REVIEW: Planters White Cheddar Cheez Balls

Planters White Cheddar Cheez Balls

What are Planters White Cheddar Cheez Balls?

After being brought back from the snack graveyard in 2018, the least appetizingly named food since Dave’s Hot and Juicy, Planters Cheez Balls, now come in White Cheddar!

How are they?

That exclamation point is about as much excitement as you’re gonna get from this review because these stink, exclamation point.

I remember liking Planters Cheez Balls as a kid, but I guess it was just faux nostalgia, or “fauxstalgia” as no one says.

Planters White Cheddar Cheez Balls Bowl

The white cheddar flavor pales in comparison to basically every other white cheddar flavored snack on the market. I’m not kidding. It’s weak, and the flavor dust seems to melt away almost instantly.

If the flavor is bad, I gotta say, the texture is worse. These fall somewhere between slightly stale Cheetos and Cap’n Crunch cereal. I thought I would still inhale ’em despite all this, but I barely ate a quarter of the canister.

I might string the rest up like little snowballs and hang em on the tree, but I’m not sure I wanna smell the odd scent they emit.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Every time I ate more than a couple at a time, I got an almost fishy finishing taste. There’s nothing good going on here.

Planters White Cheddar Cheez Balls with Original

I picked up the original flavor too, and the aforementioned no one was right – it was fauxstalgia. They stink slightly less than white cheddar.

Now I’m terrified Planters might reboot my favorite childhood snack, PB Crisps. I consider them the GOAT, and I don’t think I can handle them not living up to that standard.

With that said, I still need them back in my life, so make it happen Planters.

Conclusion:

Planters White Cheddar Cheez Balls Closeup

There are so many better cheese snacks to buy over these. There are also so many better Planters products to buy over these. Don’t let the marketing fool you. These aren’t Crystal Pepsi. These aren’t Ecto Cooler. Your memory has deceived you. Don’t even bother.

Since this review was a little on the scathing side, I’d like to end with a joke.

Why does Mr. Peanut walk with a cane?

Because he has Planter Fasciitis!

Alright, that joke was cheesier than the actual cheez balls.

BRING BACK PB CRISPS!

Purchased Price: $1.66
Size: 2.75 oz. container
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 2 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz.) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 330 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Planters Limited Edition Drizzle Roasted Nuts

Planters Limited Edition Drizzle Roasted Nuts

Planters Limited Edition Drizzle Roasted Nuts come in two varieties — Roasted Almonds with Dark Chocolate and Roasted Cashews with Milk Chocolate.

If you think about it, with this line, Planters is giving us less of the good stuff. I’m not talking about the nuts, which pay for Mr. Peanut’s closet of top hats, monocles, and canes. I’m talking about the chocolate.

Of course, that is not Planters’ expertise. Nor does its parent conglomerate, Kraft Heinz, have a chocolate brand under its umbrella. But the sweet stuff is what makes these appealing, and they’d be a lot more so if they had more than just a drizzle.

Actually, “drizzle” might not be the most accurate description of how much chocolate is on each nut. Yes, it’s drizzled on top, but underneath there’s a solid thin layer of it. So it covers about 60-70 percent of the nut, but I wish it had more.

But I can understand why Planters didn’t thoroughly coat the almonds and cashews. It doesn’t help highlight the nuts, which is Planters’ bread and butter that pays for Mr. Peanut’s other closet of white gloves, wingtips, and Crest Whitening Strips. I understand it, but I don’t agree with it.

Let’s be honest; drizzle is a fancy way of saying less chocolate. Heck, the word “less” can be spelled using “drizzle,” if you take the L, E, and flip the two Zs horizontally.

Planters Limited Edition Drizzle Roasted Almond with Dark Chocolate

As someone who likes dark chocolate covered almonds, I feel I’m getting a little ripped off here. Why would I pay for partially covered almonds when I can get fully covered almond for the same price or less. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth that you’d think would go well with the bitterness from the dark chocolate and almonds, but doesn’t.

Planters Limited Edition Drizzle Roasted Almond with Dark Chocolate

My issue is that sometimes I can taste the drizzle, but most times I can’t. When that happens, what my taste buds are left with are plain, unsalted almonds.

Maybe it’s the quality of the confection, which doesn’t seem very good. Or its bitterness gets lost in the almond’s bitterness. Whatever the reason, these aren’t that satisfying if I’m trying to satiate my sweet tooth.

