I’m all for pumping protein into products because it allows my alliteration-loving fingers to type “pumping protein into products.” But the products also need to be palatable, which is a pretty low bar that these Magic Spoon Cinnamon Brown Sugar Protein Pastries didn’t pass.

If you’re expecting Pop-Tart-sized pastries, you’re in for a surprise. I’d say they’re about three-fourths the size of a Pop-Tart, but have a thickness that’s more like a Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. What makes their size even more underwhelming is that there are only four individually wrapped pastries in the box. Maybe there will be a Costco-sized box someday that’ll have eight, but don’t get your hopes up because these are not good.

My major issue with these is that they have too much dough, which is fitting since Magic Spoon products also cost too much dough. The cinnamon brown sugar layer isn’t evenly spread across most of the pastry’s width. While the middle of the pastry looks like it has a decent amount, it tapers on both sides, leaving air pockets at the ends. So the crust’s flavor is what mostly comes through with most bites. When taking bites in the middle with a decent amount of filling, the cinnamon and brown sugar comes through, but it’s not tasty enough to make me forget getting to it involves a lot of heavy crust-flavored bites. Also, that crust dries out my mouth. It has a texture that reminded me of Fig Newtons, but its flavor is not a good start to the morning. Not even the squiggly icing could help sweeten things up and improve the pastry’s dough-dominant flavor.

The box has four preparation methods: straight out of the wrapper, microwave, toaster oven, and frozen, but no home appliance improves things. Do you have a pop-up toaster? Well, this product is not for you unless you want the icing to melt off and pool at the bottom of your toaster. However, ants and roaches will love you for that. Well, actually, they will love your pop-up toaster.

The only redeeming qualities these have that didn’t make me feel like I completely wasted my money are the 11 grams of protein and 6 grams of fiber each pastry has, which I imagine are in the crust that makes these so bland.

If the Magic Spoon has any inkling of magic, it needs to be pointed at these protein pastries to make them magically taste better.

Purchased Price: $8.49 (sale price)
Size: 7.88 oz box/4 pastries
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 pastry) 170 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar (including 2 grams of added sugar), 10 grams of sugar alcohol, and 11 grams of protein.