REVIEW: Nestle Crunch Dark Bar (2018)

Nestle Crunch Dark Bar  2018

If rebooting movies and TV shows will continue to be a thing, I guess rebooting candy bars is possible. While the wrapper says “NEW,” the Nestle Crunch Dark Bar made its debut as a limited edition candy way back in 2005.

Unlike dark chocolate bars that come from smaller chocolatiers with fancy names I’m not 100 percent sure how to pronounce, like Vosges, Dagoba, and Chuao, the Nestle Crunch Dark Bar doesn’t show off its cacao percentage. It keeps us in the dark by saying it’s just “dark.”

But unlike its 2005 version, this one tells us it’s made with 100 percent real chocolate and contains no artificial flavors or colors. So does that mean the original version wasn’t made with 100 percent real chocolate and contained artificial flavors and colors?

Wait! Don’t tell me! I don’t want my memories of the 2005 Nestle Crunch Dark Bar tainted because I loved it and was a little sad when it went away.

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As you can probably guess, Crunch Dark is darker in appearance than the regular Crunch bar. But it’s not as dark as chocolate bars from companies whose names I’m not 100 percent sure how to pronounce that go into the 60-70 percent cacao range. The rice crisps are just as crunchy as those in the regular Crunch bar.

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Its flavor straddles the line between milk and dark chocolate. It may disappoint those who love dark chocolate’s bitter bite, but it doesn’t disappoint me. To be honest, I probably would’ve liked this bar less if it was more bitter. What Crunch Dark does is make me realize that regular Crunch bars are too sweet. The darker chocolate tampers down the sweetness, but that positive brings up a different problem.

They’re easier to eat. Well, if you consider that a problem.

I don’t know if I’ve had so many regular milk chocolate Crunch bars over the years that my taste buds are tired of them, but Crunch Dark is better tasting. I enjoyed it in 2005 and I’m enjoying it in 2018.

Disclosure: After I purchased this from 7-Eleven, Nestle sent me a box filled with Crunch Dark Bars and a couple of bags of Buncha Crunch Dark that I didn’t know it was sending. I just thought I’d be transparent about that and let you know – now everyone say it with me – that it didn’t influence my review in any way.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 220 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price:
Size: 1.55 oz. bar
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: I think they’re better than the original Crunch bar. Straddles the line between milk chocolate and dark chocolate. Reduced sweetness makes them easier to eat. The wonderful crunch from the rice crisps.
Cons: Might disappoint those who like their dark chocolate bitter. Reduced sweetness makes them easier to eat.

QUICK REVIEW: Nestle Toll House Limited Edition Pumpkin Cobbler Cookie Dough

Nestle Toll House Limited Edition Pumpkin Cobbler Cookie Dough

I’ve had my share of unusual pumpkin items, and I’ve made some unique cobblers (leek cobbler, anyone?). But I have never even heard of pumpkin cobbler. I’m sure someone’s made it somewhere, but as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t exist.

Nestle has made a cookie flavored like something that doesn’t exist with this Toll House Pumpkin Cobbler dough. It’s described as “cookie dough with pumpkin, oats, spices and a pumpkin pie filling.”

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All the cookies are stuck together in cubes. They didn’t separate perfectly along the dough perforation, but it was good enough. In a matter of seconds, they were ready to go in the oven. Preheating takes longer than preparation.

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They took longer to bake than the 11–12 minutes recommended on the package, but I think that’s because I used a cooking stone instead of a metal baking sheet, and I live at an elevation of 5,000 feet.

My biggest disappointment was the pumpkin filling. I expected it to be the texture of pumpkin pie or even apple butter, but it was a syrupy, sticky substance, reminiscent of the residue leftover in the jam jar.

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But just because the filling wasn’t what I had hoped doesn’t mean the cookie wasn’t good. I can definitely taste the oats, and while the ingredients don’t specify what spices are in it, I could detect cinnamon and probably nutmeg. I had a harder time noticing the pumpkin, but I think it’s there.

There’s a tendency to regard these premade, preportioned cookie doughs as utterly plebeian, inferior to cookies made from scratch. I don’t disagree, but there’s something to be said for warm, fresh-out-of-the-oven cookies without mixing bowls in the sink or flour spilled on the counter. These are a tasty option for two dozen quick treats on an autumn afternoon.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: 16 oz. package
Purchased at: Dick’s Market
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cookie) 80 calories, 3 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 12 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Chocolate Fudge Pretzel Cookies

Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Chocolate Fudge Pretzel

Hey there, everyone.

