REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Frozen Dessert Bars

What are Sour Patch Kids Frozen Dessert Bars?

A vague raspberry flavored ice surrounding a vague vanilla ice cream-like substance, dotted with flavorless bits of Sour Patch Kids.

How are they?

These didn’t succeed, despite seeming like a great idea on paper.

The “redberry” ice pop portion was refreshing and tasted fine. Like Sour Patch Kids candy, it started sour then transitioned to sweet.

I still don’t actually know what “Redberry” is. It tasted like a combination of all the red berries (rasp, straw, even cran), but raspberry was most prominent, so I’m rolling with that.

The “dairy” portion that they or I wouldn’t dare call “ice cream,” was quite bad.

First off, the vanilla gets masked by the sourness of the Redberry ice, which is much colder than the “dairy,” so it’s pretty off-putting once you get to the bottom chunk of exposed vanilla. That’s the only time you can actually distinguish the flavors.

The worst part may have been the texture. It’s a slimy, synthetic, custard-like block that only gets worse with the addition of rubbery Sour Patch Kids “bitz.”

Is there anything else you need to know?

The Redberry ice overwhelms all the other flavors. There’s no strong vanilla ice cream taste at all, and the bits of the various Sour Patch Kid flavors are completely wasted. That was a bummer. I wanted to taste those since you only get one flavor of ice.

If you’ve ever had a custard and ice mix from a place like Rita’s or Ralph’s, this tastes like a dollar store version of those in bar form.

Conclusion:

I think these would succeed better as two separate ideas altogether. I’m sure they exist, but they should just sell SPK flavored ice pops and custard bars with candy bits as two different products.

Don’t even bother with these. There are 100 things better in the same aisle. If you need a Sour Patch Kids fix, just stick with the candy and mix them into a better frozen dessert.

Stay safe, everyone.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 16.5 fl. Oz. (6 bars)
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Bar) 90 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 20 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Sour Patch Kids Blizzard

Dairy Queen Sour Patch Kids Blizzard

When you look at the list of possible Blizzard ingredients on the menu board, which oddly DQ doesn’t really publicize you can use to create a customized creation to your liking, just about everything has been already done between the regular Blizzard menu, Blizzards of the Month, a plethora of seasonal Blizzard menus, plus special Blizzards with movie tie-ins or for the second Tuesday of Lent. DQ has essentially admitted that all the reasonable combinations have been tried, as they tend to recycle some of the same or very similar Blizzards now and then.

Enter the Sour Patch Kids Blizzard, which as far as I can tell after four seconds of online research, is the first time DQ has used these sweet and sour gummies. This latest concoction features vanilla soft serve with Sour Patch Kids Redberry flavor (don’t worry, I didn’t know it was called that either) mixed with Sour Patch Kids Bitz.

The first thing that caught my attention was the smell, which is not something I normally notice or think about with a Blizzard. But this one exudes a fragrant essence of Sour Patch Kids, just like opening a bag of the tasty little fellows.

I’m not sure if the Sour Patch Kids in here were mutilated by the magic Blizzard machine, or if DQ calling them “Bitz” means they were already hacked to pieces before the mixing process. Either way, the pieces of kids are approximately the size of Nerds (which made me pine for the long-deceased Nerds Blizzard of years gone by).

Dairy Queen Sour Patch Kids Blizzard Top

The Bitz in mine didn’t seem to be as large or as plentiful as the promotional photos show, but I might have had a frugal and overzealous mixer. As you might have guessed, the coldness of the ice cream changes the firmness of the Sour Patch Kids a bit. They didn’t have the same soft chewiness you might be accustomed to, but I didn’t find that to be a drawback, and they do pack a sour punch.

The Redberry-flavored soft serve tasted great, like DQ somehow liquified a bag of red Sour Patch Kids and infused it into the ice cream. But before they liquefied the poor little kids, DQ apparently removed the sour coating because the ice cream flavor was all sweetness, and it was splendid. As a standalone treat, I’d eat the ice cream part all day (and all night).

Dairy Queen Sour Patch Kids Blizzard Spoon

The kicker is the little chunks of Sour Patch Kids, which of course still have the sour coating and seemed to have a delayed effect on my taste buds. So first you get the sweetness of the Redberry-flavored ice cream, then slowly you experience the sour flavor in your mouth as the Bitz free themselves from their ice cream cocoons, and then finally you get the sweetness again when you get to the gummy part of the Sour Patch Kids.

Sometimes you don’t know how much you wanted something until you see it, or in this case, taste it. Of all the possible things that can be thrown into a Blizzard, I’m not sure I would have thought of Sour Patch Kids. But I’m glad the Blizzard wizards at DQ gave it a try because it’s a winner in my book and a nice change of pace from some other recent Blizzards that always seem to revolve around chocolate, Oreo, or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Since Sour Patch Kids are not a regular DQ menu item, this one figures to be gone for good after July. You have been warned.

Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: Small
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 660 calories, 24 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 82 grams of carbohydrates, -1 grams of dietary fiber*, 86 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.

*The DQ website inexplicably lists a negative amount of dietary fiber. I’m no mathematician or nutritionist, but that seems to be impossible on many levels.

Click here for our previous reviews

REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Cereal

Sour Patch Kids Cereal

I’m calling it now.

2019 is The Year of the Cereal!

But not just any cereal, the crazy mashup or off the wall flavors that will hopefully debut to push aside the bajillionth Oreo flavor. We are off to a good start with one of the wackiest debuts in a while. Who knew the candy you sometimes get at the movie theater and when you do you end up eating very slowly so as not to get a mouth ulcer (true story!) would be the way to start your day off right?

As I break open the bag of Sour Patch Kids Cereal, I get a whiff of fruitiness very similar to the other many fruity breakfast cereals – Fruity Pebbles, Trix, Froot Loops, etc. However, there is that tinge of sour that’s always present in sour candy. They do smell like Sour Patch Kids. I can feel my lips puckering already!

Sour Patch Kids Cereal 2

There are five colors (blue, green, orange, yellow, and red) that appear subdued a bit as the pieces all have a whitish powdery coating. The shape is close enough to the candy that it works although they are smaller and skinnier and the tops of their heads sometimes skew more towards pointy than rounded. Here’s what they look like in a friendlier breakfast type of way – the kids of Count Chocula while they are still sleeping.

Sour Patch Kids Cereal 3

I take a heaping handful and chomp down on the colorful corpses. The sour comes in strong right out of the gate but fades quickly as it seems to be powder based and certainly not as strong as the large granules on the real thing. Post nailed the intensity as it is just right. Any more would have been pretty off-putting, and any less would have made the whole concept pointless.

However, after it wears off, these devolve to (Insert here any generic fruity cereal). In a gummy shell, these taste like slightly sour fruit loops. As with Froot Loops, the colors all taste the same as each one is a fruity mix of flavors.

Sour Patch Kids Cereal 4

I inhaled a good number of handfuls of these before having the kids take a trip to the milky swimming pool. I wasn’t really shocked to find out that the milk washes away nearly all of the sour powder. With the coating gone, the sweetness of the pieces gets heightened. What did shock me was that the dairy at the end had no sourness whatsoever. It was like a magic trick. Sourness? Poof! Gone with a spoonful of milk. They did stay crunchy, though.

Sour Patch Kids slogan is “Sour. Sweet. Gone.” For this cereal, it should be “Slightly sour. A little too sweet. Kinda feel nauseous now.” This isn’t going to become a staple in your pantry anytime soon, but it sure is a fun novelty that I hope opens the door to more.

Long live The Year of the Cereal!

Purchased Price: $3.89
Size: 10 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 140 calories, 3 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Red White & Blue Ice Cream & Sorbet

Sour Patch Kids Rred White  Blue Ice Cream  Sorbet

To prepare for Independence Day, the Sour Patch Kids have apparently been reading eighteenth-century books.

Have you ever looked at one of those old books? The title page just goes on and on, and it takes up the whole page with its name/description.

The reason I think the Kids have been reading them is that the name/description of this new Dreyer’s product likewise goes on and on:

Sour Patch Kids
RED, WHITE & BLUE
Lemon Sorbet and Vanilla Light Ice Cream,
with a
Redberry Swirl
and
Blue Sour Patch Kids Bitz.

Sour Patch Kids Rred White  Blue Ice Cream  Sorbet 3

Unwieldy title aside, I was excited to try a new seasonal ice cream. When I pulled the lid off, I was struck by how entirely patriotic it was.

The first spoonful surprised me. It instantly reminded me of a summertime treat. It was much tastier and melted more smoothly than I expected.

Sour Patch Kids Rred White  Blue Ice Cream  Sorbet 4

Lemon is by far the dominant flavor. Visually, I can’t tell the difference between the lemon sorbet and the light vanilla ice cream, but I can taste it. They deliver on the “sour, then sweet” promise, with the sorbet being the sour and the ice cream being the sweet. But I wouldn’t call it sour; it’s mildly tart, like lemon sorbet should be, but it’s nowhere near as sour as a true Sour Patch Kid.

It’s hard to isolate the Redberry swirl, but I did find one good vein so I could taste it without too much of the white stuff. It has a generic candy flavor with the faint taste of Redberry. I don’t know how to describe the texture; it’s soft and melty.

Sour Patch Kids Rred White  Blue Ice Cream  Sorbet 5

What most surprised me was the blue raspberry bitz. Before tasting the ice cream, I was skeptical. Whenever gummy candy gets cold, it gets super hard. Case in point: I did get some of the new Red, White, and Blue Sour Patch Kids and stuck them in the ice cream, and the cold tips needed to thaw to be chewy.

