REVIEW: Brach’s Turkey Dinner Candy Corn

Brach s Turkey Dinner Candy Corn Bag

What is Brach’s Turkey Dinner Candy Corn?

Somewhere in the world, a withered monkey’s paw has lowered a finger.

Okay, fess up.

Which one of you wished for new candy?

I can only assume that’s how this product came to be because Brach’s has introduced a product no one could have honestly wanted: Turkey Dinner Candy Corn.

How is it?

Brach s Turkey Dinner Candy Corn Poured

Green Beans

It took me a while to put my finger on what these taste like because it’s not like any green bean I’ve ever tasted. Yet, there’s a certain noxious quality that’s familiar. Then it hit me. These taste spoiled. My only explanation is that whoever is responsible for this grew up eating canned green beans that had been boiled to mush and then left on the stovetop for too long.

Roast Turkey

Oh, wow! This really tastes like turkey! That’s a terrible thing for candy to taste like! Everything about this is off-putting. Even the yellow top of the candy corn reminds of the scummy fat that rises to the top of turkey drippings. I applaud the food scientists for managing to nail the flavor of a turkey dinner’s centerpiece, but wish they would use their skills for good rather than evil.

Cranberry Sauce

These taste generically fruity, but lack specific cranberry flavor and tartness. They wouldn’t be out of place in any other assortment of fruity candy, but fail to add to the turkey dinner theme.

Ginger Glazed Carrots

These are delightfully accurate recreations of their namesake. There’s real sweet carrot flavor with a spicy ginger bite. If you don’t like carrots or ginger, you won’t like them, but they’ll be a favorite for glazed carrot fans.

Sweet Potato Pie

These don’t taste anything like sweet potato pie, but they taste exactly like maple syrup. Given some of the other flavors’ awfulness, I’m going to count my blessings, not ask too many questions, and quickly move on.

Stuffing

I had no idea how the folks at Brach’s would replicate a savory side dish in a candy form. And it turns out neither did they because this one just tastes weird. There’s perhaps a toasted bread and herb note, but the sugary sweetness overwhelms any savory characteristic and results in a muddled mess.

Brach s Turkey Dinner Candy Corn Lined Up

Anything else you need to know?

A common trope in old sci-fi is the notion of having an entire meal in pill form, which always seemed odd to me. Who would rather swallow a pill than eat real food? Then, Silicon Valley introduced Soylent to the world because eat was getting in the way of productivity.

So, here’s my theory: some techbro was annoyed at getting yanked out his coding flow state to have Thanksgiving with his family, found a monkey’s paw, and then wished for some festive way to fulfill familial obligations as efficiently as possible.

It’s candy, so it’s fun! It’s also possible to eat by the handful, so it’s also very efficient! All the better for getting back to coding that dystopian facial recognition algorithm as quickly as possible.

Conclusion:

Despite some truly horrific flavors, I must admit I come away impressed by Brach’s ability to offer the full cornucopia of Thanksgiving experiences in one bag. From the disgusting dish your younger cousin brings (Hush, everyone. He tried.) to the unexciting but crowd-pleasing favorites that Grandma faithfully delivers and the standout that everyone looks forward to every year, Brach’s Turkey Dinner Candy Corn replicates the highs and lows of a Thanksgiving with family.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 12 oz bag
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (15 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar including 23 grams added sugar, and 0 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Chocolatey PayDay Bar

Chocolatey PayDay Bar Wrapper

What is the Chocolatey PayDay Bar?

One of the simplest candy bars gets a new(ish) makeover. PayDay’s signature salted peanuts and caramel get dunked in chocolate for a new bar that looks awfully familiar.

How is it?

Chocolatey PayDay Bar

Unwrapped, you could have fooled me into believing it’s a Baby Ruth, a candy bar I think very fondly of that doesn’t get enough love. In a world full of Snickers and Nutrageous, there’s only so much room for the chocolate-peanut combo, but PayDay isn’t afraid, and its take is quite good.

Chocolatey PayDay Bar Interior

What makes this bar different from the one it looks identical to is the absence of nougat. While PayDay’s signature core is certainly nougat-adjacent, it isn’t quite as sweet. It’s a bit richer with a roasty caramel flavor coming through. The chocolate is typical Hershey’s quality, which is totally serviceable (“chocolatey”), but what allows this bar to stand out is its saltiness.

While not overwhelmingly salty, the savory and sweet balance is much better than your average super sweet wrapped confection. I really like the way the salt activates the chocolate and complements the fatty nuts.

Anything else you need to know?

I’ve always enjoyed the original PayDay but found it to be a bit one noted after a couple of bites despite its fun soft yet crunchy texture. The chocolate coating takes care of that problem and makes it more of a classic sugary experience.

