Happy Fifth Birthday!!!

Dear TIB,

Today, you turn five years old. My goodness, has it really been that long? Wait…Do I have to start sending you to school? You better tell me because I’m not going to jail for you. Oh, and for future reference, I won’t ever post bail for you. Sometimes you have to learn a lesson the hard way and if that means spending time in a cell with someone who’s missing teeth, has a face tattoo and calls you honey, then so be it.

But let’s not talk about a future that may or may not happen. Let’s talk about the present and past. You’ve grown quite a bit over the past year and made a lot of new friends. Sadly, your look hasn’t changed much over the past year or so. Perhaps it’s time for a makeover. But, unfortunately, daddy doesn’t have much money for one. I wonder if there’s a reality show out there that does child makeovers. Oh, who am I kidding? We would never end up on a reality show because I’m not an attention grabbing, fake-breasted whore or a muscular douchebag with anger issues.

We’re going to celebrate your birthday the same way we’ve celebrated your past birthdays by holding a prize drawing. For your fifth birthday, we’re going to give away five (5) mystery boxes, filled with items that we’ve reviewed over the past five years. The contents of each mystery box will be different.

To enter the drawing, TIB readers will have to leave a comment for this post with the words, “Happy Birthday TIB” and how they discovered TIB. They should fill out the email field, because we’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing address.

We will start accepting entries for the drawing on Sunday, August 9, 2009 and stop accepting entries on Saturday, August 15, 2009 (11:59 Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to EVERYONE.

The winners will be determined in a way that has not been decided. It may involve chocolate syrup, scraps of paper and an electric fan.

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about Chinese imports. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about how you can get $4500 cash back for a new truck. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail or lost time cause by watching reality shows.

Well, TIB, since it’s your fifth birthday, I guess it’s okay for you to finally watch TV, although not all of the channels. I’ve blocked all of them except PBS, Nickelodeon, Noggin, and C-SPAN.

Love,
Papa

216 thoughts to “Happy Fifth Birthday!!!”

  1. I was looking for a review for a fast food dish, and I got totally hooked! I love this blog…you always crack me up.

  2. Happy Birthday TIB!

    I found you when I stole a laptop from some fat kid. TIB was the only bookmark.

  3. happy birthday TIB!!!! I think I stumbled upon this blog when I was reading another foodie one, maybe 3 years ago. Either way, I hope you manage to live a long & happy life.

  4. Happy Birthday TIB! I was lucky enough to find you through match.com; but alas, it didn’t go further than waxing your chest…

  5. Happy Birthday TIB!!! I found you through an internet search for food blogs. I have a fat girl inside me dying to get out!

  6. Happy Birthday TIB!!!
    I can’t believe it. 5 years old and still not potty trained. Your Papa should be ashamed of himself!

  7. Happy Birthday TIB

    I’ve been reading TIB for so long that I don’t remember how I found out about it.

  8. Happy Birthday TIB!

    I think I found you because I was looking up review for Oreo Cakesters. I thought they were cakey and edible and I like to feel vindicated when random strangers on the internet think the same thing as me. So I found you, read the review and found it amusing.

    Oh, by the way, you were a godsend at work when there was nothing to do and I was bored. Thank you for helping me avoid work for, like, six months.

  9. Happy Birthday TIB!
    Another person who found you through Pajiba.

    Oh, and make sure to block Noggin too. Nothing good comes from that channel.

  10. I wanna win the prize! Waaaah! (speaking like TIB’s five year old friend invited to the party but overindulged in Burger King French Toast flavored Cold Stone ice cream cake).

    Happy Birthday TIB!

  11. I found this blog through a link on a blog that did reviews, that I in turn found from some forum. I’ve since stopped visiting both websites, but I still enjoy reading TiB reviews. You guys are just as addicting as the terribly unhealthy foods you review.

    Happy Birthday TIB!

  12. Happy Birthday TIB!
    I accidentally hit the wrong button on this laptop and submitted my comment to early!!! aaaaaaaaaaah.
    I was going to say that I first discovered TIB about 3 or 4 years ago while looking at another food blog I’ve long forgotten what that other blog was but stuck with TIB b/c Marvo is frickin hilarious!

  13. Happy Birthday TIB!

    i initially found you through google within the past year, but i don’t remember what i was searching for. i regularly search for reviews of new food products before (or while!) i try them. today i came upon your site again while searching for reviews of honey kix, which i bought earlier today at the grocery store.

    keep up the great work! 🙂

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