Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel

Hello Kitty Sunscreen

To begin today’s review of the Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel, I’d like to tell all of you a little story, which goes something like this:

My head nodded like it was following the little red bouncing ball telling me which words to sing, as I followed the word “Chic” embroidered in yellow thread on the jeans that covered the ass of my fifth grade teacher, who was writing word problems on the chalkboard.

This was easy to accomplish because, unfortunately, I sat in the front row of the tiny classroom that was once the teacher’s lounge.

There were others in the front row, but my teacher only liked to write on a certain part of the chalkboard, which ended up right in front of me. My teacher’s ass was so close that if I wanted to, I could pull out my ruler and poke it to see what the ass would do in retaliation.

It wasn’t hard to miss the yellow embroidery on my teacher’s Chic Jeans, because every time I looked up to see what my teacher was writing, I would get the full panoramic view of my teacher’s ass and not be able to see a word written. It was kind of like a solar eclipse, with the moon being my teacher’s ass and the sun being the words on the chalkboard. The only word I could see was “Chic” embroidered in yellow thread.

I continued to stare at that word and began to think it was so strange to see my teacher wear a pair of Chic Jeans, because the only people who wore them were the popular girls in middle school, who never talked to me, except when they needed help with their homework.

Frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t see the chalkboard at all, I put my pencil down on top of the desk and followed that with my head.

A few minutes later the recess bell rang. I got up and as I walked out for recess, I said, “Nice jeans, MISTER Kreuger.”

He looked at me and innocently smiled, not knowing his ass was blocking my view of the chalkboard and he was wearing women’s clothing.

I posted this story to prove that women are lucky.

If they wear a men’s jacket or sweater, other people won’t notice it’s a piece of men’s clothing and will say it looks nice on them. If men wear a woman’s jacket or sweater, other people will look at them weird and say he’s a crazy cross-dresser.

Also, it’s perfectly normal for women to use men’s shaving gel on their legs, but it seems odd for a man to use women’s shaving gel on their face, unless the guy happens to be quasi-product review blog editor doing some “testing.”

So I’ve decided to use women’s products, because I think this is slightly unfair.

Recently, my twin sister gave me a bottle of Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel to review.

This is a very feminine product for two reasons: Hello Kitty and glitter.

If you aren’t familiar with Hello Kitty, you can read more about it here. But to make a long story short, Hello Kitty is probably the most girly thing in the world. It’s produced by a Japanese company called Sanrio, which has a whole bunch of cute characters, like Hello Kitty.

Here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean there are Sanrio stores with wall-to-wall cute girly Sanrio stuff. Every time I walk into one of the Sanrio stores, three things happen: (1) I have to urge to give someone a hug. (2) I can feel testosterone being sucked out of me. (3) My testicles crawl up into my body.

As for glitter, it maybe great for Harajuku Girls, but it’s not good for guys or Mariah Carey’s acting resume.

The only ways I can imagine guys wearing glitter is if they were adding stars to dioramas, they just made out with a woman who was wearing glitter, or if they got so drunk that they drank a bottle of glitter thinking it was Goldschlager.

However, I put aside the unusualness of me wearing glitter and the fear of my balls crawling up into body to test the Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel during my daily running routine. Besides, if my balls to crawl up into me, I don’t have to worry about them being juggled around.

As I put the sunscreen on, it felt like I was putting on vegetable oil, because it was very greasy. Also, I noticed that the glitter wasn’t going on my body. Instead, almost all the glitter remained on my hands. I guess running around with glitter and shining it in the sun wasn’t meant to be.

While running, I could smell the sunscreen, which had a nice unmanly candy-like smell.

It may have had a nice scent, but its SPF 8 didn’t do a good job of protecting my face from sunburn, because later that night, while washing my face, I could feel the sunburn, which I don’t get with the usual SPF 30 sunscreen I use.

So remember boys and girls, eight is a good number for an orgy, but not so good for a sunscreen’s SPF.

Item: Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel
Purchase Price: FREE (Given by twin sister)
Rating: 1.5 out of 5
Pros: Smells good. Great for Harajuku Girls.
Cons: Most of the glitter stayed on my hands. Really greasy feel. Only SPF 8. My male fifth grade teacher wearing Chic Jeans.

Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipes

Wet Ones Kids

It’s not often that we get asked to review something, but regular Impulsive Buy reader Sam asked if we could review a medicated hand wash that can be used at Sam’s fly training stable.

Yeah, you read right. Fly training stable.

Well we just happened to have picked up a product at the superstore behemoth that could come in really handy for Sam, Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipes.

To be honest, we actually picked up this product so that the Impulsive Buy could bring in readers from the apparently HUGE mom blog demographic.

The Wet Ones Kids are like the medicated wipes you get when you eat at KFC, except without the medicated smell.

The 24 individually wrapped wipes came in two fun scents: wild watermelon and ballistic berry. Both scents reminded us of watermelon and grape Bubblicious bubble gum. As a matter of fact, they smelled so good that after wiping my hands with them, I soon realized that this is the first product ever that made me consider self-cannibalism. Or at least made me want to chew myself.

These antibacterial wipes are a convenient way for people to clean their hands and faces whenever soap and water are not around and they’re a great way to clean the toilet seats in public restrooms, because there are going to be times when sanitary toilet seat covers and three layers of toilet paper just isn’t enough.

One of the great things about this product was that the scent lasts for hours. I liked the smell so much that I found myself occasionally smelling my hands, which eventually led me to cupping my hands over my mouth and nose, smelling them until the scent faded. When it did fade, I opened another Wet Ones. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then another.

After an intervention with the others at the Impulsive Buy, the Wet Ones Kids were taken away from me.

Besides them being taken away from me, another thing I didn’t like about the Wet Ones Kids was the sticky feeling I got when I used one. Eventually it goes away once it dries, but when it’s sticky you don’t feel like touching anything.

Out of the 24 individually wrapped wipes, there’s only 8 left after my so-called “episode.”

So it looks like the Impulsive Buy will have another prize drawing coming up.

Unless I get my hands on them first.

Item: Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipes
Purchase Price: $3.99
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Smells good enough to eat or chew. Makes a great prize for a future drawing. Great for all those blogging moms.
Cons: Smells good enough to eat or chew. Leaves a temporary sticky feeling.