Hefty HandySaks

Hefty HandySaks

Being the editor of a quasi-product review blog, I feel it is sometimes my duty to be an advocate for consumers. Today, it is one of those times, as I determine whether or not Hefty is lying to us.

According to the packaging for their HandySaks, they have “101 On The Go Uses.”

How can a product have 101 uses? I can’t think of another product that even comes close to that many uses. For example, a condom. With it you can have protected sex, make water balloons, pull it over your head and try to blow it up, stick it on a doorknob as a practical joke, make condom animals, and that’s about it.

I’m thinking Hefty said “101 uses” because they figured no one in their right mind would actually try to come up with 101 uses.

Hello, Hefty, I am no one in their right mind.

So for the past couple of hours, I have tried to come up with as many uses for these HandySaks as possible.

Here’s what I have:

  1. Trash bag
  2. Head cover for the ugly person you’re having sex with
  3. Barf bag
  4. Walrus condom
  5. Plastic overalls for a child
  6. Shower cap
  7. The worst mask you could ever use to rob a bank
  8. Cheapest bowling ball bag EVER
  9. Drool collector
  10. Deadly weapon
  11. Worst replacement for car airbag
  12. Dog muzzle
  13. Ineffective umbrella
  14. Something contestants must eat during Fear Factor episode
  15. Imaginary friend
  16. Dandruff catcher
  17. Bib
  18. Portable Potty
  19. Barbie parachute
  20. Cell phone static sound maker
  21. Blindfold
  22. Elephant condom
  23. Noisy bra stuffer
  24. Dog poop collector
  25. Temporary aquarium
  26. Hide porn purchases
  27. Unsafe ghost costume for children
  28. Replacement KKK hood
  29. Tank top
  30. Clothes hamper
  31. Worst balloon ever at the Macy’s Day Parade
  32. Surrender flag
  33. Ashlee Simpson muzzle
  34. Punching bag
  35. Replacement for feather in the next Forrest Gump movie
  36. A place to stash your weed
  37. Diaper bag
  38. Something to put on your doorknob to let your roommate know you’re getting it on
  39. Hobo purse
  40. Chihuahua carrier
  41. Horse condom
  42. Water bucket
  43. Noisy crotch stuffer
  44. Fog camouflage
  45. Bonnet
  46. Protect bald heads from sunlight
  47. Cheap fake Santa beard
  48. Wind measurer
  49. Michael Jackson face mask
  50. Trash
  51. Armpit sweat collectors
  52. Floatation device
  53. Dishwashing gloves
  54. Bondage toy
  55. Environmental hazard
  56. The new tumbleweed
  57. The new black
  58. Sea life strangler
  59. Hyperventilation aid
  60. American Idol contestant
  61. A cloud in a diorama
  62. Corny car antenna decoration
  63. Marvo condom
  64. A place to store old toenail clippings
  65. Temporary Underwater Breathing Apparatus (TUBA) (Thanks Lou)
  66. Hobo shoes (Thanks Lou)
  67. Sack for sack races (Thanks Lou)
  68. Hang it on wall and use it as a shelf-sack (Thanks Lou)
  69. Backpack (Thanks Lou)
  70. Wedding favors (Thanks Mir)
  71. Insulation (Thanks frymaster)
  72. Balloon (Thanks jenny)
  73. Ghetto Car Windshield (Thanks Damon)
  74. A bag to stick bags into (Thanks Mellie)
  75. Ghetto car bra (Thanks Webmiztris)
  76. Ugly dress (Thanks Webmiztris)
  77. Put under sheets to protect mattress from pee stains (Thanks Webmiztris)
  78. Keep your feet dry when you’re wearing leaky boots (Thanks Webmiztris)
  79. Suitcase substitute for poor people (Thanks Webmiztris)
  80. Big Foot’s Socks (Thanks Goldberry)
  81. Grape squishing shoes (Thanks Goldberry)
  82. Vet gloves (before they stuff their arms into a horse) (Thanks Goldberry)
  83. A pocket bib (Thanks Goldberry)
  84. Granny Panties (Thanks Goldberry)
  85. A jump rope out of ALL the bags in the package (Thanks Goldberry)

As you can see, I came up with only 64 uses, which is still a lot, but not the 101 uses Hefty advertised. Maybe I’m just lazy and there are many more uses for it.

