REVIEW: Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito

Jack in the Box Sausage Grande Breakfast Burrito Foilless

When I put the Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito on the table, I said out loud, “Holy crap! It’s as large as my forearm.”

Then I thought, “Holy crap! Do I have small forearms? Do I have weak forearms? Are my small forearms the reason why I could never win at arm wrestling? Why is this pen so heavy?”

After I stopped being self-conscious, I peeled back the foil the burrito was wrapped in and then I peeled back the flour tortilla to reveal the burrito’s sausage, scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon crumbles, shredded pepper jack cheese, cheddar cheese sauce, and creamy sriracha sauce.

The burrito also comes with a container of fire roasted salsa. But if you decide to spend your hard earned money on a Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito, grab that container of salsa, throw it as far as you can, yell, “Suck it, salsa! Your services are not needed at this time!”, and then get ticketed for littering.

This breakfast burrito doesn’t need the chunky condiment thanks to the sriracha sauce, which has a mild garlicky and chili pepper flavor. If you do use the salsa, you’ll find it chompblocks the sriracha’s flavor. While the sriracha has a lot of flavor, it doesn’t have much heat. So if you’re a fan of spicy sriracha, you’ll be one sad rooster.

You’ll also be one sad piggie if you were hoping the bacon crumbles would have your mouth bursting with salty, greasy, and porky goodness. They don’t, but the sausage does.

Oh wait. One more. Sad animal.

You’ll also be one sad cow if you were hoping the shredded pepper jack would bring a little heat and peppery flavor. It doesn’t. The cheddar cheese sauce definitely dominates the other cheese.

Jack in the Box Sausage Grande Breakfast Burrito Cut

The scrambled eggs didn’t really stand out, flavor-wise, which I expected. But my burrito came with a good serving of it, which helped the burrito look as large as my weak forearms.

Being wrapped in a flour tortilla with sauces and warm proteins and then all that being wrapped in a foil wrapper, I expected the hash browns to be soggy from sitting in that saucy sauna. But they still had a bit of crispness to them as I ate my way through the burrito.

Although the bacon and pepper jack cheese don’t add much to the Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito, the sausage, sriracha, eggs, cheddar cheese sauce, and hash browns more than make up for them. The breakfast burrito has a lot of flavor and a variety of textures, and, overall, it makes me one happy human with small forearms.

(Nutrition Facts – 1044 calories, 632 calories from fat, 70 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 391 milligrams of cholesterol, 2132 milligrams of sodium, 532 milligrams of potassium, 68 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 36 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito
Purchased Price: $3.89*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Makes my forearms look small. Creamy sriracha sauce has enough flavor that the included salsa is unnecessary. Hash browns are still a little crispy. Sausage provides all the salty, greasy, and porky goodness.
Cons: Makes my forearms look small. Bacon crumbles and pepper jack cheese don’t add much. Sriracha lacks heat. Sad animals.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Coca-Cola Life

Coca-Cola Life (U.S.)

We wrote about the cane sugar and stevia-sweetened Coca-Cola Life earlier this year when they were being sold only in South America. But now they’re in the U.S. Well, to be more exact, they’re available right now in the U.S. at The Fresh Market stores in Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and South and Central Florida. The nationwide rollout will be happening in October. (Spotted by Kelly at The Fresh Market.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo and the hashtag #spotted. If you’ve tried the product, share your thoughts about it in the comments.

REVIEW: Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Ice Cream

Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Ice Cream

I injured myself yesterday.

It was in aisle 3. The Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Ice Cream had been sold out for the previous 10 days. Already half-defeated, melodramatic dairy cravings oozing from my limp, lactose-deprived mind, I turned my head and there, between the frozen waffles and Pomegranate Sherbet: one last quart.

“Blah! Cream! Ice! Butter! Cookie! Now!”

It was then that Zeus looked down upon me and said, “You! You did not form a grammatically coherent sentence! You MUST SUFFER!” A bolt of Karma-infused lightning darted from Mt. Olympus, swooshing carts, Trader Joe’s employees, and oblivious human beings right into the 12-foot path that stood between me and dairy perfection.

Grabbing a nearby Kouign Amann from the sample station, I leapt over the baskets, the boxes, and the kindly Trader Joe’s employee who was re-stocking the Salsa Authentica (saying “Excuse me” along the way). I reached down, my goal in sight, when my noggin bonked the shelf above and the slew of Very Vanilla meringues avalanched on my cranium.

Luckily, neither Ancient Greek-inspired divine intervention nor avalanching plastic tubs can stop a true dextrose zealot.

Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Ice Cream The untouched ice cream

Having brought the tub home and peeled off the safety-sealed container, I can see white creamy stuff and (small) brown chunky speckles. Smells of vanilla and sugar crackle into the air. By all the gold in Robin Hood’s barn, this stuff looks good. With the cover devoid of any specifics, I can only take an amateur dive at what awaits: vanilla, perhaps even sweet cream, ice cream with cookie butter swirls…and Speculoos cookie chunks? Maybe? MAYBE??

