I can’t help but feel inadequate when I look at the McDonald’s Chicken & Ranch Premium McWrap. Look at its length. Look at its girth. If you compare it to one of my body parts, the McWrap makes it look pathetic.

I’m talking about my arm wresting arm. If somehow a McDonald’s Chicken & Ranch Premium McWrap came to life and I had to beat it at an arm wrestling match to prevent it from taking over the world, I’m going to lose and we’re going to have to call it Supreme Ruler McDonald’s Chicken & Ranch Premium McWrap.

When Apple’s iPad was first introduced, many people said it was just a big iPod touch or iPhone. And when I first heard about McDonald’s new McWraps, I thought they were just larger McDonald’s Snack Wraps. However, McDonald’s McWraps are much more than larger Snack Wraps.

A Chicken & Ranch McWrap can be made with either crispy or grilled chicken. I decided to try both varieties. (To be honest, I really wish McDonald’s would stuff these McWraps with McNuggets.) When the McCrew Member handed me the bag with my McWraps, I was McSurprised by how McHeavy it was. How McHeavy? I believe with a regime that involves several sets of wrist and bicep curls with a bag filled with two McWraps, I could take on and beat an animated McDonald’s Chicken & Ranch Premium McWrap intent on taking over the Earth.

Along with your choice of chicken, the 9-inch McWraps are stuffed with half slices of tomatoes, cucumber slices, shredded lettuce, cheddar jack cheese, spring greens, seasoned rice vinegar, and buttermilk ranch sauce. I’d list the plants that make up the spring greens, but it’s filled with names you’re probably unfamiliar with, so instead I’m just going to tell you it consists of greens from the Asteraceae, Brassicaceae, Amaranthaceae families.

The McWraps come in sleeves that work a lot like convertible pants. But because of my muscle memory from eating a lot of Taco Bell burritos, I took the McWrap out of its sleeve and grabbed it like I was fighting a snake.

The crispy version is better tasting than the grilled one, thanks to the chicken’s breading, but I would buy either one again. I haven’t tried the other McWraps yet, so I can’t compare it with them, but these Chicken & Ranch versions are quite tasty. The buttermilk ranch sauce was spread evenly throughout the McWrap, ensuring flavor in every bite (and preventing ingredients from falling out), and the seasoned rice vinegar was ever so slightly noticeable but I think most people won’t realize it’s there.

Another ingredient eaters probably won’t notice is the cheese, which got lost in the buttermilk ranch sauce’s flavor. Since it doesn’t add any flavor, might I recommend asking to leave it out, which will knock off a good amount of fat and around 100 milligrams of sodium.

Thanks to the farmer’s market level of vegetables in each McWrap, its innards were filled with orange, dark green, light green, and dark purple colors. The veggies were also spread evenly within the flour tortilla as if they were placed there by a Subway Sandwich Artist.

While the McDonald’s Chicken & Ranch Premium McWrap makes my forearms look inadequate, it adequately fills my stomach and gratifies my taste buds.

Click here to read our McDonald’s Sweet Chili McWrap review

(Nutrition Facts – Crispy – 590 calories, 260 calories from fat, 29 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 05. grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 1300 milligrams of sodium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugar, 3 grams of fiber, 26 grams of protein. Grilled – 430 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 1130 milligrams of sodium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of sugar, 3 grams of fiber, 30 grams of protein.)

Item: McDonald’s Chicken & Ranch Premium McWrap
Purchased Price: $4.99 each*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Crispy)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Grilled)
Pros: Nice flavor. Filling. Crispy is better tasting than grilled. Stuffed with, um, stuff, giving them a nice heft. Nice variety of veggies. They’ve got cucumbers. Dropping in plant family references to make me look smarter than I really am.
Cons: Cheese was unnecessary. Makes my arms look weak. Fast food trying to take over the planet. Awesome source of sodium. A McWrap probably doesn’t contain every green listed under “spring greens.”

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

I have good news and bad news for those of you thinking that McDonald’s new Premium McWraps are just the same old pathetic looking McDonald’s chicken snack wraps with a prefix attached to the front of their name and a whole bunch of marketing buzzwords thrown into their description.

