Del Monte Bloom Energy Drink

The new Del Monte Bloom Energy Drink maybe formulated for women, but that won’t stop me from drinking it because I’m not afraid to use women’s products. To be honest, I’ve used a number of them over the years. For example, tampons are great for small spills when a paper towel is way more than you need, douche bags make cheap water guns, and issues of Playgirl Magazine make awesome cockroach killers.

Sure, by drinking Bloom Energy I risk the chance of having the side effects I occasionally have when using women’s products, like the time when I tried to see if Secret deodorant really was strong enough for a man, which it was, and while I had it on, I broke out into my own Vagina Monologue and talked about my vagina and how it empowers me for about thirty minutes.

Other side effects I’ve had included, wanting to be in the audience for a taping of Oprah, watching Brad Pitt in Fight Club over and over again, and dry mouth, which now that I think about it, wasn’t really a side effect, but instead a 50-cent dare in college to suck on a tampon for one minute.

Bloom Energy comes in three flavors: Wild Berry, Cran Raspberry and Mango Passionfruit. Each flavor was very good, which was probably due to the fact that each was made from 50% juice. The Wild Berry was slightly tart, but sweet; the Cran Raspberry tasted like fizzy cranberry juice; and the Mango Passionfruit was more passionfruit than mango. I also had some of my female co-workers try Bloom Energy and they all said that each flavor would go well with alcohol.

They apparently are all lushes.

Not only does Bloom Energy taste good, it’s also kind of good for you. Each can has 100 calories (which most servings of energy drinks have), a full serving of fruit, 100% daily value of Vitamin C and five B vitamins, calcium and Vitamin D to support bone strength, other essential vitamins and nutrients, and antioxidants.

The only thing I don’t like too much about Bloom Energy is its caffeine content, which comes from white tea extract and guarana. The 74 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine in each can maybe enough for the instant coffee crowd, but it’s definitely not sufficient for hardcore caffeine junkies who like an energy drink that puts the “rage” in beverage.

So did drinking Bloom Energy cause any side effects for me? Fortunately, while drinking each flavor, I didn’t have any — unless you count me painting my toenails in the shade Deep Passion Red as a side effect.

The Del Monte Bloom Energy Drink maybe not be made for a guy like me, but I like it a lot. So I’m hoping that me being called a “pussy” often might not make it seems so strange to have one in my hand.

(Editor’s Note: Tanya at also reviewed the Bloom Energy Drink. She liked the taste and the nutritional value of it, but didn’t like the price. Also, thanks for the folks at Colburn for sending me some samples to review.)

Item: Del Monte Bloom Energy Drink
Price: FREE (MSRP $1.99 – 10.5 ounces)
Purchased at: Received from nice people at Coburn
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Very tasty. 50 percent juice. Easy to drink. No HFCS. No artificial colors or flavors. Provides one serving of fruit. Vitamins and minerals. Antioxidants. Fat free. May go well with alcohol. Energy drinks that put the “rage” in beverage. Playgirl Magazine makes a great cockroach killer.
Cons: Not enough caffeine for hardcore caffeine junkies. The occasional side effects I have from using women’s products. Sticking a tampon in your mouth. I am a pussy.

12 thoughts to “Del Monte Bloom Energy Drink”

  1. Well, as long as this product didn’t cause you to have PMS-like symptoms, I guess it’s ok…but that is definitely a WIMPY amount of caffeine. Also, the flavors (with the exception of Mango Passionfruit) don’t really sound feminine enough. Thanks for once again “taking one for the team” (in a non-prison-like way.)

  2. If you mixed these drinks with vodka, you could call them “Marvo-is-a-pussy bombs” which is a very catchy title if you ask me.

  3. my husband drinks crystal light like nobody’s business. i’ve yet to let him in on the secret that it’s a ‘girly’ drink. 🙂

  4. I think pussy is not quite the right term. I’d have to go with sopping wet hatchet gash is more fitting.

  5. “The Wild Berry was slightly tart, but sweet”

    For a minute, I thought you were referencing a certain berry-color-haired blogger 🙂

  6. i guess i fit into the category of “hardcore caffeine junkie” … it takes at least 400 mg to get me going!

    ps. the drink tastes amazing with ice cold vodka. mwa ha ha!

  7. since your into reviewing product for women, would you mind doing a review of the new birth control pill that eliminates periods? that would be awesome, thanks

  8. I’ve got to ask, what does make this product specifically for women? The packaging doesn’t seem overly feminine, and as far as I can tell the ingredients aren’t specifically feminine. Is it just the word “bloom”?

  9. Hm, this stuff sounds rather tasty.

    Masculinity be damned, I think I may have to give this stuff a shot!

  10. This goes wonderfully with vodka as someone suggested above – and provides a much better taste than Sparks which my friends and I have decided needs to be drank with a straw so as to never hit the taste buds… it’s also really nasty with a scoop of vanilla ice cream

    My old college posted information about the dangers of mixing alcohol with caffeine (in the bathroom stalls of all places) – however, there has been research in the past about the positive effects of alcohol/caffeine treating stroke patients… hrm.. good enough for a stroke patient, good enough for me!

  11. Chuck – I always have PMS-like symptoms, except the bleeding part.

    edman0037 – I think any fruity drink could be called “Marvo Is A Pussy.”

    webmiztris – I guess that’s okay, as long as he isn’t reading Marie Claire magazine while he’s drinking it.

    luckinflux – I’m a sopping wet hatchet gash? I’m definitely a hatchet job, so that might be accurate.

    Erika – Carrot Top has a blog? 🙂 Oh wait, orange isn’t a berry color.

    Tamara – I have ice cold vodka. I guess I’ll be trying it with vodka whenever they’re available, since all the samples are gone.

    nicole – Hmm…Wouldn’t a birth control pill that eliminates periods be kind of freaky? You won’t know if it’s the birth control or if you’re late when your period doesn’t come around.

    Zadillo – I think it’s the vitamins and minerals, but mostly because Del Monte said so. 🙂

    Rhawb – Just drink it from a brown paper bag and it will be all good.

    wewillgo – Sparks is decent tasting, but with vanilla ice cream, that just sounds disgusting.

  12. 74 mgs? That shit’s weak. Like caffeinated mints weak.

    P.S. I love a man who can find alternative functions for feminine products. Creative and demented. Very nice.

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