NEWS: No Coconuts Will Be Killed In The Making of Limited Edition Twix Coconut

Sunset at Waikaloa

Every year it seems like Twix comes out with a limited edition version. I’d check to see if it’s true, but I just ate a Twix candy bar and my fingers are covered in chocolate, making it hard to type. But how am I typing this paragraph? I’m dictating it into my iPod Touch using the Dragon Dictation app.

Anyhoo, this year, Mars will be releasing the Limited Edition Twix Coconut.

According to Candyblog, the candy bar won’t have any coconut in them, instead it will have a little bit of coconut flavor. Besides that, it will have the same Twix ingredients that we all know, love, and buy impulsively when we’re in the checkout line waiting for some person who purchased enough food to feed a platoon; claims some of the products are on sale, which leads to price checks; asks for the groceries to be packed in paper and plastic; and writes a personal check.

Limited Edition Twix Coconut will be available starting in April 2011.

Source: Candyblog

Image via flickr user The Big Scout Project / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Whole Grain Helper Doesn’t Help The Fact You’re Still Eating Hamburger Helper

Hamburger Helper CLASSIC Cheeseburger Macaroni

Betty Crocker Whole Grain Helper is kind of like spraying Lysol on poop. The Lysol makes the poop smell a little better, but deep down it’s still poop. While the whole grain pasta or rice in Whole Grain Helper gives us something nutritionists say we need, but deep down it’s still Hamburger Helper.

Now I’m not dissing Hamburger Helper, because Hamburger Helper saved my life. Without it I would’ve starved in college or resorted to stealing my college roommate’s food. But Hamburger Helper can get quite unhealthy and I don’t think adding whole grains will give it any wholesomeness.

Betty Crocker Whole Grain Helper comes in two hamburger varieties and two chicken varieties: Cheeseburger Macaroni, Stroganoff, Honey Mustard Chicken and Lemon & Herb Chicken. The Honey Mustard Chicken contains 100 percent whole grain rice, while the other three varieties contain 100 percent whole grain pasta.

Source: Betty Crocker website

Image via flickr user / CC BY SA 2.0

NEWS: Kellogg’s Makes Frosted Flakes Less Gr-r-reat With Less Sugar But More Go-o-od For You With Fiber

Let’s face it. The flakes have never been the reason why Frosted Flakes are awesome. They get soggy quicker than a t-shirt on Titty Tuesdays at a nightclub. Frosted-less Flakes would just be regular Corn Flakes and a part of an unlucky kid’s complete breakfast.

Although that unlucky kid is probably skinny and the kids who eat Frosted Flakes are probably overweight.

However, Frosted Flakes eaters could lose some weight with new Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes with Fiber, Less Sugar. Fiber AND less sugar? I bet kids are lining up around the block for these. The less gr-r-reat Frosted Flakes has 25 percent less sugar than original Frosted Flakes, which has 11 grams per 3/4 cup serving. I’m not sure how much fiber is in a serving of these Frosted Flakes, but the original version has just one gram of fiber.

Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes with Fiber, Less Sugar will be available in two sizes: a 16.3-ounce box and a 24-ounce box available at Walmart.

Source: Kellogg’s website

NEWS: New Rockstar Pink Doesn’t Improve Women’s Energy Drink Equality

Rockstar For Women

Updated: Read our Rockstar PINK review here

Why do women’s energy drinks come in cans smaller than most regular energy drinks?

Go Girl Energy Drink…11.5 ounces.

Her Energy Drink…8.4 ounces.

At 12 ounces, the new Rockstar Pink Energy Drink is larger than those two, but 25 percent smaller than almost every other Rockstar Energy Drink. Just because women in the United States still earn only 77 cents on the male dollar, according to the US Census, that doesn’t mean women’s energy drink sizes should match that.

Rockstar Pink is sugar free, has zero carbs, contains something called “Rockstar Actives” and is only 10 calories per can. It also comes attached with a drinking straw. That’s right, women. You don’t get those four ounces, but you do get a straw.

Progress! Yeah!

Rockstar Pink will roll out nationally sometime this month.

Source: Rockstar Facebook Fan Page

REVIEW: Hello Kitty Water

Hello Kitty Water

Because I can’t read Japanese, I can’t read the label on this bottle of Hello Kitty Water. So I don’t know if this water came from a special spring located at the bottom of Mount Fuji or a Hello Kitty bidet, but it tastes like any other bottled water.

However, what’s really special about it, beside coming in a bottle shaped like Hello Kitty sitting on a gem, is it would cost you around four and a half US dollars if you purchased it in Japan.

The only bottled waters I can think of that could be equally or more expensive than this Hello Kitty Water are those purchased at a movie theater or on a golf course, those bottled at a particular spring in Fiji and those paid for with bloodshed in a post-apocalyptic world.

Yup, four fiddy for plain ol’ water packaged in a bottle that will appeal to 10-year-old girls, 32-year-old women who have adorned their automobiles with Hello Kitty steering wheel covers and car seat covers, and that one woman who drives a pink Pontiac Firebird with a gigantic Hello Kitty face on the car’s hood instead of the iconic firebird image. That woman will also be in a future episode of Hoarders several years from now because her clusterfuck of Hello Kitty memorabilia, consisting of items like Hello Kitty Kotex pads, used Hello Kitty contact lenses and empty bottles of Hello Kitty Water, is endangering her family.

I wish I could say there are gold cinnamon flakes shaped like Hello Kitty floating in it or it has a slight salty flavor like it’s supposed to taste like Hello Kitty sweat or Hello Kitty tears, but it doesn’t. Nor is it Hello Kitty spit, because, of course, it wouldn’t make any sense since Hello Kitty lacks a mouth to produce it. It just tastes like any filtered bottled water that I could purchase at a nearby convenience store for about a dollar or get for free if I pretend I completed a 5K by jumping into the line with all the finishers.

Since I’m not a Hello Kitty fanboy, the only really positive thing I can say about Hello Kitty Water is that, with every sip, it looks like I’m sucking the life out of Hello Kitty, which, if it were the real Hello Kitty, I would consider payback for sucking out my masculinity whenever I step into or walk by a Sanrio store.

Overall, I think with Hello Kitty Water, it’s not about how thirsty you are, it’s more about how much of a thirst you have for Hello Kitty products.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bottle – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat…oh, who am I kidding? It’s frickin’ water.)

Item: Hello Kitty Water
Price: 367 yen (about $4.50 US)
Size: 265 ml
Purchased at: Somewhere in Japan
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Awesome for Hello Kitty superfans. Awesome to find for those searching for clean drinking water in a post-apocalyptic world. The bottle’s Hello Kitty shape. Getting free food if I look like I just ran in a 5K. Drinking it looks like I’m sucking the life out of Hello Kitty.
Cons: Expensive for a bottle of water. It’s just water. Probably hard to find outside of Japan. Buying bottled water at a movie theater or on a golf course. Having a house stuffed with Hello Kitty memorabilia and being featured on Hoarders because of it. Not Hello Kitty sweat or tears.