Well let’s find out. Can you come up with more uses?

Update: Okay, okay, okay. Apparently, there ARE over 101 uses for these Hefty HandySaks. I’ll admit Hefty, I was wrong and you were right. I’m sorry, I will never doubt you again. You ARE waaaay better than Glad.


Item: Hefty HandySaks
Purchase Price: $1.04
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Loose-change-in-couch-cheap. Handy. Condensed. Lots of uses.
Cons: Bags are shaped weird. Lots of uses, but not 101 uses.

34 thoughts to “Hefty HandySaks”

  1. John Rogers – I bet they don’t even have a list of 101 uses. That’s marketing for you.

    kimdog – We can get water at home, but yet people will spend $1 on a bottle of water at a store. You know what, we should pool all of our grocery plastic bags together and start a company that sells bundles of grocery plastic bag. We could sell 10 bags for 50 cents. We’d make a fortune, that would turn into nothing after splitting the money up with all the people who brought their bags.

    Oh well.

    Mellie – 74 uses. 17 cents!!! Someone is going to be making bucko bucks off of that. My sister lives in SF, maybe I should send her some plastic bags.

    principessa – Sorry can’t offer anything, but we will definitely send some traffic your way.

  2. hilarious!!

    ghetto car bra

    ugly dress

    to put under sheets to protect mattress from pee stains (that would probably be for children) 😉

    to keep your feet dry when you’re wearing leaky boots

    suitcase substitute for poor people

    I’m really struggling for ideas at this point…

  3. Big Foot’s Socks
    Grape squishing shoes
    Vet gloves (before they stuff their arms into a horse)
    A pocket bib
    Granny Panties

    Can you fit 8 heads in there?

    You could make a jump rope out of ALL the bags in the box.

  4. Webmiztris – See, it’s so frickin’ hard to come up with 101 uses. I don’t know how Hefty came up with that number.

    Goldberry – Fit 8 heads in ONE BAG?! Are you suggesting a fraternity challenge, like trying to fit as many people into a telephone booth?

  5. With a magic marker, it could easily be turned into a designer knock-off purse, just add a few Ls and Vs.

    Now, #63, Marvo, you are such a tease! I still don’t see a phone number posted for a booty call 😉

  6. Here are a few quick ideas…
    Surrender flag?
    Fill with sand and place under shirt to simulate pregnancy, mainly for men.
    Bookmark?
    Rain poncho (depending on size of wearer)
    Fill with air, tie — field expedient flotation device!
    Tie around head for a tres chic head band (Come on, all the cool kids are doing it)
    Toga! Toga! Toga!

  7. I have some ideas…
    A sail boat sail patch.
    A face sheild for CPR (so you don’t get barfed on)
    Stewart Little’s parachute.
    Poor guy’s hiking pack.
    A laundry bag.
    A mexican’s rain poncho
    A hobo’s tent.
    A hobo’s blanket.
    Santa’s recycleable present bag.
    Something for tree-huggers to protest about.
    A very dangerous lampshade.
    Dr. Kevorkian’s new euthanasia tool.
    An ineffective biohazardous needle catcher.
    An arm sling support.
    David’s 21st century sling. (David and Goliath)
    A school book cover.
    A vaccuum bag.
    A dumb person’s fish net.
    A poor hiker’s water bottle.
    A third-world-country shower (poke some holes in it.)
    An enima bladder.
    A sled.
    Jeff Gordon’s window net.

  8. a really sucky water balloon thats hard to pop
    a canvas for modern art
    the shirt in the “im too sexy” video
    a pot of gold
    lunchbag
    jello mold
    antler cozy

Comments are closed.