SPOTTED: Oreo Winter Treats Assorted Winter Designs and Limited Edition Peppermint Bark

Oreo Winter Treats Assorted Winter Designs and Limited Edition Peppermint Bark

Well, now we know Peppermint Bark Oreo is back this year. We should ask it where Pumpkin Spice Oreo is. (Spotted by Dorothy at Sam’s Club.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo, where you spotted it, and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Also, if you want to send in photos and are wondering if we’ve already covered something or if the product is old, don’t worry about it. Let us worry about it.

If you’ve seen the product, help out your fellow readers by letting them know in the comments what city and store you found it in.

REVIEW: Burger King Impossible King

Burger King Impossible King

Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Two rights don’t quite make a left.
Two birds don’t make a handy bush. Or something like that.

But what do two impossibles make? ?Possible? Implausible? Divide by zero error?

Well, in my experience with Burger King’s Impossible King, I’d say it’d be more aptly named the Gastrointestinally Impassable King. For this sandwich, this absurdly unasked for and apparently regionally available unit of a double-pattied organism is heavy. Heavier than the internal conflict that arises when eating it:

Me: “It seems contradictory to put so much cheese on a meatless sandwich.”

Also me: “Dan, you’re just a vegetarian. And by default, they grill these with the beef burgers, wallowing in all the same moo juices.”

“I’m trying to get better! And besides, you can request for it to be non-broiled.”

“Did you?”

“…look, you’ve seen our stomach. We get bloated to the point of bleating off just one Impossible Whopper.”

“You haven’t had a real honkin’ heifer burger in years. Perhaps this isn’t for you.”

“Are you challenging me?”

“I’ll see you in the fetal position later.”

Alright, enough. Let’s enter the belly of the beast that is the beast in my belly.

I love the Impossible Whopper. It’s the perfect sacrifice to the phantom meat memories that haunt me not with “BOOs” but “lack of B12s,” and it’s my go-to vegetarian road trip indulgence. Yet by doubling down on impossibilities, the Impossible King manages to halve the original’s appeal. And for a good reason: balance.

Burger King Impossible King Split

The Impossible Whopper works because the scales of divine burger equity deemed it harmonious. Though the patties are imperfect meat clones that lack a certain hearty juiciness, the other toppings and trappings of a Whopper mask the blemishes with gushing pickles and the playful nip of white onions. But when said patty’s in-‘wich real estate becomes a duplex, the arid cracks in Impossible’s freest-range façade become glaring fissures.

The patties are dry. There, I said it. And by consequence, the entire Impossible King feels too dry.

Yes, the familiar smokiness and testosterone-associated texture of a burger still shine through to the point of inspiring me to call up my son for a game of catch. I don’t have a son. But the nuances. There’s still a palpable burst of much-needed tomato pulp, but the onion’d accents and pickled particulars are all smothered in dehydrated beefishness and a borderline seminal soup of mayo and melted cheese.

While I bet Burger King added so much cheese to try and restore blind burger justice, its dearth of flavor only makes the whole sandwich blander, mushier, and filler-heavy. Add in the sheer girth of this King-thing, and it’s unlikely to attract many seeking a wholesome lunch. I could only eat half of it at noontide, and after disgracing myself twelve hours later—as the Impossible King’s refrigerated remnants dimly reflected in the kitchen sink I devoured it over—I knew there would be an intestinal reckoning.

I slept the sleep of a freakshow cannonball-stomacher, and in my dream of getting gut-punched by the Burger King himself behind a heinously vandalized McDonald’s, I saw a prophecy of the abdominal agony that would come the following morning.

As I write this that very same morning, I can feel the Indigestible King exerting its influence over my writing, one fetal kick at a time. But I must tell you all the truth: even if you can find an Impossible King in your area, don’t bother. At $7.69, you’re paying two dollars too much for a manipulative sandwich that won’t respect you, nor your scant hopes of clean eating.

I’ll stick with the Impossible Whopper, thank you very much. It may not be healthy either, but at least it doesn’t force me into an unhealthy parasitic relationship with my distressed gut flora.

Purchased Price: $7.69
Size: N/A
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Nutritional info unavailable: seriously, this thing’s a ghost online.

SPOTTED (GOOD & GATHER EDITION) – 10/23/2019

Here are some of the new products from Target’s Good & Gather line found on Target shelves by your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of them, share your thoughts in the comments.

