REVIEW: Mountain Dew Dewmocracy Flavors (SuperNova, Revolution, and Voltage)

Read a review of the 2010 DEWmocracy flavors here.

Imagine having the power to make a difference and to change the world in some way. Some of you might be saying that one person can’t make a difference, but I’m here to tell you that one person can, but if you recruit more people, it’s a whole lot easier and if you’re sneaky enough, you might not need to do anything at all and make all those people you recruited do all the work. But if you don’t want to go through that trouble, you can make a difference by voting…for a sugary, carbonated, and caffeinated beverage.

Welcome to Dewmocracy.

Mountain Dew is letting the people decide the new Dew among three flavors: SuperNova, Revolution, and Voltage. Of course, this is slightly retarded since all three flavors are being produced and sold in stores, so technically they are ALL already new. Someone might say that Dewmocracy is about choosing the new permanent Dew flavor, and I would say to them that, it maybe permanent, but technically the winner won’t be new.

The Dewmocracy website, where you can vote for your favorite flavor, keeps track of the votes throughout the United States by state. The whole thing reminds me of all the CNN news coverage and graphics on Election Night, except without Wolf Blitzer’s beard to scare me. Just like American Idol, I’m sure more people will vote in this election than the upcoming U.S. presidential election. Some people might say that elections like these are teaching children the importance of voting. I say nay to those people, for I believe that the elections for Dewmocracy and American Idol teach the importance of voting…for things that don’t fucking matter.

I felt Revolution was the worst, SuperNova was the best, and Voltage was the nerd with the hairy chest. Looking at the Dewmocracy website, my vote for Mountain Dew SuperNova has helped it gain 3% of the vote in my state of Hawaii, which means I am supporting the Ralph Nader of Mountain Dew.

None of the Dewmocracy flavors were repulsive and each of them were sweeter than all the Care Bears holding hands while skipping across a rainbow and singing “Joy to the World.” I enjoyed SuperNova the most because of its unusual strawberry melon flavor, which gave it a nice fruity taste, almost girly-alcohol-drink-ish. It also tasted like a strawberry lemonade, which is weird since it doesn’t have any citrus flavor. Voltage’s raspberry-citrus flavor was good and I thought if Mountain Dew were to make another blue-colored Dew (Taco Bell exclusive Baja Blast was the first blue Dew), this flavor should be it. Finally, the wild berry flavor of Mountain Dew Revolution was decent, but personally wild berries aren’t my thing, because they’re too wild for me.

But my voice is just one and many of you probably disagree with me, so if you want to participate and get an unhealthy amount of high fructose corn syrup, try all three flavors, and vote at the Dewmocracy.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bottle – 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 105 milligrams of sodium, 76 grams of carbs, 76 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 91 milligrams of caffeine, and 10 grams of Dewmocracy.)

Item: Mountain Dew Dewmocracy Flavors (SuperNova, Revolution, and Voltage)
Price: $1.25 each (20 ounces)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10 (SuperNova)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Revolution)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Voltage)
Pros: SuperNova had a nice fruity flavor. Voltage flavor was good. 91 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per bottle. Care Bears holding hands while skipping across a rainbow and singing “Joy to the World.” None of the flavors were repulsive. Democracy.
Cons: High fructose corn syrup. Wolf Blitzer’s beard. Having to drink three bottles of Mountain Dew for this review. Having to sign up to have the opportunity to vote for Dewmocracy.

REVIEW: AMP Energy (Elevate, Overdrive, Relaunch, Traction)

Mountain Dew is the O.G. of carbonated caffeine goodness. With 50-something milligrams of caffeine per can it was the beverage of choice for gamers, procrastinators and sleep haters back when energy drinks were just a twinkle in the eye of beverage makers and I wore my baseball caps backwards, while wearing two Swatch watches on each arm. Today, Mountain Dew is lost among the hundreds of energy drinks out there. Its caffeine content seems miniscule compared with almost every single caffeine bomb energy drink.

What happened to Mountain Dew? It used to encourage young people to do extreme things that only professionals should do, like pull 360 tailwhips on a BMX bike or a goofy-footed backside McTwist on a skateboard. Now energy drinks, like Red Bull, have kids doing crazy things like race in airplanes, flugtag, and post videos on YouTube of themselves doing a Chicken McNuggets rap. Mountain Dew’s descent from the caffeine crown is kind of sad, like seeing a 51-year-old big-haired, tattooed mother of four shop at Forever 21.

Mountain Dew used to tell us to “Do the Dew,” but now the Dew is not dewy enough. It tried to keep up with more powerful energy drinks by changing flavors, colors, and by greeting everyone with the salutation, “Wassup, dogg,” while pounding its chest a couple of times. But it is not about colors, it is about caffeine. The Radioactive Green One may not be extreme enough for this generation, but AMP Energy, its younger, bigger, stronger, sexier, more potent, and porn star cock-sized successors are.

