REVIEW: Nestle Nesquik Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Milk

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Nestle Nesquik Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Milk

There’s something unsettling about buying unrefrigerated milk. In fact, if opening a frosty glass door of a refrigerator is not a step in my process of purchasing anything that came out of a cow then you can pretty much count me out.

I will, however, make an exception when that milk is Nesquik and it’s flavored like Girl Scout Cookies.

Unlike my springtime tradition of being pressured into buying Girl Scout Cookies from the table in front of the supermarket and later cherishing my weak spirit because nobody ever really regrets buying Girl Scout Cookies, Nesquik Girl Scout Cookies Milk are heralded off on their own little decorative (albeit room temperature) cardboard stand. Luckily for my wallet, no smiling, crafty, green-vested girls in sight.

To be honest though, I didn’t exactly know how to feel the first time I saw Nesquik take on Girl Scout Cookies. On one hand, Girl Scout cookies taste good. So things that taste like Girl Scout Cookies should also taste good. Right? On the other, drinking liquefied versions of food seems like it should only be reserved for washing down protein pills on a spaceship. I was, as you may be able to tell, deeply conflicted.

And then I saw Thin Mints, and my path was clear.

Everyone is always open to exercise their own opinion, but Thin Mints are the best Girl Scout Cookies and if you don’t agree you are wrong. Do Do-Si-Do’s have a smooth chocolatey coating? Do Tagalongs provide a refreshing, minty experience? Can I eat an entire sleeve of Savannah Smiles and feel absolutely no shame? I don’t think so.

Besides, the only other flavor was “Caramel Coconut” and there is no such thing as a Girl Scout Cookie called “Caramel Coconut”. They are called Samoas. You hear that Nesquik, say it with me; SA-MO-AS. Stop lying to yourself.

Nestle Nesquik Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Milk 2

Unfortunately, Nesquik Girl Scout Cookies Thin Mints milk does not quite live up to the hype of its green-packaged cookie sister. It both smelled and tasted strongly of peppermint and chocolate–which of course is never a bad thing–but it was missing something. Something distinctly “Thin Mint” that separated it from the cohorts of other peppermint chocolate milk that will be arriving again this winter season.

Could it be the lack of the cookie’s buttery crunch, or the loss of that complicated feeling of fulfillment and shame upon finishing off that first entire sleeve? Either way, I was disappointed that nothing really stood out as distinctly “Thin Mints” about this milk.

Just like how your homemade “special sauce” will never taste like the one on the Big Mac (even though you know that secret recipe), someone needs to tell Nesquik that simply combining peppermint extract and chocolate milk does equal a true Thin Mints flavor.

Although, I can’t be truly mad at anything that reminds me that in all of the course of human history, I happen to live during a time when Girl Scout Cookies are a thing that I can buy with my money. Although, I am just better off waiting to buy the real thing.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 40% calcium2% iron, and 25% vitamin D.)

Item: Nestle Nesquik Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Milk
Purchased Price: 99 cents (on sale)
Size: 14 fl. oz
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It does taste good. My existence intersecting with the existence of Girl Scout Cookies which if you think about in the context of the universe is really crazy and wonderful.
Cons: Not a true “Thin Mints” flavor. Unrefrigerated milk being a weird concept that makes me question the ingredients of Nesquik.

REVIEW: Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink

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Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink

Sure, Red Bull’s Summer Edition Energy Drink looks like a urine sample sitting in a drug testing lab. But, to be fair, regular Red Bull also looks like a urine sample sitting in a drug testing lab, but from someone who’s dehydrated because they’ve been hanging out for too long in the summer heat.

If you happen to find yourself parched from the summer heat, near a 7-Eleven, and with a couple of bucks, you can purchase a somewhat refreshing 12 ounces of this tropical flavored Red Bull in a can that will remind you of the sun that caused your current parched predicament. Or you could buy a more refreshing two liter bottled water that you can drink and, with the likely leftovers, use for an impromptu wet t-shirt contest, with you being the only contestant.

Red Bull Summer Edition is a 7-Eleven exclusive flavor. It joins a long list of exclusive beverages the convenience store chain has gotten this year, like Solar Flare Mountain Dew, Green Apple Gatorade Fierce, Raspberry Citrus Vitaminwater Energy, and Dale Jr. Sour Amp Energy Drink. Suck it, Circle K!

