REVIEW: Del Monte Veggieful Pocket Pies

Del Monte Veggiefuls Pocket Pies

What are Del Monte Veggieful Pocket Pies?

Last year, Del Monte Veggieful made its debut with pizza roll-sized snacks. This year, the veggie brand has moved up to Hot Pocket-sized foodstuffs. There are four varieties: Broccoli Potato Cheddar, Spinach Artichoke Parmesan, Rosemary Garlic Plant-Based Chicken, and Plant-Based Philly Cheesesteak.

Not only are there veggies in the pocket pies, but the crust is also made with cauliflower. All of it equals one serving of veggies per pie, which doesn’t sound like a lot if most of the ingredients are vegetables.

How are they?

Del Monte Veggieful Plant Based Philly Cheesesteak Split

The Plant-Based Philly Cheesesteak comes stuffed with bell peppers, onions, provolone cheese, and plant-based beef made from soy. The ingredients list also mentions something called Rochester sauce, which, after a quick Google search, I learned is a tomato-based sauce used on Garbage Plates and hot dogs. It all smells like a sizzling fajita plate.

Do I think Philly Cheesesteak when I eat it? No, I don’t think anyone will. I think vegetables in terms of taste and texture. There were times when I mistook the plant-based meat as a piece of bell pepper, and the provolone doesn’t seem to add any flavor.

Del Monte Veggieful Rosemary Garlic Plant Based Chicken Split

The Rosemary Garlic Plant-Based Chicken comes with plant-based chicken, mushrooms, spinach, and mozzarella cheese. The texture of the “chicken” is similar to the “steak” in the Philly Cheesesteak one. But it’s the mushrooms that seem to make up most of the flavor. With most bites, it tastes like a lite version of cream of mushroom soup.

Del Monte Veggieful Spinach Artichoke Parmesan Split

With the Spinach Artichoke Parmesan one, I was expecting it to taste exactly like any spinach artichoke dip I’ve ever had. While it does have all the flavors of a spinach artichoke dip, and I could even feel the chew of the artichoke, it’s not as flavorful as any store-bought or homemade dip I’ve had.

Del Monte Veggieful Broccoli Potato Cheddar Split

While Broccoli Potato Cheddar ended up being my favorite, although not by a lot, I feel as if it could’ve been better.

After being microwaved, the green vegetable still has some snap, while the potato has some give instead of turning into complete mush. Unlike the provolone in the Philly Cheesesteak one, the cheddar cheese is a bit more noticeable here. With that said, I do wish there was more of it so that it’s creamier like I’m eating cheddar broccoli potato soup in a pocket pie-shaped bowl.

Anything else you need to know?

Unlike Hot Pockets, these do not come with crisping sleeves. There are two ways to prepare them: 1) microwave for 2 minutes and 15 seconds. 2) Stick in an oven for 27-32 minutes (varies between varieties).

If you prefer a crispier crust, go with the oven preparation. But after trying all four varieties both ways, I’m not sure getting a crispier and firmer crust is worth the wait. Plus, all the ones I’ve prepared in my toaster oven ended up slightly burnt.

Also, even though they’re made with vegetables, they aren’t like Lean Pockets, and they have as much protein as regular Hot Pockets.


With all four Del Monte Veggieful Pocket Pie varieties, I wish they were a bit more flavorful. I feel as if they need something else, like a sauce, or more of an ingredient they already have to improve their flavors.

DISCLOSURE: I received free samples of the product from Del Monte. Doing so did not influence my review in any way.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 2-packs
Purchased at: Received from Del Monte
Rating: 6 out of 10 (all varieties)
Nutrition Facts: (1 pie) Broccoli Potato Cheddar – 270 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 430 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein. Spinach Artichoke Parmesan – 280 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein. Rosemary Garlic Plant-Based Chicken – 260 calories, 10 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein. Plant-Based Philly Cheesesteak – 260 calories, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Del Monte Bubble Fruit

Del Monte Sour Apple Watermelon Bubble Fruit

Del Monte has been quite the busy bee innovating in the fruit cup® aisle. Check that registration symbol – did you know it trademarked something as generic-sounding as “fruit cup”?! You know it means business. The brand has launched two new lines within the past year: Fruit & Oats and Bubble Fruit.

