REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Apple Harvest

In August, I feverishly go from store to store, trying to find new Halloween/fall products to review for this site. I know all the grocery stores near my home and my places of employment.

Oddly enough, I couldn’t find these Sour Patch Kids Apple Harvest at any of the usual stores. Instead, after a random tip in my Facebook feed, I finally found them at Michael’s, of all places.

New candy seems out of place at a craft store. But this particular candy also seems out of place with the Sour Patch Kids moniker.

These apple-shaped pieces come in three flavors: cranberry apple (red), apple cider (tan), and caramel apple (green).

The most startling thing to me is that these are nowhere near as sour as regular Sour Patch Kids. They’re mildly sour, but not very much. They also are not nearly as colorful as regular SPK. I wondered if they might have used natural colors, but nope, there on the ingredients list are Yellow 5, Red 40, and Blue 1. And I do think they’re softer than regular SPK, so there’s less of a jaw workout.

As for the flavors, cranberry apple really does taste like cranberry. There’s a mild bitterness that you might expect in cranberry sauce, but the apple makes it less pronounced. Apple cider tastes most authentic and has the most noticeable apple flavor. And caramel apple has a strong caramel flavor, albeit an artificial one.

Look, I really want to love these. They feel like a more sophisticated version of SPK. And yet, they just aren’t as good. They fit with the apple-scented potpourri or candles you might find at a craft store. They need to be more sour. As is, they’re just a generic apple candy.

These are called Sour Patch Kids, but they are neither Sour nor Kids. That leaves us with Patch. But that doesn’t work either because apples grow in orchards, not patches.

I feel like Michael’s is an expensive place to buy candy. If you want to try these, wait until they make their way to a cheaper store. They’re just not worth Michael’s prices.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: 10 oz bag
Purchased at: Michael’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (9 pieces) 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 25 grams of sugar (including 25 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Lemonade Fest

Since Sour Patch Kids are famously “Sour. Sweet. Gone,” it only makes sense there would be an entire pack devoted to lemonade, that spectacular drink that perfectly balances sour and sweet. (Seriously, I think we take lemonade for granted.)

Sour Patch Kids Lemonade Fest consists of four lemonade flavors:

  • Strawberry lemonade (pink)
  • Blue raspberry lemonade (blue)
  • Lemonade (yellow)
  • Cherry lime lemonade (red)

Strawberry lemonade has a lovely fake strawberry flavor. Look, this is a candy, so I don’t care if it tastes fake. It tastes just as I hoped it would! I’m not sure if I can detect lemon per se, but it’s hard to notice something that’s known for being sour in a candy that’s already sour.

Blue raspberry lemonade is good, but I’m not sure I would guess it was raspberry in a blind taste test. It’s more generically sweet and sour.

I think plain lemonade is the sourest of the bunch. It’s just regular lemon, but sometimes you just need the simple classics, and I’m glad it’s in the mix.

Cherry lime lemonade is fascinating. It has a hint of bitterness like you would get from actual limes. Whatever cherry is in there takes a backseat to the lime. This is the closest to something you would find in nature.

Honestly, if I were just mindlessly eating these, I think the cherry lime flavor is the only one I would notice is different from the others. If I eat all four at once, it’s very sour, but no flavor sticks out. Even though they are all similar, I think I like these four flavors more than I like most Sour Patch Kids mixes!

While many candy mixes have fan favorites, I don’t think there’s one flavor I look forward to more than the others in this case. I might have favorite Starbursts, favorite movies, or favorite children*, but I don’t have a favorite of the Sour Patch Kids Lemonade Fest mix.

*Note: I don’t actually have children. Which means I get to keep these all to myself!

Purchased Price: $2.75
Size: 8.02 oz bag
Rating: 8 out of 10
Purchased at: Dollar General
Nutrition Facts: (12 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 23 grams of sugar (including 23 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Sour Patch Kids Slush Float

Sonic Sour Patch Kids Slush Float Whole

I had already slurped half of my Sonic Sour Patch Kids Slush Float through a straw before I started to wonder if I should be using a spoon instead, and that feeling of confusion perfectly sums up my experience with this new offering from Sonic. It can essentially be broken into three parts — the Sour Patch Kids, the slush, and the float — and they never quite work together.

