoops instead of melting it down and slurping it up.

In this case limited edition seems to equate to acknowledgement of lack of staying power, yet they mention it being “back.” Did I just miss it last year? More importantly, am I supposed to be anticipating this next year? Because next year I plan on nodding knowingly as I pass by the freezer section in search of the special holiday fulfillment Dreyer’s could not provide. I hate to break it to you like this, Dreyer’s, but I’m leaving you for either Southern Comfort or Soy Nog. I like you. I just don’t like like you. I’m sorry.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 110 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 6% calcium, 0% vitamin C and 0% iron.)

Item: Dreyer’s Slow Churned Limited Edition Egg Nog Ice Cream
Price: $3.49
Size: 1.5 Quarts
Purchased at: Albertson’s
Rating: 5 out 10
Pros: Nutmeg. That heat wave last week. Tastes far better than it looks. It’s actually ice cream rather than a bag of worms or something. Half the fat of “regular ice cream.” Creamy.
Cons: Yellow snow. Egg nog with chunks. Ice cream in a Midwestern winter. Mini rum nog floats. Frostbite. Uncertainty over what constitutes “regular ice cream.” No coziness. Better melted. Fills non-exist nog niche.

REVIEW: Rogue Santa’s Private Reserve Ale

Drew 5 Comments

Rogue Santa’s Private Reserve Ale

This probably says more about me than I’d like it to, but whenever I picture Santa, it’s as likely to be with a beer in his hand as a glass of milk (or Coca-Cola).  As in all things, I blame my upbringing — my parents, savvy operators that they were, convinced me early on that what Saint Nick could really use on Christmas Eve was something to take the edge off.  Over time this was phased out in favor of the more traditional milk, but there are home movies of me at about 2-3 years old, bringing out cookies and a glass of wine for Santa.  (Predictably, I spilled it on the carpet and, yes, I did try to pick the liquid up with my fingers.  I was not a smart child.)

Honestly, I’ve always pictured that right jolly old elf through more of a working class lens than I think most do.  The poor guy busts his ass all year long to meet the tightest delivery window on Earth, and as soon as he gets back home Christmas morning, no doubt all he wants is to take a load off in his favorite chair with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other.  Mrs. Claus does not get a lot of help around the house in January, is what I’m saying.

But what I didn’t realize until a couple of years ago is that Santa actually has a microbrewery at the North Pole.  It makes sense – you have to figure not every elf is cut out for crafting dolls and iPods, so the rowdier ones are put to work brewing Santa’s own personal ale, which he briefly makes available to the public every Christmas season.  Now that’s a man who has mastered the spirit of giving, as have I, so allow me to give you the low-down on a product that just might get you through the holidays in one piece.

Rogue Santa’s Private Reserve Ale 2Santa’s Private Reserve pours out a nice darkish red/copper color, exactly the hue you want in a winter beer.  (Summer beers must by law be golden yellow, of course.  Basically, summer beers should look like your pee when you’re really dehydrated, winter beers should look like you have kidney stones.)  I’m not usually one for smelling my drinks, but the aroma is pleasant, slightly citrusy.  I’m also not a beer snob, so I won’t bore you or myself by getting too technical; but it IS quite hoppy, which translates to bitterness. 

To me that’s a selling point, but be warned if wheat beers and Corona are more your style.  (College students will, of course, want to stick with Natty Light, as this is not a good beer for chugging out of a plastic cup with a ping pong ball in it.)  You’d normally expect a winter seasonal beer to have a lot of spices in it, but they’re understated if not nonexistent here, taking a back seat to more of a roasted caramel taste.  In terms of thickness, it’s about medium — certainly you’re not going to confuse it for Guinness, but don’t expect it to go down like your mother at a Molly Hatchet reunion tour either.

