Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel

Hello Kitty Sunscreen

To begin today’s review of the Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel, I’d like to tell all of you a little story, which goes something like this:

My head nodded like it was following the little red bouncing ball telling me which words to sing, as I followed the word “Chic” embroidered in yellow thread on the jeans that covered the ass of my fifth grade teacher, who was writing word problems on the chalkboard.

This was easy to accomplish because, unfortunately, I sat in the front row of the tiny classroom that was once the teacher’s lounge.

There were others in the front row, but my teacher only liked to write on a certain part of the chalkboard, which ended up right in front of me. My teacher’s ass was so close that if I wanted to, I could pull out my ruler and poke it to see what the ass would do in retaliation.

It wasn’t hard to miss the yellow embroidery on my teacher’s Chic Jeans, because every time I looked up to see what my teacher was writing, I would get the full panoramic view of my teacher’s ass and not be able to see a word written. It was kind of like a solar eclipse, with the moon being my teacher’s ass and the sun being the words on the chalkboard. The only word I could see was “Chic” embroidered in yellow thread.

I continued to stare at that word and began to think it was so strange to see my teacher wear a pair of Chic Jeans, because the only people who wore them were the popular girls in middle school, who never talked to me, except when they needed help with their homework.

Frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t see the chalkboard at all, I put my pencil down on top of the desk and followed that with my head.

A few minutes later the recess bell rang. I got up and as I walked out for recess, I said, “Nice jeans, MISTER Kreuger.”

He looked at me and innocently smiled, not knowing his ass was blocking my view of the chalkboard and he was wearing women’s clothing.

I posted this story to prove that women are lucky.

If they wear a men’s jacket or sweater, other people won’t notice it’s a piece of men’s clothing and will say it looks nice on them. If men wear a woman’s jacket or sweater, other people will look at them weird and say he’s a crazy cross-dresser.

Also, it’s perfectly normal for women to use men’s shaving gel on their legs, but it seems odd for a man to use women’s shaving gel on their face, unless the guy happens to be quasi-product review blog editor doing some “testing.”

So I’ve decided to use women’s products, because I think this is slightly unfair.

Recently, my twin sister gave me a bottle of Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel to review.

This is a very feminine product for two reasons: Hello Kitty and glitter.

If you aren’t familiar with Hello Kitty, you can read more about it here. But to make a long story short, Hello Kitty is probably the most girly thing in the world. It’s produced by a Japanese company called Sanrio, which has a whole bunch of cute characters, like Hello Kitty.

Here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean there are Sanrio stores with wall-to-wall cute girly Sanrio stuff. Every time I walk into one of the Sanrio stores, three things happen: (1) I have to urge to give someone a hug. (2) I can feel testosterone being sucked out of me. (3) My testicles crawl up into my body.

As for glitter, it maybe great for Harajuku Girls, but it’s not good for guys or Mariah Carey’s acting resume.

The only ways I can imagine guys wearing glitter is if they were adding stars to dioramas, they just made out with a woman who was wearing glitter, or if they got so drunk that they drank a bottle of glitter thinking it was Goldschlager.

However, I put aside the unusualness of me wearing glitter and the fear of my balls crawling up into body to test the Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel during my daily running routine. Besides, if my balls to crawl up into me, I don’t have to worry about them being juggled around.

As I put the sunscreen on, it felt like I was putting on vegetable oil, because it was very greasy. Also, I noticed that the glitter wasn’t going on my body. Instead, almost all the glitter remained on my hands. I guess running around with glitter and shining it in the sun wasn’t meant to be.

While running, I could smell the sunscreen, which had a nice unmanly candy-like smell.

It may have had a nice scent, but its SPF 8 didn’t do a good job of protecting my face from sunburn, because later that night, while washing my face, I could feel the sunburn, which I don’t get with the usual SPF 30 sunscreen I use.

So remember boys and girls, eight is a good number for an orgy, but not so good for a sunscreen’s SPF.

(Editor’s Note: The story at the beginning was originally written for and posted at The Ass Chronicles.)

Item: Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel
Purchase Price: FREE (Given by twin sister)
Rating: 1.5 out of 5
Pros: Smells good. Great for Harajuku Girls.
Cons: Most of the glitter stayed on my hands. Really greasy feel. Only SPF 8. My male fifth grade teacher wearing Chic Jeans.

36 thoughts to “Hello Kitty Sunscreen Glitter Gel”

  1. KT – Oh man, that would’ve been so cool!!! That would’ve made me even less sexy that I already am.

    Ken – If I had four balls, I would’ve tried them on two of them.

    rygar – Oh man! Do you double dare me?

    theinfamousj – I have seen the Hello Kitty CRV. Even the interior is pink. If I went into it, I would probably have the urge to wear a dress.

    Damon – I especially hate when it lands in my eyes.

  2. I agree about the women to men, but not men to women part. I mean, a girl can say “im going out with my girlfriend to go shopping”, no one thinks anything of it, but when I say “Me and my boyfriend are going shopping for fanny packs”, everyone thinks I’m a gay. Its not fair marvo. 🙁

  3. ugh. for some reason just looking at that stuff makes me queasy.

    oh, wait, maybe it’s because i spent most of last night drinking Jagermeister with a bunch of my jackass friends. and now i am hungover in the airport.

    hangover + airport + spooky purple glitter stuff = ow.

  4. HIM – Just to let you know, fanny packs aren’t gay. They are convenient accessories that allow people to carry a snack, a wallet, and a Bedazzler all at the same time.

    ultradave – Sorry. You should be lucky that it wasn’t colored puke green, because that might’ve been worse.

  5. FYI any woman’s product with glitter in it will have the same effect (oily with glitter on hands). Just thought I would save you some time.

    …Loving HK since 1974…

  6. fin – I don’t know about that. It’s not perfect for Hawaii, so I don’t know if it’s perfect for Miami. Unless it’s a cloudy day.

    missy – Thanks. Now I really won’t be purchasing the glitter moisturizer.

  7. Aloha. I came by way of Tech Wench. I must say that I really enjyed reading thingsyou have written. I think your reviews on the products are great. I will be back to read more later. Do you mind if I add you to my blogroll?

  8. Ma – Hello. Welcome to The Impulsive Buy. Thank you for the compliments. Please feel free to add The Impulsive Buy to your blogroll.

  9. Well I guess if you have to think of something good about it that would be it. Since I am a girl I could care less about cute women, but if it works for you more power to you!!

  10. Becky – However, most of the cute girls in the store have their boyfriends with them. I can see in their boyfriend’s faces that the testosterone is being sucked out of them.

    Archebaldo – Thanks!

  11. I am sad by the SPF protection of only 8. Little girls and big girls who love Hello Kitty and all things cute need to have at least SPF 15 to keep their skin from becoming like shoe leather by the time they are 28.

    I wonder if the glittler reflects the sun, thus making the SPF lower… eeenteresting.

    I’m still LOL’ing at the MC comment. Everyone loves a good MC joke – only thing better are Whitney, Olsen Twins or Lindsay Lohan jokes…

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