But these raspberry bitz are not true Sour Patch Kids. They have a much softer texture. So even though it’s cold, it’s not hard at all, and it dissolves and glides slickly down the throat. You could almost eat a bowl of this stuff without ever chewing. Unfortunately, the blue raspberry flavor is faint, at least compared to the lemon sorbet.

Still, even though the red and blue portions have faint flavors, they make the ice cream more interesting and enjoyable.

Overall, I liked this sorbet/ice cream much more than I expected. But I worry that the marketing will seal its doom. With the bright yellow carton with Sour Patch Kids all over, people will expect it to be super sour, with rock-hard gummy bitz. But that’s not what it is at all. I would have preferred a title like “Patriotic sorbet and ice cream, featuring Sour Patch Kids flavors!”

This is a solid product that I hope returns every year. Just with a different name.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 130 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.48
Size: 1.5 quarts
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice tart lemon sorbet accompanied by sweet vanilla light ice cream. Patriotic appearance. Blue bitz are soft. Better than expected.
Cons: I wish I could taste the blue and red parts more. Some of the sorbet is icy. The marketing makes it sound worse than it is. Long eighteenth-century titles.

REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Fire

Sour Patch Kids Fire

First, they’re sour, then they’re sweet, now they’re hot?

I guess that “sweet and spicy” candy trend continues to roll along. In fact, it’s already evolved on the premise by adding sour to the equation. What’s next, umami?! Am I gonna have to pretend to understand what umami is?!

Ya know what, don’t let me get off track. I’m not here to talk about “mamis,” I’m here to talk about kids – kids of the sour patch variety!

I’m also here to make awkward transitions.

I have a hard time believing there are people who don’t like Sour Patch Kids. I’m sure there are, I just won’t entertain the notion. A giant bag of SPK’s and a buttery $16 movie popcorn is in the running for my desert island meal, and the one thing you need on a desert island is fire.

SPK Fire chews smell like normal SPKs, but feature a duller color profile than normal.

I’m gonna “rapid fire” review each flavor:

Sour Patch Kids Fire 3

Berry Blaze – Pretty sour to start with an unripe berry flavor – blue, straw, black is my guess. There’s a very brief window of sweetness followed by decent little burn on the end.

Tropical Flame – Pineapple with a splash of citrus. It transitions from super sour to brief sweet, right into “oh yeah, I think I can kinda feel the heat.”

Apple Fever – You’re gonna pucker on this one. Think of the sourest Granny Smith you’ve ever eaten. The burn was almost completely masked because of that.

Angry Watermelon – Sweetest flavor in the bag. It’s hard to hype these too much because Sour Patch Watermelons might be my favorite candy of all time. Imagine those except 25 percent less sweet, and with a little numbing taste at the end. These pale in comparison, but they’re still good.

My Rankings:

Sourness:

  1. Apple
  2. Tropical
  3. Berry
  4. Watermelon

Heat:

  1. Berry
  2. Tropical
  3. Watermelon
  4. Apple

Overall:

  1. Watermelon
  2. Tropical
  3. Berry
  4. Apple

My heat impressions might be skewed by the order I ate them. I only had three of each flavor, so while Apple had no heat, I imagine it would’ve if I started with it. That make sense? Either way, the heat is dull.

I’m not sure the sour and hot combination works. That flavor progression – with the tiny pitstop in sweet-ville – almost acts as a numbing agent. Sour overwhelms your mouth, so heat doesn’t have room to shine.

Sour Patch Kids Fire 2

These tasted sourer than normal SPK’s which seems dumb if “Fire” was supposed to be the star. You could probably convince yourself the taste at the end is just a remnant of the extreme sour start, as it almost immediately starts to suck your mouth dry of saliva anyway.

So, if you’re looking to tip the Scoville Scale, you may be disappointed. These are really good Sour Patch Kids, but they won’t have you running for the milk. They’re definitely worth a try, but I have a hard time believing they’ll be mainstays on candy racks, so get ’em while they’re hot.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 pieces – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 23 grams of sugar + 23 grams of ADDED sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 7.2 oz. bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty overall. If you love sour candy, they deliver. Still kinda cool to taste a tiny lingering heat afterwards. I appreciate the attempt.
Cons: Dull Heat. Less sweetness than normal Sour Patch Kids. Not even as hot as “Sweet Heat Skittles and Starburst.” Dry mouth. Just made me crave Sour Patch Watermelons.

REVIEW: Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum (Lime and Redberry)

Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum

Over the years, I’ve collected questions for the Sour Patch Kids: What makes a Sour Patch Kid? How do you become so perfectly sour, then sweet? Must you always come in gummy form? Why do you all look like oblong gingerbread men? Are you there, Sour Patch? It’s me, Margaret.

