Tag: Ice Cream

REVIEW: Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream

Marvo 9 Comments

I wish the company Lovin’ Scoopful would change its name to Spoon Lovin’ because I just want to lie down next to their Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream with my chest facing its curved back and then stick my spoon in it. I’ll keep thrusting my spoon into it and scooping out pleasure until I’m satisfied, or sick, creating a creamy mess on my bed.

Of course, changing its name to Spoon Lovin’ would cause immature bloggers everywhere to giggle and somehow tie in Spoon Lovin’ with spooning — the sexual position.

A tub of the Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream is packed with churned light caramel ice cream, caramel-filled chocolate cups and fudge ribbons. The use of churned light ice cream allows it to contain half the fat of regular ice cream, but not taste like light ice cream, which usually tastes like it was made of milk from the udders of anorexic cows.

Speaking of cows and milk, the dairy used in this ice cream comes from bovine that haven’t been treated with rBST, otherwise known as recombinant bovine somatotropin, an artificial growth hormone used to increase milk production in dairy cattle. Some folks also call rBST, Really Bad Shit from a Teat.

The Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream is frickin’ delicious. The caramel ice cream was creamy, although not a creamy as premium ice cream, and had a strong caramel flavor. When it’s combined with the chocolate cups and fudge ribbon, it creates a euphoric flavor that makes me want to dance with a dairy cow in the middle of a cocoa bean rainstorm.

I love the way the fudge ribbon melts in my mouth, creating a gooey sensation. If I were a male stripper, I’d pour a tank of that gooey fudge in a kiddie pool, dive in it and charge willing women $300 to lick it off of me…and then return their money because they choked on my body hair, which I would forget to shave off before diving into the fudge.

The Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream is not only damn good, it does some damn good. Twenty-five percent of Lovin’ Scoopful’s profits go to help the Special Olympics and other causes.

That’s just another good reason for me to keep spooning this ice cream.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A and 10% calcium.)

Item: Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream
Price: $4.99
Size: 1.75 quarts
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Frickin’ delicious. I’d spoon it. 25% of profits go to help the Special Olympics and other causes. Half the fat of regular ice cream. Uses milk from cows that weren’t injected with an artificial growth hormone. Spooning.
Cons: Contains high fructose corn syrup. Losing money because I forgot to shave body before jumping into fudge. Really Bad Shit from a Teat.

REVIEW: Edwards Singles Hot Fudge Brownie with Creamy Ice Cream

Marvo 12 Comments

Surprisingly, in real life, the Edwards Singles Hot Fudge Brownie with Creamy Ice Cream looks very similar to the picture on the box. This is a rare occurrence. For years, companies have always tried to make their products more appealing in photos than they are in real life, except some Ralph Lauren ads.

Each box of this product contains two paper bowls with a hefty splooge of brownie batter and two cups with chocolate chip and butter fudge topped ice cream cups. Preparing the dessert is so easy that a Jessica Simpson could do it, but the “Ready In 45 Seconds” claim on the box isn’t quite correct, unless you have the quick hands of a world champion masturbator, because the bowl of batter needs to be microwaved for 35-45 seconds, which doesn’t leave much time to push the ice cream out of its cup, with the butter fudge side down, and onto the warm brownie.

The ice cream and brownie by themselves aren’t at all special, but just like the Wonder Twins, the awesomeness doesn’t happen until they give each other a fist bump. Unfortunately, I’m the one who had to say, “Form of a tasty dessert that’s not restaurant quality.” With the butter fudge on top of the warm brownie, it melts to a nice gooey consistency, while keeping the ice cream from melting too quickly.

When the brownie and ice cream are combined, the Edwards Singles Hot Fudge Brownie with Creamy Ice Cream is a delightful, decadent dessert, although I wish they used better ingredients. The flavor is dominated by chocolate, but that’s never a bad thing, unless you’re being waterboarded with chocolate milk. The brownie was a little too moist for my tastes, but I guess that’s what happens when you don’t let it cool down first. But if I let it cool down, the butter fudge won’t melt.

Oh, if only all catch-22 situations involved chocolate.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 dessert – 340 calories, 17 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 140 milligrams of potassium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 29 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 8% calcium and 10% iron.)

(NOTE: On Second Scoop also reviewed it and Heat Eat Review tried the Hot Turtle Brownie version.)

Item: Edwards Singles Hot Fudge Brownie with Creamy Ice Cream
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 2 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Delightful dessert. Reasonably priced. Looks similar to what’s on the box. Catch-22 situations that involve chocolate.
Cons: Brownie and ice cream aren’t high quality. High is saturated fat. Being waterboarded with chocolate milk. Photoshopped models.