The original AMP Energy is based on original Mountain Dew and recently AMP Energy added to its lineup the new Elevate, Overdrive, Relaunch, and Traction flavors, most of which aren’t really new if you did the different Dews over the last half-decade. Overdrive, which has been out longer than the other flavors, is very similar in taste to the cherry-flavored Mountain Dew Code Red, Relaunch is like the orange-flavored Mountain Dew LiveWire, Traction tastes like the grape-flavored Mountain Dew Pitch Black, and Elevate has a mixed berry flavor. All of them were easy to drink because they tasted more like a soda, than an energy drink, which usually can have a slight medicine-ish taste.

Like members of a boy band, each flavor has certain characteristics and has been given a particular label that describes them. Overdrive is the bad boy of the group and the energetic yerba mate it has gives it a turbo boost. Elevate is the smart one and the L-theanine in it helps it to focus. Relaunch is the cute one and the electrolytes and B vitamins it has gives it the energy to revive to satisfy all the groupies. Finally, Traction is the one everyone thinks could be gay and the maltodextrin and D-ribose it contains helps it sustain its secret. Each flavor did give me a boost of energy, but I didn’t notice any differences with their special ingredients.

Overall, I enjoyed all of the flavors, especially the grape-ish Traction, which let me remember Mountain Dew Pitch Black — my favorite Dew I liked to do. It is nice to see almost all the Dew flavors end up in energy drink form because I am a fan of Mountain Dew. Now that I have my caffeine bomb, all I need now are some Cheetos, an original Playstation, the game Twisted Metal, and I’m good to go.

(Supplement Facts – 8 fl. oz. – 110 calories, 29 grams carbs, 29 grams sugar, 1.5 milligrams riboflavin, 20 milligrams niacin, 10 milligrams pantothenic acid, 20 milligrams phosphorus, 148 milligrams taurine, 124 milligrams of guarana extract, 80 milligrams caffeine, and 20 percent increase in heart rate.)

Item: AMP Energy (Elevate, Overdrive, Relaunch, Traction)
Price: FREE (16 ounces)
Purchased at: Given by nice PR people
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Enjoyed all the flavors, which are similar to Mountain Dew flavors. Tastes more like a soda, than an energy drink. Easy to drink. 160 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per can. Twisted Metal.
Cons: High fructose corn syrup. Added ingredients didn’t seem to do anything. If you hate sweet, you’ll hate these. Still can’t get my hands on a fucking Nintendo Wii. 51-years-olds who shop at Forever 21.

REVIEW: Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2

Pitch Black II

Over the years, there have been many movies that have been as entertaining as a monkey juggling its own poop while peddling a tricycle through hoops of fire.

But the sequels to those movies have burned me and my wallet, because they were as entertaining as watching water boil, watching grass grow, or listening to Madonna speak about a noble cause.

For example, there’s Caddyshack and Caddyshack 2. Caddyshack is probably the greatest movie about golf ever, while Caddyshack 2 is probably the worst movie about golf ever.

Then there was Speed and Speed 2: Cruise Control.

How bad was Speed 2?

Let me put it this way, Speed 2 was so bad that I actually uttered the eleven words that I never thought would come out of my mouth, “I think Keanu Reeves’ crappy acting would’ve made this movie better.”

Finally, there’s Sweatin’ To The Oldies and Sweatin’ To The Oldies 2.

What was so bad about Sweatin’ To The Oldies 2?

Well, besides more songs that were made waaay before I was born, I think Richard Simmons’ shorts in the sequel were shorter than usual, and if you know how short they usually are, then you know that if they got any shorter, it wouldn’t be a pretty sight.

Because I can only take so much glittery and shimmery manliness.

So with all of these crappy experiences with sequels, I was hesitant to try the new limited edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2, which is the sequel to last year’s original Mountain Dew Pitch Black.

If you aren’t familiar with the original Mountain Dew Pitch Black, you can read the Impulsive Buy’s review of it here or if your carpal tunnel is acting up and isn’t allowing you to click anything, I’ll just tell you that it has the same caffeine goodness as regular Mountain Dew, except with a blast of grape flavor.

Also it’s not really pitch black, it’s more like goth purple.

The only difference between Pitch Black 2 and the original Pitch Black is the sour bite, which the original lacked. Personally, I kind of like it better without the bite, but Pitch Black 2 is still good.

However, just like all Mountain Dew variations, Pitch Black 2 doesn’t make me want to do anything extreme, like jump out of a plane, do a backflip on a motorcycle, or jump over the Great Wall of China with a skateboard.

Also, just like last year, Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2 will only be around for a limited time. But thank goodness it will be around longer than the number of days Baby Geniuses 2 spent in theaters.

Item: Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2
Purchase Price: $1.39 (20-ounce)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Good grape taste. Same amount of caffeine as regular Mountain Dew. A monkey juggling its own poop while peddling a tricycle through hoops of fire.
Cons: Limited Edition. I prefer the original version, without the sour bite. Caddyshack 2, Speed 2, Baby Geniuses 2, and both Sweatin’ To The Oldies. Listening to Madonna speak about a noble cause.