Conclusion:

While this new(ish) treat certainly isn’t reinventing the wheel, it’s a combination of familiar and delicious flavors that any Snickers-lover will definitely enjoy.

Purchased Price: $1.47
Size: King Size (3.1 ounces)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/3 pack) 140 calories, 8 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Witch’s Brew Kit Kat

Witch s Brew Kit Kat Bag

What is Witch’s Brew Kit Kat?

Hershey’s has turned witch’s brew into its latest Kit Kat flavor. What does witch’s brew taste like? Well, it aligns perfectly with Halloween, witches, and the color green: marshmallow!

Wait…marshmallow??

How is it?

Witch s Brew Kit Kat Layers

As with the other limited edition Kit Kats, the flavor lies in the light-green-colored crème coating. The inside is standard Kit Kat fare.

Does Witch’s Brew taste different from standard Kit Kats with white crème? Yes!
Does it taste like a marshmallow? I guess so. It’s sweeter than white crème, but marshmallows are not known for their strong flavor.

Is it enjoyable? Yes!

Anything else you need to know?

Though the flavor has a dubious connection to our beloved October holiday, I adore the witch on the package! There was an old episode of Bewitched where Samantha and her aunts were furious that Darrin’s client wanted an ugly crone on his Halloween candy packaging.

Witch s Brew Kit Kat Cauldron

This Kit Kat witch might be green and warty, but she’s so adorable that Samantha would hopefully approve. Well done, Hershey’s design team!

Conclusion:

Marshmallow seems like a lazy and forgettable flavor for witch’s brew. I mean, is that really what you get when you mix the eye of newt and toe of frog? But even though trick-or-treaters might forget this Kit Kat once they have finished their Halloween haul, at least they’ll enjoy it while it’s around.

Purchased Price: $3.50
Size: 9.8 oz bag
Purchased at: Dollar General
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 packages) 140 calories, 8 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 11 grams of added sugars, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Popcorn M&M’s

Popcorn M M s Bag

When I tore open the share size bag of these new Popcorn M&M’s that have milk chocolate with a crisp rice center, I was immediately transported to a movie theater.

Or, if you look at Blue on the package, it is to the stands of a football game chowing down on a chocolatey popcorn treat. The scent of these is outstanding as they do nail the essence of a creamy, buttery milk chocolate concoction.

However, please don’t get your hopes up too too much as the smell doesn’t fully translate to the taste of them, unfortunately, but it does get pretty gosh darn close.

Now, if you had asked me how these were when I first stumbled upon them at a random gas station in central Pennsylvania, I would have given them a 10 out of 10 and told you to drop everything, seriously drop EVERYTHING, and do whatever you need to do to indulge in these. It’s been a few days, so I have had time to come back down to Earth from the high of finding them unexpectedly and experiencing their intense aroma.

Popcorn M M s Colors

These come in perfectly themed colors of dark brown, neon yellow, and off-white to mimic the product they are trying to emulate. These being M&M’s there is, of course, the glorious hard candy shell to bite into first. The main flavor of these is definitely chocolate, and you can tell it is prevalent throughout the bite. And, technically, if you look at the packaging, these are CHOCOLATE popcorn flavored treats.

There is a definite butter flavor with a hint of salt, at least as far as I can tell, but it is very light. As I ate more, the flavor seemed to diminish, and I could see potentially without the shell colors, bag, or smell someone could mistake these for regular crispy M&M’s, although a very creamy milk heavy version.

Popcorn M M s Split

One component that is a slam dunk, or field goal, I guess I should say based on the sponsorship is the crisp rice core. It adds another crunchy texture in addition to shell, and this being a lighter one definitely reminds me of the crunch that popcorn would give.

All in all, these are delicious M&M’s with a light popcorn flavor as I have already downed 2.5 share size bags singlehandedly. I also applaud Mars for thinking outside the box with this inventive flavor. I just wish the butter flavor (and maybe the salt) was dialed up a few more notches as it would have truly knocked these out of the park flavor-wise. (Eeek sorry, would have made the flavor make an amazing touchdown flavor-wise, keeping with the theme.)

P.S – I wish Blue would have been chilling in a movie theater auditorium seat instead of with a football and eye black. I get the sponsorship, and that popcorn is a snack at stadiums, but not having a movie theater connection seems wrong.

P.P.S. – Rather than Blue holding a bucket of chocolate popcorn, shouldn’t it be a mixture of M&M’s and popcorn since that is what I originally thought they were drawing inspiration from when hearing about this flavor. Although maybe that is too meta and also means Blue is a cannibal. Eeek.

P.P.P.S. – Let’s not end on thinking about cannibalism, these are milk chocolatey with a hint of butter goodness, try them!