This yellow-colored energy drink has a generic tropical aroma. If you’re wondering what generic tropical smells like without having to buy anything, go to your local Walmart. Then mosey on over to the air freshener aisle, find a spray with the word “tropical” printed on it, spray some of it into the air, and inhale those chemicals. After all that, I think you’ll get an idea of what Red Bull Summer Edition smells like…and get dirty looks from Walmart employees.

Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink Closeupd

The beverage is lightly carbonated, which makes it easy to consume, but is less nose-tickling fun when poured into a glass. However, it’s taste bud-tickling fun when consumed. It has a delightful sweet flavor that wasn’t too syrupy. I could taste pineapple, orange, papaya, and maybe mango, but the pineapple stood out. It was almost like drinking pineapple juice, but there isn’t any pineapple, orange, papaya, or mango juice in the ingredients list. But there is “Artificial and Natural Flavors.” Vague? Yes. But not as vague as the last ingredient listed…

Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink Colors

…Colors.

I’m someone who likes the odd medicinal flavor of regular Red Bull and the odd medicinal artificial sweetener-laden flavor of Sugar Free Red Bull. I’m also a fan of the Red, Blue, and Silver Editions. But Red Bull’s Summer Edition is now my favorite flavor. It has a nice tropical flavor with a slight sour back end, it’s not too syrupy, and it comes in 12-ounce cans and not the smaller 8.4-ounce one.

I see myself urinating it out a lot this summer.

Disclosure: I received a free sample of Red Bull Summer Edition from Red Bull. I believe this satisfies the FTC requirement. If not, I shall add, I did not receive any monetary compensation for this review.

(Nutrition Facts – 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 39 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein, 140% niacin, 120% vitamin B12, 360% vitamin B6, and 70% pantothenic acid.)

Item: Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 12 oz. can
Purchased at: Received from Red Bull
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice tropical flavor. Not in an 8.4-ounce can. 114 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per can. Smooth. Passing drug tests.
Cons: “Colors” is an ingredient? 7-Eleven exclusive. Limited edition. No juice. Not passing drug tests.

REVIEW: Vitaminwater Zero Drops Revive Fruit Punch

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VitaminWater Zero Revive Drops

Finally, a drink that combines two of my favorite things: a Vitaminwater brand beverage and the toil and satisfaction of making something with my own two hands. Enter Vitaminwater Zero Drops. With only a few effortless squeezes, you can enjoy the familiar taste of Vitaminwater right out of any glass of water or water bottle you have lying around.

In what could only have been a response to the general public demanding an additional step in the Vitaminwater drinking process (which was just too goddamn simple before), you can now forgo the accuracy of a formula created by food scientists and received positively by millions in favor of what you think should be done. That’s right, you.

Remember when you forgot your keys yesterday, walked into your house to get them, blanked for a second, ate some pretzels you had lying around, and left your house without your keys? Yeah, well now the creation of your own Vitaminwater can be in those same hands.

VitaminWater Zero Revive Drops with regular Revive

With the pressure on, I decided to try the Revive Fruit Punch flavor. Being a longtime fan of the bottled version, I was wondering how close the two would be in taste. Unfortunately, my local Stop & Shop only had the full calorie version of Revive, apparently unconcerned with what Google tells me will take a 30 minute walk to burn off, so it will have to do.

Because Vitaminwater Zero Drops offer little detailed instruction on how much concentrated fluid to add, my strategy was to slowly keep adding it into a glass of water until it matched the color of bottled version. After a few tries, I matched the same reddish pink tone as closely as I think is possible.

VitaminWater Zero Revive Drops comparison

Had I any last minute doubts which was which, the taste comparison would have revealed which one was made by a Glacéau bottling plant and which one was made on my living room table. While the Vitaminwater Zero Drops were able to create that distinct and pleasing Vitaminwater taste that is much lighter and less sweet than its sports drink and soda competition, it is definitely apparent that something is…well, off.

