REVIEW: Mother’s Frosted Cookies Made with Nerds

/ / Reviews / Leave a Comment

Mother's x Nerds -- a collab no one saw coming

My initial plan for this review was to write a parody of Danzig’s seminal hit song, “Mother.”

After tasting a few of Mother’s new Frosted Animal Cookies with Nerds, I realized the words didn’t even need to change.


“Mother,

Can you keep them in the dark for life?
Can you hide them from the waiting world?
Ohhhhh, MOTHER!”

It’s more like, “oh, brother!” These cookies should’ve been kept in the dark for life. They should’ve been hidden from the waiting world. Do you hear that, Mother?

These stink worse than the zoo animals they’re shaped like.

Pink...yay, it's a girl!

Blue, yay it's a boy!

On the surface iced shortbread cookies skimpily dotted with Nerds sounds like a lot of fun. I was ready to have a great time and let my inner child out, but these are an atrocity against both man and beast.

But the inside it pink?

The cookies are coated in a waxy substance that tastes like… maybe a light berry flavor? I have no idea. I’m guessing because they’re painted like a “one boy, one girl Twin” birth reveal. The inner shortbread cookie is red, for some reason. I guess we’re cool with food dyes again, because that’s basically the entire ingredient list.

Sweet and tangy!

And don’t you dare ask Mother about the flavor, because all she tells us is that they are “sweet and tangy.” While Nerds do add a little tang to the equation, there aren’t enough Nerds big or flavorful enough to stand out over the gross wax-cing.

The icing literally tastes like wax, and the cookies have a bad texture too. They’re too hard. I’ve had frosted animal cookies in the past, probably from this brand, and I swear they weren’t this terrible.

It's summer!

As you can see I bought these during the recent heatwave. They were in the car for all of a half hour, with AC, and still melted into a massive ball of animal carnage. I guess it’s a rule that all circus animals be treated poorly.

“But if you wanna find hell with me
I can show you what it’s like!”

It’s like this massive cookie Katamari. Worst Nerds Cluster ever!

If I have to highlight some positives, how about the fun classic animal shapes? I think I saw a lion, a bunny that was probably a big Nerd mascot? A camel perhaps. The fabled Chupacabra? Is that Slimer from Ghostbusters? I don’t know, I couldn’t really tell even before they were all just an amorphous pink and blue glob of Nerds measles.

Nerds! That’s a positive. We love Nerds! Well, this must be the “Revenge of the Nerds” I keep hearing about. Mother doesn’t do them any favors, but I genuinely don’t think Nerds would work as a sprinkle on even the best cookies.

“Tell your children not to understand!”

I genuinely don’t even think kids will like these. If my mother baked these, I would have emancipated.

Danzig couldn’t really sum up my ultimate feelings – only one man could.

To quote the legendary thespian, Samuel L. Jackson:

“MOTHER F-rosted Cookies with Nerds are simply not it.”

May have misquoted him. Call your mother!

Purchased Price: $3.74
Size: 9 oz package
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 2 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (7 Cookies) 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Lindt Tokyo Style Matcha Strawberry Bar

/ / Reviews / Leave a Comment

Not Dubai-chocolate.

If grocery store shelves are any indication, the Dubai chocolate craze is still going strong: the combination of creamy, crunchy, and visually striking is too compelling to go away overnight. But if your layover in Dubai has lasted a little too long, Lindt can place another stamp in your culinary passport. Its new Tokyo Style Matcha Strawberry bar utilizes a similar formula that supported Dubai chocolate’s success—but with a vibrant flavor profile that pays homage to Japanese tea culture.

The bar consists of a white chocolate base infused with matcha, finely ground green tea known for its earthy flavor. Matcha also boosts the filling, which includes freeze-dried strawberries and genmai, which is roasted brown rice commonly blended with green tea.

So green

The chocolate bar is a beautiful spring green color with a fruity, slightly floral aroma. Matcha can be a polarizing flavor, and if the thought of the sometimes-grassy drink turns YOU green, this white chocolate will please your palate. The matcha flavor is not prominent; it seems to work backstage to tone down the white chocolate’s sweetness. The chocolate is smooth, gently sweet, and not overly rich, with a little strawberry essence and a whisper of earthy matcha in the finish.

Matcha middle

The green filling is an amalgamation of flavor and texture: matcha, freeze-dried strawberries, and brown rice (per the product description), as well as almond paste, almonds, kadayif, and hazelnuts (per the ingredients list).

It's not the prettiest.

Despite everything going on, the flavors don’t feel muddled. The strawberry flavor is deliciously bright, and the genmai is toasty, slightly nutty, and pops with crunch. The genmai is both a highlight and a detriment, because its deep roasted flavor can carry a burnt aftertaste. These textural components are held together by a thick, not-too-sweet matcha filling.

This is a strange comparison, but it’s the best I’ve got. This chocolate bar reminds me of Special K with Red Berries cereal, re-envisioned as an elegant Swiss chocolate bar: light sweetness, toasty crunch, and berries. Just add matcha milk. I wonder if the Lindt chocolatiers pair that cereal with their morning matcha lattes.

