I could fill this Friends The One With The Vanilla Bean Latte Cereal review with references from the TV show if I knew enough about it. I’m pretty sure I watched every episode, but I’m awful at retaining any knowledge about them other than the names of the main characters, and I vaguely recall there was a Tom Selleck arc with Rachel and Monica arguing over condoms. Or was that some vivid dream I had?

This Walmart-exclusive, limited-time-only cereal features sweetened whole wheat and corn flakes with vanilla bean latte flavor. The box’s backside has a board game that involves helping Rachel, Ross, and Chandler get a couch up a few flights of stairs. I’m sure that’s from the show, but I don’t remember it.

All the pieces have a sugary coffee-flavored coating that gives them a sweetness and a protective barrier from getting soggy. These flakes can take a soak, but its crunch will not croak. But the flavor sticks to the flakes so well that it doesn’t run into the milk.

Sniffing it, I notice a slight coffee bitterness with an equal amount of sweetness, and its flavor is also not overwhelming. So, if you want a cereal with a HEAVY java taste, this is not it. But this cereal is how I like my coffee, sweetened and creamed. At times, there’s a nuttiness that might be coming from the underlying flakes, and at other times, my taste buds thought of Raisin Bran, thanks to the flavoring fading and the whole wheat flakes’ taste coming through. Like actual coffee, the cereal leaves an aftertaste that reminds you that you’ve consumed coffee long after you’ve finished. Even though I wish the flavors stood out a bit more, I enjoyed this cereal immensely.

Its flavor also got me thinking we could pretend to be baristas with this cereal by adding different kinds of milk — almond, oat, soy, cow, or whatever your heart desires or your digestive system tolerates.

Despite its flavor, coffee isn’t a listed ingredient, so I’m sure there’s no chance of getting a caffeinated jolt from this. While it lacks actual java, a serving has enough fiber to give my digestive system almost 20 percent of my daily recommended amount.

Fine flavor. Fiber. Friends. Who could ask for more from a cereal that makes your breath smell like coffee?

Smell?

Oh, Smelly Cat! I totally forgot about that.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from General Mills. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 15.9 oz box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 200 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar (including 17 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

Is General Mills taking this retro trend a bit too far? And when I mean “far,” I mean far back in time. Because here we have a cereal dug out deep from whatever catacomb discontinued products end up in — Twinkles Cereal, which should not be confused with this cereal.

This is so retro that I didn’t know it existed, and I ended up having to look it up like I was someone born after the year 2000 trying to find out who the heck MC Hammer is and why their parents are embarrassing them by shuffle dancing side-to-side to his music in public.

Twinkles Cereal is old, like black-and-white-television-old. The first result that popped up during my research was a commercial from the 1960s that touted the star-shaped toasted oats’ n corn cereal, which came in a box with a storybook attached. The story featured the adventures of Twinkles the Magic Elephant and his friends Fulton the Inventor, Sanford the Parrot, and Wilbur the Monkey. Sadly, this 2024 box did not come with a storybook. Instead, there’s a game board featuring Thomas the Octopus, Alfred the Alligator, Randolph the Bull, and Victor the Vulture.

While I’m disappointed I can’t read a Twinkles story to my son before bedtime, I’m surprisingly not disappointed with the taste of Twinkles, despite it being such a simple sweetened cereal. After tasting it for the first time, I was a bit shocked that it had been discontinued in 1973. They have a sugary shine, which is appropriate for star-shaped pieces. And that sweet coating does a good job of preventing everything from getting soggy quickly.

Twinkles is tasty, but its flavor reminds me of another cereal. For a while, I couldn’t put my tongue on it. I thought it was another General Mills product and mentally went through all the different tastes. But I finally realized what it was while snacking on some in my car at a beach park, looking out at the ocean, and pondering my life’s purpose — Cap’n Crunch. However, that similarity happens when eating it as a dry snack. With milk, the flavor changes to something less familiar and sweet but still good.

Twinkles Cereal surprised me, and as I ate it, I wondered if it would be even better if the cereal that features Twinkles the Magic Elephant was combined with Lucky Charms’ Magical Marshmallows. I believe it would be magnificent.

Twinkles is available for a limited time as a Walmart exclusive.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from General Mills. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 15.8 oz box (Family Size)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 1/4 cup) 160 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar (including 11 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.