But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s like eating cereal dry because you’ve already poured it into a bowl before realizing that you’re out of milk. Even without milk, cereal is still pretty good, but, just like any type of make-it-yourself beverage, it’s still gonna taste just a little bit different. Despite the clear presence of that original fruit punch tastiness, it’s still hard to shake the feeling that something is definitely missing, and not in the regular zero-calorie way.

But you know, maybe the problem is just me. Try as I might, I will never be as accurate as the industrial robots that pump this stuff out in gallons per minute. Not really helping this issue however, is the fact that Vitaminwater Zero Drops use the word “drops” pretty lightly. Instead, its a laser beam of concentrated flavor firing at an incalculable rate into your water. (Be thankful Glacéau doesn’t make eye drops). So, until you are a veteran at administering Vitaminwater drops (which I have set as my next life-goal) you are going to have to get pretty familiar with administering intermittent taste tests after each squirt. But don’t worry, this isn’t really a problem unless you purchased Vitaminwater Zero Drops because you were hoping for a fast, convenient way to effortlessly enjoy Vitaminwater on the go.

But all in all, at least the “do it yourself” aspect of this product allows you the opportunity to finally connect with your grandfather the next time he reminds you he built his own damn house using only his “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” mentality, and his subtle yet still uncomfortably palpable racism. Vitaminwater Zero Drops may require some elbow grease, but if for some reason you plan on being away from actual Vitaminwater for a while, it’s certainly the next best thing.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 fl oz prepared – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70mg potassium 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of
protein.)

Item: Vitaminwater Zero Drops Revive Fruit Punch
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 3 fl oz.
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: 18 servings of vitamin water for only four bucks. Stays mostly true to fruit punch flavor. Zero calories is not a lot of calories.
Cons: Not as effortless as it may appear. Forgetting your keys. Tastes mildly off from the original flavor.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Dr Pepper Vanilla Float

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Limited Edition Dr Pepper Vanilla Float

Hello, everyone. I’m very sorry I was gone for so long, but it’s good to be back!

If summer could talk, that’s what I imagine it saying, anyway. It was a brutally cold winter that also lasted roughly 11 years for large portions of the U.S., so the warm weather we’ve all been experiencing these last few weeks is more than welcome for you and I, but even more so for marketers.

Every summer you know to expect the lawn care and iced beverage ads, and car dealerships start pointing out your inalienable right to independently choose whatever Nissan you’d like for no money down at signing your John Hancock, at prices that are practically free(dom).

Be that as it may, the colder it is, the less you feel like standing outside in your parka to grill up some elk and watch the kids break icicles off the sprinkler. So you can bet that like every food company but Swiss Miss, Dr Pepper was glad to see Frozen finally exit theaters and our lawns simultaneously. In fact, they’re SO excited they’ve released a limited edition variety of their famous product: Dr Pepper Vanilla Float.

Limited Edition Dr Pepper Vanilla Float Closeup

As is no doubt obvious from the pictures, the can basically IS summer. You got your sunglasses, flip-flops, grill tools, surfboard, fireworks, plus an Uncle Sam hat because this soda wants YOU to drink it. Don’t like it? Eff off, this is ‘Murica. There’s also some backstroke flags to remind you of when you forgot how many strokes it is to the wall and slammed into it headfirst. Or maybe that was just me, but luckily there were no long-term side elephants.

I actually haven’t had a Dr Pepper since about high school, either five years ago in my mind or sixteen by the calendar. Never drank it after that because it tasted too much like Cherry Coke, but I was eager to revisit it for this review. Popping open the tab wafts up a hint of vanilla and cherry — the smell isn’t overpowering or unpleasant, but it’s certainly noticeable… though, it must be said, far more cherry than vanilla.

And unfortunately, that carries over to the taste as well. Oh, it tastes like Dr Pepper — granting I haven’t sampled the good doctor since Bill Clinton’s first term, but this is exactly how I remember it tasting. And, well, that’s the problem, because I believe there was some mention of vanilla? You certainly wouldn’t know it from a casual swig. Or a concentrated one, for that matter. It tastes fine (assuming you like regular Dr Pepper), but that’s all you’re getting.

