Jelly bean season is upon us, and the folks at Frankford Candy have given us the unholiest collaboration of Eastertide: Colonel’s Favorite Jelly Beans.
The colonel is Colonel Sanders—the KFC guy.
If you think that sounds terrible, you are correct. These jelly beans are not AI, but I wish they were.
The flavors are fried chicken, sweet corn (maybe we should call him Kernel Sanders?), and gravy. I didn’t expect these to be good, and yet even my low expectations remain unmet.
When I open the bag, I get a strong, off-putting savory smell. I often enjoy mixing savory and sweet (pineapple on pizza, Pumpkin Spice Cup Noodles), but this is not one of those times.
Even the beige color palette is unappetizing. The corn flavor is yellow, the gravy flavor is orange-yellow, and the fried chicken flavor is Caucasian skin with freckles. At least the texture is pretty typical for a jelly bean.
The flavors aren’t all that different from each other; they are all strong umami, savory flavors with a fruity sweetness. If I concentrate, the fried chicken flavor does make me imagine juicy meat inside a crispy batter, but that’s not something I want in a jelly bean. The corn bean has a very faint corn flavor; it’s the best (i.e., least disgusting) of the three. And I detect an onion note in the gravy bean.
Even after I have eaten them, a weird, unpleasant aftertaste lingers in my mouth. I think these are worse than the notorious turkey dinner candy corn.
It is difficult to find anything to enjoy about these. So why am I rating them a 2 out of 10 instead of a 1 out of 10? Well, they’re not so repulsive that I need to spit them out. They’re close, but they’re not quite there. And also, I’m pretty sure they’re meant to be amusing and ridiculous, and they’re probably meant to be a little gross. In that way, they’re a roaring success.
Don’t put these in a plastic egg for the annual egg hunt unless you want to ruin a kid’s Easter.
Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 4 oz bag
Purchased at: Five Below
Rating: 2 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (22 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 27 grams of sugar (includes 27 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.