Purchased Price: $13.14
Size: 14.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (about 20 pieces) 160 calories, 13 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 8 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

Planters Limited Edition Drizzle Roasted Cashew with Milk Chocolate

FULL DISCLOSURE: I eat a lot more almonds than cashews, but I love the C-shaped nut a teeny bit more. I should mention this because I enjoyed these more than the almond one.

Planters Limited Edition Drizzle Roasted Cashew with Milk Chocolate

The chocolate isn’t that great when eaten by itself because it’s not that sweet, although noticeably sweeter than the dark stuff on the other one. But when eaten with the cashews, the sweetness and creaminess of both parts complement each other.

The combination makes me want to eat a cashew butter and chocolate sandwich right now, which I would do if cashew butter wasn’t so darn expensive. With the almond one, I could pop a few in my mouth, and I’m good. But with this, I want to eat the entire bag.

I do wish they had better chocolate and more of it, but comparing the two Planters Limited Edition Drizzle Roasted Nut varieties, the cashew version is far and away the better one. Also, chocolate covered cashews aren’t very common, so it was nice eating them.

Purchased Price: $13.14
Size: 12 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (13 pieces) 160 calories, 12 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Planters Cheez Balls and Cheez Curls (2018)

Planters Cheez Balls and Cheez Curls

You know when something tastes better in your memory than it actually does? That’s Planters Cheez Balls and Cheez Curls for me.

I distinctively remember Mr. Peanut and the blue cylindrical can sitting on the coffee table, which was the designated snack table, in our family’s living room. So, was I excited to see Planters bring it back for a limited time? Heck yeah! But, Chester Cheetah has ruled the curl and poof category uncontested for over a decade now and for good reason.

Looking at the can now, I wonder why I didn’t ever question a peanut mascot on a corn-based snack. Anyways, when I opened them with said odd graphic, I was taken aback by the fluorescent orange because I forgot how traffic cone-colored they were. I know that’s part of the charm because they’re from a time when we had purple-colored ketchup and neon-colored soda. But in today’s push for less artificial flavors or colors, it’s a bit jarring. It didn’t help that they were noticeably more neon than Cheetos. But, props to Planters for keeping these babies true to form.

Planters Cheez Balls and Cheez Curls 3

Because I wanted to save the best for last, I started with the Cheez Curls. They were noticeably more flavorful and saltier than Cheetos. The fluorescent-ness translated to better cheez coverage. But, I enjoyed Cheetos’ crunchier texture and that the last flavor was more corn-forward.

I was curious as to why the corn was more pronounced, so I looked into the ingredient list. The first ingredient is degerminated yellow corn meal, but for Cheetos it’s enriched corn meal. I’m not a food scientist so don’t quiz me, but Google says that the degerminating process strips some pieces off of the corn to make it shelf stable. The enriching process adds back some the lost vitamins and nutrients from the degermination. Maybe in this process, Chester also adds back some corn flavor. I wouldn’t put it past that Cheetah!

Another theory I have is that the Curls (and Balls) contain semisoft cheese whereas Cheetos just uses a cheese seasoning. Again, no food magician here but I think of how cheese-forward a semisoft curd is versus a dried cheese seasoning. In my mind, this translates as the corn really just being a base vehicle for the cheese, which is why it’s not as corn flavored as the Cheetos.

Planters Cheez Balls and Cheez Curls 4

As for the Cheez Balls, it’s clearly the same cheez so points for consistency. However, there was a subtle stale oil smell wafting from the can that I didn’t get with the other. Besides that, unlike the Curls, there were less texture and flavor differences with Cheetos Puffs. Interestingly enough, the Balls have both semisoft cheese and dried cheese seasoning.

Planters Cheez Balls and Cheez Curls 2

All in all, pick up a can of Cheez Curls and Balls for nostalgia’s sake because it’s only around for a limited time. And I don’t foresee Planters extending that because they simply can’t stand up to Cheetos’ dominance and better taste. Sorry!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz. – Cheez Curls – 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of sugars, and 2 grams of protein. Cheez Balls – 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.98 each
Size: 4 oz. containers
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Cheez Curls)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Cheez Balls
Pros: Fluorescent orange glory and retro packaging. The Curls and Balls use semisoft cheese instead of just dried cheese seasoning which makes me think that it’s a bit more of a premium product than Cheetos! Great cheez coverage!
Cons: They’re just not as good as Cheetos, IMHO. Cheez Balls have a bit of weird stale oil smell.