For the second year in a row, I’m here to accept the Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Award. I’m not sure why the award committee keeps inviting me back to make these speeches on behalf of a cookie. I guess they must believe in the old adage, “you are what you eat.”

*crickets*

Yeesh. Tough crowd.

Let me be clear, folks. This isn’t an envelope mix-up, like that “La La Land” and “Moonlight” fiasco. Believe it or not, Nestle Toll House’s Chocolate Fudge Pretzel cookie dough really did beat out other contenders like PB&J Oreo for the Cookie of the Year award. Sorry, PB&J Oreo. Between you and me, I have a feeling that Nestle Toll House might have rigged this thing.

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I’ve got to give a quick shout-out to the crew on this production, also known as my oven and baking sheet. The 11-12 minutes it took to fully bake this project took longer than those “straight-to-plate” cookies, but these guys were nothing but professional.

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For all of you drama fans out there, Nestle Toll House Chocolate Fudge Pretzel cookies are set against a dark backdrop…of chocolate, that is. The chocolate cookie dough steals the show with a perfectly rich cocoa flavor. Like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, it’s the kind of role player that you can build a franchise around.

I was pleasantly surprised by the performance of the milk chocolate morsels. They add a sweeter, creamier element throughout. It can be hard to stand out when one of your co-stars is so dominant, but the milk chocolate morsels play off of the chocolate cookie dough really well.

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The pretzel pieces are a welcome addition to the cast, too. They’re salty, floury, and retain a good crunch. But if I’m being honest, they can be pretty erratic. Some cookies have a lot of them, and others hardly have any. It would be nice to see some consistency from those pretzel prima donnas.

Some of you in the audience might look at these Chocolate Fudge Pretzel cookies and think, “they could use something more, like caramel.” But I’ve got to disagree with you. Adding another ingredient here would be like Michael Bay’s use of explosions -— excessive.

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Once again, the Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year is a real winner. The chocolate cookie dough, milk chocolate morsels, and pretzel pieces combine to make a formidable cast that puts on a great performance. Congratulations to the 2017 Cookie of the Year: Nestle Toll House Chocolate Fudge Pretzel Cookies.

I don’t know what the 2018 Cookie of the Year will be, but I do know this: it’ll be made by Nestle Toll House…

…and I’ll have to give yet another acceptance speech for a fake cookie award.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cookie – 80 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 11 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 16 oz. (makes 24 cookies)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Rich, fudgy cookie dough. Sweet milk chocolate morsels add nice variety. Crunchy pretzel pieces. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Cons: Still a totally made-up award, possibly rigged. Uneven distribution of pretzel pieces. Michael Bay.

REVIEW: Nestle Butterfinger Limited Edition Smokin’ Hot Peanut Butter Cups

Nestle Butterfinger Limited Edition Smokin Hot Peanut Butter Cups

“Spicy” candy bars aren’t exactly a new concept.

In fact, jalapeño and chipotle pepper-flavored chocolates have been around for years, with prestige choco-preneurs like Lindt, Theo, and Taza among the companies pumping out sweet-and-hot fusion treats. Heck, just last year, M&M’s even got in on the action with their L-T-O Chili Nut variation.

The thing is, such products are unlikely to ever be mainstream hits. There are people who love chocolate and there are people who love spicy foods, but there probably aren’t that many people out there who enjoy both concurrently. In a way, “spicy chocolate” is kind of like the reverse Reese’s cup – instead of two distinct tastes harmoniously merging, it represents two distinct tastes waging guerilla warfare on your tongue.

In that, I’m not really sure there is a target audience for something like the “Smoking’ Hot” Butterfinger Cups. It’s not that the product is bad, per se, it’s just that it feels so…uneventful.

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For starters, calling the cups “smokin’ hot” is a huge misnomer. While the cups do indeed have a palpable paprika aftertaste, the overall effect is so mild that you barely get a tingle on your tastebuds. It actually took me a good five seconds before I realized the cups even had the slightest tinge of spiciness. With a delayed gustatory impact like that, you really can’t even use these things for pranks; by the time your unknowing “victim” realizes he or she has fallen for the old switcheroo, they’re likely to finish the whole cup – that is, if they notice the meager paprika kick at all.

