REVIEW: Ruffles Molten Hot Wings and Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese

Ruffles Molten Hot Wings and Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese

Frito-Lay introduced two new Ruffles flavors in late January, just in time for Valentine’s Day!

(What’s that? They probably chose to release it then to coincide with the Super Bowl? Well, I didn’t get around to writing this review until after the Super Bowl, so… just… play along, ok? The sooner you accept the conceit, the sooner I’ll wrap up my customarily self-indulgent introductory paragraphs and get to the actual reviewing. Cool? Cool.)

Ahem. And good thing, too – I was hoping there’d be fun new snacks to go with the beer and pizza at my annual Valentine’s Day party!

The first Ruffles Molten Hot Wing potato chip tasted overwhelmingly like vinegar, so much so that I momentarily thought I had somehow bought a mislabeled bag of Salt & Vinegar chips. But once my mouth grew acclimated to the vinegar, the hot sauce flavor began to shine through, and each additional chip increased my overall enjoyment of the chip-eating experience. They had the same great ridges and crunchiness as regular Ruffles do, and the aftertaste had a nice smokiness, though I wouldn’t describe it as particularly hot and certainly not as “molten.”

I’m totally willing to overlook the initial vinegar blast because I love Salt & Vinegar chips anyway, so that means my one issue with these chips is the name. I was expecting something significantly spicier out of a “Molten Hot” product, but all I got was, as mentioned, a nice smokiness. Actually, “Ruffles Nice & Smoky Buffalo Wings” wouldn’t be a bad name at all. It’s kind of catchy in its own right and it would better manage consumer expectations. Under-promise and over-deliver, as we say in the biz. (Note: I don’t know who “we” are and what “biz” I’m talking about.) If Ruffles actually used my new product name, I would probably tack two points onto the score for this review. Your move, Frito-Lay.

The flavor profile of the Loaded Chili & Cheese was similarly sequential: first came the taste of cheese, then came the taste of chili. Both tastes of the Loaded Chili & Cheese were less intense than those of the Molten Hot Wings, but the LC&C did have the added bonus of tinges of onion and garlic which play well with the chili and cheese powders. As expected, these chips also had the distinctive texture of classic Ruffles. I wish I could say more about this product, but I think the vinegar and hot sauce had dulled my palate by the time I got to the second round of chips. But hey, at least now you know the Loaded Chili & Cheese would still be pretty good even after you slightly burn your mouth on a slice of pizza at whatever Valentine’s Day party you’re going to.

Before wrapping up, I should mention that the packaging of these new flavors leaves something to be desired. Unlike with Doritos, where the cost of designing the flashy bags probably rivals the cost of developing the new flavors themselves, the Ruffles bags look like they were hastily mocked up by a crappy Photoshop artist under deadline. I’m not sure if “uncreative potato chip bag design” is a legitimate complaint or if I’m just Exhibit A of Louis CK’s “Everything is Amazing and Nobody’s Happy” syndrome. (See here. I’m definitely Exhibit A, aren’t I?) But I guess my point is, when you go to the supermarket snack aisle, make sure to pay attention for these new flavors because otherwise the packaging may very well fail to catch your eye.

In conclusion, A) You should try both of these new flavors, B) I hope you have fun with all your Valentine’s Day-related eating, drinking, gambling, and commercial watching, and C) Now we all know that I’m capable of dragging out a semi-nonsensical joke through an entire review!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – Ruffles Molten Hot Wings – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 360 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar and 2 grams of protein. Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 220 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Ruffles Molten Hot Wings and Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese
Price: $3.99 each
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Super Foodtown
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Molten Hot Wings)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Loaded Chili & Cheese)
Pros: For MHW, strong vinegar taste and nice smoky aftertaste. For LC&C, all the flavors work well together. Both have classic Ruffles ridges and crunchiness. Valentine’s Day parties. Beer and pizza at Valentine’s Day parties. Louis CK. “Ruffles Nice & Smokey Buffalo Wings.”
Cons: Neither tastes particularly spicy. Packaging is uncreative. Misleadingly-named products. “The biz.” People who say “the biz.” Burning your mouth on pizza. Forgetting to review new potato chips flavors before the Super Bowl.

Ruffles Light Potato Chips

Ruffles Light

I thought I had accumulated enough good karma to prevent something like this.

I didn’t have to open doors for those strangers. I didn’t have to help those tourists who asked me for directions. I could’ve ignored them or said, “Me speaka no Englesh.”

I could’ve laughed and pointed at all those people who fell, tripped, or slipped in front of me, instead of offering them help and seeing if they were all right.

But I didn’t do it because I wanted to accumulate a ton of credits in my good karma bank account. I did all those good things just so I could avoid bad things, like eat a bag of Ruffles Light Potato Chips.

Oh, they tasted much like regular Ruffles and they were less greasy, but any product that turns my ass into a volcano can’t be good. R-R-Ruffles Have R-R-Ridges! R-R-Ruffles Light Causes R-R-Rectal Er-r-ruptions!

If only I were bulimic, all the time spent on the porcelain bowl would’ve meant something.

Although, I should’ve known it was too good to be true. I knew there must have been some kind of catch. How can a potato chip be fat free and have half the calories of its regular counterpart, and yet still taste the same?

Well I found out the truth the hard way.

Who knew Olean was another name for Olestra?

Olean. Olestra. Oh crap…literally!

For those of you who are not familiar with the possible side effects of Olestra, they are: diarrhea, gas, and cramps. I experienced two out of the three, which no matter how you look at it, is a horrible ratio.

Hitting two out of three free throws…good. Getting two hits in three at bats…good. Getting two out of three Olestra side effects…bad…very bad.

At least I didn’t experience another one of Olestra’s side effects, anal leakage. My Jockey Next to Nothing Boxer Briefs were very thankful.

I guess it didn’t help I ate half of the bag in one sitting, while watching Behind the Music: Guns N’ Roses for the sixth time.

I noticed something was wrong when I started having lots of gas. If the amount of gas I was putting out could fuel cars, I could’ve easily dropped gas prices by a dollar.

Then came the constant trips to the bathroom. For two straight days, I attempted to go running, but within five minutes I found myself running to the nearest restroom.

It wasn’t pretty. Even as I type this, I’m still experiencing some the effects of the Ruffles Light, which I finished off on Sunday.

What the hell do I have to do to earn enough good karma to prevent something like this from happening again? Do I have to get Jen and Brad back together? Take down Walmart? Or rescue Britney’s baby shortly after it’s born?


Item: Ruffles Light
Purchase Price: $3.39
Rating: 1.5 out of 5
Pros: Tastes similar to regular Ruffles. Zero-fat. Low-calorie. No anal leakage.
Cons: Bag smaller than regular Ruffles. Not enough karma credits. Olestra. May cause excessive use of toilet paper. May cause excessive gas.