The majority of this hard-to-describe dessert consists of the slush, which is watermelon-flavored and so sour that I’m glad that this isn’t a video review because the pucker it put on my face was not pretty! I was impressed with how smoothly it went down, though, appealingly liquid-y with gritty ice bits intermingled well enough to give it texture while avoiding the classic Slurpee problem of sucking out all the flavor syrup right away and then getting stranded with a plain cup of ice.

Sonic Sour Patch Kids Slush Float Spoon

The “float” part comes from the iceberg of vanilla soft serve that sits atop the slush, but I found the name a little misleading. One of the greatest pleasures of a traditional ice cream float is the way the scoops of hard ice cream melt to combine with the soda into a new substance, milky yet flavorful and somehow more than the sum of its parts. That’s what I hoped for here, but it just didn’t happen. The rich soft serve was so intimidatingly thick that not a drop could be sucked through the straw, and even as I lingered over the treat, it showed no signs of melting into something more mixable. With the unyielding ice cream trapping the slush below, I had to do some serious digging to capture both components in the same spoonful, and when I did, there was no harmonious mingling of flavors, just a cold, shockingly tart lump.

Sonic Sour Patch Kids Slush Float Lid

Of course, to complement the sourness of the slush, there are the Sour Patch Kids candy pieces themselves, but you’d be forgiven for missing them. Their signature “weird little gremlin-person” shape has been traded out for a form that looks more like Fruity Pebbles and doesn’t amount to much more than a colorful garnish. These flakes pretty much all either sat on top of the ice cream or sunk to the bottom of the slush, so they were mostly only present in my first and last sips/bites. But, to give credit where credit’s due, whenever I did encounter them, they were pleasantly chewy, never frozen stiff like I’d feared.

Sonic Sour Patch Kids Slush Float Sign

Though it had its tasty moments, my biggest problem with the Sour Patch Kids Slush Float is that it didn’t capture the versatile flavor profile so perfectly summed up by the Sour Patch Kids slogan, “First they’re sour. Then they’re sweet”. That rapid transition from intensity to relief works brilliantly in a candy where the sour coating can be sucked off to reveal the sweetness underneath, but the slush and the ice cream here never blended well enough to pull off such a trick. I kept wishing I was separately munching Sour Patch Kids candy, slurping a slushie, or licking vanilla ice cream because, like the naughty children in the Sour Patch Kids commercials, these ingredients just did not play well together.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: Medium
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 520 calories, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 106 grams of carbohydrates, 92 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles

Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles Pouch

What are Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles?

It’s Sour Patch minus the Kids, and this time they’re soda flavored.

How are they?

Sometimes I eat a new snack and genuinely enjoy it, but it still ends up bumming me out for reasons beyond its control. I’ll get to that later, but first? These are really good.

I can go in-depth about Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles’ flavor, but it just kinda boils down to “Sour Coca-Cola.” They’re exactly as advertised.

Everyone knows Sour Patch Kids start sour and become sweet, and these are no different. The initial sour sensation is very similar to that of a lemon or lime SPK, but it mellows into a moderate level of sweetness that I’d compare to watered-down cola.

Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles Glass Wht

Both colored bubbles have the same flavor, which I thought would pop (no pun) a bit more, if I’m being honest. That’s not really a complaint, though.

It’s akin to when you pour Coke over ice and take that first foamy sip as the bubbles settle around the cubes. Am I making sense? I find that to be the best and least cola flavor heavy sip. There’s obviously no effervescence here, but the taste gives off that sensation.

I couldn’t help but wonder how successful a “Sour Cola” would be after eating these. Maybe Pepsi could give that a trial run. I think it would be good, especially for a cocktail mixer.

Anything else you need to know?

So, I mentioned earlier how bummed these made me, and I’m probably dating myself here, but they reminded me of a candy that hasn’t existed in close to two decades – Betty Crocker Sodalicious Fruit Snacks.

If you know, you know.