Compared to Lindt’s Dubai chocolate bar, the Tokyo Style Matcha Strawberry bar is more intentionally designed and successful in its inventive, balanced flavor profile. For both bars (and most similar varieties of trendy chocolate), price will always be a contested factor. Despite my slight preference for the Tokyo Style Bar, I’m still not convinced that either bar’s ingredients, thin layer of filling, and overall size warrant the hefty price tag. Call me cheap, but I factored my doubt into my overall rating.

You'll be spending a lot of green to eat this green bar.

Tea drinkers who love bitter, grassy notes should seek satisfaction from their favorite café, but fans of sweet confections should try Lindt’s Tokyo Style Matcha Strawberry bar. If you enjoy Dubai chocolate but are ready for a change, the product is a sweet, green alternative with a bright berry flavor and interesting genmai crunch. Maybe that ubiquitous pistachio-and-chocolate combination has finally met its matcha.

Purchased Price: $14.99
Purchased at: Target
Size: 5.1 oz (145 g) bar
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per 2 pieces, or 1/5 bar) 150 calories, 10 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Fruit Riot Sour Patch Kids Sour Pineapple Tropical Mix Review

/ / Reviews / 1 Comment

Fruit Riot Sour Patch Kids Sour Pineapple Tropical Mix Pouch

Fruit Riot has never caused a riot in my house because, well, I’ve never invited any of its products into my place. I’ve known about Fruit Riot products for years, ever since the original version debuted, but never made room in my freezer for the pouches of sour-coated frozen fruit. All it took for me to finally open my freezer door to welcome a bag of Fruit Riot was a collaboration with Sour Patch Kids.

Before you question whether gummy candy freezes well, know that this Fruit Riot Sour Patch Kids Sour Pineapple Tropical Mix is freshly frozen pineapple with a Sour Patch Kids-inspired sour coating. So, no gummy candy shaped like kids were harmed in making this product.

Fruit Riot Sour Patch Kids Sour Pineapple Tropical Mix the different sizes of fruit

It appears the sugary, sour layer aims to replicate the flavors of Redberry, Orange, and Grape. However, the pouch mostly contained yellow-colored pieces, which made me wonder if they were lemon-flavored rather than orange. The next most plentiful were the Redberry chunks, and trailing far behind with only four purple bits was Grape.

It was surprising that there was no need to let the fruit thaw before biting into it. As someone who freezes fruit because I don’t eat fresh ones fast enough, I know how solid fresh pineapple can get when frozen. The varied sizes of the pieces also took me aback — some were standard pineapple chunks you’d find in a can, while others were noticeably smaller.

Is it lemon? Is it orange? It is definitely sour.

This is definitely Redberry.

Of the three Sour Patch Kids flavors in the pouch, the only one I could identify with certainty was the Redberry, which ended up being my favorite. Orange didn’t taste like orange, and I’m not sure the purple pieces were grape, but that didn’t take away from how much I liked them. The pineapple’s flavor, which can be a bit tart on its own, wasn’t overpowered by the coating. Instead, the sugary layer amped up the sourness, though not to a face-puckering level. The coating’s grittiness wasn’t off-putting either, adding a sugary crunch to the firm chew of the pineapple.

Is it grape? It is definitely purple.

I don’t know if these are as sour as Fruit Riot’s other products because, as I mentioned earlier, I haven’t had any of them. But I enjoyed the taste of every piece, even though with most, I was not sure what I was tasting beyond the sourness and pineapple. If you’re a fan of sour candy, these are a fun way to eat fruit, and definitely worth opening your freezer door for.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: 8 oz pouch
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz/about 3-5 pieces) 45 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 7 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar (includes 4 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

Dr Pepper Tic Tac Review

/ / Reviews / 3 Comments

Dr Pepper Tic Tac container

It took well over a century, but the good Doctor Pepper has finally released his iconic twenty-three flavored elixir in pill form.

That’s right, the long-awaited third flavor in the Soda Tic Tac trilogy is Dr Pepper. I was a fan of the Coke one, but hated the Sprite. If we’re just going off the drinks themselves, I like Dr Pepper better than both of ’em, so needless to say, I had high hopes for this collab.

Said hopes were… mostly met.

Dr Pepper Tic Tac's Dr Pepper color

There’s no debating that these are Dr Pepper just from the smell and sight of them. They have the familiar cherry-ish waft of the fizzy drink, and to quote the late great Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon.”

We miss you every day, Bugs. Hope you made it to the great Albuquerque in the sky. If only you said, “What’s up, Doc?” to an actual doctor more often.

But enough about real doctors, do these “mints” taste like actual Dr Pepper? Yes! And no!?

They do, but it’s not as uncanny (or unbottley if you prefer) as Dr Pepper collabs usually are. The candy shell has a vague cherry/cola sweetness, but once that’s gone and the mint turns white and gritty, it just tastes like a really watered-down Dr Pepper knockoff. Dare I say Mr. Pibbian – a far less educated soda.