Mountain Dew LiveWire

Mountain Dew LiveWire

Mountain Dew LiveWire. Originally released last summer. Re-released this summer. It’s not summer anymore, but they still sell it. Will probably be re-re-released next summer. I like it. I usually call it Mountain Dew orange. After drinking a Mountain Dew, I feel so xtreme. I want to do a 50-50 railslide on a skateboard, or do a tailwhip 540 on a BMX bike, or do a nac-nac backflip on a motorcycle. If given the choice between original Mountain Dew and Mountain Dew LiveWire, I would pick the original Mountain Dew.

Okay, now that I’ve got the mandatory review part out of the way, I can talk about the new prize drawing.

About a month ago The Impulsive Buy held it’s first ever prize drawing. We gave away six Oral-B Brush-Ups.

We think the people who received them were very happy because these Brush-Ups are a good way to freshen their breath in case they ever found themselves in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.

For our second prize drawing, we will be giving away SEVEN Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipes, which won’t help you if you ever found yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.

Oh wait, now that we think about it…

If you find yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone who isn’t your significant other, you can use the Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe to wipe away any lipstick or mask any perfume/cologne, so that your significant other won’t find out that you had a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone else.

Anyway, we reviewed them last month and here’s your chance to win one (1) Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe.

To enter the drawing, just leave a comment for THIS review. Also, so that we don’t seem like comment whores, you can also enter by sending us an email with the phrase “Wet Ones” in the subject field.

If you leave a comment, don’t forget to fill out the email field, because we will be emailing winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, we will take care of that.

We will start accepting entries for the drawing on November 17, 2004. We will stop accepting entries on November 21, 2004 at 11:59 pm (Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person.

Entries will be stuffed into a jar that used to hold mayonnaise and still smells like mayonnaise. Winning entries will be drawn from this jar and will probably smell like mayonnaise.

For those of you who’ve never won anything in your life, here’s your chance to finally boost your self-esteem and be a winner, like all the competitors at the Special Olympics.

Fine Print: We promise your email address will not be used to send you spam about Levitra or getting a free iPod. We also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you loan offers or offers for DSL. Bribes will not be accepted. We will not be responsible for lost mail.


Item: Mountain Dew LiveWire
Purchase Price: $1.29
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: It’s good. Orangy. Same amount of caffeine as regular MD, but not as good as regular MD. Makes me want to be xtreme.
Cons: Limited edition. Causes me to incorrectly spell the word “extreme.”

REVIEW: Mountain Dew Pitch Black

pitchblack

Sometimes it sucks having The Impulsive Buy Laboratory on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Why?

(1) Can’t jump into The Impulsive Buy Mobile and take a long road trip, unless we want to circle the island a few times. (2) We sometimes get new products slightly later than everyone else.

This was the case with the new Limited Edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black.

Kelly, an occasional Impulsive Buy reader, asked us if we had a chance to try the new variation of Mountain Dew. We told her no and she immediately started rubbing that fact into our face.

The taunting started with emails that contained lines like, “Nanny, nanny. Boo, boo. No Pitch Black for you.” Later she started emailing us pictures of her drinking Pitch Black. Then she sent us a picture of her standing in front of a refrigerated case stocked with Pitch Black and giving us the finger. That was the last straw and we frantically attempted to find some, but we couldn’t find any.

This taunting went on for a week. Finally, the national convenience store chain down the street got their stock of Pitch Black.

After trying it, it was time for our revenge on Kelly, which involved rolls of toilet paper and rotten raw eggs. Unfortunately, she lives in the state of Washington. So we can add one more reason why it sometimes sucks having The Impulsive Buy Laboratory in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

(3) Can’t get revenge on those who live in the Continental United States.

As for the Mountain Dew Pitch Black, it’s pretty good, now that we finally got to try it.

What makes it black is the blast of black grape, which also makes it grapey. (Holy crap! “Grapey” is an actual word! We thought we were making up a new word.) It was good to drink a grape soda again, because it’s been awhile since anyone of us drank one. (Does anyone even make grape sodas?)

We feel Pitch Black is just as good as the other Mountain Dew flavors, like LiveWire, Code Red, and the original Mountain Dew. Or maybe that’s the caffeine talking.

There are two disappointing things about the soda. One, is the fact that Pitch Black really isn’t black. If you look at it in the light, you will see it really is purple or plum-colored, if you will. And, two, Mountain Dew Pitch Black will only be around until Halloween. So get yours now.

Item: Limited Edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black
Purchase Price: $0.99
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Good grape taste. Same amount of caffeine goodness as regular Mountain Dew.
Cons: Not really pitch black, more like purple. Wish it wasn’t limited edition. Wasted a good carton of eggs. At least we can still use the toilet paper.