I won’t dwell on that too much, and I encourage you to Google ’em because, man, they were an elite childhood snack, and these were semi-close to what I remember Sodalicious tasting like.

I also think Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles are better than Haribo Happy Cola gummies.

Conclusion:

Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles Glass Bag

These are legit, and I’d argue the little bubble form is a more satisfying bite than the usual flat kid shape.

I think these could and really should become standard movie theater candy. You can sub ’em in for the massive Coke and family-sized bag of Sour Patch Kids you usually get and just focus on your garbage can full of popcorn.

Purchased Price: $1.25
Size: 3.61 oz
Purchased at: Dollar Tree
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (24 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of total carbohydrates, 23 grams of total sugars, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Mystery Flavor

Sour Patch Kids Mystery Flavor Bag

I don’t believe I put forth a good showing in my Mystery Flavor Twizzlers review.

I tried to solve that flavor conundrum to no avail for days, and it left me a broken man.

I vowed to leave the snack detective game, never to return! I retired my houndstooth hat, my magnifying glass, and wait… Sour Patch Kids has a new mystery flavor?!

Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in!

Ok so, unlike the typical bright and vibrant Sour Patch Kids, these mystery pieces are all white. I tried my best not to let that somehow influence my guess.

As we all know, Sour Patch Kids are sour before they’re sweet. These took extra long to get to the latter. The typical sour sugar punch felt especially pronounced this time around.

Sour Patch Kids Mystery Flavor Bowl

Once the sour crystals melted away, I was left with a shockingly mild sweetness. I was instantly stumped and starting to regret my decision to return to the mystery game. I don’t really know how to describe the flavor other than “confectionary.” I know that’s a broad description, but it tasted more in line with a flavor you’d get in a pastry than the usual fruity Sour Patch fare.

My initial instinct was mild coconut, but then realized I broke my rule and let the color influence my guess, so I settled on… banana, which is also white. Maybe the color actually is a hint?

The flavor isn’t strong at all. It’s tasty, but it’s far and away the weakest Sour Patch flavor I’ve ever had. I think I might be right with banana, but if you wanted to tell me there might be something like vanilla, or marshmallow, or the aforementioned coconut, I’d believe it. Pina Colada? Maybe? Some kind of multi-ingredient dessert concoction? That seems more like a Jelly Belly thing than Sour Patch, no?

Unlike Twizzlers, these Sour Patch Kids came with clues on the bag. My bag had one, and I was able to snap a pic of a different hint as well.

Sour Patch Kids Mystery Flavor Clues

“It gives laughs and can be a riot, cause when it flies nobody’s silent.”

“Across the pond it has a different name, but there’s an extra ingredient in the game.”

Putting aside the fact these hints stink, I landed on Banana Cream Pie.

I would say the first hint means some clown is hilariously throwing a pie, and while this is happening, everyone else is making a ruckus and laughing up a storm.

The second hint makes a little more sense. In the UK, a banana cream pie is called “Dame Madeline’s Stupendous Yellow and White,” and as we all know, the extra ingredient is baked beans. It’s an acquired taste, but is it the flavor of these Mystery Kids?

Sour Patch Kids Mystery Flavor Alone

Ya know what? I’m stumped again. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this snack detective game. Don’t hire me to find your lost donut.

I’m saying it’s probably banana, maybe banana cream pie, and I’m also saying that despite being hard to decipher and pretty weak, they taste just fine. I’m gonna be super bummed if these are just another in the long line of “birthday cake” flavored snacks. Am I overlooking the Kids’ birthday?

Sour Patch Kids Mystery Flavor Mix

You can buy Mystery bags or regular Sour Patch Kid bags with some mystery flavored pieces mixed in, but be warned, the OG flavors will dwarf the mystery flavor.

You can submit your guess on their website, but if you somehow win with “Dame Madeline’s Stupendous Yellow and White,” you owe me a cut of that $50k prize. I want at least $3! I accept Venmo, Paypal, and whatever crypto is hot at that precise moment.

Best of luck with your guesses!

Purchased Price: $2.89
Size: 8 oz.
Purchased at: 7-11
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (12 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of total carbohydrates, 23 grams of sugars, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of protein.