Dr Pepper Tic Tac in a bowl

I was ready to say these tasted just like cherry Bottle Caps, but I ultimately landed on a particular black cherry soda. They remind me of a drink made by an old med school colleague of Dr Pepper’s — Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry. He’s not as celebrated, but still makes a solid pop.

So, I really like the flavor for about eight seconds, and then I only kinda like it. It reminds me of the delicious sweetness you get from Tic Tacs’ pill cousin, Advil, before you suck on them for too long and they just end up tasting like bitter medicine. That’s how you’re supposed to eat those, right?

Dr Pepper Tic Tac with actual Dr Pepper

With all that said, there’s a kicker here. A saving grace. These Tic Tacs have a fizzing sensation. Have you ever had Zotz, or similar fizzing candy? It’s like those on a much smaller scale, but still noticeable. I honestly don’t think every mint fizzes, only a couple per “sip,” but it adds a fun and creative element to the eating experience.

The fizzing actually made me incredibly thirsty, which might be a stroke of genius brand synergy now that I think about it.

I imagine most Dr Pepper fans will enjoy these just fine, but I’m still not sure they serve much of a purpose. They’re “mints” that don’t freshen your mouth, and not a top-tier “sucking candy.” They’re also not a candy that sucks, and the fizzing is undeniably fun, so I guess that still makes them worth a try. Nothing wrong with a twist on two old classics.

I’m still here for any and all Dr Pepper collabs moving forward. In fact, I have an open pack of Dr Pepper Peeps slowly maturing in the cabinet, and I can’t wait til they get to their maximum staleness to indulge. If only they came in bunny form to honor our old friend, Bugs.

Purchased Price: $4.52
Size: 3.4 Fl. Oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Mint) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium,0 grams of total carbohydrates, for some reason they don’t even bother mentioning sugar, 0 grams of protein.

Snickers Crunchy Peanut Butter Minis Ice Cream Bars Review

/ / Reviews / Leave a Comment

Snickers Crunchy Peanut Butter Minis Ice Cream Bars box

Why are these Snickers Minis Ice Cream Bars not called Snickers Fun Size Ice Cream Bars? They’re roughly the size of regular Snickers Fun Size bars, not the square-ish regular Snickers Minis. Calling them “Fun Size” would’ve been, well, fun — and more accurate.

Nomenclature aside, one of the genuinely fun things about these mini ice cream bars is the four varieties available. Along with these Snickers Crunchy Peanut Butter Minis, there are also Original Snickers, Salted Caramel, and Almond varieties. Sorry, fans of Snickers Butterscotch Scoop, Pecan, Hazelnut, or Fiery. Maybe they’ll show up next year, if these sell well.

Snickers Crunchy Peanut Butter Minis Ice Cream Bars individually wrapped

I think there’s a chance they will, because these Snickers Crunchy Peanut Butter Minis are good. Each bar features caramel, peanuts, and crunchy peanut butter ice cream in a chocolate coating, and there are ten individually wrapped bars per box. If you want to eat all ten in one sitting, the box has already read your mind, offering the nutrition facts for that scenario: 920 calories, 61 grams of fat, 31 grams of saturated fat, 5 grams of fiber, 68 grams of sugar, and 18 grams of protein.

While they taste great, with their strong nutty flavor from the ice cream and nuts (though mostly from the latter), with a hint of chocolate from the coating, they aren’t so compelling that I’d eat all ten in one sitting. With an actual Snickers Fun Size candy bar, because it’s denser, just one satisfies my sweet tooth. With these ice cream bars, it takes two to get that same feeling.

Snickers Crunchy Peanut Butter Minis Ice Cream Bars cross section

As someone who prefers crunchy peanut butter, I’m thrilled there are added peanut bits in the peanut butter-flavored ice cream in addition to the usual nuts on top, guaranteeing some crunch in every bite. What I didn’t really get enough of was the caramel. I could feel its gooey texture and see it ooze out from under the chocolate layer, but thanks to the strong nuttiness from the other ingredients, its flavor was nearly nonexistent. But I guess that’s okay since these are Snickers Peanut Butter Minis Ice Cream Bars.

Snickers Minis Ice Cream Bars cross section

While that’s fine, I also purchased the regular Snickers Minis Ice Cream Bars to compare, and there isn’t a significant difference in nuttiness and flavor between the two, even though the Peanut Butter version has more nuts and peanut butter-flavored ice cream. With the regular one, the peanuts stand out, while the caramel flavor is lacking, which sounds very familiar, if you read the previous paragraph, and not very Snickers-like.

A difference was somewhat noticeable when I was double-fisting them, but if you were the ruler of a country and I were your Official Snickers Ice Cream Feeder, and you had only eaten regular Snickers Ice Cream Bars, and if feeding you anything else meant I’d be thrown into a dungeon — I’m pretty sure sneaking in these Snickers Peanut Butter Minis would keep me out of a cage.

I guess that’s a long-winded and confusing explanation. A more accurate way to put it would be that these taste a bit too close to regular Snickers Ice Cream Bars to my liking.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: 9.5 fl oz box/10 0.95 oz bars
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 bar) 90 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 9 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar (includes 6 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

Scroll to Top