The good news? They’re not.

They come in futuristic packaging, taste pretty good, and demonstrate a degree of wrapping that most men in this country will never be able to achieve when wrapping birthday and Christmas gifts.

The bad news? They still kind of look pretty pathetic, all things considered.

Each wrap, including my Sweet Chili with Grilled Chicken, comes in an oblong container that looks kind of like an unlit lightsaber. It’s been a while since I was required to read directions to open something with the prefix “Mc” in front of it, but I eventually managed to separate the top part of the container to reveal and handy-dandy and convenient oh-God-why-would-I-need-this base container that attempted to defy gravity in holding my McWrap upright (ultimately, it failed. For you teachers, consider it the next time you teach Newton).

As seen below, the wrap didn’t exactly live up to advertising expectations. With a good inch and a half of tortilla “dead space,” my first bite was about as disappointing as the series finale of Seinfeld. A lone cucumber stared me straight in the face like a cyclopes, but since I was eating something called a “McWrap” and not facing down an actual Cyclops, I didn’t exactly cower in fear. Like I said, it looked pretty pathetic.

The tortilla itself isn’t bad on its own, but for $3.99 I really expect something composed of more than just enriched flour and hydrogenated soybean oil in foldable form. Fortunately, a quick cut through the wrap’s abdomen yielded insides stuffed with chicken and other vegetation.

Regarding this vegetation, the McDonald’s website tells me that my McWrap may have contained some or all of a catalogue of designer greens including Baby Green Romaine, Baby Red Romaine, Baby Red Leaf, Baby Green Leaf, Baby Red Swiss Chard, Baby Red Oak, Baby Green Oak, Lolla Rosa, Tango, Tatsoi, Arugula, Mizuna, Frisee, and Radicchio.

Basically, I’m going to venture to say it just contained a little more than the standard iceburg lettuce that’s usually thrown in as an afterthought. I may not know how to pronounce Tatsoi, and the last time I saw Tango I was falling asleep watching Dancing with the Stars, but I think I’d know for certain if they were in my wrap. The greens add a little bit of flavor and bitterness, but mostly, they’re just kind of there like the third string quarterback on a football team.

The chicken is juicy and plump and has a nice faux chargrill flavor that could compete with most fast casual chains. Thanks to what I’m guessing is the “prepared with liquid margarine” part of the ingredients list, there’s a buttery and slightly sweet taste that conjures up images of meat basting on the grill.

The Sweet Chili sauce, while seemingly isolated in the wraps southeastern quadrant, was actually applied in just the right restraint. It’s not overpowering or cloying, although, as anyone who has ever drowned their sorrows in a 50 pack of McNuggets can tell you, it’s not very hot. Basically, they should call it Sweet Red Pepper Sauce.

While the wrap gets its name from Sweet Chili, it’s the Creamy Garlic Sauce which pleasantly caught me by surprise. It’s got a mild milky flavor with a certain lightness but also a sweet roasted garlic element to it. Think of it as yummier and healthier than mayo, but simple enough to not confuse your taste buds, maybe like an aioli-for-dummies or something like that.

Enjoyable, no doubt, but worth the 3.99 price tag? That’s where I’m going to have to say ‘no.’ While there’s certainly some heft in the 360 calorie, 27-gram protein McWrap, the truth is that it just doesn’t feel as substantial as a “Premium” sandwich. Sure, the tastes are all there, but the wrap itself leaves something to be desired in terms of the amount of ingredients offered, as well as their proportion. Too much Tortilla and not enough crunch set it back, as does a bells and whistle packaging design that screams trying too hard.

In addition, there seems to be something missing in terms of the vegetables offered within the wrap. Discounting wrap physics, I would have preferred a few chopped tomatoes or perhaps crunchy carrot or pepper strips to compliment the two sauces. As someone who had the chance to try the line of McDonald’s flatbreads the chain tested in the Baltimore region some three years ago, I can say I enjoyed those flavors — and price tag — much more, and hope that the Golden Arches hasn’t put that idea on the back burner and decided to replace it permanently with the new line of Chicken McWraps.