The ABV is 6.0 percent, pretty standard for a craft beer, although those of you who mainly drink light beers should be careful.  In my immediate post-college years I could have polished off three of these without feeling it, but these days more than one is enough to rosy my cheeks and merry my dimples.  That works in your favor, though, as Two-Drink Drew is 65 percent more likely to tell embarrassing family stories and use the word “ass” in reviews than Zero-Drink Drew.  (Both are preferable to Five-Drink Drew, who can’t figure out how to work a keyboard.)  And not that it should influence your purchasing decision, but the packaging is nice — simple artistic images of a cheerful Kris Kringle hoisting a tankard.  Skol!

I have no doubt there are better, far more knowledgeable beer drinkers than I who could describe this Christmas ale to you using terms like “mouthfeel” and “juniper” and “pretentious.”  I just know what I like, and I like this beer.  It’s bitter, it’s smooth, and it leaves you with a pleasing aftertaste long after you’ve finished drinking it.  Plus it makes you feel like you and Santa are old drinking buddies.

Sure, everyone gets presents, but you’re one of the privileged few the big guy allows to tap his personal stockpile.  It’s a special, manipulative marketing-driven feeling, and that’s something you can’t put a price tag on.  Or rather, you can, and it’s $11.59.  Not dirt cheap, but for a once-a-year treat, it’s worth it.

Item: Rogue Santa’s Private Reserve Ale
Price: $11.59
Size: 6 pack (12-ounce bottles)
Purchased at: Joe Canal’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Stupid children.  Helps Santa recover from Christmas.  Good color.  Smooth and easy, like your sister.  Two-Drink Drew.  Tastes better than egg nog.
Cons: Bitter as an old man talking about today’s youth.  Not good for drinking games.  Misleading marketing – Santa doesn’t actually want to drink with me.  Not free, even if you make the “Nice” list.

NEWS: Kellogg’s Uses Adjectives Usually Used To Describe Stuffed Animals To Describe Their New Waffles

Marvo

Chicken n Waffles

Updated: Read our Eggo Thick & Fluffy Waffles review here

I don’t know if Kellogg’s is trying to create frozen Belgian-like waffles with their new Thick & Fluffy Waffles without having to call them Belgian waffles. But I do hope they have larger pockets than regular Eggo waffles, because I loves me some syrup and would love to have large reservoirs of syrup in my waffles. The more syrup, the more sugar I get, and the more sugar I get, the more functional I am throughout the first hour of my day before I have a sugar crash.

An Eggo Original Thick & Fluffy Waffle contains 160 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 3.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 300 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar and 4 grams of protein.

An Eggo Cinnamon & Brown Sugar Thick & Fluffy Waffle contains 170 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 270 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar and 3 grams of protein.

Like most Kellogg’s products, the Eggo Thick & Fluffly waffles are fortified with vitamins and minerals. The new variety of round waffles will come in boxes of six.

Source: Kellogg’s website

Image via flickr user pointnshoot / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Taco Bell Creates Super Junk Food By Combining Flamin’ Hot Fritos With A Burrito

Marvo 1 Comment

Taco Bell

Taco Bell’s new Beefy Crunch Burrito starts out like 70 percent of the Taco Bell menu with seasoned ground beef. Then it’s followed by ingredients found in 50-60 percent of Taco Bell’s menu: rice, nacho cheese sauce and sour cream. Then it’s wrapped in a flour tortilla, which is used by around 60 percent of Taco Bell’s menu items.

However, the Flamin’ Hot Fritos stuffed inside the Beefy Crunch Burrito is a brand new ingredient that’s only in the Beefy Crunch Burrito. But knowing Taco Bell, it will eventually end up in tacos, Crunchwraps, quesadillas, nachos, Gorditas, Chalupas and salads.

A Beefy Crunch Burrito has 510 calories, 200 calories from fat, 22 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 1250 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar and 15 grams of protein.

Source: Grub Grade

Image via flickr user Like_the_Grand_Canyon / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites Pizza

Jasper 12 Comments

Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites Pizza

I love commercials, and I believe good advertising should be rewarded. I recently bought a case of Old Spice body wash only because I wish the Old Spice guy would be my BFF and/or life coach.