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But the lack of spiciness might not be the offering’s biggest core problem. I suppose with a product like this, comparisons to that other, older, and more famous line of peanut butter cups are unavoidable. Although these cups do have a noticeable, traditional Butterfinger taste, the texture seems a bit off. It’s crunchy, but not as crunchy as the standard issue candy bar.

Ultimately, you wind up with a product that tastes more like Reese’s than Butterfinger, which – depending on your perspective – may be a positive or a negative. Alas, considering the word “Butterfinger” is on the packaging, I’m assuming manufacturer Nestle might be leaning more towards the latter than the former.

So what consumer itch are these things supposed to be scratching, precisely? Even if you’re one of the few odd ducks out there who dig spicy chocolates, the cups are probably too mild for your liking, and if you’re just a regular old chocoholic, you’ll probably consider the “spicy” kick either superfluous or flat-out off-putting.

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Some ideas never should’ve made it past the drawing board. And unfortunately, Nestle’s latest L-T-O novelty is one of those marketing misfires that definitely deserves its lukewarm consumer reaction.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 120 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of total fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 12 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 4-pack
Purchased at: Kangaroo
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: The chocolate is pretty tasty. The cups have a semi-noticeable Butterfinger taste. The paprika flavor is unlikely to irritate your sinuses.
Cons: The product isn’t really spicy – at all. It tastes way more like a Reese’s cup than a Butterfinger bar. Realizing it’s only a matter of time until someone releases a spicy guacamole iteration of Almond Joy … or Tabasco Sauce Pop-Tarts.

REVIEW: Butterfinger Peanut Butter Crisp Bar

If Bart Simpson were still slanging Butterfingers today, he’d most definitely say, “Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger…Peanut Butter Crisp Bar!”

C’mon, you didn’t expect a Butterfinger review without a mention of Bart Simpson, right?!

But Nestle has moved on from Bart Simpson to Backstreet Boys covers with the Peanut Butter Crisp Bar.

Speaking of throwbacks like BSB, the latest version of this Butterfinger innovation is apparently a relaunch with “even more dose of Butterfinger” – whatever that means. However, they’ve added crunchy toffee pieces with the wafer layers and Butterfinger crème.

I think it’s interesting they’re now highlighting peanut butter on-pack because all Butterfingers have peanut butter in the first place. They now also tout that there are no artificial flavors or colors and that added colors are from natural sources. Well then, I don’t want to know what was in my Crisp Bar back in the day.

I bought the Fun Size pack because I was greedy and raiding the Easter chocolate section. I also thought Fun Size would be a good way to portion control. But, I ate three Fun Size Crisp Bars in record time, so I really should have just purchased one 2-ounce package because it comes with three pieces anyway. Ugh.

Visually, my borderline-OCD-self appreciated the perfect machine-laid layers of the wafer and crème. You can see the toffee only sits on the top, so as expected, it doesn’t really translate like it does when eating a non-Crisp Bar. Overall, there’s less crunchety (aka no toffee bits stuck in your teeth) than a regular Butterfinger but there’s still a satisfying crispiness as you can hear loud and clear in the BSB cover video.

It tastes really similar to the Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups – maintaining that trademark Butterfinger taste but with a smoother finish. The last flavor is the creamy, sweet chocolate coating. But I think it’s less sweet because of the wafer addition and the lack of crystalized toffee sugar-bomb bits. I personally don’t like my chocolate leaving a sickly sweet back-of-throat aftertaste, so I was totally into the chocolate on the bar!

I didn’t expect to, but I really enjoyed these. I even thought to myself – if I was a kid at trick-or-treating age, I’d love to have a jack-o-lantern full of these. Wrong time of year, I know, but that’s how much I enjoyed them.

My only request though: I’d love for Nestle to make a 2 lb Butterfinger Peanut Butter Crisp Bar so I can indulge in my sweet-tooth-Butterfinger dreams. Who’s with me?!

(Nutrition Facts – 2 bars – 200 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.00
Size: 11 oz. Fun Size bag
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Perfect machine-laid layers of wafer and Butterfinger crème. Less crunchety but still satisfying. Less sweet than regular Butterfingers.
Cons: Where’s Bart Simpson at? Toffee doesn’t really translate.