Purchased Price: $1.75 (2 for $3.50)
Size: 2.83 oz. Share Size Bag
Purchased at: Sheetz
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 27 g (1/3 of bag) – 130 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Starburst Fruit by the Foot

Starburst Fruit by the Foot

What is Starburst Fruit by the Foot?

General Mills’ popular fruity kids treat that has no actual fruit now has varieties that taste like the original Starburst chewy candies — Cherry, Strawberry, Orange, and Lemon.

Starburst Fruit by the Foot Wrappers

What flavor you get in each wrapper is printed in dot-matrix style on the shiny packaging. Oh, how I miss hearing the melodic sound of dot-matrix printers. If you’ve never heard one, here you go. Just leave that playing in another browser tab as you read the rest of the review.

If you’ve never had Fruit by the Foot, which has been around for almost **GASP** 30 years, every roll has about three feet of fun.

How is it?

Starburst Fruit by the Foot Rolls

How these taste can be summed up with the following anticlimactic statement — they taste like their respective Starburst candy. But instead of having to chew on candy pieces that can be somewhat tough like the rope you would gnaw at that’s wrapped around your wrists so that you can’t escape from a laboratory where they do secret experiments on humans to determine how long a person can tolerate the sound of a dot-matrix printer, these are easy-to-chew thin strips of sugar and natural flavors.

I don’t know if this is the sugar talking, but these satisfy my sweet tooth and taste buds. But, now that the sugar is wearing off, if I want candy that tastes like Starburst, why don’t I just buy actual Starburst and also give my jaw a workout.

Anything else you need to know?

If thin fruity flavored strips aren’t your thing, I imagine if you wanted to recreate the Starburst chew with these Fruit by the Foot, you could unravel each strip, peel it all away from the paper, roll it up again sans paper, and squash the whole roll into a solid square block. Although, this has probably been done thousands of times since Fruit by the Foot has been around for almost 30 years.

Starburst Fruit by the Foot Squished

UPDATE: I was bored, so I decided to attempt what I wrote above with a strawberry roll, and it’s still easier to chew than a Starburst. But when eaten like that, it tastes less like a Strawberry Starburst. Weird. Instead, there’s a generic strawberry candy flavor.

Starburst Fruit by the Foot Promise

A box comes with six rolls, and mine came with two strawberry, two cherry, one orange, and one lemon. That appears to be what’s in every box, which I’m glad about because I’d take advantage of Betty Crocker’s Red Spoon Promise if mine came with two lemon rolls.

Conclusion:

Starburst Fruit by the Foot is a candy that’s mostly successful at tasting like another candy.

Purchased Price: $2.58
Size: 6 rolls
Purchased at: Target.com
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 roll) 80 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Apple Pie Kit Kat

Limited Edition Apple Pie Kit Kat

Kit Kat is back again with another new limited edition flavor.

The new Apple Pie Kit Kat has hit store shelves in an appropriately bright yellow package to proclaim its arrival boldly. They are unmistakable sitting next to their red-wrapped counterparts. When I saw them beckoning from a Walmart’s seasonal display, I could not help myself and instinctively grabbed a handful.

Upon arriving home, I stowed the Kit Kats in the refrigerator. I am of the mindset that the candy bar tastes significantly better when cold. The crunch is even more satisfying once the candy has chilled for a bit. I impatiently waited for them to reach a suitable temperature and dug in.

Limited Edition Apple Pie Kit Kat Fingers

They have a gentle aroma of warm spice, but no hint of apple. The first thing I tasted, however, was a kiss of apple flavor. Thankfully, it was reasonably accurate and mild. Foods flavored to resemble apple can often be overwhelming and artificial. This candy had a perfect level for my preferences.

Beyond the faint apple taste, the familiar apple pie spices came through. It was a subtle selection of spices, but I definitely detected cinnamon and ginger. The creaminess invoked pleasant thoughts of apple pie à la mode.

Limited Edition Apple Pie Kit Kat Wafers

The coating seems to be where all the flavor comes from. It’s a delicate white chocolate base that lends itself to both apple and spices quite well. The interior wafer is typical Kit Kat fare.

For me, Kit Kat nailed this one. The flavors are all present enough to make it clear that this is an apple pie flavored candy. I would have been fine with a little bit more of the spices, but any more apple would have been too much for me. If you are looking for an overwhelmingly apple flavored candy, this is not it.

I recommend Apple Pie Kit Kat, provided that you set your expectations appropriately. A little slice of Americana wrapped up in the form of a Kit Kat is a comfort too good to pass up right now.

Purchased Price: $0.88
Size: 1.5 oz package
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 package) 220 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.