On the flip side, bad commercials infuriate me, like the recent Pizza Hut one called “Your Favorites. Your Pizza.” It features a bunch of Pizza Hut employees describing why THIS isn’t just a pizza. It starts out sensibly and quickly descends into madness:

THIS means more one-on-one time with your daughter.

That’s kind of sweet, and I certainly see how dinner brings the family together.

THIS is the reason folks show up to your budget meeting.

Well, I suppose that could be true, though they usually don’t make budget meetings optional in the first place.

THIS is how you guarantee a second date.

WHAT?

First of all, there is an actual legal definition for the word “guarantee,” and Pizza Hut shouldn’t bandy the word about so casually. I would hate to think that future law students may be required to read about the landmark class-action lawsuit Bunch of Awkward Teenagers v. Pizza Hut.

But even if we’re just informally thinking about this, it’s doubtful anyone has EVER gone to Pizza Hut on the first date and believed that the second date was already in the bag. In fact, I would be more inclined to add that to the list of ways to guarantee you DON’T get a second date. (Note: I can’t imagine anyone actually does keep such a list, but if you do, “mentioning that you keep a list of ways to guarantee you don’t get a second date” should definitely be the first item on it.)

Yet occasionally products that intrigue me can overcome commercials that annoy me, and I continue to eat at Pizza Hut because they keep coming up with new products that I have to try just once, such as The Edge, the Four-in-One, and the P’Zone, to name just a few.

Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites Pizza Closeup

The Cheesy Bites Pizza is the spiritual descendant of the Stuffed Crust Pizza. First introduced in 2006, it has 28 detachable cheese-filled bites in lieu of a regular crust. I had been hoping the bites would be coated with the same parmesan powder found on Pizza Hut’s breadsticks, but the garlic flavoring they use instead is pretty tasty in its own right, and I like that they include a separate container of what is normally breadstick dipping sauce. For the first couple bites — or rather, the first couple bites of the first couple Bites — the cheese was as indulgently gooey as I had hoped, but they quickly cooled and hardened and became far less appetizing. I also noticed that the amount of cheese from Bite to Bite was not very consistent.

After a slice or two of eating the Bites first and being left with awkwardly crust-less pizza, I decided to eat my next slice the normal way. This turned out to be a good decision. While the Bites are easy to pull apart from one another, they were still sturdy enough to support the more conventional pizza-eating tactic.

And speaking of the non-crust part of the pizza, well, I don’t really have much to say, because it wasn’t anything special. It was just a regular thin crust Pizza Hut pizza, although it’s possible it had more pepperoni than normal. In reality, I think there was just less area to put the same number of pepperoni, as the Bites are much thicker than a normal crust. And since they’re thicker but not actually one continuous crust, the pizza is ultimately less filling than a normal large pizza. I suppose that’s my biggest beef with this specialty pie — I was promised a large pizza but it felt more like a medium. I’m not saying I ate the whole thing in one sitting, but I’m not saying I didn’t, either.

(Fine, you got me, I ate the whole thing in one sitting. Are you happy now?)

All together, the Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites pizza was not bad, but certainly not great. If you were going to Pizza Hut anyway…say, on a first date, or, in the event that you didn’t go there on your first date, your second one…go ahead and try the Cheesy Bites pizza. Otherwise, I’m sure your local pizza joint makes more delicious albeit less innovative pies. In fact, I guarantee it!*

*I don’t guarantee it. Please don’t sue me.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 slice – 370 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 1000 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar and 16 grams of protein.)

Item: Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites Pizza
Price: $11.99 (14″)
Size: Large/8 slices
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasty garlic powder. Separate container of dipping sauce. Indulgently gooey cheese. High pepperoni concentration. Eating pizza the normal way. The Old Spice guy. Bunch of Awkward Teenagers v. Pizza Hut.
Cons: Bites much less appetizing when cheese cools. Inconsistent cheesiness. Smaller-than-expected pizzas. Being awkwardly crust-less. First dates at Pizza Hut. False guarantees. Eating entire pizzas in one sitting.