Bubble Fruit is not quite as telegraphic as Fruit & Oats. So, what is it? According to the back panel, “We’ve added popping boba to our tasty fruit cup® snacks for an unexpected burst of flavor! Popular in bubble tea and frozen yogurt shops, popping boba burst and release a blast of fruit flavor when you bite them.” These new cups come in three tasty, seemingly low-risk flavors: Sour Apple Watermelon, Pear Berry Pomegranate, and Peach Strawberry Lemonade.

Del Monte Pear Berry Pomegranate Bubble Fruit

Del Monte Peach Strawberry Lemonade Bubble Fruit

If you haven’t had popping boba at the aforementioned bubble tea and frozen yogurt spots, they’re balls of juice. With food magics, juice is encapsulated in clear edible spheres. It’s inspired by its starchy cousin from Taiwan, which is usually submerged in milk tea. The original’s chewy texture and dark brown/almost-black texture can be off-putting. So, popping boba is like a friendly, colorful version!

Full transparency, I haven’t enjoyed the popping kind as much because I’m a bit of a traditionalist. However, when I see something from the motherland hit mainstream shelves, I can’t help but be compelled to try it and exclaim, “Look Ma, we made it!!”

Del Monte Bubble Fruit Top

When I first lined up all the flavors, I thought they all had really pleasant hues of pinks and oranges. Without the outer packaging, it was tough to discern what the flavors were. Also, they were a nightmare to open.

Del Monte Peach Strawberry Lemonade Bubble Fruit Spill
Del Monte Peach Strawberry Lemonade Bubble Fruit Spill

The first one I opened squirted all over me and let me tell you, it was not pleasant to smell like Del Monte’s interpretation of “pear berry” all day. I thought it was user error the first time, so with the second one I carefully tried to open it. But it still spilled a bit on my table. With the last one, I gave up and decided to puncture the plastic film and carve along the edge with a paring knife. I recognize most people eating this on-the-go would not have a knife handy like this. So, thumbs down for packaging.

Del Monte Pear Berry Pomegranate Bubble Fruit Topless
Del Monte Pear Berry Pomegranate Bubble Fruit

So now that it was all over my shirt and I was slurpin’, poppin’, and eatin’, I concluded that neither of the three delivered on the more complex fruit fusion promised in the flavor names. For the peach, I didn’t get the strawberry lemonade at all. For the sour apple watermelon, there was no tang or melon. It tasted mostly like pear, even down to the texture. For the pear one, there was a slightly sour edge which could be reminiscent of a pomegranate, but if I had to get one flavor again, it would be the Pear Berry Pomegranate.

I also decided to try all three cold AND at room temperature. The cold version seemed to balance the somewhat squishy texture of a fruit cup better. It was also like drinking cold juice, which is always better than drinking room temperature juice!

Del Monte Bubble Fruit Popping Boba

I also found the popping boba was less of a “burst of flavor” than I was used to. I think it’s because it’s submerged in all this sweet juice, so it subdued the impact.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard not to like fruit in sugar water, but it overpromised and underdelivered on flavor for me. Overall, it’s different from everything else that’s out there, so try it for the novelty at least!

Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: 4 oz. cup 4-pack
Purchased at: Walmart (Pear Berry Pomegranate and Peach Strawberry Lemonade) and Target (Sour Apple Watermelon)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Peach Strawberry Lemonade)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Sour Apple Watermelon)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Pear Berry Pomegranate)
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 60 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 5 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of total sugars, 6 grams of added sugars, and 0 grams of protein.

Del Monte Bloom Energy Drink

The new Del Monte Bloom Energy Drink maybe formulated for women, but that won’t stop me from drinking it because I’m not afraid to use women’s products. To be honest, I’ve used a number of them over the years. For example, tampons are great for small spills when a paper towel is way more than you need, douche bags make cheap water guns, and issues of Playgirl Magazine make awesome cockroach killers.

Sure, by drinking Bloom Energy I risk the chance of having the side effects I occasionally have when using women’s products, like the time when I tried to see if Secret deodorant really was strong enough for a man, which it was, and while I had it on, I broke out into my own Vagina Monologue and talked about my vagina and how it empowers me for about thirty minutes.