Click here to read our McDonald’s Chicken & Ranch McWrap review

(Nutrition Facts – 360 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1030 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 27 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s McWrap reviews:
Man Reviews Food

Item: McDonald’s Sweet Chili Premium McWrap with Grilled Chicken
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 9.1 ounces
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Bigger and better than a snack wrap. Good, ‘premium’ tasting grilled chicken. Excellent wrapping that doesn’t fall apart. Good balance of sweet and savory. More greens than just iceburg. Creamy Garlic Sauce is a great change-up from mayo. Eating a non-pickled cucumber at McDonald’s. Pretending to be a Jedi with the container. 27 grams protein.
Cons: Size doesn’t justify the price. Could use another vegetable crunch factor. Tortilla dead space. Doesn’t look as pathetic as a snack wrap but still kind of pathetic.

McDonald’s Hot ’n Spicy McChicken Sandwich is only a dollar, so I really shouldn’t complain about it.

But after looking under couch cushions, car floor mats, Coinstar machines, water in a wishing well, sand at a beach, and sleeping panhandlers to gather enough loose change to buy one, I believe I can add my two cents, which I took from a take a penny, leave a penny tray at my local convenience store.

At a quick glance, the Hot ’n Spicy McChicken looks very much like a regular McChicken. But a closer examination will show it’s got the same bun, shredded lettuce, and mayonnaise, but it’s got a breaded chicken patty with a reddish hue. Its color makes it look a little evil, but if you were to take the shredded lettuce and form a goatee on top of the patty it would look eviler.

Muahaha. Muahaha.

The reddish chicken patty used in the sandwich has a little bit more heat than McDonald’s Spicy McBites, which also had a reddish breading. Unfortunately, the patty’s breading provides no real flavor or crunch.

Also, unlike the Spicy McBites, the spicy chicken patty doesn’t have a sauce to give it flavor. It’s stuck with the usual mayonnaise. Not a spicy mayonnaise, mind you, but the same ol’ mayonnaise found on a regular McChicken Sandwich that prevents some of the shredded lettuce from falling out. So it’s just a McChicken with some heat.

The Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken isn’t a new sandwich, it’s been around at limited locations over the past 2-3 years, but during that time they’ve also introduced their wonderful Hot Habanero Sauce. So why couldn’t they combine the two and make a sandwich that’s not only spicy, but also has a flavor that goes beyond a normal McChicken.

Or, if they want the entire frickin’ internet talking about McDonald’s that doesn’t involve pink slime or a drop in revenue, they should come out with a hot and spicy Sriracha McChicken. Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, and (insert big internet 2.0 thingie here) would erupt over that.

Overall, McDonald’s Hot ’n Spicy McChicken Sandwich is hot and spicy, but it’s not much else. Some might be fine with that, but after their surprisingly flavorful $1 McDonald’s Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger, I was expecting a bit more.

(Nutrition Facts – 380 calories, 160 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 1030 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken reviews:
Grub Grade
An Immovable Feast

Item: McDonald’s Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken Sandwich
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It’s just one dollar. Nice heat. Great if you’re bored of eating regular McChicken sandwiches. Mayo helps keep lettuce from falling out. A Sriracha McChicken.
Cons: Breading doesn’t provide much flavor or crunch. Has just plain ol’ mayo. Reddish breading makes it look evil. Having to search for enough loose change to buy a Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken sandwich.

If my subscription to Men’s Health Magazine has taught me anything it’s that I should eat fish regularly and Men’s Health will never run out of six-pack abs articles. Never.

My fish intake involves me consuming salmon once a week, occasionally enjoying sushi that’s served on a conveyor belt, and eating a local delicacy called poke (pronounced POH-keh), which is raw fish mixed with spices, sauces, and onions. However, my recent fish intake included McDonald’s Fish McBites.

Yes, I know breaded fried fish is probably not what Men’s Health Magazine had in mind when it comes to fish I should eat. But I also learned from reading Men’s Health that it’s okay to cheat once in a while.

Or maybe I read that in Infidelity Monthly Magazine, which, by the way, will never run out of how to cheat articles. Never.