No. No cookie chunks. But cookie butter swirl chunks? Yes! And in wide abundance. Those chunky, gritty, swirly thingies are spattered throughout, gathering up on your golden spoon 1, 2, 5 chunks at a time. Unlike a dense, crunchy cookie, these cookie butter swirlies are gritty and loose and crumble with their spicy warm bite.

The art of perfecting the ratio of cookie-butter-to-cream is an exercise worthy of a sensei master. When gathered in their best proportion, the chunks accentuate a warmth from cinnamon and clove in the Speculoos butter while also bouncing off the sweetness in the vanilla base. What’s better is chunks get chunkier as you dig, rewarding you with golden nuggets so big they’d send the gold panners from ‘49 into a tizzy.

Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Ice Cream Proof that swirly chunks may take over the world

And that vanilla-cream base? It’s pretty good. Not enough to make a possum do a back flip or anything, but pretty good. Thick and creamy with a super sweet melt, it makes for a smooth foundation that’s just on the cusp of tasting like an Oreo filling. The Trader chose not to toss in any vanilla bean speckles in this particular base, but who needs speckles when you have chunks of pulverized cookie goo all around? Give me the cookie goo. Give me it all.

For those in the Vanilla Clan with a penchant for spicy-warm, yet wonderfully simple concoctions, this ice cream will do you right as it stands. If you like your ice cream with more of a punch, you might be well-served to incorporate other mix-ins or smoosh it up with another ice cream flavor. Think chocolate. Coffee. More cookie butter. That triple-layer Mocha Cake your Aunt Sally baked for you last week. Almost anything will do. The vanilla has a lighter flavor, so anything you dump on it will be a dimension to all that perpetual lightness, a yin to its yang, a Nietzsche to its Dora the Explorer.

Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Ice Cream Close up of swirly chunkies

On the whole, this ice cream registers as “good” in both the tender, youthful, overly optimistic part of my brain as well as the crumpled, calloused, grumpity part. In fact, it may be the only thing that these parts of my brain agree upon. Ever. While not chaotic or exploding with mix-ins, it’s a simple, slightly spicy, sweet cream that makes good for eating right off the sugar cone, between French toast, or in a bowl after you’ve dumped your entire Halloween candy stash upon it.

I plan to eat this quart in the morning. I plan to eat this quart at night. I plan to eat this quart until it is finished… and what if someone tries to eat it from my freezer before then? I will not let them. And if they do, I will buy another. I will collect the cookie butter ice cream. All of it. I will stock my freezer to the brim, supporting the dairy farmers as I fill my belly with cookie-butter-laden cream. I suspect future historians will dig me out of a landfill of empty ice cream containers. I will have no regrets.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 220 calories, 130 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: 1 quart
Purchased at: Trader Joe’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Cookie swirls, cookie swirls, everywhere, everywhere. Gritty cinnamon goodness. Solid vanilla-cream base. Less sugar than most powerbars. Good for breakfast. Good for dinner. Supports dairy farmers. The Nietzsche to its Dora the Explorer.
Cons: Could have EVEN MORE cookie swirls. And more cookie swirls. Ice cream base may be too sweet for some. Being buried in a landfill of ice cream pints. Poor grammar. Karma-related injuries. The wrath of Zeus.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 9/2/2014

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Russell Stover Pecan Pie Candy Pumpkin

Oh, Russell Stover! What flavor won’t you stick in a candy pumpkin? (Spotted by Sylvia at Walgreens.)

Clif Kid Iced Lemon Cookie Organic ZBar

This is a product for kids, so shouldn’t the Z come at the end of the word “Bar”, not before it. Barz. See. That looks like what I’m used to. (Spotted by Carla at Target.)

Rockstar Roasted with Almond Milk

The blue Rockstar Roasted with Almond Milk is Light Vanilla, the black one is Caffe Latte, and the red one is a flavor people wouldn’t associate with the color red, White Chocolate. (Spotted by Rene at FoodMaxx.)

V8 Protein Bars

I bet these V8 Protein Bars are horrible in Bloody Marys. (Spotted by Lindsay at Meijer.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nosh Show #37 Meat Mountain

Arbys Meat Mountain

Image via Arby’s Facebook page

In this episode, Dubba, Eric, Ryan, and I talk about Nesquik Girl Scouts Thin Mints Milk, McDonald’s Mozzarella Sticks, peanut butter and jelly soda, Arby’s Meat Mountain, and we roast…um, we mean, have a conversation about Burger King. Links to the products we talk about during the episode can be found on The Nosh Show blog.

Listen now using the player below:

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Thanks for listening!