Other side effects I’ve had included, wanting to be in the audience for a taping of Oprah, watching Brad Pitt in Fight Club over and over again, and dry mouth, which now that I think about it, wasn’t really a side effect, but instead a 50-cent dare in college to suck on a tampon for one minute.

Bloom Energy comes in three flavors: Wild Berry, Cran Raspberry and Mango Passionfruit. Each flavor was very good, which was probably due to the fact that each was made from 50% juice. The Wild Berry was slightly tart, but sweet; the Cran Raspberry tasted like fizzy cranberry juice; and the Mango Passionfruit was more passionfruit than mango. I also had some of my female co-workers try Bloom Energy and they all said that each flavor would go well with alcohol.

They apparently are all lushes.

Not only does Bloom Energy taste good, it’s also kind of good for you. Each can has 100 calories (which most servings of energy drinks have), a full serving of fruit, 100% daily value of Vitamin C and five B vitamins, calcium and Vitamin D to support bone strength, other essential vitamins and nutrients, and antioxidants.

The only thing I don’t like too much about Bloom Energy is its caffeine content, which comes from white tea extract and guarana. The 74 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine in each can maybe enough for the instant coffee crowd, but it’s definitely not sufficient for hardcore caffeine junkies who like an energy drink that puts the “rage” in beverage.

So did drinking Bloom Energy cause any side effects for me? Fortunately, while drinking each flavor, I didn’t have any — unless you count me painting my toenails in the shade Deep Passion Red as a side effect.

The Del Monte Bloom Energy Drink maybe not be made for a guy like me, but I like it a lot. So I’m hoping that me being called a “pussy” often might not make it seems so strange to have one in my hand.

(Editor’s Note: Tanya at also reviewed the Bloom Energy Drink. She liked the taste and the nutritional value of it, but didn’t like the price. Also, thanks for the folks at Colburn for sending me some samples to review.)

Item: Del Monte Bloom Energy Drink
Price: FREE (MSRP $1.99 – 10.5 ounces)
Purchased at: Received from nice people at Coburn
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Very tasty. 50 percent juice. Easy to drink. No HFCS. No artificial colors or flavors. Provides one serving of fruit. Vitamins and minerals. Antioxidants. Fat free. May go well with alcohol. Energy drinks that put the “rage” in beverage. Playgirl Magazine makes a great cockroach killer.
Cons: Not enough caffeine for hardcore caffeine junkies. The occasional side effects I have from using women’s products. Sticking a tampon in your mouth. I am a pussy.

Del Monte Polar Raspberry Fruit Chillers

I might’ve given the Del Monte Polar Raspberry Fruit Chillers a five rating if it weren’t for the frickin’ raspberries.

I don’t like raspberries, because I don’t like fruits that have silent letters in their names and makes fun of my lisp at the same time. But don’t call me a fruit-ist, because I enjoy almost all other fruits. Although I also really hate those damn Ugli fruits, because I’m not going to be what I eat.

Sure, cantaloupe sounds funny when you say it five times in a row really fast, but I’ll still eat it. Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe. Honeydew melons don’t have honey or bees in them, but I’ll still cut one open and eat out its greenish goodness. Bananas are phallic, but I enjoy sticking a long one in my mouth.

Raspberries are also big fat liars, because according to Wikipedia, they aren’t even berries. How can I trust a fruit to give me delicious goodness when it’s totally not being honest to me? Why can’t the raspberry be more truthful like an orange?

An orange doesn’t lie, because an orange is orange. The only way an orange wouldn’t be an orange was if an orange wasn’t orange. So an orange would be lying if an orange wasn’t orange, but called itself an orange.

Despite my disdain for raspberries, I actually did like the Del Monte Raspberry Fruit Chillers, which calls itself a frozen fruit sorbet. However, just like raspberries, every Del Monte Raspberry Fruit Chillers is a liar because it calls itself “frozen,” but if you buy one at the store it won’t be frozen or even near the frozen food aisle. It’s found with the canned fruits, which kind of makes sense since it’s made from 3/4 servings of real fruit. In order to get them frozen, they have to be stuck in a freezer overnight or spend a few days in the bosom of a cold-hearted bitch.