The fish inside each Fish McBite is pollock (or Colin if you live in the UK), which is the same fish found in McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish and most frozen fish sticks. If you’re into sustainable food production, McDonald’s recently announced that the wild-caught Alaskan pollock they use is now Marine Stewardship Council (MSC) certified. That means McDonald’s gets its fish from suppliers that have to meet strict MSC standards. What are those standards? You ask too many questions. Read this.

The Fish McBites’ breaded exterior is different than what’s on McDonald’s Chicken McBites. It looks more like Shake & Bake than fried chicken. Also, while the Chicken McBites came in a salmagundi of sizes and shapes, the Fish McBites’ size and shape are uniform. The breading gives the popcorn fish a nice crunch, but I thought it lacked flavor. I would’ve liked it to have enough flavor that I wouldn’t feel the need to dip it into the provided tartar sauce.

The fish encased in the crunchy, somewhat flavorless breading is flaky. No. Super flaky. It falls apart so easily that it’s extremely hard to double dip these Fish McBites. Also, the breading has a hard time sticking to the fish. So if you’re a double dipper, you’re going to experience pieces of fish and/or breading falling into your container of tartar sauce and using your fingers to fish (pun not intended…okay it was) them out. Of course, this isn’t a problem if you dip one into the tartar sauce and then pop the whole thing in your mouth.

If you enjoy Filet-o-Fish sandwiches, then you’ll know how fishy these taste. I thought the Fish McBites and tartar sauce combination was tasty, but, again, I do wish the breading had a stronger flavor to make them taste less similar to a McDonald’s fish sandwich. If you do try them, might I recommend getting them with a different sauce or ordering some McDonald’s fries with them, breaking out a bottle of malt vinegar, and McHacking some fish ‘n chips.

(Nutrition Facts – Regular Size – 370 calories, 180 calories from fat, 20 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 630 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 17 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s Fish McBites reviews:
An Immovable Feast
Grub Grade
Brand Eating

Item: McDonald’s Fish McBites
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: Regular Size
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Fish McBites and tartar sauce combo was tasty. Slightly better for you than Chicken McBites. Pleasantly crunchy exterior. Uniform shape and size. Eating fish once a week, but not fried fish.
Cons: Easily falls apart, making them hard to double dip. Breading needs more flavor. Super flaky. Breading doesn’t stick to fish well. Fishing out pieces of fish and breading from the container of tartar sauce. I don’t have six pack abs after years of having a Men’s Health subscription.

By bringing together steak and egg together into a burrito, it sounds like McDonald’s is stepping into undiscovered breakfast menu territory. But it turns out McDonald’s is the Christopher Columbus of fast food steak and egg burritos, while Jack in the Box, Sonic Drive-In, Del Taco, Carl’s Jr., and

Now with that said, the shredded beef was tender, each burrito had beef from end to end, and it had a nice meaty flavor. It’s not bad for something that’s not steak. However, what gave this burrito most of its flavor was the salsa roja, which was a nice tomatoey and slightly garlicky sauce with a little spicy kick.

Including American cheese, which is the same stuff you’d find in a Big Mac, was surprising, and perhaps pepper jack or cheddar would’ve been better, but the American cheese was fine. As for the scrambled eggs, they really didn’t have any noticeable flavor. All they seemed to do for this burrito was give it some girth and allow this small breakfast item to have a double protein punch.

As much as I ragged on the McDonald’s Steak & Egg Burrito in this review, it’s tasty enough that I would order it again, and I prefer it over McDonald’s Sausage Burrito. If you decide to try it, I’d recommend buying two to fill you up (or maybe order an oatmeal), because it really is quite small.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burrito – 280 calories, 13 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 125 milligrams of cholesterol, 790 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 15% calcium, and 10% iron.)

Item: McDonald’s Steak & Egg Burrito
Purchased Price: $3.59 (for two)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Shredded beef has decent flavor. Salsa roja provides most of the flavor. Cheese, surprisingly, added flavor. A good source of protein. Lessons taught at the end of cartoons.
Cons: Its size makes a Taco Bell soft taco look bigger than it really is. Shredded beef isn’t really steak. Small. Awesome source of sodium. Eggs were almost flavorless. It’s more like a burito than a burrito. One isn’t filling.