Tag: Doritos

REVIEW: Madden ’11 Inspired Doritos (Stadium Nacho & Tailgater BBQ)

Marvo 16 Comments

I’m amazed with what Doritos is capable of doing with their tortilla chips. They do some crazy magic with seasonings and monosodium glutamate. Mountain Dew-flavored chips…BOOM! Fast food taco-flavored chips…KAPOW! Cheeseburger-flavored chips…(insert here favorite onomatopoeia used during the fight scenes in the 1960s Batman TV series)!

The only way I can imagine they came up with such flavors is by snorting monosodium glutamate through a hollowed out Cheetos puff off of the gut of a future Biggest Loser contestant to stimulate the right side of their brain.

While the folks at Doritos would never admit to using MSG like Jim Morrison used heroin to create music, Ernest Hemingway used alcohol to write prose and Phil Collins used baldness to come up with his song “Sussudio,” they have admitted their newest flavors, Tailgater BBQ and Stadium Nacho, were inspired by the football video game Madden ’11.

For those of you who have never played a minute of Madden in its 22-year history, it allows football fans to control any NFL team, and depending on what level of difficulty one sets the game at, they can make the impossible possible, like having the Kansas City Chiefs win the Super Bowl by beating their opponent 259-0 with their third string quarterback. Of course, one of the downsides of playing Madden is having the voices of either John Madden or Cris Collinsworth haunt your dreams by repeating the same color commentary over and over again, especially Madden’s “BOOM!” which has been known to spoil lovemaking sessions.

While the unusual flavors Doritos creates are awe-inspiring, what’s even more impressive is how accurate those unusual flavors are compared with the real thing. Their Doritos Late Night Cheeseburger tastes like cheeseburgers, their Doritos Late Night Tacos tastes like fast food tacos and the Tailgater BBQ and Stadium Nacho are supposed to taste like barbeque pork and nachos with jalapenos, respectively.

Because I’ve read previous reviews of the Tailgater BBQ, I knew I should expect a barbeque pork flavor, but for unsuspecting folks, its flavor will be kind of a mindfuck. The chip starts off with a sweet barbeque flavor that’s similar to barbeque Lay’s potato chips, and then the smoky pork flavor hits the tongue. At first, I thought the greasy pork flavor seemed a bit odd to have with a chip and it slightly grossed me out, but after eating a bit more, I got used to the flavor..a little. I kind of like Tailgater BBQ, but I don’t think I can eat too much of it in one sitting because I’m afraid its greasy pork flavor will eventually freak out my taste buds.

The Stadium Nacho flavor is definitely my favorite of the two Madden ’11 Inspired Flavors, even though it’s just another addition to the long line of cheesy Doritos flavors. But that’s probably a good thing because while the folks at Doritos do a good job of creating chips that taste like meat, they do a much better job at develop cheesy-flavored chips. The Stadium Nacho has a nacho cheese sauce flavor that would make Taco Bell proud, and then make them check to see if any of their nacho cheese sauce patents were violated because the chips taste almost exactly like Taco Bell’s nacho cheese sauce. But what makes the Stadium Nacho tasty in my mind is the mild jalapeno flavor, which also gives the chips a very, very slight kick.

Since a new version of Madden is released every year, I’d like to see Doritos comes up with flavors inspired by Madden ’12. I’m hoping after the people at Doritos snort monosodium glutamate through a hollowed out Cheetos puff off of the gut of a future Biggest Loser contestant they’ll come up with hot dog or beer-flavored Doritos.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – Stadium Nachos – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and 2% vitamin A. Tailgater BBQ – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% vitamin B6 and 2% magnesium.)

Item: Madden ’11 Inspired Doritos (Stadium Nacho & Tailgater BBQ)
Price: $2.98 each
Size: 11.5 ounces
Purchased at: The Blue Store That Makes Kmart Look Slightly Better
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Tailgater BBQ)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Stadium Nacho)
Pros: Accurate flavors. Stadium Nacho was tasty thanks to Taco Bell-ish nacho cheese sauce flavor and jalapeno flavor. Inventive Doritos flavors. 1960s Batman TV show. Winning the Super Bowl in Madden using the easy level of difficulty.
Cons: Tailgater BBQ’s pork flavor can seem a little weird. Contains MSG. Having John Madden saying “BOOM!” over and over again in your dreams. Trying to hollow out a Cheetos puff. Snorting MSG.

REVIEW: Doritos Late Night Tacos At Midnight

Marvo 20 Comments

The Doritos Late Night Tacos At Midnight is missing something, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Oh yeah, that’s right.

It’s missing the grease that real tacos at midnight would have, which lubricates the body so that the shame from the evening of debauchery can pass through easier. The tacos themselves also help by replacing the regret of whatever you did earlier in the evening with the shame of eating cheap, fast food tacos that will make you fart in your sleep.

The grease is necessary to wash away things like the regret of giving your cell phone number to the crazy, borderline homely person at the bar who keeps texting you about how special you are to them because you bought them a drink, which they mistook as a gift of courtship, but was really a pity drink after he/she told you their depressing story about how they got dumped on Valentine’s Day and the restraining order they received shortly after, all of which happened after you two accidently met on the dance floor while the DJ was playing “your jam” — a sped up mashup of Technotronic’s “Pump Up The Jam” and Joe Budden’s “Pump It Up.”

You don’t remember that person’s name, but you do know what they look like because you’ve received 20 or so text messages from them since you left the club an hour ago, and with every text their strobe light-lighted picture you took on your cell phone about 90 minutes ago when you were a lot more inebriated shows up on your phone’s screen. In your more sober state, you think to yourself, “Not even the poor lighting makes him/her look better.” Also at that point, you regret having your phone’s text messaging alert set to the chorus of A Tribe Called Quest’s “Hot Sex.”

The Doritos Late Night Tacos At Midnight may not have grease, or a simple name, but it does taste like a fast food taco and they’re tasty. Although its flavor specifically reminds me of a Jack in the Box taco, which isn’t my favorite fast food taco. But for some it’s the taco of choice for those who want to forget the embarrassment of drunk making out with someone who smelled like burnt hair and cigarette ashes, wore a lot of polyester and didn’t have all their teeth. You can point at the dark red powder that covers the chips for that flavor and you can also blame that powder for the slight spice of the chip and for making your fingers look like they contracted a nasty sexually transmitted disease.

The similarities between the Doritos Late Night Tacos At Midnight chips and Jack in the Box tacos don’t stop with flavor. Just like a Jack in the Box taco, when you burp after eating these Doritos you get to savor its flavor all over again. But without the grease found in regular tacos, these triangular chips won’t help the next time you find yourself in the back seat of a car, hopefully not a Mini Cooper, with someone who you think is of the opposite sex, but really isn’t.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, 2 grams of protein,

Item: Doritos Late Night Tacos At Midnight
Price: $3.00
Size: 13 7/8 ounces
Purchased at: The-Blue-Superstore-Behemoth-That-Must-Not-Be-Named
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. If you like Jack in the Box tacos, it tastes like them. The grease from tacos. Forgetting things that will prevent you from running for office. Restraining orders.
Cons: Doesn’t contain the grease that real tacos have. Tastes like Jack in the Box taco, which aren’t my favorite. Anything bad that happens when you’re inebriated. Retasting it after you burp. Any mashup that contains Technotronic’s “Pump Up The Jam” and Joe Budden’s “Pump It Up.” Giving your phone number to a scary stranger.