Despite the many unknowns they present, I love those little Sour Patches, munching their gummy innards down until my mouth is raw and I’m left clutching my stomach in sheer, unadulterated sweet/sour bliss. Until recently, I could only enjoy this Sour Patch sensation in gummy form, its sour-sugary grit flitting away in the 15 seconds it takes to dissolve. Way too short. Give me your sour! Your sweet! Put it all in a glycerin gum base! Well, it looks like Sour Patch did just that, cobbling together two new gum flavors that recently struck their territory at my local Target.

The gum has the typical dimension of a piece of regular Stride, which is about the length of a large paperclip. They strike their cubist pose in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle green and what can only be a super intelligent shade of neon red. Seeing as I admire super intelligent inanimate objects, let’s start with the Redberry, shall we?

Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum Super Intelligent Shade of Red

Sourness brings out my primal competitor. You eat one Warhead. I’ll eat 5. You down 4 Cry Babies. I’ll take 10. A box of Lemonheads is nothing for my resilient tongue. Knowing that Sour Patch Kids are usually medium on the scale of sourness, I went in hoping for a mellow, but still sparky sour experience, but, alas, came out disappointed. Perhaps there’s a sparky jolt of citric acid somewhere in there, but, overall, these pieces feel about as mild as a jellybean, but how does it deliver on the fruit end of things?

While I can’t confirm it, I hypothesize this Redberry is the closest we’ll ever come to a snozberry: there’s a strong kick of maraschino cherry zing, a little sweetness of strawberry, and an echo of raspberry tartness at the tail end. It’s unashamedly “red” flavor with a slightly metallic aftertaste, but, on the whole, it tasted like Cherry ICEE concentrate. A good first showing. If you ever wished cherry Life Savers and strawberry Starbursts had a tectonic collision, this is the gum for you.

Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum Ninja Turtle Green

Avoiding the trend to mutate green-colored candies into green apple flavor (lookin’ at you, Skittles), Sour Patch left their green lime-flavored and, for better or worse, the little citrus fruit is given its due, starting with a peculiar “household cleaner” flavor that is so often found in limes. It’s shockingly astringent at first before mellowing out into a tangy, but still somewhat bitter citrus profile. The bitterness got the best of me. I tried to keep chewing to see if it might open up into lime’s more sugary qualities, but, alas, the household cleaner taste took over and it ended up tasting like gnawing on a Pledge-soaked rubber tire.

However, not all is lost! One of the many joys involved in Sour Patch consumption is combining the gummy flavors together, which got me thinking: what would happen if I combined the two flavors of gum TOGETHER?

Struck by an acute case of Curiosity, I did just that.

Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum The power of their flavors combine!

Chewed together, the flavor’s about as crazy as a 3rd grade diorama, starting off with a shock of bitter sourness from the lime that lasts for a good two minutes until it mellows into a zingy maraschino-cherry with a hint of citrus. Together, they seem to balance one another out, whistling a tune that tastes quite similar to Sonic’s Cherry Limeade if your soda maker tossed in some extra bitter limes.

Fortunately, the flavor and soft chew of Stride lasts for a good 22 minutes of jaw entertainment so you can chew on your Cherry Limeade for an entire episode of Parks and Recreation if you want. Not bad. Not bad at all.

History is marked with times in which inspiration translates into a new and altogether unique phenomenon: floppy disks inspired USB drives. Hamlet inspired The Lion King. Popcorn inspired popcorn ice cream. And now Sour Patch gummies have become chewy, slightly sour gum.

While a bit too bitter and not as puckeringly sour as one could hope, Stride’s Sour Patch Kids gum delivers an okay showing. Their fruit flavor profiles are spot on, if a little too strong, and they’re even sugar-free, which is great if you have plaque concerns, braces, or are looking to expand your intake of sucralose. I don’t necessarily seeing myself buying them again, but if you like strong cherry flavors, the Redberry’s worth the try. The lime is a little too household cleaner-y for me, but, hey, if that’s your thing, no judgments. You ask me, it’s still better than green apple Skittles. Not that I’m holding a grudge or anything.*

*I’m definitely holding a grudge.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum (Lime and Redberry)
Purchased Price: 99 cents each (on sale)
Size: 1 pack/16 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 2 out of 10 (Lime)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Redberry)
Pros: Redberry tastes like Cherry ICEE concentrate. Lime eventually takes on more citrus juiciness. Together, they taste like a Cherry Limeade. Sugar-free. Chew time lasts for full half-hour TV show. 3rd grade dioramas.
Cons: Bitter metallic aftertaste. Sourness is mild. Lime started off tasting like a Pledge-soaked rubber tire. My grudge against green apple Skittles. Overused reference to Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.