Sunkist Float

Americans love a lot of things: pornography, violence, and worshipping false idols. But most of all we love food. Not just good, classic food, but superfluous and extravagant treats that go far beyond the realm of reasonable. We’re the country that balked at Britain’s attempt at a deep fried Mars bar and invented deep fried pizza. It’s only fitting that one of our classic desserts consists of taking a giant scoop of vanilla ice cream and dumping it into a carbonated beverage that somehow contains more sugar than actual sugar.

Yes, the ice cream float has always had a mysterious hold over the imaginations of everyone who’s ever eaten at a diner. Whether it’s the furious bubbling of the concoction or the smooth consistency of ice cream mixed with your favorite soda, it’s hard to resist what basically boils down to an ice cream sauce that you drink. The people at the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group (sounds like an awesome law firm) have taken this idea and released “floats” in Sunkist and A&W root beer flavors, selling them at the premium price of $4.99 for a box of four bottles.

I chose the Sunkist version because I have a Keenan and Kel-like affinity towards orange soda which has been the source of much ridicule in the past. It’s made with real skim milk, making it a low-fat option for those craving an ice cream float. The sugar content, however, is still disturbing. I’m writing this right now as I’m slipping in and out of a diabetic coma because this stuff has 63 grams of sugar in an 11.5 ounce bottle, which is nearly twice as much as regular soda. How they managed to do this is head-explodingly troubling.

The float is absolutely awful when it’s lukewarm, which is to be expected, but is pleasant and refreshing when well-chilled. It tastes very similar to a lot of orange cream sodas that are already on the market, except it is a bit milkier. Also of note is that it has no carbonation at all, which I found odd because a little bit would have made it more interesting on the palate.

You won’t feel great about yourself while you’re drinking this because you can taste every single gram of sugar in each sip. There’s a lot of advertising these days about guilt-free snacks, but this isn’t one of them. At the end of the day, this stuff is way too sweet to be drunk on a regular basis. Of course, I thought the same thing about Lindsay Lohan as well and it didn’t stop her from being a big success. We’ll have to wait and see with the Sunkist Float.

(Nutritional Facts – 1 bottle – 260 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 5 mg of cholesterol, 20mg sodium, 64 grams of carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 63 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and 4% Calcium)

Item: Sunkist Float
Price: $4.99 (box of 4)
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes pretty good when it’s ultra-chilled. Low on fat while still having a milky flavor. Ice cream sauce that you drink. Deep fried pizza.
Cons: Extremely sweet and horrible for you. No carbonation. A little pricey for what you’re getting.

21 thoughts to “Sunkist Float”

  1. In three words or less, describe how you would feel if this product was made with whole milk straight from a cow udder.

  2. My teeth hurt just reading this.

    Thanks for reminding me about fried pizza. I forgot that I have a box of pizza rolls in the freezer. They are suddenly calling me to dinner.

  3. I barely sucked down one of these recently…yeah, this crap is so sweet it would give ants cavities. Gross, gross. gross I say..and expensive. It reminded me of a liquid orange pushup stick.

  4. I have a feeling that if I just took my favorite soda, and my favorite variety of ice-cream I would:

    1. Be able to make myself a really nice float that is WAY cheaper than this.

    2. Not give myself Type 2 Diabetes.

    On the upside, if you were half way through a marathon or a cage fight the 64 grams of carbs might be useful.

  5. This stuff looks freaking nasty.

    And Marvo, I don’t know if that question applies to everyone, but
    1. Ew
    2. Gross
    3. Heave

  6. Henry Weinhard’s orange soda is the best in the universe. Unfortunately for me, it’s west coast only.

  7. I tried the root beer one about a month ago. It was, without exaggeration, one of the most vile things I have ever tasted. Tooth-achingly sweet with an unpleasant, obviously-not-real-dairy slimy texture. Now I know why I only drink diet soda.

  8. I purchased the A&W Root Beer Float and it was GROSS!! I still have 2 leftover.

  9. Ants with cavities = Screamingly funny.

    In all seriousness, is this stuff being pushed by the same company that markets insulin? That’s just disgusting, that much sugar.

  10. Crikey…! I’m someone who prefers getting their sugar and calories in their food (especially chocolate), so this s**tload of sugar would be far too dangerous to contemplate.

  11. eww reminds me off that starbust drink … totally gross Marvo i think you should do a review on the Taco Bell “big box meal”

  12. I really enjoyed mine. I did think the A&W version was much better though. And you’re correct; it cannot be consumed on a regular basis.

  13. i froze it to a slushy state and ate it with a spoon. yum.
    marvo did you notice i was gone for like…a year??? lol

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