Good  Gather Organic Peanut Butter Poppers Cereal
Good & Gather Organic Peanut Butter Poppers Cereal
Good  Gather Organic Frosty Flakes Cereal
Good & Gather Organic Frosty Flakes Cereal
Good  Gather Organic Honey Nut Hoops Cereal
Good & Gather Organic Honey Nut Hoops Cereal
Good  Gather Dark Chocolate Covered Freeze Dried Mangos
Good & Gather Dark Chocolate Covered Freeze-Dried Mangos
Good  Gather Dark Chocolate Covered Freeze Dried Strawberries
Good & Gather Dark Chocolate Covered Freeze-Dried Strawberries
Good  Gather Freeze Dried Blueberries
Good & Gather Freeze-Dried Blueberries
Good  Gather Freeze Dried Peach Slices
Good & Gather Freeze-Dried Peach Slices
Good  Gather Organic Unsweetened Dried Mango
Good & Gather Organic Unsweetened Dried Mango
Good  Gather Organic Apple Cinnamon Fruit  Grain Bars
Good & Gather Organic Apple Cinnamon Fruit & Grain Bars
Good  Gather Organic Strawberry Fruit  Grain Bars
Good & Gather Organic Strawberry Fruit & Grain Bars
Good  Gather Pomegrante Fruit Strips
Good & Gather Pomegrante Fruit Strips
Good  Gather Fruit  Vegetable Strips Berry Blend
Good & Gather Fruit & Vegetable Strips Berry Blend
Good  Gather Fruit Strips Variety Pack  Pomegrante Mango and Strawberry
Good & Gather Fruit Strips Variety Pack – Pomegrante, Mango, and Strawberry
Good  Gather Fruit Strips Variety Pack  Wild Berry Strawberry and Apricot
Good & Gather Fruit Strips Variety Pack – Wild Berry, Strawberry, and Apricot
Good  Gather Cashews Cherries  Almond with Cocoa Drizzle Fruit  Nut Bars
Good & Gather Cashews, Cherries & Almond with Cocoa Drizzle Fruit & Nut Bars
Good  Gather Almonds  Coconut Nut Bars
Good & Gather Almonds & Coconut Nut Bars
Good  Gather Almonds Cranberries  Macadamia Nuts Fruit  Nut Bars
Good & Gather Almonds, Cranberries & Macadamia Nuts Fruit & Nut Bars
Good  Gather Almonds Peanuts  Sea Salt with Cocoa Drizzle Nut Bars
Good & Gather Almonds, Peanuts & Sea Salt with Cocoa Drizzle Nut Bars
Good  Gather Unsweetened Coconut Pineapple Sparkling Water
Good & Gather Unsweetened Coconut Pineapple Sparkling Water
Good  Gather Unsweetened Cucumber Mint Sparkling Water
Good & Gather Unsweetened Cucumber Mint Sparkling Water
Good  Gather Unsweetened Tropical Cherry Sparkling Water
Good & Gather Unsweetened Tropical Cherry Sparkling Water
Good  Gather Unsweetened Ginger Peach Sparkling Water
Good & Gather Unsweetened Ginger Peach Sparkling Water
Good  Gather Unsweetened Watermelon Sparkling Water
Good & Gather Unsweetened Watermelon Sparkling Water
Good  Gather Unsweetened Grapefruit Sparkling Water
Good & Gather Unsweetened Grapefruit Sparkling Water
Good  Gather Unsweetened Strawberry Mango Sparkling Water
Good & Gather Unsweetened Strawberry Mango Sparkling Water

(Spotted by Amanda Y, Rachel C, and Robbie at Target.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo, where you spotted it, and the hashtag #spotted. If you’ve tried the product, share your thoughts about it in the comments.

Also, if you want to send in photos and are wondering if we’ve already covered something or if the product is old, don’t worry about it. Let us worry about it.

FAST FOOD NEWS: Wendy’s Carolina Classic Burger

News Carolina Classic

Do you live in one of the Carolinas? Do you think putting chili on a burger isn’t weird? Are you fine with cole slaw on the same burger? If you said “yes” to all the previous questions, Wendy’s has a burger for you — the Carolina Classic.

It’s not a new burger, it was previously sold in Charlotte-area restaurants, but now it’s available at all North and South Carolina Wendy’s locations. The regional menu item features a quarter pound beef patty, chili, diced onions, mustard, and cole slaw on a bun. It’s available for a limited time.

Is the Wendy’s Carolina Classic something you’d like to see have a national rollout? Let us know in the comments. Wendy’s totally reads the comments. Actually, I don’t know that, but I like to think someone there does.

(Image via Wendy’s.)

SPOTTED: Star Wars Cereal (2019)

Star Wars Cereal  2019  Kylo Ren

Star Wars Cereal  2019  BB 8 2

Same cereal as last time, but this time both have box buddies in the background. (Spotted by Bob K and Robbie at Target.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo, where you spotted it, and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Also, if you want to send in photos and are wondering if we’ve already covered something or if the product is old, don’t worry about it. Let us worry about it.

If you’ve seen the product, help out your fellow readers by letting them know in the comments what city and store you found it in.

FAST FOOD NEWS: Arby’s Petite Filet Steak Sandwiches

News Arby s Petite Filet Steak Sandwiches

Arby’s has another meat – petite filet steak – and the meat sandwich chain is showcasing it with two new sandwiches.

The Garlic Butter Steak Sandwich features thick-cut petit fillet steak, pepper bacon, green leaf lettuce, and tomato on a toasted ciabatta roll and finished with roasted garlic butter. It has 520 calories, 24 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 1760 milligrams of sodium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 33 grams of protein.

The Steak & Bacon Melt Sandwich comes with petite filet steak, cheddar cheese, pepper bacon, crispy onions, and steakhouse ranch on ciabatta bread. It has 640 calories, 32 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 2020 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 38 grams of protein.

Both sandwiches are available for a limited time at participating locations.

If you’ve tried either one, let us know what you think of it in the comments.

(Image via Arby’s.)