But hey, maybe I’m just an outlier. In the interest of journalistic integrity I drafted my wife to try a can. She reported thinking she smelled and tasted a liiiittle bit of vanilla, but very mild. Whether there’s a slight “Emperor’s New Clothes” syndrome going on there is for you to decide, but we both agreed that by no means is there enough vanilla taste in this soda to justify its name. “A batch of Dr Pepper we accidentally spilled a bottle of vanilla extract into,” maybe, but certainly not “Vanilla Float.”

Unfortunately there’s not much else to say: you should buy this soda if you like Dr Pepper, but don’t go in expecting any kind of radically different experience. Unlike Vanilla Coke, where there was no mistaking it for a can of the original, I could easily see someone being served this in a cup and not even realizing it isn’t the regular stuff. As is, the can is more interesting than its contents; and if you want a Dr Pepper Vanilla Float, be sure to have some ice cream on hand.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – 160 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 55 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of total carbohydrates, 41 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Dr Pepper Vanilla Float
Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 12-pack
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: It is a pretty fun can, as… soda cans go, I guess. Didn’t cost a ton. My wife has a new beverage to enjoy for the next couple weeks. If you like regular Dr Pepper (or Cherry Coke), you’re in luck!
Cons: Could’ve just said “We wanted an excuse to use these cool cans our design guys came up with, but all our batches were already made.” Vanilla really would’ve helped cut that strong fruit flavor. The idea that it’s called Dr Pepper because it was originally marketed as a laxative is, sadly, just an urban legend. Revisiting high school relationships is never very satisfying (er, so I’ve heard).

REVIEW: Natrel Maple Milk (Canada)

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Natrel Maple Milk

I’ve heard of chocolate milk. Everyone has. And strawberry milk, and vanilla milk, and any number of flavoured milks. But maple milk? I can’t say it was an idea that had even occurred to me before this product came into my life. And yet it seems so obvious, in retrospect. Maple syrup + milk. Of course! Seriously: how did I not come up with this idea myself?

I know there’s that old cliche that all Canadians love maple syrup, but isn’t that kind of like saying that all Canadians love kittens and rainbows? What I’m trying to say here is that maple syrup is the best and if you don’t like it there is something intrinsically wrong with your character; you’re damaged goods. Tell me to my face that there’s something better than maple syrup on a pancake, and you and me are going to have to bare knuckle box.

So yeah, I guess you could say that I like maple syrup.

I knew I was probably going to like this milk, though a quick gander at the ingredients reveals no actual maple syrup, which did concern me a bit (it does have “natural maple flavour,” whatever that is). I was afraid there might be off flavours here, or a strange aftertaste; happily, neither was the case.

It tastes good. It has a clean, very pronounced maple syrup flavour. Basically, it tastes exactly how you’d think it would taste, which is definitely a good thing.

Natrel Maple Milk Closeup

It’s very, very sweet, however. I wouldn’t say it’s too sweet, but it’s definitely right on the border. It’s also extremely maple-y, so if you’re one of those maniacs who isn’t crazy about maple syrup, give this one a pass. This isn’t milk with a subtle tinge of maple; it’s a full-out maple syrup assault.

I think my biggest problem here is the same problem I have with all Canadian flavoured milks: it’s only available in one percent. I don’t know who decided that every flavoured milk sold here should be one percent and one percent only, but it makes me sad. Anything lower than two percent is a bit watery for my tastes, and for stuff like chocolate milk, I really think that the richness of whole milk is where it’s at. Sure, it’s not super healthy, but there’s nothing wrong with an occasional (or perhaps not-so-occasional) indulgence, right? Right?? Hey, you’re reading a junk food blog, don’t judge me!

Anyway, it’s a moot point (or moo-t, I should say — again, please don’t judge me) because unless you want to make your own, there’s no choice in the matter.

It’s not like this maple milk has no richness whatsoever, I just wish we had the option. But it’s fine. I’m just glad that it exists. Seriously, why hasn’t this been around for my entire life?

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup (250ml) – 160 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0.1 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 390 milligrams of potassium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 25 grams of sugars, and 7 grams of protein.)

Item: Natrel Maple Milk
Purchased Price: $2.49 CAN
Size: 1 Liter
Purchased at: Sobeys
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Strong maple flavour. No weird aftertaste. The ability to consume maple syrup in a new format.
Cons: Only available in thin one percent milk. Might be too sweet for some people. Off-putting absence of maple syrup in the ingredients list.

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