Each package comes with four 4.5-ounce cups and each one of those has 100% of your daily Vitamin C and zero fat. Its sweet and slightly tart taste is very good and it makes a nice snack to have on a hot summer day or a masochistic snack on a cold, snowy, and blustery evening outside with nothing but a g-string and a pair of Birkenstock sandals on.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Matt at Colburn Communication for sending me a free pack of Fruit Chillers, although I really wanted the strawberry or mango one. Also, Lord Jezo at 78west liked them as well, but he tried the strawberry one. Lucky bastard.)

Item: Del Monte Polar Raspberry Fruit Chillers
Price: FREE
Purchased at: Received from Matt at Colburn Communication
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Despite it being made out of those damn lying raspberries, it was good. Fat free. 100% of daily Vitamin C. Made with 3/4 servings of real fruit. Four individual cups. Contains no artificial flavors. Does not contain high fructose corn syrup. Gluten-free (That’s for you, Mir). Saying cantaloupe five times really fast.
Cons: Raspberries are frickin’ liars and make fun of my lisp. Silent letters. Have to freeze overnight before eating. Being outside in nothing but a g-string and a pair of Birkenstock sandals. Ugli fruits.

Del Monte Carb Clever Sliced Pears

Carb Clever Pears

(Dialing phone number on magic glowing red phone that’s on fire)

(Phone ringing)

HITLER: Guten Tag.

MARVO: Hey, Adolf, it’s Marvo.

HITLER: Ahhh, Marvo! How’s it hanging?

MARVO: Pretty good. So how’s Hell treating you?

HITLER: You know, there are good days and there are bad days, but mostly bad days. So what is up with this unexpected phone call?

MARVO: I was just wondering what the weather is like in Hell today.

HITLER: What’s the weather like in Hell? Is this some kind of sick joke, Marvo? You know I don’t like jokes, especially when I’m the butt of the joke. You don’t want to make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

MARVO: Um…I’m s-s-sorry.

HITLER: Ha! Just kidding. You’re so gullible, Marvo. Hey, did you notice I totally ripped off that last line from the Incredible Hulk?

MARVO: Uh, no.

HITLER: Anyway, the weather here in Hell? Let me look outside my window.

(Hitler looks outside of window)

HITLER: It’s hot, like it always is.

MARVO: So hell hasn’t frozen over?

HITLER: Pffff…Hell frozen over? Are you drunk right now?




HITLER: Why are you asking me such a silly question?

MARVO: Well you know this low-carb craze we have here?

HITLER: Oh, don’t remind me about low-carb foods. It’s one of the ways they torture us here in Hell. First, they torture us with flaming whips. Then our limbs get pulled off by four Hellbeasts. Then they give us a low-carb meal. Then they make us watch the Tony Danza Show without eyelids so we can’t close our eyes. Anyway, as you were saying…

MARVO: Well I’ve been eating all of these low-carb foods to review for the Impulsive Buy and all of them so far have been pretty crappy.

HITLER: So far?

MARVO: Yeah…I just tried these Del Monte Carb Clever Sliced Pears and they, surprisingly, turned out to be pretty good. They’re almost as good as any other regular can of sliced pears I’ve had.

HITLER: Get out of here!

MARVO: No, seriously. They were sweet and they were good, but I think the Splenda had something to do with its sweetness.

HITLER: You mean, Splenblah.

MARVO: Yes, Splenblah. So that’s why I wanted to know what the weather was like in Hell. I thought it froze over because the Carb Clever Sliced Pears were actually good.

HITLER: You know, “hell freezing over” is just a saying. You shouldn’t take it literally. If all these sayings were true, I would’ve broken my mother’s back hundreds of times for stepping on hundreds of cracks. Plus, I would probably have hairy palms.

MARVO: I didn’t have to hear that last example.

HITLER: Sorry. So these Carb Clever Sliced Pears are good?

MARVO: Yeah.

HITLER: Maybe I can convince Lucifer to add it to our low-carb meals.

MARVO: Hey, good luck with that.

HITLER: Anyway, so I’ll be seeing you in about 40 to 60 years?

MARVO: Probably.

HITLER: Auf wiedersehen.


Item: Del Monte Carb Clever Sliced Pears
Purchase Price: $1.00 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Surprisingly good. Low-calorie. Fat-free. Lots of Vitamin C. Tastes almost like regular canned pears. Low-carb (I can’t believe it’s actually a positive this time)
Cons: Splenda. “Carb Clever” is a lame product name, alliteration doesn’t work well here.