REVIEW: Kemps Mint Chip IttiBitz

Kayla 10 Comments

About 14 years ago, the local movie theatre near my childhood home added something new and unusual to their regular food lineup of lukewarm hotdogs, jumbo-sized sodas and the extra-large popcorn that I’m pretty sure was enough to feed an entire farm; from the little chicks to the overweight farmer and his wife.

Dippin’ Dots was the “space-aged” item that all kids (myself included) begged their parents to get before they went into the theatre to see Disney’s highly inaccurate version of Pocahontas, or some other G-rated movie that didn’t contain all of the shit I would learn to love later on in life, including using the word “shit.”

Dippin’ Dots were hard to find, very expensive, and so cold they would freeze your tongue, thus not being able to taste the flavor after the first spoonful. It’s now 2009, and Dippin’ Dots clones can be found everywhere, from vending machines in outlet malls to freezer cases at mini-marts. After seeing the Kemps IttiBitz in the freezer section, I figured it would be good to maybe go back to my childhood and experience something I haven’t had in over a decade.

Right off the bat, Kemps IttiBitz gets one point over Dippin’ Dots in the name category. IttiBitz sounds like the nickname given to the president of your local chapter’s Itty Bitty Titty Committee. I applaud Kemps for honoring those who lack in the boobage department. I would say, “Stay strong my sisters!”, but I haven’t been in the IBTC since middle school.

The IttiBitz were very mint chocolate chip-y, but the missing ingredient were the actual chips; I guess the little brown pellets were to make up for that, but for me it really didn’t. When the bitz melted in my mouth, they revealed a very creamy, full-bodied taste of mint chocolate. Surprisingly, the ice cream has some substance to it; it’s not watered down at all.

Besides having to physically bang the entire cup to separate the frozen beads that clump together, the only other downfall with Kemps IttiBitz was the same problem I had with its predecessor fourteen years ago — frozen tongue syndrome.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 160 calories, 11 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A and 8% calcium.)

Item: Kemps Mint Chip IttiBitz
Price: $1.49 (on sale)
Size: 1 Cup
Purchased at: Hannaford Supermarkets
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Cryogenically frozen ice cream = Freakin’ awesome. Creamy texture. Inexpensive alternative to Dippin’ Dots
Cons: Cryogenically frozen Walt Disney = Freakin’ creepy. Serving size is a little small. Needing Lactaid. Frozen tongue syndrome. High in fat.

REVIEW: Blue Bunny Raspberry Vanilla Aspen Frozen Yogurt Granola Bars

Kayla 16 Comments

It’s pretty pathetic that someone born and raised in New England has never gone skiing. It’s even more pathetic that this person spent a week at a mountain resort town in Switzerland and not once strapped on the skis and tried the bunny slope. The same person would probably not even consider skiing in the celebrity-laden, snooty, yet sporty town of Aspen, Colorado.

However, I…I mean, this person would not be added to a long list of poseurs that includes the dude in the “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” music video and Kevin Federline (wait, aren’t they the same person?) by walking around the lodge pimped out in the latest North Face gear bragging about the “black diamond” run (that’s what they call it, right?). No, instead I would be in the corner, sitting next to a fireplace like the Masterpiece Theatre guy, except I would be nursing an Irish Coffee and maybe enjoying the new Blue Bunny Raspberry Vanilla Aspen Frozen Yogurt Granola Bar. Although, this frozen confection would be melted before I even open the wrapper due to the blazing, yet romantic fire burning beside me. In fact, it was pretty much melting upon opening in the comfort of an air-conditioned room. Not a good sign.

The Blue Bunny Raspberry Vanilla Aspen Frozen Yogurt Granola Bar is enrobed with a vanilla yogurt shell that’s covers the entire bar like a nice LL Bean cable-knit sweater or a ski jacket with pockets inside of pockets. The yogurt shell is similar to the stuff on some trail mix raisins. On top, there’s a small dusting of granola.

I wanted to enjoy the first bite, but like I said, it was melting already, so the first bite was quick and ended in a slurp. The raspberry fro-yo is very tasty (avid readers know I’m a whore for raspberry flavored things) and it combines well with the vanilla yogurt shell and the layer of raspberry preserve that’s stuck in there. The crunch of the granola is pretty darn good, but I don’t think there’s enough of it to formally call this frozen yogurt novelty a granola bar. Blue Bunny boasts that these treats are loaded with probiotic cultures, which is just a chemistry way of saying that these bars can aid in bowel movements and keep you regular without the need of Metamucil or the new Volcano Menu at Taco Bell.

Usually size doesn’t matter (when it comes to frozen treats), but I was quite impressed by the size of these things (I am a small girl though). They’re roughly the size of a Milky Way, but of course they disappear quicker, because for some reason when instantly exposed to non-freezer like conditions they morph into the Wicked Witch of the West or Joan Rivers at the beach (wait, aren’t they the same person?).

