Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste

The Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste combines three things I’m scared of when it comes to products to review — it’s from a Southeastern Asian country (Thailand), it’s herbal, and it looks like something that might come out of an asshole. Not surprisingly, the most disturbing out of the three for me is the fact it looks like shit, and believe me I know what shit looks like because I’ve seen the 2 Girls 1 Cup video enough that I could make the calmest reaction video ever.

Fortunately for me, the packaging came in Thai and English so I could read what I was getting myself into, but not even the English language could help ease my trepidation about the product. I’m used to toothpaste with sodium fluoride, foaming agents, and the American Dental Association Seal of Acceptance, but not toothpaste made from over ten natural herbs, sorbitol, and flavour. The packaging doesn’t even list the natural herbs, except for streblus asper and clove, which makes me wonder if this product is a true Thai toothpaste or a tourist tricking toothpaste?

Speaking of its ten natural herbs, the Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste gets its dark shit-like color from them, but according to the packaging those herbs also have an oral hygienic kick.

(Editor’s Note: The following quote from the package has not been altered for grammatical correctness.)

With over 10 natural herbal ingredients keeps gums and teeth healthy firmly. It relieves sensitive teeth and decreases cigarette, tea and coffee stains, eliminates bad breath, keeps breath fresh and clean.

Its scent reminded me of the Sea Breeze astringent I used to suck up the oil from my face in the late 1980s. The scent also reminded me of the alcoholic burn from the Sea Breeze astringent, which had the same rousing abilities as smelling salt. When I first brushed with the Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste, I could only stand it for 15 seconds before having to spit it out because it tasted like what I imagine the sole of a boot that has walked on a herbal farm tastes like. However, the more I brushed with it, the more I got used to it and now I can go the whole three minutes of brushing without gagging.

The foam made by the Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste was disturbingly tan in color. Also, my mouth still felt gritty after rinsing the first time, so I had to rinse a second time to ensure that I wouldn’t cause any unusual sensations if I had to French kiss or salad toss someone.

Now that I’m used to its flavor, the Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste is something I would use to brush during odd times, like after lunch, but it isn’t something I would use for brushing in the morning or before I go to bed because I love fluoride to protect my teeth. However, I’m quickly running out of it because I’m having too much fun using it to make small piles of fake dog poop.

(Editor’s Note: I would like to curse thank TIB reader LaneO for providing me with the Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste to review. Also, below is a commercial for the Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste. Come to your own conclusions about it.)

Item: Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste
Price: FREE
Size: 200 grams
Purchased at: Given by reader LaneO
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: Made from more than ten genuine natural herbs. English translation. Natural oral care. Makes awesome fake dog poop. Not being bothered by 2 Girls 1 Cup.
Cons: Looks like shit. Tastes like making out with Joan Rivers after a clove cigarette. Looks like shit. No fluoride. Looks like shit. Leaves a gritty feeling in my mouth. Looks like shit. Smells like Sea Breeze astringent. Looks like shit. Takes some time to get used to its taste.

36 thoughts on “Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste

  1. Anyway, this beats Colgate in Thailand Toothpaste segment according to The Positioning Magazine.(Issue about Thai Local Brand VS. International Brand)

    And as you may already known, Asian use herbal in many consumable products.

    This SHIT is good for your health!

  2. You know, there’s an old chinese adage that goes a lil’ something like this: “What is bitter is good for you”. Or something like that, I don’t know. I’m not Confucius.

    But I do know this: I ain’t brushing my teeth with grass paste.

  3. @NobleArc, The Lazy Canadian – All I know from that commercial is that I want a bed made from toothbrush bristles because that must feel good.

    @Chuck – If I were hungry, I might think that it looks like Italian sausage, but I’m watching some dog show on Animal Planet, so I think it looks like dog turd.

    @Shannon – Don’t feel bad. I’ve put worse things in my mouth. You can use your imagination.

    @Hatshepsut – I’m not too sure what to think of the commercial either, but I really do want a toothbrush bed, because it would make up for not having a Ferrari bed growing up like in Silver Spoons.

    @la – I’m not sure if the commercial is racist or anti-racist. I’d explain why, but I would probably bore you or I would cut my hands off to prevent myself from typing something so boring.

    @Reprobate – I think those crack form when they’re dried up, but when they’re fresh, I think they look like that. Eh, what do I know. I don’t even own a dog.

    @armauld – We’ll try to do that over Skype.

    @She_Ra – The toothpaste can be whatever you want it to be.

    @luckinflux – I know. That toothbrush is hardcore. It’s got bristles pointing in every direction except horizontal and down.

    @Lex – Pff…Maybe I’m normal and two girls playing with poop is normal.

    @mandy_Reeves – I think the girl singing in the background kind of makes the commercial cute.

    @sunset&camden – And they still make it.

  4. @Evil Bastard – …

    @bionic bunny! – I also tried a natural toothpaste from New Zealand and it was puke green, but it tasted much better than this one.

    @Kate – There are some other things I’ve put in my mouth that are even worse. I could go through the list, but it’s too long and the third entry will probably make you puke.

    @shNermal – Oooh, sex on the toothbrush bed. Now I REALLY want a toothbrush bed.

    @liz – What about me? I brushed with the toothpaste. I need pity.

    @julianna – You should get a balloon stuck in a pole and then have him get it and then thank him. That would make up a lot.

    Rising-Top – I’m all for natural products and stuff, but couldn’t they have found some green herbs to add to it, like parsley or mint to make it green.

    @Reprobate – But what if you got some for free?

    @Molly – If I stand on my hands, then my “mouth” will smell like poop.

    @Michiel Ebberink – Meh, it’s all right.

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  6. The video or commercial is completely unprofessional and unethical. It does not represent oral hygiene care in any way, shape, or form. If the makers if this product had consulted with proper dental professional the outcome would of been different. The commercial should focus on the benefits of herbal ingredients not just its color. To me it seems to symbolize that the color and content is demonstrating that the color of the paste does not take away its powerful action and strength. It’s just a different color. But using a man of color to represent the product in such a negative way is unethical; I am clearly insulted as a member of the dental profession.

  7. That’s like the Burt’s Bees Lavendar toothpaste. The so-called beauty mags said it was fab, and because I am a sucker, I bought a travel-size. I did NOT need that trip down the herb aisle for toothpaste. Tasted like I was brushing with violet candy. And it was cement-colored, which made for really gross spit.

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