Even with the fast melting, the Blue Bunny Raspberry Vanilla Aspen bars are pretty good, but I wouldn’t necessarily call these a healthy alternative to other frozen treats, because one bar packs 150 calories (80 of which are from fat) and 35% of your daily saturated fat content! But, really traditional granola bars are similar in nutrition, but a lot of us forget that because it’s ingrained in us they are healthy. If you are a granola bar lover (like myself) you might be disappointed in the lack of granola, but like those yogurt cups with the granola on top, you can add your own to the Aspen bar by dipping it in more. Similar to what people do with Funny Bones by injecting more peanut butter, or that creepy lion woman injecting more collagen in her lips.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Bar – 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 75 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 10% calcium, 4% riboflavin, 4% phosphorus and 2% vitamin B12.)

Item: Blue Bunny Raspberry Vanilla Aspen Frozen Yogurt Granola Bars
Price: $2.50
Size: 8-pack
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Different than most frozen novelties. Coating is not white chocolate. Sweater weather. Probiotic cultures helps you stay regular. Bar size.
Cons: Never experiencing the slopes. Not enough granola. Not being able to find your keys. Because your anorak has more pockets than necessary. People who get uber amounts of plastic surgery. High in saturated fat.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road

Marvo 15 Comments

Ben & Jerry's Limited Batch Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road

Ben & Jerry’s latest creation, Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road, honors Sir Elton John’s first-ever Vermont appearance in 2008. If Elton John wanted to honor the ice cream that honors him in lyrical form, I believe it might go something like this:

Goodbye skinny jeans
Though I never really used you at all
You had the strength to hold yourself
While my gut pushed out like a wall
It oozed out from over the top
and it looked like you were baking bread.
I really need to run on a treadmill
Because I have 20 pounds I need to shed.

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like plastic bag in the wind
Never knowing what to cling to
When my fat ass came in
And I would have liked to have used you
But I was just too big
Your stitches tore out long before
Your buttons ever did.

Now if Ben & Jerry wanted to honor themselves for honoring Elton John for honoring the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream that honors Elton John in song form, I believe it would go like this:

Hey kids, mixing ingredients together
The freezer freezing something
that’s been known to change the weather.
We’ll milk the fatted calf tonight
so stick around.
You’re gonna taste creamy goodness
that will make you round.

Say, Cherry and Garcia, have you seen them with dairy.
Ooh, but they’re so spaced out, B-b-b-bennie and the Jerry’s.
Oh, but they’re weird and they’re wonderful.
Oh Bennie, he’s really all right.
He’s got plastic spoons, hippie tunes.
You know I read it on their website. Oh ho.
B-b-b-bennie and the Jerry’s

Now if I wanted to honor Ben & Jerry for their limited edition Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road ice cream that honors Elton John, I would say that it’s a pretty good ice cream that would make Sir Elton John happy, or gay, if you will. And why wouldn’t it? Because it consists of a hodgepodge of ingredients that would make most people giddy. It has chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, brickle candy pieces and white chocolatey chunks.

The chocolate ice cream had the typical Ben & Jerry’s creaminess to it; the peanut butter cookie dough added a slight nuttiness; the brickle gave it a nice crunch and caramel flavor; and the white chocolatey chunks added…um…actually, I didn’t think they added anything, but they were big chunks and there were lots of them. Each spoonful had at least one of the added ingredients.

Of course, like most premium ice creams, the Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road is extremely high in saturated fat, providing 50% of your daily recommended intake of saturated fat in a half cup serving. But I ate an entire pint within a week and…

Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did.
Eating an entire pint of ice cream, eating it like a little kid.
I’m still standing after all the grinds.
Picking up my body even with all the fat you caused on my hind.

I’m still standing. Yeah yeah yeah.
I’m still standing. Yeah yeah yeah.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 280 calories, 15 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 26 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 10% calcium and 8% iron.)

(Note: If you don’t know which Elton John songs I referenced in this review, the first one was “Candle in the Wind,” followed by “Bennie and the Jets,” and ending with “I’m Still Standing.” On Second Scoop also reviewed it, but didn’t like it as much and didn’t reference any Elton John songs.)

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road
Price: $5.39
Size: One pint
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pretty good. Chocolate ice cream was creamy. Peanut butter cookie dough added a slight nuttiness. Brickle add crunch and caramel flavor. Each spoonful had at least one of the added ingredients. Big white chocolate chunks. Elton John.
Cons: Big white chocolate chucks were bland. High in saturated fat. Limited batch. Eating an entire pint in a day. Butchering Elton John songs to match the theme of this review.